The Stake Out

Do you know what this is all about? Know why we're here? To be out. This is out. Out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life.

There are people trying to find us. They don't know where we are.

Then you stand around. What do you do? You go, 'We gotta be getting back.' Once you're out, you wanna get back.

See, to me, that button's in the worst possible spot. The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it. It's too high. It's in no man's land. You look like you live with your mother.

Senator, I'd like to know what you knew and when you knew it.

Are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator? It's missing. I have to do it in my head.

It's very challenging work.

No one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine.

Talking with her was like talking with you... but, you know, obviously much better.

Nothing happened, but it was great. Nothing happened, but it was... This is great.

You're a backup. You're a second line, a 'just in case'... a B plan, a contingency.

Oh, I get it. This is about the button.

What gave it away, George?

You're beautiful.

Don't worry. I gave him a little caffeine. He'll perk up.

You can't overdry. Why not? Same reason you can't overwet. You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you're dead. Right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again.

Laundry day is the only exciting day in the life of clothes. It is. No, think about it. The washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. You know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening... they're all kind of dancing around in there. A shirt grabs the underwear. 'Come on, babe. Let's go.'

Socks are the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives. They're with stinky feet... the boring drawers. The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it.

They do escape from the dryer. They plan it in the hamper... the night before. 'Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm going. You wait here.'

They get buttons sewn on their face, join a puppet show.

So they're showing me on television... the detergents getting out bloodstains. Is this a violent image to anybody? Bloodstains? Come on. You got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it... maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now.

Maybe you ought to get the harpoon out of your chest first.

Oh, what are you doing? Kessler, it's a tape. I taped the game. It's 1:00 in the morning. I avoided human contact all night to watch this.

Meat? I don't know. Go hunt.

You almost went to the game. You haven't left the building in 10 years.

You know that I was almost a lawyer? That close, huh? You better believe it.

If my father moved this, he'd have a cigarette... in his mouth the whole way. 'Have you got your end? Your end's got to come down first. Easy, now. Drop it down. Drop it down. Your end's gotta come down.'

I can't believe you're bringing in an extra bed... for a woman that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too.

What do you need, a flag? This is the signal, Jerry. This is the signal.

Because filth is good. What do you think, rock stars have sponges and ammonia... lying around the bathroom? You think they have a woman coming over, 'I gotta tidy up'?

What a world it would be if you could just ask a woman what she's thinking. You know, instead I'm like a detective. I gotta pick up clues. The whole thing's a murder investigation.

What if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders touch... the hips are eight feet apart? Brutal.

Hand sandwich? Right. It's open to interpretation. So much depends on the layering... the quality of the wetness in the eyes...

That was an interesting greeting. Notice that, George? Yes, the surprise blindfold greeting. That wasn't in the manual.

Bread, water... salad dressing?

I know this sounds touristy, but I'd love to go on one of those... five-hour boat rides around Manhattan.

Never get engaged.

You're engaged? You know, you really have no idea what it's like until you do it. I'm on this emotional roller coaster. You're engaged? You know, I can't believe it myself sometimes.

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I admit, I'm not getting the signals.

The car horn honk. Is that the beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car. The woman walks by the front of the car. He honks the... This man is out of ideas.

Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man... okay, we have a lot of areas to cover... but someone from our staff is on the scene.

We're here. We are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.