Marky Bark

Ma Bark · Marky · Lindsay:And tell your girlfriend DeBrie to shovel that ostrich crap! / It's not DeBrie, Ma Bark. It's Lindsay. I just cut off my hair. / I know who you are. Now start shoveling!

Marky · Lindsay · Narrator:There's another dead iguana. / What does this mean? / Probably those bastards next door. [The bastards next door were actually a gathered group of CEOs attending a mid-summer sweat and squeeze.]

Marky · Lindsay:They just want to separate the whites from the browns. / You really are color-blind. / Face-blind.

Marky:Fortunately, I can see color. That's how I can tell the browns are the Mexicans.

Marky · Narrator:I thought I scared those bastards off by scaring their leader. / The strong will become the weak. / But I think I overdid it first on the maca, because I ended up seeing two of him.

Marky:That lizard bastard bit me! / Who keeps numbing these desert animals?

Marky:No, no, we'll kill it later.

Marky · Lindsay:Ugh. Smells weird in here. What is that? / I think it's just... not urine.

Marky:And it might be nice to live like normal people for a change. [beat] Let's put some newspaper on these windows.

Lindsay · Marky:You're looking at Lindsay. / Still Lindsay. / Oh. Hey, Linds.

Marky · Lindsay:How was beg? / Beg was good. I found sometres leches cake.

Marky · Lindsay:No, I meant what we're gonna do to this guy — Herbert Love. / Oh.

Marky:Oh, he's about to be harassed, all right. I'm gonna spray the bastards with ink and glitter. It'll be in their ears for weeks.

Marky · Lindsay:Did you take the silver glitter? / Nope. I mean, I'd say check the junk drawer, but I can't differentiate anymore.

Marky · Lindsay:Marky's elaborate podium-hiding bomb plan, culminating in 'Blue in the face, yeah. That's better than what I had, actually. I was gonna say they'd be covered in ink and glitter.'

Lindsay · Marky:Or we can support Lucille 2, who he's running against. She's right across the hall. / No, no! She's part of the problem. Wait, you haven't been going over there, by the way? No one can know we're here. / Of course not. Does it look like I'm lying?

Marky:That's a face? / Everything I do is wrong.

Lindsay · Marky:I'm really, really pretty. / I'm the straightest guy you know! / Why does every man feel like they have to say that to me?

Marky:Quiet! Cindy's in heat. You know how much she hates it when we argue.

Lindsay · Marky · Narrator:Lindsay lost track of the time like Cinderella... and had forgotten to release Marky from the podium, and that's when she was struck with an eerie sense of déjà vu. / [Marky bursts from podium covered in blue] Oh, God, he blued himself.

Marky:So it turns out the glitter was shrapnel grade. They're upping my charges from prank bomb to non-Arab terrorism.

Lindsay · Marky · Narrator:Why didn't you just come out? / I couldn't do it; someone locked me in. / In fact, it was Gob, thinking he was trapping the magician Tony Wonder into one of his illusions.

Marky · Prison Inmate:Jail's a lot like Swappigans, except there's only one thing to swap. It's scary. / Anus tart. Yep, that's me.

Marky · Lindsay:I did it. I beat the system. I got out my way. / I thought my brother asked Warden Gentles to get you out. / No, I mean from the Dumpster. You wouldn't believe the scallops they're throwing away here, but I got out of that Dumpster my way.

Marky · Lindsay:On the Cinco de Cuatro, Love's boat is going to... / Sink-o. / ...go into the... Yes, sink-o.

Tobias Fünke · Marky:Tobias? / Marky? / If you're not Lindsay, then where is Lindsay? / Isn't that her on the love boat? / But I just put a bomb on the love boat! / What?!