Bret and Jemaine enlist a semi-professional actor to cheer Murray up after a disappointing gig. Asked to place a good-hearted rejection call, the actor gets carried away, offering Murray and the Conchords a recording deal that's too good to be true.
WAR
123.6
Wins Above Replacement
“The Actor” ranks #9 of 22 Flight of the Conchords episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 95.0 — Elite. The episode packs 74 scored jokes at 2.3 per minute, averaging 7.8 on craft and 7.6 on impact, with Murray landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jemaine: Bret... he's acting.
Bret: You think that was acting?
Jemaine: He's acting.
Bret: God, he's good.
Jemaine: He is good. He's very good.
Jemaine Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ben/Actor: Hey, watch out, you flamin' drongo! Don't be such a flamin' bloody drongo!
Ben/Actor: Martin Scorsese is doing a movie about a dry cleaner.
Bret: What's it called?
Ben/Actor: 'Dry Cleaner.'
Jemaine Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Murray: 'Oh look, it's my undies.' The underpants emerge from the microwave.
Murray Callback Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Murray: I couldn't even get that right.
All Jokes — 74 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jemaine: It was terrible.
Bret: It was just the wrong sort of crowd.
Jemaine: You can't call that a crowd.
Bret: Yeah, three's a crowd.
Ben/Actor: Your act is sensational... The idea of a pair of naive idiots from New Zealand... it's so simple, it's genius. You just pick an obscure backwards country that nobody knows anything about... very funny.
Ben/Actor: So where are you guys from? The Julliard School of the Performing Arts?
Bret: We're from New Zealand.
Ben/Actor: Lord of the Rings, Frodo. The ring. Anyway, don't let me bore you with my knowledge of New Zealand.
Bret: This says 'Dry Cleaners.'
Ben/Actor: The other side. Written in pencil.
Jemaine: I tried to talk to a guy but he told me to shut up 'cause he was reading the paper.
Bret: Oh, you don't disturb people reading the paper, Jemaine. Could be big news he was getting into.
Bret: What about if we give out some free pencils?
Jemaine: No, you're not in New Zealand now, Bret.
Bret: I know, but we gave them out, remember that? We got a box of 20 pencils... and that night... 20 people.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Bret, Jemaine: We brought you a cake in the shape / Of a four and a three / 'Cause we all thought you were 43
Ben Bret Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jemaine: You've got a wife, though she comes and go-o-oes
Murray Absurdist Character Comedy Bret: People will call you 'Ginger Balls'
Jemaine: They'll call you 'Ginger Balls'
Bret: But those people don't know what they see
Jemaine: They just see Ginger Balls
Venue worker: We ran out of soup two hours ago, Marty.
Murray: I couldn't even get that right.
Ben/Actor: Hey, hello. I'm Stefan.
Ben/Actor: Hey, what... what's with all the commotion? What's this commotion? Explain to me what's with the commotion!
Ben/Actor: Hey, watch out, you flamin' drongo! Don't be such a flamin' bloody drongo!
Bret: Could you do it in your normal voice, maybe?
Ben/Actor: No. That's not acting.
Opportunity is in itself reward. And so it begins. Ding.
Stefan... Gucci, you know, from the record company.
which record company was that?
You know, the... the big one.
Sony?
Yeah, uh-huh. Sony.
Murray Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Murray: Please offer us a record contract. Please? I'm begging you. Come on, please. Please. Please give us a record deal. Oh, come on.
Ben/Actor: Okay then.
Murray: Really?
Ben/Actor: Yeah, why not?
Ben/Actor: Well, I flew in a supersonic jet.
Murray: Wow, a supersonic jet.
Ben Character Comedy Absurdist Bret: I think you've offered us a rejection deal.
Murray: No no, he's offered us a record acceptance deal.
Ben Bret Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Ben/Actor: We're thinking a $1-million deal and we are firm on that, okay? That's our final offer.
Murray: No. No way.
Ben/Actor: Yes.
Murray: No.
Ben/Actor: Okay, two million.
Ben Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Murray: I thought you said one million was your final offer?
Ben/Actor: Two million, but I want a 90/10 split.
Lunch boxes.
Great. Put the band's name on it.
Yeah?
Yes yes yes yes yes!
Murray: I haven't seen many music deals.
Bret: Any. You haven't seen any.
Murray: I haven't seen any.
Murray Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dave: Like, the other day there was five... or maybe there was like four, really hot foreign chicks, either like Swedish or Korean in my shop. And they were like, 'Dave, we want to have a five-way with you,' and I just told them, honestly, 'Okay.'
Ben/Actor: Don't be scared of the sand... the dirt on your feet, Bret. There's condoms around here. Used condoms.
Ben Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ben/Actor: I can't understand a word you're saying.
Mel: Articulate, all right?
Ben/Actor: It's Elvish. That's Elvish.
Mel: Are you chewing something?
Ben/Actor: No, it's Elv... it's... it's my native tongue.
Mel: Is it?
Ben/Actor: Yup.
Many spies have many eyes!
I know it's hard when you're little more than 3'4" / Your little ass so close to the floor
Bret: I don't rap about bitches and hos / I rap about witches and trolls
The magical bling-bling / You'll never be the Lord of the Rings
Murray: Well, neither do I, but it's a special occasion.
Murray: Can I have the music down, please, DJ? Please?
Oh, we don't...
Murray: All right.
Murray: Which is, when you see them, you go 'Eh!' / You know, there's that something special there.
Murray: The drinks are on us!
Ben: Well, welcome to your new life, eh?
Ben: More champagne?
Bret: Uh, no, I'm just having water.
Ben: Water? Unsuccessful people have water. You're on champagne now.
Murray: 5768-745... 2156.
Waiter: Sir, I don't know what you're talking about.
Murray: 576...
Waiter: Yeah, I heard you the first time, sir. I just don't have any idea what you're talking about.
Dave Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Murray: That's weird. I bet Meatloaf never had this problem, eh?
Ben Cringe/Discomfort Absurdist Murray: Is this you, is it? 'Oh, let's do a jest, a great big... great big lark in the courtyard of the king, and see how he takes it!' Is it?
Ben Mel Character Comedy Absurdist Ben/Actor: Stefan is his own person.
Bret: It looked like you.
Bret: You play Stefan.
Ben/Actor: Stefan works through me. He's like a spirit.
Mel Ben Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat When he lives in his office, he washes his underpants in the sink and dries them in the microwave. It's very humiliating for everyone involved.
Bret: Um, this is a laundry ticket.
Ben/Actor: Yes. But I will send you the money as soon as I get to Hollywood.
Ben/Actor: Martin Scorsese is doing a movie about a dry cleaner.
Bret: What's it called?
Ben/Actor: 'Dry Cleaner.'
Jemaine Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Jemaine: Bret... he's acting.
Bret: You think that was acting?
Jemaine: He's acting.
Bret: God, he's good.
Jemaine: He is good. He's very good.
Jemaine Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Art Garfunkel: To Ben, thanks for keeping me clean, Art Garfunkel.
Murray: I thought that was some sort of drug rehab thing.
Murray: Not even 'Crowded House' gets a 90/10 split.
Don't they?
Murray: No. 80/20, maybe, but 90/10's unheard of.
Murray: Oh look, it's my undies.
Murray: Ooh, hot.
Murray Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Murray: Oh look, it's my undies. Ooh, hot.
Murray Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: You know, Max, you should have been a cop.
Max: I should have been a lot of things, Jim. I should have been a lot of things.
Murray Character Comedy Absurdist Murray · Jemaine · Bret: Murray offers to put drinks on the tab: 'Drinks are on us!' Jemaine: 'Uh, no, we probably shouldn't.' Murray: 'Don't worry about it, Jemaine.' Here's to Flight of the Conchords! The drinks are on us!'
Murray: 'Water? Unsuccessful people have water. You're on champagne now.'
Murray Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Murray · Bret · Jemaine: The bill arrives: $600. Murray reveals he has a 'special industry code' from Stefan that pays for everything: 'Drinks, jet boats, caviar, everything.' He whispers the code to the waiter.
Murray · Waiter: Murray whispers the code '5768-745-2156.' Waiter: 'Sir, I don't know what you're talking about.' Murray: '576...' Waiter: 'Yeah, I heard you the first time, sir. I just don't have any idea what you're talking about.'
Murray: 'I bet Meatloaf never had this problem, eh? You know, the music code... pays for everything.'
Murray Character Comedy Absurdist Murray: 'Bret, see if you can get that cork back in that bottle, will you?'
Murray Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Murray · Bret · Jemaine: Bret and Jemaine reveal Ben isn't a real executive: 'He's a dry cleaner.' Murray: 'What do you mean? Of course he's an exec. Good one. What about the conference call between him, me, Peter Jackson, the guy from the mafia?'
Murray: Murray's reaction to the reveal: 'You're telling me that this is all a joke? Not a joke, but... Organized by a couple of jesters! Is this you, is it? Oh, let's do a jest, a great big... great big lark in the courtyard of the king, and see how he takes it!'
Murray Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bret · Jemaine: 'Well, that went better than I thought it would. Yeah, that cleared it up.'
Ben · Bret · Jemaine: Ben (out of character): 'That was not me. That was Stefan. But it was you. No no no no. Stefan is his own person. It looked like you. Sure! You play Stefan. Stefan works through me. He's like a spirit.'
Jemaine: Jemaine reports the damage: Murray might have to move into his office. 'When he lives in his office, he washes his underpants in the sink and dries them in the microwave. It's very humiliating for everyone involved.'
Jemaine Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ben: Ben: 'Sometimes I just... underestimate the power of my own acting skills.'
Ben Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Ben · Bret: Ben offers to pay $1,000 'payable to Murray Hewitt.' He writes on a piece of paper. Bret: 'This is a laundry ticket.' Ben: 'Yes.'
Ben Bret Callback Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Ben · Bret · Jemaine: Ben reveals he's going to Hollywood for a Martin Scorsese film. 'What's it called?' 'Dry Cleaner.'
Bret · Jemaine: 'Oh at least that's good news for Ben. Bret... he's acting. You think that was acting? He's acting. God, he's good. He is good. He's very good.'
Bret Jemaine Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Murray · Bret · Jemaine · Dry cleaner: Dry cleaning shop worker: 'Could you guys please leave? We're waiting on our dry cleaning.' Murray: 'Fuck.'
Murray: Murray's office: 'I'm just having another look at Stefan's professional credentials.' Art Garfunkel's card: 'To Ben, thanks for keeping me clean.' Murray: 'I thought that was some sort of drug rehab thing.'
Murray Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Murray: 'Your whites are the whitest.' 'Well, thought that was a Beatles album.'
Murray Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Murray: 'To Ben, thanks for dry-cleaning my clothes for me, Debbie Harry.' Murray: 'That makes sense now.'
Murray Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Murray: Murray: 'Making me look like king of the dicks?'
Murray Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Murray · Jemaine: Murray: 'A 90/10 split. That's ridiculous. Not even Crowded House gets a 90/10 split.' 'Don't they?' 'No. 80/20, maybe, but 90/10's unheard of.'
Murray · Bret · Jemaine: Murray: 'I know it's pretend, but I thought you did really well in that meeting.' Bret confirms. Murray: 'I was hoping you'd bring that up. I kind of felt that as well. Did you? Yeah, I did do well, didn't I? That was my proudest moment, that meeting.'
Murray: 'Oh look, it's my undies.' The underpants emerge from the microwave.
Murray Callback Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Murray Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Jim · Max: Final post-credits scene: two men in a theater discussing a ticket stub from a dead man's suit pocket — classic noir detective dialogue, completely unconnected to the episode
Jim Max Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — Flight of the Conchords
