The Subway

Opening monologue about the helpless kid stuck in bumper cars needing attendant help

The helpless father-and-son bumper car team who can't organize

Overly complicated subway directions to Coney Island

Don't whistle on the elevator - that's what Willy Loman told Biff in Death of a Salesman

How do they work the bride and groom on that? Do they flip a coin?

I feel when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking: 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'

List of Kramer's driving violations including 'no doors'

Not only did they find it, it was simonized, and the front end was aligned

Who are you, Satan? I'm close to a job here. It's my second interview.

All right, Biff.

You looking for a job?

Which market? The... The big one. The big market with the big board. Bull market, bear market. You name the market, I'm there.

Big brokerage houses killed my father. Well, they hurt him bad. Really hurt his feelings.

No, I mean, what does 'ironic' mean?

There is no 'he.' ... It's a lesbian wedding.

I'm the best man.

My luck. I don't talk to a soul on the subway for 35 years, I get the best man at a lesbian wedding.

I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.

Hey, what's another million, give or take? I get off when and where I wanna get off.

His father was a mudder. His mother was a mudder. His mother was a mudder? What did I say?

You realize, of course, you're naked.

Naked, dressed, I don't see any difference.

George's extended panic monologue about being trapped on the subway

George's internal monologue about 'make yourself comfortable'

Extended Mets analysis between Kramer and naked man

If they win it this year, I'll sit naked with you at the World Series.

Elaine's banana counting to pass time

My mother used to walk around our apartment in her bra and panties. She didn't look anything like you. She was really disgusting, really bad body... if you can imagine an uglier, fatter version of Shirley Booth.

Hey, your mother's uglier than Hazel. Hazel really puts your mother to shame.

Eight dollars? What are you doing, robbing me? I wasted my whole morning on you for $8?

You can't just leave me here. Will I see you again?

Kramer's horse racing victory celebration

Hey, hey! Give me the money. Freeze! Police!

Hare Krishna! Hare Krishna! How'd you like a Hare Krishna fist down your throat, you little punk?

Biff.

I'm sitting on the D train for an hour and 15 minutes to go on a scary ride. You know that first sharp drop on the Cyclone? Fell asleep.