Gareth

Gareth · David:why am i getting fired? You're not getting fired. It's redundancy.

David · Gareth:Anton's not disabled. - He's a midget. Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget. That's just small.

Gareth:Children don't work in warehouses.

David · Gareth:A dwarf has disproportionately short arms and legs. Oh, i know the ones. It's caused by a hormone deficiency. Yeah. Bloody hormones.

Gareth · David:So what's an elf? Do you want to answer that?

Gareth · David:'It's been imposed upon me!' Yeah. What do you want me to say, i'm sorry? Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.

Gareth · David:So is a pixie the same as an elf? Hold on, gareth. I just want to know how he knows so much about midgets.

Gareth:It's called an education.

Gareth · David:So what's a goblin? How long will you be?

David · Gareth:I'm thinking of other weird-looking bald people. That one on benny hill? Oh, yeah.

Tim · Gareth:Could you not do that here, mate? Not do that here? I've got to do it, mate. Really. No chance you could throw it in the bin?

Gareth:Yeah, and i'll take them round to rival companies and hand them out.

Tim · Gareth:Gareth, can you keep it down a bit? Hmm? Can you stop it? Yeah. I'll just do it like this.

David · Gareth:No. I'll be getting a proper assistant - a p.a. A lady? Hopefully, yeah. Not 'cause of that, just...

Gareth · David:Territorial? No. Regular? Yeah. What rank? Sergeant, i think. What are you? Lieutenant, sir.

David · Gareth:The dog was called nigger. Don't keep saying it.

David · Gareth:Take anything you want. To keep? Yup. I'll have the guitar. Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something i can re-order.

Tim · Gareth:that's the most profound thing you've ever said. You do that and foreigners, women or the disabled take advantage of it. Can i withdraw my last comment?

Gareth:You think you're so... just 'cause you got a bit of donna, and i played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds. You sneaked in. I'd have got a bit if i'd known it was up for grabs.

Gareth:I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep. Anyway, i don't do sloppy seconds.

Gareth · other character:- That's your... that's an earring. - Whatever. Get over it.

Gareth · other character:- It's bleeding. - Really stings. - Is it an old one that...? - Yeah. I had to push really hard. - They heal over. - It had healed over. So i opened a sore...

Gareth · other character:- what are you looking at? - Nothing.

Gareth:I can't believe a bird fancies you over me. He's a weird little bloke. Look at his hair. He looks like a fisher price man. His rubbish clothes.

Gareth:There must be something wrong with you, but i'd still do you, so i'm confused.

Gareth:Hand job? Don't answer. Think about it.

Gareth:I went down there when it opened. I did a couple of laps, pulled over. The owner said, "no professionals." I said, "i'm not a professional." He said, "you're not a professional? You should be. Take up formula one. You'll be the best in the country." I said, "i'm not interested. I'm making shitloads in computers."

Gareth:I was doing it once, bombing it round and some idiot had left a ramp thing out. People were going, "if that guy hits that ramp at that speed, he's definitely dead." I hit the ramp, turned over in the air. They were going, "he's definitely dead." Landed on my wheels and pulled over.

Gareth:Those cats were fast as lightning.

Tim · Gareth:- You said you saw him fight norris in "enter the dragon". He fights bob wall in both, but norris is only in "way of the dragon." - So he's fighting norris... - in what? - "Way of the dragon." - Correct.

Gareth:It's in a book. He faked his own death to work undercover for the hong kong police infiltrating the triads.

Lee · Gareth:He's done well there. - What do you mean? - She's tasty. She's nice. - You don't know her. - She's very attractive. She's not very attractive.

David · Gareth:- Say your name. - Leroy. - Who's leroy? - The coloured fellow off "fame". - Use your own name. - Gareth.

Gareth · David:- People are laughing at your heels. - I'm not going to wear those shoes! - And the earring? - They're having a go at that? What else?

Gareth · David:- They've given you a nickname. - The swindon lot? - Everyone's using it. - What is it? - I don't really... - what is it? - Bluto. - The villain from popeye? - 'Cause of the beard? - Because he's... - what's that?