Councilman Dexhart

Leslie · Dexhart:I don't want you to apologize. I want to know who told you. / Nobody told me nothing!

Dexhart · Leslie:Was it the babysitter? Was it the nurse who delivered our love child? / I got the babysitter pregnant, then when she was in the delivery room, I had sex with not one, but four nurses in a supply closet, as well as a woman whose husband was getting a liver transplant.

Dexhart:Now, which one of them told you? Was it the liver lady?

Dexhart:Okay. Well, in that case, everything I just told you was just a funny prank.

Dexhart · Leslie:To be honest, being linked to Leslie is a lot less damning than the real story. / You're like a glass of whole milk. / What are you, Lutheran? I love Lutherans.

Dexhart:Dexhart: 'To be honest, being linked to Leslie is a lot less damning than the real story. You're like a glass of whole milk. What are you, Lutheran? I love Lutherans.'

Dexhart:Listen, I gotta go. I'm expected at two different maternity wards.

Dexhart:People already think we did it. You've got nothing to lose. I'm very good.

Joan Callamezzo · Dexhart · Leslie:You know what? That's a really good idea. Let's bring him out! / Councilman, come on out! / Hi, sweetie.

Leslie · Dexhart:Joan, this whole Pawnee Sun story is 'gotcha journalism' at its worst. / Honey, let's just keep our private life in the bedroom where it belongs. / We do not have a private life! Stop saying that we have a private life!

Dexhart · Leslie:She has a mole on her right buttock. / What? That is a total lie. You've never seen my butt. What are you talking about? / He has never seen my butt.

Dexhart:I really didn't think that Miss Knope would pull down her pants on TV, but since she did, I will admit that the rumors of our affair are indeed false.

Leslie · Dexhart:Thank you. / However, I have no plans to resign.

Dexhart:I thought you did great. When you get all feisty like that, it gets my heart racing. Like I'm on a Stairmaster, except more, like, in a sexual... Context.

Dexhart:Councilman Dexhart's press conference: 'I totally did all of it.'

Dexhart:Dexhart: 'I also engaged in inappropriate texting, sexting, and tex-mexting, which is where you send photos of your junk from the restroom of a Chili's To Go.'

Dexhart:Dexhart: 'Does this make me a bad boy? You tell me. No. Really. Tell me. It gets me off when women tell me that.' — and he's reading this from notes

Dexhart:Dexhart's pseudonyms: 'Enrique Shockwave, Willie Dynamite, Lee Harvey Teabag, Lieutenant Wilhelm Von Penis'

Ben · Dexhart:Ben interrupts the list with 'Well, at least you won't have to deal with that guy anymore' — as Dexhart continues reading 'Lieutenant Wilhelm Von Penis'