Mel

Mel · Bret · Jemaine · Bret:Oh, hey guys. - Hey, Mel. - Hey, Mel. - Hey, whoa. Crazy meeting you here, huh? - What, outside our house?

Mel:I went to your gig. I was at the Aquarium for hours just waiting. They wouldn't let me stay after 1:00 a.m.

Mel:Well, the fish were beautiful. They were breeding... it's mating season and I... I saw fish make love.

Mel · Jemaine:You... you just came from home. - Yeah, we're just popping out for a second and then, um, that's all we were going to do... just get some air.

Mel:I just... sometimes I think the thing you're looking for is often standing right in front of your eyes.

Mel:You can tell me anything. Anything. I promise I won't think you're a pervert.

Mel:Have I shown you my picture of Jemaine's lips? I have it here in my wallet. Look. Those are my cousins, and there... that's... that's Jemaine's lips.

Mel:Whenever I was watching the two of you it was obvious that you were more into her than she was into you. Yeah, you could really tell. She always looked kind of bored.

Mel · Bret:'All your fans are gonna be devastated.' 'There's just you, Mel.' 'Yeah.'

Mel:Mel's sexual description of Bret's sign skills

Jemaine · Mel:Jemaine lying about getting a real gig to impress Mel

Mel:'The car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go'

Murray · Mel:President. - Present. - Secretary. - Present. - Treasurer. - Present! - Maybe we should make that one title? - Sure. It's all... it's quite convoluted. You're all three.

Mel · Murray:I took some of Bret... well, actually I found them, I... when I was round at his flat. - Oh-ho! - That... he's asleep there

Murray · Mel:What's this one? - Mmm? - What's this one? - God, how did that get in there? Sorry. It must have slipped in with the... do you want to hold onto that? - No.

Mel · Murray:That's really great. - You don't think Bret's any less available now that he's? - Well, no! No. Is she pretty?

Murray · Mel:He's not gonna... not gonna get a girlfriend anytime soon, so... - Does, um... - Try your chances with him, can't you?

Mel · Murray:Does... does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? - Little bit? - A little bit... around the eyes. - Oh yeah? Big eyes, huh? - Well, she's... she's got eyes.

Mel · Bret:I was walking my dog. / Look, is this your new place, Jemaine? / It's crazy. I was just walking past here. / That's so weird. I didn't even know you'd moved. / How could I know? / Yeah, where's your dog?

Mel:Is there always someone at the door, 24/7? / Why? / Oh, nothing. / Just making conversation.

Mel:Mel's elaborate description of gay activities: 'Erotically caressing each other on the hood of a car... in the back of a movie theater'

Mel · Bret:Well, you're looking good today, Bret. Very hot. - Thank you. - Hotter than Jemaine.

Mel:You have a refined bone structure whereas Jemaine's facial features are too deep-set to be classically handsome.

Mel:What a coincidence! Ha ha!

Mel · Rain:Do you not have a computer, or... - No, I do have a computer. - Oh, you can't read.

Rain · Mel:Oh, I thought he was your dad. - He's a little bit older than me. - Yeah. - He was my college professor.

Mel:He resisted for a while and there were some legal... boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or... his family, but... in the end, love overcame.

Mel:I always get what I want.

Mel · Bret:But you don't drink beer, Bret. - I drink it all the time. - I thought it always made you go to the toilet.

Mel · Bret:Those girls, I don't trust them, Bret. They have no interest in you as musicians. They just want to... - Just want to what? - They want to do it with you, Bret. - Sex?

Ben/Actor · Mel:I can't understand a word you're saying. / Articulate, all right? / It's Elvish. That's Elvish. / Are you chewing something? / No, it's Elv... it's... it's my native tongue. / Is it? / Yup.

Mel · Jemaine:Whoa-ho! What are the chances? We're always bumping into each other. / About one in one.

Todd · Mel:Actually, he, um, neglected to tell me what a hottie you are. / Stop it. / Looks like the race is on. Gentlemen, start your engines. Vroom! Vroom!

Mel · Todd:What do you play, Todd? / I'll give you a clue. / The bongos. / Oh! Rhythmic. / Yeah, tribal. / Powerful. Very physical, if you know what I mean.

Bret · Mel:Hey, you got one of the Crazy Dogggz t-shirts. / No. / It says Crazy Dogggz on it.

Jemaine · Mel · Jemaine:Hey, Mel, you didn't make it to our gig the other... / Oh, yeah. / There was no one there... without you there.

Doug · Mel:You should've seen Doug When he heard what happened. - Hey. - He went berserk. - Really? Actually, mel really went more sort of berserk.

Mel:Conversation hog. 'Oink oink oink oink. I've got something to say all the time.' He's always talking.

Mel:Why did you come, Doug, If you didn't want to light a fire?

Mel:Wow, that's so romantic... two struggling musicians living in poverty and despair, selling their instruments.

Bret · Mel:I'm just doing it very gently to begin with. - Are you... I can't really feel it. I wanna feel it.

Mel · Bret:Should I lay down? No no, this is good. Maybe I should take off some clothes... no no, that's good.

Mel:You're like a samurai, like a massage samurai.

Mel:Oh, I feel like I've hired a gigolo. I'm just kidding. I would never hire... I mean, I would, I would, but I wouldn't pay you. I would. I would pay you so much money. I'm joking. I'm not. I am. I'm not.

Mel:I would. I would pay you so much money. I'm just kidding. That's not how I am. That's not what I'm about. I'm joking. I'm not. I am. I'm not.

Mel:Just a normal book... nondescript. Just a book I had. - What book? - Just a super... a book that tells you where to sell your body.

Mel:You don't like it. No, you don't. You practically admitted that you don't like it.

Mel:so you can see how strong and powerful you are, like the God ra... the sun God ra... or like a pharaoh.

Mel:I made one of Bret, but it came out a little weird, so don't tell him, okay? It came out x-rated, actually... some shadowing on the crotch got out of hand

Jemaine · Mel:I had to throw it away! Because Bret was jealous. Really? Was he going apeshit? He went apeshit.

Mel:I swear on Doug's life I will fix this rift.

Mel:As you can see, I pretty much got the handsomeness. That's Jemaine. If you don't believe it, he can take his shirt off and you can be sure about it.

Mel:I have some cookies for you in my fanny pack. Oh, look, this one must be for Bret... and here's Jemaine's.

Mel:I had a dream about you guys last night. Jemaine, you were a slave striving towards freedom. And Bret... well, I just want to thank you.

Mel:I had no idea you were so flexible.

Mel · Bret · Jemaine:Wouldn't it be fantastic if the world was more like your dreams? No. Yeah.

Mel:Musical number: 'Why Can't the World Be More Like In My Dreams?' - Mel's fantasy song with increasingly bizarre imagery

Mel:I'm instantly pregnant and I can't explain / and when they pop out, they're like Bret and Jemaine

Mel:Bret, I dreamt about you again. Actually, I'm kind of angry at you for something you did in my dream last night.

Mel · Bret:I don't want to say, Bret, but I think you should probably apologize. I'm not gonna apologize. It was a dream.

Bret · Mel:Did I apologize in your dream? No, you did not. That's a shame. I should've apologized in the dream.

Bret · Mel:Did I apologize in your dream? - No, you did not. - That's a shame. I should've apologized in the dream.

Mel:Mel's fantasy about Bret and Jemaine having a baby together

Mel:Mel's fantasy about 'what a child of you and Jemaine might look like'

Mel:Mel's family portrait showing Bret and Jemaine as a couple with a baby

Mel · Jemaine:Mel appearing and disappearing with crazy warnings about the date

Mel · Bret:This isn't my place, is it? This is your place. I must be sleepwalking. Oh no, don't wake me. You could kill me.

Mel:Bird watching. I love to watch birds.

Mel:This is my sock.

Bret · Mel:You come in here without any mousse? What's wrong with you? I don't know who you are anymore.

Mel:Mel's stalking advice including collecting nail clippings

Mel · Doug:Going through Savannah's garbage and knowing specific bill amounts

Mel:when you love someone, you need all the ammunition you can get to take them down.

Mel:There will be no bringing girls back to the house. I know how you guys are

Mel:Yeah, maybe I'll bring some girls home too, just find some real authentic sluts and just turn this house into a whorehome

Mel · Bret · Jemaine:You must not leave the house. / When? / What, never? / Well, not after 11:30 P.M. And preferably never

Mel · Bret:That is such a womanly instrument. Have you ever heard of a man playing a harp? / My dad plays the harp

Jemaine · Mel:I sometimes go to the toilet in the middle of the night. / Mm-hmm. I know

Mel:Doug and I have something very important to talk to you about. We have decided to spend some time apart

Mel · Doug:This isn't about you. / Well, actually, Mel, it is about them

Mel · Bret:You're so young. / I'm 32

Audience member · Mel:Whoo! Look at the harp player! / It is manly