Sally Returns

Jemaine:Tickle tickle tickle! Hey Bret, how come you don't tickle me anymore?

Jemaine:I'm not even ticklish.

Bret:Aren't you?

Jemaine:No, I'm faking it.

Bret:Really?

Jemaine:Yeah she's faking it as well, I think.

Sally:You were robots.

Jemaine:We were just dressed up as robots.

Sally:Yeah, but you were robots.

Jemaine:So, you got a boyfriend at the moment?

Sally:Me? No. You?

Jemaine:Me? I don't have a boyfriend.

Jemaine:You can't tame the J-Dog.

Sally:What's the J-Dog?

Jemaine:Well, that's me, I'm the J-Dog.

Jemaine:Well, it's street language. You know, you just take the first letter of your name and you put 'Dog' on the end of it and all the other dogs sort of respect you.

Sally:I thought it was from a kid's book or something.

Jemaine:No, the thing about the J-Dog is you can't put a leash on the J-Dog.

Jemaine:Because it's Wednesday / And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love

Jemaine:Tuesday night is the night that we usually go to your mother's place / And I teach her how to use the video machine again

Jemaine:You're not too tired from your afterwork social netball team practice

You turn to me and say something sexy like / 'I might go to bed, I have to work in the morning'

Jemaine:I know what you're trying to say, baby / You're trying to say 'Ah, yeah / It's business time'

Jemaine:The next thing you know we're in the bathroom brushing our teeth / That's all part of it, that's foreplay

Jemaine:Then you go sort out the recycling / Which isn't part of the foreplay / But it's still very important

Jemaine:You're wearing that same old ugly baggy T-shirt / With the stain on it that you got / From that team-building exercise / You did for your old work several years ago / Team Building Exercise '99

Jemaine:I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans / Because I'm still wearing my shoes / But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance

Jemaine:The next thing you know, I'm wearing absolutely nothing / Except for my socks / And you know when I'm down to just my socks / What time it is / It's business time

Jemaine:That's why they're called business socks, ooh

Jemaine:Making love for two / I'm making love for two minutes / When it's with me, you only need two minutes, girl / Because I'm so intense

Jemaine:Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven

Jemaine:You turn to me and say something sexy like / 'Is that it?!' / I know what you're trying to say, girl / You're trying to say 'Ah, yeah, that's it'

Jemaine:Then you tell me you want some more / Well, uh, I'm not surprised / But I am quite sleepy

Jemaine:Business hours are over / Baby

Jemaine:Well, here's the doghouse.

Sally:I can't believe you're still living with Bret. / Jemaine, you gotta get your own place. / You need your own space.

Jemaine:Bret, I'm moving out. I've decided I need my own space. It's time to take life a little more seriously, you know? It's time for me to look each day in the eye and say 'Hey, Jemaine you're... you're doing this for you.'

Bret:What's that, man?

Jemaine:Oh didn't you hear that?

Bret:What did you say? I wasn't listening.

Jemaine:Was a perfectly round hickey. She had a perfectly round mouth anyways... It's not exactly the same size as a vacuum cleaner tube...

Bret:Was it because of the towel?

Jemaine:Because I used your towel and I got athlete's foot.

Bret:Is it my mold farm? / Are you sick of my mold farm? / Is it aspergillus fumigatus?

Bret:When we were at school and you said you got a hickey from Judy Bailey, I told everyone it was the vacuum cleaner. Was a perfectly round hickey. She had a perfectly round mouth anyways...

Bret:Is it because sometimes I'll sneak in when you're sleeping and give you a little kiss on the cheek?

Bret:Is it because I ask too many questions?

Jemaine:No.

Bret:Was it something subtle?

Jemaine:Yes it's subtle, Bret.

Bret:Is it because I eat too loudly?

Jemaine:Yes.

Jemaine:I don't know how you do it.

Bret:Well, I eat with my mouth shut.

Jemaine:I don't know how you do it.

Murray:Over the last few months I've been creaming a bit off of the top of the band income and investing it.

Murray:So I'm proud to announce that as of this morning we're the official owners of three stars... intergalactic real estate.

Jemaine:Who took that photo?

Murray:That's the real estate people take that.

Murray:Planet Murray was already taken. I like it... Murrayland.

Murray:Welcome to Murrayland.

Murray:In 10 years' time we'll be able to move up there.

Murray:And besides, I was thinking two words, guys: Natural resources.

Murray:Like coal, think about it.

Murray:Imagine a planet full of coal.

Bret:What about a planet of, um, diamonds and rubies?

Murray:No.

Bret:Well, it would be nice.

Murray:A lot of things would be nice, Bret, particularly if they were real.

Murray:Here, eat this.

Bret:Oh yeah. Whoa.

Who's eating?

Greg, did you hear that?

Doorman:Welcome back, Mr. Clemaine.

Jemaine:Thank you, Sebastian.

Doorman:John.

Mel:I was walking my dog.

Mel:Look, is this your new place, Jemaine?

Mel:It's crazy. I was just walking past here.

Mel:That's so weird. I didn't even know you'd moved.

Mel:How could I know?

Bret:Yeah, where's your dog?

Mel:Is there always someone at the door, 24/7?

Why?

Mel:Oh, nothing. Just making conversation.

Jemaine:This is it. What do you think?

Murray:It's not a room, it's a cupboard.

Jemaine:It's not a cupboard.

Murray:It's a cleaning cupboard.

Bret:More like a compartment.

Jemaine:A compartment. Not an apartment...

Bret:Is that a joke?

Jemaine:Yeah.

Bret:That's pretty good.

Jemaine:You did get it, eh?

Bret:Yeah that's a good one.

Jemaine:Because it's small.

Jemaine:I'm going on a date.

Murray:With who?

Jemaine:No one.

Murray:No one. That's not a date. That's just going out. I do that all the time.

Murray:Oh, Jemaine! No, not her again. Bret went out with her. She broke your heart and yours as well.

Jemaine:She's the hottest girl I've ever touched.

Ever seen.

Jemaine:Well, she was the hottest girl I'd ever seen, but then I touched her.

Jemaine:No, I don't think so.

Sally:Well, he's waving at us.

Jemaine:It looks like him, but I don't think it's him.

Bret:Jemaine, Sally!

Jemaine:No, that's not him.

Bret:It's me, Bret.

Bret:Oh, that's just Coco.

It's his long-term girlfriend.

Bret:Yeah, just a friend.

Bret:Well she can't go. It's her birthday, the 14th.

Bret:I think, maybe.

Bret:Yeah, no, that's right.

Jemaine:There's only going to be five people if you don't come.

Jemaine:I'll find my way to you, Sally

Murray:That's beautiful.

Murray:That's a sure thing, bro.

Jemaine:What's a Chinese junk?

Oh, it's a kind of ship.

Murray:Oh yeah, sure. Women love that kind of sensitive nautical shit.

Jemaine:Really?

Murray:Yeah.

Jemaine:Haven't you ever seen 'Watership Down'?

Murray:No.

Jemaine:Well, me neither, but women love that film.

Murray:I mean, that reminds me of when I saw a puppy being born. / I mean, just to see its little head / just coming out of that dog's pussy. / What an incredible moment, man... beautiful.

Bret:Do you think that looks like Sally's eyes?

Jemaine:I don't know, Bret. I don't think about her as much as you do.

Jemaine:Hey, get off my pillow. You're on my pillow.

Guest:Oh, sorry.

Murray:Planet Jemaine supernova'd. Yeah, there's nothing left of it apparently. Just a huge gaseous cloud and the beginnings of a black hole.

When did this happen?

Murray:Uh, about four million years ago.

Murray:Planet Jemaine supernova'd. Yeah, there's nothing left of it apparently. Just a huge gaseous cloud and the beginnings of a black hole.

Jemaine:When did this happen?

Murray:Uh, about four million years ago.

Jemaine:Well, that was a waste of 50 bucks.

Jemaine:Thanks, Murray.

Jemaine:The party's over, everyone.

What?

Jemaine:The party's over.

What are you doing, Jemaine?

Greg's about to do his party trick.

This is the one that got him in 'The East Village News.'

Jemaine:No, the party's over.

Sally:Sorry your party was canceled.

Jemaine:Yeah, me too. Nice haircut, Bret.

Jemaine:It's a butterfly.

Jemaine:I sat on it in the subway.

Sally:Oh, you shouldn't have.

Jemaine:But I also got you some glue.

Jemaine:And that's... that's multipurpose.

Jemaine:You can use... use that around the house.

Sally:See, that's me, and that's some really weird kind of wolf.

Bret:Well, it's difficult to draw a wolf, so I used a picture of myself and then adjusted it.

Sally:I got engaged. Mark and I are getting married.

Who's Mark?

Sally:Mark, he was my boyfriend and then we broke up and now he's my fiancé.

Sally:He bought me a BMW.

Mark:He's little, he's like a pixie. Come on.

Mark:Brettie, aye, ohh yes!

Sally:Isn't he strong?

Jemaine:But I don't just love and need you / I love and need and want you too / I don't just love and need you / I love and need and want you too too

Bret:Yeah, well, I love, need and want you too too too

Jemaine:There's too many of those

Bret:It's just ridiculous

Jemaine:Yeah yeah, she gets it... Stop cockblocking me

Jemaine:But maybe Mark will be involved / In an accident and you'll get / A life insurance payment of half a mil / It's not about the money / But it could set us up financially

Jemaine:Um, even sometimes a little bit more / Than my current girlfriend

Bret:Well, he's basically said just the same thing / I think he's been looking over at my bit of paper / Except for the girlfriend bit

Jemaine:Because you and me we were meant to be

Bret's got a girlfriend

Bret:Yeah, but Sally and me, we were meant to be

Bret, you got a girlfriend

Bret:Oh, Coco told me to tell you you're dumped.

Bret:Oh... oh, sorry, man.

Jemaine:What?

Bret:She said to say that you've been ignoring her / and that you're clearly still in love with Sally, / which I agree with, actually...

Jemaine:That's not true.

Bret:She said you'd say that and she said to say / it is true and you know it.

Jemaine:No buts, she said to say.

Bret:Well, did she say we could talk about it?

Jemaine:She said we are talking about it.

Bret:Well, we're not though are we?

Jemaine:Well, no.

Bret:I don't know what she meant by that.

Bret:It's too late. It's over, you bastard.

Jemaine:What, did she call me a bastard?

Bret:Uh, no sorry, I added that bit.

Jemaine:Oh, okay.

Bret:I got carried away.

Bret:Well she told me to do that.

Bret:I was supposed to start with that actually, I'm sorry, I forgot.