Ben

Bret · Jemaine · Ben:The guy who approaches them was 'in the audience.' Bret: 'Uh, you were the guy with the soup?' The man confirms. 'What was the soup like?' 'It was good.' 'We get some free soup for doing the gig.'

Ben · Bret · Jemaine:Ben praises 'the attention to detail with your stage characters... the idea of a pair of naive idiots from New Zealand... very funny.' Then asks 'So where are you guys from? The Julliard School of the Performing Arts?' They confirm New Zealand.

Ben:Ben, after being told they're from New Zealand: 'Lord of the Rings. Frodo. The ring. Anyway, don't let me bore you with my knowledge of New Zealand.'

Ben · Bret:Ben gives them his business card. Bret: 'This says Dry Cleaners.' Ben: 'The other side. Written in pencil.'

Ben:Ben demonstrates Stefan: 'Hey, hello. I'm Stefan.' Then Big Eddie the mobster: 'Hey, what's with all the commotion? What's this commotion? Explain to me what's with the commotion!'

Ben · Bret:Ben's 'New Zealand character' turns out to be an Australian accent using 'flamin' drongo.' Bret asks if he could do it in his normal voice. Ben: 'No. That's not acting.'

Ben:'Opportunity is in itself reward. And so it begins. Ding.'

Ben · Murray:The Stefan phone call — Ben as Stefan keeps having to be fed information by Murray ('Sony?' 'Yeah, uh-huh, Sony') mid-performance

Ben:Stefan/Ben says 'Okay then' and grants the record deal when Murray begs hard enough

Murray · Ben · Bret · Jemaine:Murray announces they've taken the deal. Ben: 'What are you doing?' Murray: 'I just got a bit carried away. I was... just... Stefan's so good at it.' Ben: 'Yeah, but, I mean, Murray, he's having a good time.'

Ben:The Lord of the Rings video shoot — Ben directing. 'There's condoms around here. Used condoms. Put your feet down properly.'

Ben · Mel:Ben directs Mel as Arwen/Liv Tyler speaking Elvish. Ben: 'I can't understand a word you're saying. Articulate.' Mel: 'It's Elvish. That's Elvish.' Ben: 'Are you chewing something?'

Mel · Ben:After a minimal 'action' scene, Ben calls cut: 'Was that it?' 'Yup, that's it.'

Ben · Bret · Jemaine · Mel:LOTR video shoot: famous LOTR lines delivered in a low-budget setting — 'I'm not a conjurer of cheap tricks!' in particular, followed by the full 'You have my sword / And my bow / And my axe'

Ben · Bret · Jemaine:Ben (out of character): 'That was not me. That was Stefan. But it was you. No no no no. Stefan is his own person. It looked like you. Sure! You play Stefan. Stefan works through me. He's like a spirit.'

Ben:Ben: 'Sometimes I just... underestimate the power of my own acting skills.'

Ben · Bret:Ben offers to pay $1,000 'payable to Murray Hewitt.' He writes on a piece of paper. Bret: 'This is a laundry ticket.' Ben: 'Yes.'

Ben · Bret · Jemaine:Ben reveals he's going to Hollywood for a Martin Scorsese film. 'What's it called?' 'Dry Cleaner.'