The Stock Tip

Opening observational bit about restaurant check timing

More drinks! Appetizers! Quickly, quickly. It will be the greatest meal of our lives.

Then after the meal, you know, you got the pants open... you got the napkins destroyed... cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes.

What is this? How could this be? Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?

Superman probably has a very good sense of humour... I never heard him say anything funny.

But he ain't funny.

I dropped a grape... and it disappeared... I was literally on my knees for 10 minutes looking for this stupid grape.

Were you crying? I mean, it's just a grape.

Of course, my apartment is The Actors' Studio, so we can't go there.

You're gonna be with her 72 hours, that's a dating decathlon.

There was once a mutant grape that terrorized an entire town in the Texas panhandle. They brought in the Army. Nobody could stop it. Apparently, it had a pit of steel.

Televising opera? Some sort of electronic thingy.

Oh, the dolphin thing? They're dying in the nets.

Hey, when I'm driving, I let people in ahead of me all the time. I'm always waving everybody in. 'Go ahead. Go ahead.'

I'll have the tuna.

I gave the guy the half-turn. Then I gave him the full turn with the eye roll. Beyond that, I'm risking a punch in the mouth.

No puffs. Just flakes.

Extra toothbrushes, increased phone call frequency... walking around naked.

Marlin in Vermont? Big fighting marlin.

I know, but this is a different paper. I thought maybe they have different... sources.

There's one thing I don't understand. Why does it please you?

You could have invested in my roll-out tie dispenser. You're in a restaurant. You got a very big meeting coming up. 'Oh, man!' You got mustard on your tie. You just... tear it off and... you got a new one right here. Then, you're gone.

You're gone, all right.

You mind if they use your bed? Because they're good people, Jerry. You know, they're anarchists. They're... They're huge.

'How you feeling, Mr. Wilkenson? By the way, what's happening with Centrax?'

It's a hand puppet. What am I gonna do with this?

What do you think, this is a little scam I have? I take this tiny shirt all over the city... conning dry cleaners out of money?

I shrunk it.

They're cleaning our clothes... but they're not getting anything wet. It's all dry. There's no such thing as dry-cleaning.

I don't think that's what they're doing, have 80 guys going: 'Come on. Hurry up. There's a lot of shirts today.'

My uncle Pete showers four times a day... and he can't count to 10, so don't give me hygiene.

What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats? Well, it couldn't be too expensive. Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat?

What do you think, Jerry, you wanna make 28 bucks? I'm no cat killer.

How about we go over there right now... and we shave them?

Yeah, he's nuts. You wanna bump off a couple of cats.

Stranger leering through a pair of binoculars 10 floors up.

Perhaps they had some sort of a falling out.

I don't know what he's got, but for a sick guy, he's very strong.

Oh, God, get me out of here. What a mistake. What made me think this would work? And I've still got another day. I've got nothing left to say.

That's a nice watch. Yeah. Do you wind it? No. It's got a little battery. Well, that's good.

Maybe I can get an extension cord and hang myself.

Six points? It's up six points... I just got fluctuated out of $4000.

That's probably why we're staying here... because you lost money on the stock.

I don't know, $8000. It's a Hyundai. Get out of here.

You don't recover that quickly from a nose job.

I gotta say, that's pretty bad, losing out to a cat. Almost as bad as losing out to a perfume.

Too bad you can't get your buddy Superman... to fly around the Earth at super speed... and reverse time.

The Tramco Corporation... They're about to introduce some sort... of a robot butcher.

People always say, 'You should have your money working for you.' I've decided I'll do the work... I'm gonna let the money relax. Because you send your money out there... working for you, a lot of times it gets fired. 'Yeah, I remember your money. Showing up late, taking time off. We had to let him go.'