The Keys

I bought the Ginsu knife. I did buy the Ginsu knife.

And the lady went, 'Really?' I mean, even the Ginsu people have given up.

if you need a knife that can cut through a shoe... perhaps you're not buying the highest grade of meat available.

Maybe you ought to think about not getting the 'hoof cut' once in a while.

What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid?

Why is the door open?

Kramer, what are you doing here?! / Jerry, now calm down. It's okay.

I was watching Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo... and I wanted to get some popcorn... so I used the spare keys

It's not broken.

What does it look like? What?

Is that my towel? / Yes.

You ever pretend there's murderers chasing you... and see how fast you can get into your apartment?

I'm from Wichita.

Boy, that was close. Did you see the look on that guy's face?

You've lost your key privileges.

How was I to know it would be sold out? / That's the point. / What point?

Oh, great! Okay, all right. Fine, you go ahead. Take the keys. But you're gonna regret this.

Goochie.

I broke the covenant of the keys.

I was clinging to those keys, man... like a branch on the banks of a raging river... and now I have let go. And I'm free to go with the current... to float.

Should I give you my keys? Is that the transaction, trading keys?

Every time I went over to his house, it was like I was on vacation. Better food, better view, better TV. Cleaner. Oh, much cleaner.

I was living in twilight, George. Living in the shadows, living in the darkness... like you.

I can barely see you, George.

Do you ever yearn? / I yearn. / You yearn? / Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often I sit and yearn.

I craved. I crave all the time. Constant craving. But I haven't yearned.

What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.

Do you have a job? No. You got money? No. Do you have a woman? No. Do you have any prospects? No. You got anything on the horizon? No. Do you have any action at all? No.

Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?

I like to get the Daily News.

'These pretzels are making me thirsty'? That was one line. You got fired.

Up here, I'm already gone.

he wants my keys, so I need mine back from you. Because you have his keys? Why does he need yours? I don't know, he said he wants to be my key brother.

So if he has my keys, I should have his. I don't see why if you have his... he should have yours. I just said the same thing. What? What?

I gotta get some new friends.

Don't play coy with me, I'm not in the mood. Coy? I'm not being coy. Are you being coy? Yeah, coy. You're being coy.

Listen, Tiny... I wanna know where Kramer is, and I wanna know now!

So he packed a grip and he split for the coast. La-la land. L.A.

Oh, you didn't see it? Yeah, I saw it. I saw it. I saw it. Yep.

I don't know what you said, but it was something. I heard something.

She's drunk out of her mind.

There was a rock in the road. It couldn't have been more than a pebble. Never really saw it.

Broke every bone in my face. You know, when they found me... my eyes were hanging out of their sockets.

Yeah, they pronounced me dead at the scene. Was in a coma for.... Well, they told me about a year. Said I'd be a vegetable for life. Yeah, but I showed them.

Of course, since then, I always wear a helmet. Lean. Lean!

So technically, those are my keys. If you'd never taken your keys from Kramer... he never would have given his to me. In which case, I wouldn't have had to take mine back from her.

And then the evil ogre took back the magical keys... from the handsome young prince.

If that ogre dude pulled that crap on me... I'd stab him! I'd cut him in half! I'd gut him like a fish, man!

have you ever killed a man? What do you think? You think these hands have been soaking in Ivory Liquid, huh?

You're right. How did I miss that? Maybe because it's a crock of sh--

What do they look like? Like keys. They look like keys, George. They look exactly like keys. 'What do they look like?'

Jerry, unless I pull down on this statuette and a hidden wall opens up... we have checked every square inch of this apartment.

'Murphy Brown'? By Elaine Benes'? Elaine's writing a Murphy Brown?

You-- You weasels! How dare you! We hardly read anything. It was funny.

Oh, god, what an ass--

What did you say? I didn't say anything. I heard something. Elaine, Elaine, it's Kramer! Kramer's on Murphy Brown!

So I fly a lot. I was on a plane the other day and I was wondering... are there keys to the plane?

Maybe the pilot's up in the cockpit going: 'Oh, I don't believe this. Oh, my God... I did it again.'

'Ladies and gentlemen... we're gonna be delayed here a little while. I.... Oh, God, this is so embarrassing. I left the keys to the plane in my apartment.'

You see technicians, you think they're servicing it... but they're looking for the magnet Hide-A-Key under the wing. 'Maybe he left it up there somewhere.'