New Zealand Town

Murray:No, it's not, Bret. Actually, Mel was busy. She actually requested that she can't come today. But if she was here, yes, we'd have two. But unfortunately we're down to one today.

Murray:It's a big guy though, Jemaine. He's taking up three seats. He's got shopping bags with him.

Jemaine:What, so the majority of the audience is shopping bags?

Murray:Yeah, most of the audience are shopping bags.

Bret:Hey, when did he go? When did that guy leave?

Jemaine:Yeah, he... he snuck out. Possibly as early as the first song.

Murray:Technically I actually snuck out as well.

Jemaine:You snuck out? What do you mean you snuck out?

Jemaine:Well, you went shopping.

Murray:Oh, yeah.

Murray:That's when I didn't have to pay the meter. Remember the meter was broken when I parked outside your apartment? That's the high point of our career?

Murray:I still think about it now. It was such a great night.

Murray:It's not the '90s. Okay, my point is the difference between cool bands and you is hair.

Jemaine:I've got hair. True.

Murray:But most of your hair is body hair, isn't it, Jemaine?

Jemaine:A moss-green shirt and a tie? Obviously this is for work. Up here is for play, isn't it?

Murray:No, this is it.

Murray:Morning, prime minister.

Bret:Thank you, m'lord.

Prime Minister:We're gonna have Gary the sheep. He's flying over from New Zealand. Really? Yes, New Zealand's most famous sheep is gonna be there. He's on hiatus.

Prime Minister:New Zealandtown between Chinatown and Little Italy - which isn't exactly accurate geographically

Prime Minister:We have a chap shearing him. Well, pretending to shear him. Be mime shearing him. Mime shearing him because Gary's got his look. We can't mess with that.

Bret:Would you like us to play?

Prime Minister:Well, no, we're looking for a cool band.

Murray:They are available.

Bret:We're considered quite cool, aren't we?

Murray:In their minds, yes.

Bret:Ew!

Jemaine:How's that?

Bret:That looks cool.

Fashion song sequence

You think fashion's your friend, my friend, fashion is danger

Posing sequence - posing at the bar, posing sitting down, posing in the distance, posing with my arm, posing with my leg, posing like a swan, posing for a portrait, posing a threat

Bret · Jemaine:THE FASHION SONG — 'Fashion / f-f-f-f-fashion, f-fashion / s-s-s-style, the l-l-l-l-look' — opening stutter-rap delivery of a fashion anthem.

Murray:That's Bret and Jemaine. You know, my band. They're bloody great.

Murray:They're not from the '70s. They're from New Zealand.

Bret:Isn't that the same thing?

Murray:Similar, I suppose.

Bret:Whatever, Murray. Hey, great gig last night. You got a glowing review.

Murray:New Zealand Consulate Newsletter... 'They came, they saw, they conchord. A couple of cool guys took to the stage and wowed the audience with music and up-to-the-minute styles. Move over, refrigerators, here's what's cool.'

Complex chain of command explanation ending with discretionary power over Greg

Murray:Paula grew up next to me. 39 Harcourt Street, Nelson. Mind you, that was all a very very long time ago. Many many years ago now. A lot's happened since then. Things change. People get married to other people.

Prime Minister:Paula's second in command after me and then you and then Greg. So if I wanted to, I could tell her to do something and then she'd tell you to do it. But I could tell Greg. That's at your discretion.

Prime Minister:On a basic level this works, but I think we could use more development.

Prime Minister:Paula, could you please ask Murray what time it is?

Paula:Um, hey, Murray, have you got the time?

Murray:2:00.

Paula:It's 2:00, prime minister.

Prime Minister:Yes, I heard and I think he heard me.

Murray:Actually, you're part Maori, aren't you?

Jemaine:No, I'm not doing it.

Murray:But you are part Maori?

Jemaine:Yes, but I'm not doing it.

Murray:Please?

Jemaine:No.

Murray:Please be the Maori.

Jemaine:No.

Murray:Well, if you don't do it we're gonna have to get Mexicans. You can't get Mexicans to do it. That's culturally insensitive. We've already signed one up so it can't be too sensitive.

Bret:Hey, where's the gel gone? What happened to all the gel?

Jemaine:You know what happened to the gel.

Bret:You used it.

Jemaine:Did you finish the gel on your body hair?

Bret:You've been gelling your beard. Your beard looks good.

Gel throwing fight sequence with 'That was very dangerous' reactions

Paula:Well, Gary, you must be jet-lagged. Let's get you off to your accommodations.

Prime Minister:Did you ever think I'd end up being prime minister, Paula?

Paula:No. Complete surprise to me.

Jemaine:There's people. They'll see us.

Bret:No one can see me like this.

Jemaine:You go.

Bret:No, I can't go out there. Not without gel.

Murray:Oh my God! Oh, it's terrible. What have you done?

Jemaine:There's still some gel. There's still a little bit of gel.

Bret:You're imagining the gel.

Jemaine:There's still some.

Bret:There's no gel left. It's not there.

Jemaine:What if he's keeping the gel for himself to make himself look good?

Bret:Don't think so, man. That big ginger head of his looking great.

Paula:You can't drink in public over here.

Prime Minister:Well, we're in New Zealandtown now. There's nothing they can do about it.

Prime Minister:Quiet, everyone. It's some genuine native Maori warriors. We don't want to disturb them in their natural habitat. If you'd like to take pictures, do it very very quietly.

Prime Minister:Okay, everybody off. That was New Zealandtown.

Mel:This isn't my place, is it? This is your place. I must be sleepwalking. Oh no, don't wake me. You could kill me.

Mel:Bird watching. I love to watch birds.

Mel:This is my sock.

Mel:You come in here without any mousse? What's wrong with you? I don't know who you are anymore.

Jemaine:You come in here without any mousse? What's wrong with you? I don't know who you are anymore.

Bret:Glue?

Jemaine:This should work. Yeah yeah, this is good. It's just like gel. Same viscosity.

Bret:Jemaine, I stuck my head to my hand.

Jemaine:You idiot, Bret. You've got a pillow on your head.

Bret:What? Where? Other side.

Jemaine:Oh, we're both idiots.

Bret:Idiot, man.

Murray:Hi, Greg, I need some anti-glue.

Greg:What's anti-glue, Murray?

Murray:Well, it's anti-glue, isn't it? It gets rid of glue.

Greg:I don't think that exists, Murray.

Murray:He's been shorn off. The guy who was supposed to mime shear him sheared him for real. He's basically bald. Yes. So there's your star, timid and nervous.

And to make matters worse, the guy next to him barbecuing... I think he's barbecuing lamb. Gary can tell. He's livid.

Tourist:What side of the road do you drive on?

Greg:The middle.

Tourist:What language do you speak there?

Greg:We pretty much just make it up as we go along.

Tourist:Really?

Greg:Yeah, that's why the people from there are so hard to understand.

Murray:It wasn't the gel that made you cool.

Jemaine:It wasn't?

Murray:It was the confidence the gel gave you.

Murray:Yeah, it was the hair gel, guys. Sorry. We're not cool? No.

Murray:Forget it, Bryan. It's New Zealandtown.

Bret · Jemaine · Murray:'We can't do it. We're not cool enough.' — Murray: 'Guys, do you want to know a secret? It wasn't the gel that made you cool. It was the confidence the gel gave you.'

Murray:Murray's confidence speech: 'It wasn't the gel that made you cool. It was the confidence the gel gave you.'

Murray · Jemaine:'Yeah, it was the hair gel, guys. Sorry. We're not cool? No.' / 'This is a new low, isn't it?' / 'Yeah.'

Bret · Prime Minister Bryan · Murray:'This was a complete disaster.' — 'Well, I thought that was relatively successful.' — 'Yes, it went very well. Well done, Paula.'

Prime Minister Bryan · Paula:The PM approaches Paula as she's leaving. 'Paula. Um, I...' — [23:19] 'nothing.' [23:23] 'Okay.'

Unknown/Narrator implied:'Forget it, Bryan. It's New Zealandtown.' — Final line of the episode.

Murray:'Forget it, Bryan. It's New Zealand Town.' — closing line, riffing on 'Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown.'