Love Is A Weapon Of Choice

Jemaine:Do it now!

Jemaine:Oh, hello, Bret

Bret:I've got a cramp

Barbara:he can't have gone far.

Jemaine:On foot?

Jemaine:Terrible affliction.

Jemaine:tell me about that girl that's so serious

Bret:it's serious, I'm delirious

Bret:all I know, dawg, is that she's careless with her dog

The escalating 'then/there/when' exchange between Bret and Jemaine

Bret:no, about 23 seconds ago

Bret:Eugene, stop the track

Jemaine:Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Bret:No, I'm thinking what I'm thinking

Bret:Brahbrah

Jemaine:Barbara

Bret:brahbrah, brahbrah

Jemaine:Barbara, Barbara

'white chocolate skin' - poetic description of Barbara in song

Bret:she had her eye on my knee

Jemaine:she had her eye on my guns

Bret:she was checking out my buns

Jemaine:wait a minute, you talking about the girl with the lazy eye?

Bret:the girl that's fly with the wonky eye

Jemaine:she's smoking with an eye that's broken

Bret:I think it's hot the way she looks left a lot

Jemaine:So I grabbed them

Barbara:He's in a kitten costume. It was for a party.

Bret:Halloween?

Barbara:No, it was a kitten party.

Jemaine:They didn't allow dogs. You dressed your dog as a cat?

Barbara:Yeah, no dogs allowed, so it was the only way I could sneak him in.

Murray:great stage presence

Murray:no stage presence, unfortunately

Murray:Where were you?

Bret:I was at jazzercise.

Murray:Jazzercise?

Murray:Yeah, I paid for five and I got six classes.

Bret:And you've got to go to them?

Murray:forest' and Bret's 'I wish I was a tree' as 'quite similar

Bret:It's a song about... pepileptic dogs.

Jemaine:Epileptic dogs.

Murray:Mine's about dogs with epilepsy.

Murray:if you were to record a song that was anti-aids, you'd end up alienating all those people that are pro-aids

Bret:How many people do you know who are pro-aids?

Jemaine:No one's pro-aids.

Murray sending Greg to survey the office about AIDS opinions

Bret calling Barbara 'brahbrah' and her not correcting him

Barbara:No, it was for a gourd party

Barbara:He goes by the name of señor

Barbara:He seems smart too, with his glasses.

Bret:they make him look smart, but he's not smart. He wears those because he has weak vision.

Bret:He reminds me more of a bearded lady.

Jemaine:As an angel might say

Bret:He reminds me more of a bearded lady

Jemaine:But I'm also organizing a benefit to try and raise some money for these poor prophylactic dogs.

Bret:Epileptic.

Jemaine:Epileptic.

Dave:Two chicks into the same dude?

Dave:Two guys into the same girl?

Dave:Well, let's just say derek's no longer with us.

Dave:He moved to arizona.

Jemaine:Seems like an odd time for jazzercise

Mel:Mel's fantasy about Bret and Jemaine having a baby together

Mel:Mel's fantasy about 'what a child of you and Jemaine might look like'

Jemaine:I'm developing a vaccine for pepileptic dogs

Jemaine:I'm developing a vaccine for pepileptic dogs.

Jemaine:I take it every 30 minutes.

Jemaine:But I think that's because of the vaccine

Murray · Bret · Jemaine:Murray is developing a vaccine for 'pepileptic dogs' — 'I'm sorry, are you a vet or a doctor?' 'No, not really.' 'But I guess I'm quite intelligent.'

Jemaine:Sometimes I grow a beard and sometimes I glue one on when pressed for time

Murray:What, with your feet? I can't see one.

Bret:The challenge to a duel over Barbara

Dog Owner:That's my dog.

Barbara:I think you're mistaken.

Dog Owner:See there on the tag? It says mocha.

The dog Charlie being revealed as a different dog named Mocha

send a check in the letter to make a setter feel better

The strobe lights gave all of the dogs seizures

Bret:I thought they were dancing

Barbara:I thought you guys were gay.

Barbara:I'm sorry, I thought you guys were gay

Mel:Mel's family portrait showing Bret and Jemaine as a couple with a baby

Barbara:my name is brahbrah. B-r-a-h-b-r-a-h.

Jemaine:Told you it was brahbrah.

Six years' - how long Charlie has been missing

Dave · Barbara:Dave's vaccine now has toffee in it — 'I've got a new batch of the vaccine. It's got toffee in it.' / 'That doesn't sound very medical.'

Barbara · Bret · Jemaine · Dog Owner:The dog Barbara found is not Charlie — it's 'Mocha', someone else's dog — 'Maybe that isn't Charlie. He's a different color.'

Bret · Jemaine · Barbara:Bret and Jemaine competing to comfort Barbara — 'Bret, get out.' / 'Sorry, Jemaine's got his creepy hand on your shoulder.' / 'Thanks. Bret, you're crowding her.'

Bret · Murray · Jemaine:Benefit concert speech: Bret: 'It's great to be here. I'd like to dedicate this song to all the dogs with pepilepsy.' Murray: 'Bret, your speech is boring.' Then Jemaine: 'I love dogs with epilepsy.'

Bret · Jemaine:'Bret, get out.' / 'Sorry, Jemaine's got his creepy hand on your shoulder.' / 'Bret, you're crowding her.'

Bret · Jemaine:The epileptic dogs charity song — 'Think About the Epileptic Dogs' — performed at the benefit, including '¶ somewhere there's a golden retriever / who's having a seizure ¶' and '¶ send a check in the letter / to make a setter feel better ¶' and '¶ come on make a donation / and save a shaky dalmatian ¶'

Murray:Murray's verdict: 'It was good, wasn't it? Yeah, it was different.'

Barbara · Bret · Jemaine · Murray:Post-concert disaster: 'The strobe lights gave all of the dogs seizures.' 'Not all of them.' 'Well, the epileptic ones.' 'Yeah, all of those ones.' Bret: 'I thought they were dancing.'

Bret · Jemaine · Barbara:'Even the golden doodle?' 'Yes.' 'The shih-tzu was dancing.' 'No, he passed away.' 'Dogs can't dance, Bret.'

Murray:Murray's reveal: 'You see, my two lads here both seem to fancy you.' — exposing both men's feelings to Barbara; then 'On the other hand, if you like me, that's a different story.'

Barbara · Bret · Jemaine:Barbara reveals she thought Bret and Jemaine were gay — 'I'm sorry, I thought you guys were gay.'

Mel · Bret · Jemaine:Mel arrives with a 'mock-up family portrait' of Bret, Jemaine, and their hypothetical baby — 'coming out of you guys'

Bret:Bret: 'Kind of cute.' — about the portrait of him giving birth to Jemaine's baby

Barbara · Bret · Jemaine:Barbara: 'Truthfully, I'm interested in Bret if he's straight.' — looking at Jemaine. Jemaine: 'Yeah, this one.' pointing to Bret

Jemaine · Barbara:'Could Jemaine come?' / 'Maybe another time.' / 'But, Barbara, I thought...' / 'My name is brahbrah.'

Bret · Brahbrah:Brahbrah asks 'So, brahbrah, how long has Charlie been gone?' — Brahbrah: 'Six years.'