Raul

Raul · Tom:Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro de Veloso de Maldonado introduces himself with an absurdly long name, then 'I'm Tom.'

Raul:Antonio Rivera-Fonseca, minister of small fountains, and Elvis Correja, administrator of hedges.

Raul:Pay no attention to him. He's our intern, Johnny. He is worthless.

Raul:Could you have your servant collect our bags, please?

Raul:Do we just... select the woman we desire?

Raul:I will take the large black one.

Raul:Do you have some kind of a book with photos of the women available? If not, I will also take the sexy black one.

Raul · Leslie:What kind of birds do you eat? / Chickens. / Us too. Amazing.

Leslie · Raul:Water. / I'm sorry, Agua. / In our country, government officials drink only bottled water. / That water's very safe to drink. / No. Bottled.

Raul · Tom:For your troubles. [Raul gives Tom a small tip after ordering him to get water]

Raul:A gold-plated replica of a gun Hugo Chavez used in the 1992 socialist revolution. It is a gift. This gun truly symbolizes the blossoming peace between our two nations.

Raul:Yes, and we too are pleased to be here in your dirty alleyway.

Raul:We thank you for the container of sap and the bag of garbage.

Raul:We are also sister cities with Kaesong, North Korea. Their town is far nicer.

Raul:Antonio said to me, 'Can we turn this car around and say we're sick or something, or that we lost our way?' Of course that would be rude to you.

Raul:This city was planned? On the drive in, I saw a tattoo parlor next to a school next to a Taco Bell. It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent.

Raul:You have a quick wit. I've changed my mind. I will have you for the evening.

Tom · Raul:The banana you wanted, señor. / Finally. / You peel. / What? / With your hands, you peel the banana.

Raul · Leslie:I would like to see where the children are fed the sweeteners. Our restaurant?

Raul:American children are fattened more efficiently than any other children in the world. They're like little basketballs. Little porkers.

Raul:Venezuela is blessed with massive oil reserves. Massive, I mean, tremendous, like you would not believe. The state sells the oil, keeps all the money, and we build whatever we want.

Raul:I feel that my English was very clear. Shall I repeat? Venezuela... Venezuela, my country... has a lot of oil. Oil is food for cars.

Leslie · Raul:Well, the motel we're putting you up in is really nice. You can watch TBS. Do you have TBS in Venezuela? / I have everything in Venezuela. I have four satellite dishes on my estate. We get 14,000 channels.

Raul · Tom:14,000. I already know who wins Project Runway. / I'm coming over to your house, then.

Raul:I see what you're getting at. I am still primarily interested in the large black woman.

Raul · Leslie:This is an embarrassment to America. / I'm sorry? / You are right to want to correct this.

Leslie · Raul:This is already a park. And it's one of our best-loved parks. / Why are the trees so small? / They're not that small. Besides, size doesn't matter. / Yes, it does. Our trees are huge. We build tunnels through them.

Raul:The park in my hometown, the Parque del Este, we have a monorail, and we have an aquarium. And the Jaripa amphitheatre is huge. Lady Gaga played there last week.

Tom · Raul · Antonio · Elvis:Elvis. / Henry! / Raul... butterfinger. / Antonio, Nestlé Crunch with the crispy rice removed.

Leslie · Raul:Well, the location rotates. Sometimes we have them on the volleyball courts. / Where do you hold yours? / Well, now that you asked, we usually rotate as well between different fortresses and citadels and palaces.

Raul:Where are the armed men who come in to take the protestors away? Where? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Boraqua. You shout like that, they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing.

Raul:Journalists... We have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing... Right to jail. You're playing music too loud... Right to jail. Right away. You're driving too fast? Jail. Slow? Jail. You're charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses, you right to jail. You undercook fish... Believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken... Also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with a dentist and you don't show up... Jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world... Because of jail.

Raul:This meeting of ugly people yelling... it is like torture.

Raul:In Boraqua, the government moves like a hot knife through butter. I'm supposed to sit here and listen to people, these fat faces turning all red. You kidding me? We're like kings. We walk down the street, and they treat us like rock stars. We answer to nobody.

Raul · Leslie:No wonder nothing ever gets done here. / Nothing gets done? Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge or American Idol or the moon. Oh, wait. You can't 'cause you've never been.

Raul:Look, this is not personal. We just think that you are weak, and your city is disgusting.

Raul · Leslie:Do not disrespect Chavez. / Stupid Chavez. / I told you not to disrespect him. / I did. / That's twice. / I don't like Chavez. / You do, and do not disrespect him. / No, I don't. / Yes, you do. / No, I don't, Raul.

Leslie · Raul:Great. / Good, shut up. / We're shutting up, yeah. Here we go. / Those are our pens. / Great. We don't even need them. / Great. Then don't take them. / We didn't.

Ann · Raul · Other Venezuelans:Can I get anyone anything to drink before we start... Coffee, brandy? / I'd love some coffee. / Anything? / Some nuts. / I'll have some nuts. / Gummi bears. / Sure. / Apple crisps. / Granola bars. / I'll take those. / Nothing? Sure? OK, I'll be right there if you need me.

Raul:Our colleagues from Caracas are visiting their sister city of Miami. They've been partying with Dwayne Wade. They sent us all these photos and Quicktime files... I mean, you have to see this place Miami, just gorgeous... So much culture and history, and the cars... People take care of their cars there... So spicy and wonderful... But Pawnee is really good as well.

Raul · Leslie:OK, you can show it to the camera, and say how much it is and what it is for. / Okay, this is a check for $35,000, and it is to build a park. / How generous. / Yes, it's really generous. / Now say, 'Viva Venezuela.' / Viva Venezuela. / Viva Chavez. / Thank you, Venezuela. / Viva Chavez... Say it.

Leslie · April · Raul:What is he saying? / They are very happy. They say Hugo Chavez will love this video, because it is another success for their committee.

Raul:We just had an idea. Why don't you call your park after Chavez? You call it, 'Hugo Chavez Park'. You can have a nice big fountain of his head so that when the water is coming out, he's spitting at you all the time. You should write this down.

Leslie · Mayor Gunderson · Raul:Viva America. / Viva Pawnee. / Viva mayor Walter Gunderson. / You have offended us.