Evicted

Landlord:They're in new zealand dollars... it's a new zealand account

Bret:Is that American dollars or real dollars?

Jemaine:Can we give you an I.O.U? In American dollars, not in new zealand dollars

Jemaine:Never

Jemaine:Never.

Bret:Can we choose which month?

Murray:By whose authority?

Jemaine:The landlord.

Murray:Why?

Bret:Just because we were paying with new zealand dollars instead of American dollars.

Murray:Okay, so he's a racist and now you're homeless

Murray:To stage your lives as an off-broadway musical

Bret:Present.

Jemaine:Our story is the story of two guys who start at the bottom and with a lot of hard work continue along the bottom and finally end up at the bottom

Bret:Yeah, it's a rags-to-rags story

Bret:Really?

Murray:Oh yeah, you say 'really?' here. I knew you'd say that

Murray:I've only got one bed and I grope people in my sleep. It's a condition

Murray:It's one of the reasons I had to leave the new zealand army

Murray:That's actually better for the story, if you're homeless

Bret:Your dad?

Dave:Yeah. I can't have you at my apartment. What if some crazy shit goes down?

Hotel clerk:She decapitated him, castrated him, defanged him. She removed his hands and feet

Oh, that's today's date.

Weird.

Yeah, it's today's date. It happened earlier today

Mel:There will be no bringing girls back to the house. I know how you guys are

Mel:Yeah, maybe I'll bring some girls home too, just find some real authentic sluts and just turn this house into a whorehome

Mel:You must not leave the house.

Bret:When?

Jemaine:What, never?

Mel:Well, not after 11:30 P.M. And preferably never

Mel:That is such a womanly instrument. Have you ever heard of a man playing a harp?

Bret:My dad plays the harp

Jemaine:I sometimes go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

Mel:Mm-hmm. I know

Jemaine:Petrov, Yelyena and me / lost but happy at sea

Bret:So I said, 'do you know any Rolling Stones?' It was a hilarious moment in a very bleak bleak time of my life.

Jemaine:How come it looks so much like my arm which has been hacked off at the elbow last night?

Petrov:Oh, it's an arm fish

Bret:This seems very similar to 'Star Wars.'

Murray:I've mixed you up with... Luke Skywalker

Mel:Doug and I have something very important to talk to you about. We have decided to spend some time apart

Mel:This isn't about you.

Doug:Well, actually, Mel, it is about them

Mel:You're so young.

Bret:I'm 32

Murray:All the professional actors write their lines down on each other's clothing

Murray:The longer the play, the bigger the shirt. You'll always notice that... big costumes. Why do they always go like this? There's lines covered in all the clothing

Murray:I've noticed your acting tends to be a bit boring. It's okay for the first minute, then I kind of drift off

Murray:Yesterday's rehearsal you got yourself worked up, you stopped breathing and you fainted.

Bret:No, I didn't.

Murray:You were on the ground there for a while, about five minutes.

Landlord:Now scram, you filthy illegal immigrants

Audience member:Whoo! Look at the harp player!

Mel:It is manly

Murray:Well, it depends how you define 'hit.'

Bret:Did people like it?

Murray:No, I don't think it was that sort of hit

Murray:Unfortunately the play drew a lot of attention to your illegal immigrant status

Murray:Good shepherding today, guys!

Bret or Jemaine:Thanks, Murray!