Todd

Murray · Todd · Bret · Jemaine:Murray loops back to item one after being challenged, announces 'Item one: Todd. Yeah, he's the new band member.' Todd says 'Hi.' Murray immediately pivots: 'Right. Item two...'

Todd · Murray · Bret · Jemaine:Todd plays a bongo solo that stops everyone in their tracks — the 'Whoa!' reaction and subsequent awed discussion of the bongo performance.

Todd · Murray:Todd: 'I'll just tell you straight up that all I'm really interested in is kicking some grooves, banging some tunes, I don't know, just basically getting it on.' Murray writes down 'Getting down.'

Murray · Todd:After Todd plays, Murray says: 'But, um, not every song should end with a bongo solo.' Todd: 'Sure, no problem.'

Todd · Bret · Jemaine:Todd suggests a song where Bret and Jemaine put their guitars down and bark like dogs ('Arf, arf!') while he plays bongos.

Jemaine · Todd · Bret:Jemaine: 'I dance when I'm angry.' / Todd: 'When you're angry? Who dances when they're angry?' / Jemaine: 'I guess that's about it.'

Todd · Mel · Murray:Todd introduces himself to Mel as 'the third Conchord,' then flirts aggressively. Murray told him about Mel but 'neglected to tell me what a hottie you are.'

Todd · Bret · Jemaine:Todd: 'Looks like the race is on. Gentlemen, start your engines. Vroom!' / Bret and Jemaine awkwardly attempt 'Vroom!' back.

Mel · Todd:Mel: 'What do you play, Todd?' / Todd: 'I'll give you a clue.' / Mel: 'The bongos.' (immediately, before he gives any clue)

Mel · Todd:Mel on bongos: 'Oh! Rhythmic.' / Todd: 'Yeah, tribal.' / Mel: 'Powerful.' / Todd: 'Very physical, if you know what I mean.' / Mel: 'Oh, I know what you mean, Todd.'

Todd · Jemaine:Todd: 'So what's she like? She's a maniac. In the sack? Really?' / Jemaine: 'No. What?'

Todd · Jemaine:Todd: 'Oh, I thought you had a threesome with her.' / Jemaine: 'No, she's just a fan. Never had a threesome with her.'

Todd:Todd: 'Well, if you two homo sapiens aren't gonna make the move, guess what? I'm gonna.' / 'Who cares? I'm a bongo player in a band. She's hot to trot.'

Todd:Well, if you two homo sapiens aren't gonna make the move, guess what? I'm gonna. I'm definitely gonna do it with her.

Jemaine · Todd:Oh no, she's married. / Who cares? I'm a bongo player in a band.

Todd · Bret · Jemaine:Todd's repeated 'Am I right? Am I right? / Possibly. / Possibly? I'm right.'

Todd:Todd objects to the band name being too long. 'What is it? Flight of the Con...Con...Conchords...blah blah blah.'

Todd · Murray:Todd unveils the new band name: 'The Crazy Dogggz. Three Gs and a Z.' / Murray: 'I like it. You guys are crazy, you're like dogs.'

Todd:You have the too long part right, but it's not my solo. It's the band name. What is it? Flight of the Con... Con... Conchords... Blah blah blah. Too long, too boring.

Jemaine · Todd:Jemaine in band practice: 'Todd, how about you get down on all fours and wag your tail like you just can't fail and I'll just play bass, huh?'

Todd · Bret:Todd stops practice: 'Bret, what are you doing?' / Bret: 'I'm not Gloria Estefan, all right?'

Todd · Jemaine:Jemaine: 'Todd, I don't like this kind of music.' / Todd: 'It's not about the music. You know what it's about? [sings] The pussy!'

Bret · Todd · Jemaine:Bret offers to carry Todd's bongos and then Jemaine's guitar as a roadie. 'No one's touching my bongos. You know that.' / Jemaine: 'Well, I don't really need you to, Bret.'

Todd · Jemaine:Am I right? / Yeah, obviously you're right, yeah. / So why do you care about the music?

Jemaine · Todd:Jemaine: 'It's not ready.' / Todd: 'It's totally ready.' / Jemaine: 'It's not ready, Todd.' [cut] Todd: 'All right, you're right. Let's get it perfect.' / Jemaine: 'Yeah, let's get it perfect and then we'll maybe do it another time.' / Todd: 'Yeah, am I right?' / Jemaine: 'Yes.'

Bret · Jemaine · Todd:Bret calls his competing band 'Original Flight of the Conchords.' / Jemaine: 'You can't call it that.' / Bret: 'It's not. It's called the Original Flight of the Conchords. You guys can be called Flight of the Condors, or whatever.'

Todd · Murray:Todd: 'We're gonna be the Crazy Dogggz.' / Murray: 'Shut up, Todd.' / Todd: 'Don't tell me to shut up in front of people.'

Todd · Demetri:Demetri is playing keytar in the background during the argument. Todd: 'What do you play, the leather jacket?' / Demetri: 'I play the bongos, man.'

Murray · Jemaine · Todd:Murray: 'Actually, Jemaine, what about that song of Todd's? You could do the one about the dogs. "The Doggy Bounce."' / Jemaine: 'Bring that one in. I like that one.' [Todd]: 'Arf arf.' / Jemaine: 'Yeah, it's not ready though.'

Jemaine · Todd · Murray · Bret:Jemaine and Todd argue: 'It's been ready! It's been ready!' — Murray: 'Come on, listen. Look, shake hands.' / 'He's squeezing my hand a little bit.' / Todd: 'Are you? Just my regular handshake.' / Bret: 'There's no squeeze there. What a wuss.'

Bret · Murray · Todd:He's squeezing my hand a little bit. / Are you? / Just my regular handshake. / There's no squeeze there. What a wuss.

Todd · Demetri:'Doggy dos and doggy don'ts / Doggy wills and doggy won'ts / Arf arf, do the doggy bounce' — sustained lyric section