Bowie

Jemaine:Yes.

Murray:Yes.

Murray:Bret?

Bret:No.

Murray:What do you mean no?

Bret:I'm not here.

Murray:You're not here?

Bret:No.

Murray:Where are you?

Bret:No, I was just joking.

Murray:Murray explaining he's carried on band meetings without the band members being there

Murray:We're at a band meeting. We haven't been here?

Jemaine:Yeah, twice. I mean...

Murray:When?

Jemaine:Well, it doesn't matter when. They didn't go very well.

Murray:But I've had to circle where you two are.

Photo of Gemma's 21st birthday with Murray circling random cousins thinking they're the band

Photo of Jemaine with ex-girlfriend Clea but with Bret's head superimposed

Bret:I made it. I made this one.

Jemaine:You can't take my personal photos and stick other people's heads over... I loved that photo.

Murray:'this one here, you're not in. And this one here you're in, but you shouldn't be'

Murray:So those are you options. This one here, you're not in. And this one here you're in, but you shouldn't be.

Murray:You can't look through that. It's New Zealand government property.

Murray:'Who wants to hear a sad band?'

Jemaine:'This is the cool look for a band.'

Murray:'But what about your hands in the air and smile?'

Jemaine:'That's gymnasts, Murray.'

Jemaine:That's gymnasts, Murray.

Jemaine:you look like an ogre that works in the library

Bret:Sometimes I'm glad that we don't live in New Zealand anymore. 'Cause of all those penguins.

Jemaine:Remember how there'd be penguins?

Bret:Yeah... no.

Bret:I feel small. I need to eat more.

Jemaine:Are you bulimic?

Bret:No, I just need to eat more food.

Jemaine:Are you bulimic?

Bret:No.

Jemaine:Are you bulimic?

Jemaine:I heard Bret being a little bit bulimic in the bathroom after his mom's birthday

Bret:Can you just tell me I'm good at something?

Jemaine:No, it'd be weird.

Jemaine:It's 1972 David Bowie from the Ziggy Stardust tour

Bret:Wow, you look a lot like Jemaine

Jemaine:No, I'm David Bowie

Bret:Bret's guinea pig and giraffe dream descriptions

Bowie:Yeah, okay. Listen, Bret, I don't have much time, man.

Bowie:Get an eye patch, man

Murray:two different sizes there. There's the full range.

Murray:No no, he's not a midget. He's just... he's thin.

Greeting cards with hidden music technology - Murray's confused explanations

Murray:It's a company that sells greeting cards.

Greeting cards?

Murray:But you know those ones that open up and they have a tune in them?

Jemaine:I think it might be gay to compliment him myself

Mel:Erotically caressing each other on the hood of a car... in the back of a movie theater

Doug:Doug was fired as senior professor but still hangs around the university

Jemaine:Your beard is good

Jemaine:You're good at finding shortcuts

Jemaine:Your beard is good. It's just a compliment for you... your beard. Just a compliment about your beard being good.

Jemaine:Bret, you got it going on

Jemaine:You're like a beautiful woman

Jemaine:You're like a beautiful woman

Jemaine:And I want to make love to you

Jemaine:But it's not gay

Jemaine:I'm just saying you're beautiful

Jemaine:Like a man can say to another man

Jemaine:He's beautiful

Jemaine:And it's not weird

Jemaine:Not in a gay way, just in a hey, man, I wanted to say / That you're looking okay, man, why can't a heterosexual guy / Tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Jemaine:I put a wig on you when you were sleeping / I put a wig on you... you-hoo-hoo-hoo / And I just lay there and spooned you

Jemaine:I think sometimes you hear what you want to hear

Jemaine:It wouldn't be gay to put a wig on a man and pretend they're a woman. How could that be gay if you were pretending they're a woman?

Jemaine:Not that I did it.

1980 David Bowie confirming that putting a wig on a sleeping friend isn't gay

Bowie:Hey, it's 1980 David Bowie, from the music video 'Ashes to Ashes.'

Bowie:Actually, come to think of it, the same thing happened to me when I wore an eye patch. It was... oh, it was always, 'Bowie's bumped into a door.'

Jemaine/Bowie:Do something absolutely outrageous.

Bret:Like what?

Jemaine/Bowie:Well, you'll know what to do, Bret. And you'll know exactly when the time is right.

Mel:Well, you're looking good today, Bret. Very hot. Hotter than Jemaine.

Bret:Thank you.

Mel:You have a refined bone structure whereas Jemaine's facial features are too deep-set to be classically handsome.

Like headphones? No, this is a computer chip... Like a Walkman. No it's not... not like a Walkman at all.

David Armstrong:David Armstrong's elaborate technical explanation constantly compared to a Walkman

Murray:Um, you were bulimic recently.

Bret:I wasn't... I wasn't bulimic.

Murray:He's not now, he's fine now.

Bret:I'm not bulimic.

Murray:Little touch of that.

Bret:I wasn't bulimic.

Murray:It's cleared up.

Bret:Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Waha!

Murray:Murray's self-flagellating speech about being a bad manager: 'I could have stopped you before you revealed it, or turned it into some sort of thing, like I could have said it was a cultural New Zealand greeting.'

Jemaine:I meant on your face, Bret. On your face.

Bowie:Actually, I've totally lost confidence in my ability to help people. I'm useless.

Jemaine/Bowie:I'm going to a party. I'm already 20 minutes late.

Bret:Sounds cool. Where's the party?

Jemaine/Bowie:In space, Bret. In space.

Bowie going to a party 'in space'

Jemaine:Bowie admits he's totally lost confidence in his ability to help people and calls himself useless

Bret:Do you want to borrow my jumper, Bowie? / Does the space cold make your nipples go pointy, Bowie?

Bret:Do you use your pointy nipples / As telescopic antennae to transmit data back to Earth?

Do you have one really funky sequined space suit / Or do you have several ch-changes?

Do you smoke grass out in space, Bowie?

Or do they smoke...

AstroTurf?

Jemaine:I'm picking it up on my L.S.D. Screen

Bret · Jemaine:Episode coda: Bret concludes that if dream-Bowie lacks confidence, 'maybe most people aren't that confident... I'm not gonna worry about being confident.' Jemaine: 'Yeah, we don't need to worry about being confident.' Then: 'But it's not really him though. It's a dream.'

Bret:Is it a really big biscuit?

Murray:It's not a biscuit! I said no biscuit. It's not gonna be another kind, is it?

Bret:Can I get a copy of that, Murray?

Murray:No no, 'cause that would cost more than 50¢, and then we'd... we'd be down, wouldn't we?

Final reprise of 'Bowie's in Space' with vocal flourishes

Murray · Jemaine:Jemaine can't get a copy of the card because 'that would cost more than 50¢, and then we'd be down, wouldn't we? The whole thing would be a waste.'