Yoko

Jemaine:Hey, Murray. Nice shorts.

Jemaine:It should be called the 'boring buildings tour.'

Murray:Why?

Jemaine:Because it's boring.

Murray:There's a real buzz about it. Everyone's talking about these tours.

Murray:Bret, you were talking about it last week.

Bret:I was saying it's boring.

Murray:Oh, were you? Well, you were still talking about it.

Murray:You knew about that. I was gonna tell you the difference between, you know, gazebos and band shells.

Friday, 4:05 P.M: Bret, Jemaine and Murray leave Dave's shop.

Murray:Where'd you meet her?

Jemaine:At... at the library.

Murray:Library? What library?

Jemaine:Video library.

Murray:I won't say goodbye, I don't feel like it.

See you, Murray.

Bret:Bye, Murray.

Murray:Bye.

Bret:You gonna say 'bye'?

Murray:No!

The carrots were really nice. And the broccoli was really nice as well.

Yeah.

It did turn out really nice.

Yeah, really nice.

It was really nice.

Yeah, it was really nice.

Bret:Like your eyes... I could look at them for ages. The eggs were really nice like your lips. So... your lips look delicious like... as delicious as the eggs. Probably more delicious.

Jemaine:I don't know... why don't I stay and you go?

Jemaine:It's good, it's good.

Jemaine:It's a bit long.

Bret:Okay.

Jemaine:It's two hours long.

Jemaine:Would you actually do that?

Bret:Probably not.

Bret:Well, you're sort of promising that you would.

Jemaine:That's a metaphor.

Bret:Oh, is it? Oh okay.

Jemaine:Yeah.

Bret:What's it a metaphor for?

Jemaine:For... that I'd do anything for her.

Bret:Would you climb the highest mountain for her?

Jemaine:I would hang out with you.

Bret:Oh, that's good. That's really...

Bret:That's not bad.

Jemaine:That's a lyric of mine. You can use that.

Bret:She has a rash that she doesn't tell anyone about.

Murray:President.

Mel:Present.

Murray:Secretary.

Mel:Present.

Murray:Treasurer.

Mel:Present!

Murray:Maybe we should make that one title?

Mel:Sure. It's all... it's quite convoluted. You're all three.

Mel:I took some of Bret... well, actually I found them, I... when I was round at his flat.

Murray:Oh-ho!

Mel:That... he's asleep there

Murray:What's this one?

Mel:Mmm?

Murray:What's this one?

Mel:God, how did that get in there? Sorry. It must have slipped in with the... do you want to hold onto that?

Murray:No.

Mel:That's really great.

Murray:You don't think Bret's any less available now that he's?

Mel:Well, no! No. Is she pretty?

Murray:He's not gonna... not gonna get a girlfriend anytime soon, so...

Mel:Does, um...

Murray:Try your chances with him, can't you?

Mel:Does... does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me?

Murray:Little bit?

Mel:A little bit... around the eyes.

Murray:Oh yeah? Big eyes, huh?

Mel:Well, she's... she's got eyes.

Bret:If You're Into It [entire song]

Jemaine:Kiss her, Bret. Kiss her.

Bret:She doesn't like... she doesn't want to go to a strip bar again.

Jemaine:Or she doesn't always have to come as well. That's another option. Me and you could go on one of these date... oh, that'd be weird.

Bret:Coco said that the other night when I went to the bathroom that she felt like you... like made a move on her.

Jemaine:Yep. Yep, guilty, I did.

Jemaine:But you weren't doing anything, so I thought...

Murray:You were going on their dates?

Jemaine:I know. Yeah.

Murray:You don't go on other people's dates.

Jemaine:I thought you had your own date.

Murray:No, I was dating them.

Murray:Are your feelings hurt?

Jemaine:No.

Murray:They must be. Are they?

Jemaine:No.

Murray:A little bit?

Jemaine:No.

Murray:A little bit, eh?

Jemaine:A little bit.

Murray:I just hope we don't have a Yoko Ono situation.

Murray:Do you know what I mean?

Jemaine:Yeah. Is she trying to split up the band?

Jemaine:Black-haired lady queen / Dabbling in art / I won't let the she-wolf / Tear us apart

Murray:Like this pencil... look.

Murray:Jeez, that is a... That's it... that's your band. Broken.

Murray:It's a rare thing, what you've got there.

Coco:Hi, I'm not disturbing you guys, am I?

Bret:Hey, Coco.

Murray:No, come in.

Jemaine:We're busy at the moment actually.

Coco:I had some spare time last night, and...

Bret:Whoa, that's awesome.

Jemaine:Well, it's really arty.

Jemaine:And also present, Coco. Yoko.

Coco:What did you... what did you say?

Jemaine:Oh nothing, just had a bit of a cough.

Coco:Mmm, okay.

Jemaine:No, it wasn't a real cough. I said 'Yoko.'

Bret:Oh-no, she isn't. Jemaine, you're putting 'oh no' together to sound like 'Ono.'

Jemaine:Oh-no, I didn't.

Bret:You did it again.

Jemaine:Well, Yoko's trying to split up the band.

Bret:Don't be such a... a dickhead.

Jemaine:Yeah well, I'm quitting this band.

Bret:Yeah.

Jemaine:Well, you quit last week.

Bret:Yeah well, I'm quitting again.

Unknown government worker:Sorry, everyone. It was a visa application denied. It took a long time to try and get resolved. I think the guy's a criminal. Sorry. Just carry on. It's looking good.

Murray:Do you miss Bret?

Jemaine:A little bit. Do you?

Murray:Same. I miss him.

Jemaine:Can you ask him back in the band?

Murray:Okay.

Bret:Dear Jemaine, by the time you read this, I will be far far away at Coco's house

Lives are like retractable pencils / If you push 'em too hard, they're gonna break / And people are like paper dolls

Jemaine:You search on the roll / You search on the roll / You're searchin' round the roll / You search with your fingernail / Again and again and again and again / And again

Jemaine:Are you sure?

Bret:Yeah.

Jemaine:Oh, I thought you... I was sure you were gonna say the band.

Jemaine:I guess you can still be in the band.

Jemaine:Actually, I'm gonna wait till the bus stops, and then I'll get off.

Bret:I've been thinking about love, and I guess it's the very strongest adhesive.

Jemaine:Oh, sorry, Bret, were you talking to me? I was humming.

Murray · Bret · Jemaine:I've never seen such bad behavior at one of my meetings! — Don't be such a... a dickhead. — Yeah well, I'm quitting this band. — Yeah. — Well, you quit last week. — Yeah well, I'm quitting again. — Don't be a quitter! You can't! — Yeah, you quitter.

Murray:You've never been interested in bands anyway, Bret. You only came to one of the band rotunda tours.

Murray:It was a visa application denied. It took a long time to try and get resolved. I think the guy's a criminal. Sorry. / Just carry on. / It's looking good.

Murray · Jemaine:Good riddance, eh, Jemaine? — I've got tomato on my sleeve. — See? I told you. / Girlfriends and bands just don't mix, Jemaine. — You'll never have a girlfriend, will you? — No. — All right, let's just move on.

Murray · Jemaine:Do you miss Bret? — A little bit. Do you? — Same. I miss him. / Can you ask him back in the band?

Bret:Dear Jemaine, by the time you read this, I will be far far away at Coco's house and I will no longer be residing... / and that is just one of the reasons why I'm moving out. You didn't seem to understand that... / And the most important thing for me to say is that... / Do you remember the time that seagull... / Yours sincerely, Bret.

Bret · Jemaine:The 'Tape of Love' / 'Inner City Pressure' style song — full performance including 'Lives are like retractable pencils / If you push 'em too hard, they're gonna break / And people are like paper dolls / Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape'

Bret · Jemaine:'Love is like a roll of tape / It's real good for making two things one / But just like that roll of tape / Love sometimes breaks off before you are done'

Jemaine · Bret:What are you doing here? — Murray and I miss you and we want you to rejoin the band again. / Really? — Yeah. On one condition. / That you... — I'm not gonna kill her, man.

Jemaine · Bret:No, just leave... just leave her, not... — Oh no, I'm not gonna leave her.

Coco · Bret:I wouldn't mind, I mean if that's what you really want. — Shush, baby.

Jemaine · Bret:So what's it gonna be, Bret? The girl or the band? — Well, it's gonna be Coco. — Oh. Are you sure? — Yeah. — Oh, I thought you... / I was sure you were gonna say the band. — No, I'm staying with Coco.

Jemaine · Bret:I guess you can still be in the band. — Okay. Great. — Okay. — Cool. — Okay, well I'll see you later. — I'll see you at band practice.

Bret:Actually, I'm gonna wait till the bus stops, and then I'll get off.

Bret · Jemaine:You know, Jemaine, I've been thinking about love, / and I guess it's the very strongest adhesive. / Oh, sorry, Bret, were you talking to me? I was humming. / What did you say? — Oh, doesn't matter.