The Trip (2)

I think we just caught a break. All right. So that's one tuck and one no-tuck.

So that's when I said, 'Hey, Kramer, dude, you ever kill a man before?'

It seems to me that 'chalk outline guy' is one of the better jobs that you can get.

You know, it's not too dangerous. The criminals are long gone. That seems like a good one.

I guess they're people that wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw too well.

'Listen, Johnson, forget the sketches. Do you think if we left the body right there on the sidewalk you could manage to trace around it? Could you do that?'

How does that even help them solve the crime? They look at the thing. 'His arm was like that when he hit the pavement. That means the killer must have been Jim.'

We hope he's not the guy. - Couldn't be the guy.

God, I'm starved. I'm weak with hunger. How can you think of food at a time like this? A time like what? I'm hungry. My stomach doesn't know that Kramer's wanted.

The three-hour time difference threw me. I wanted a tuna fish sandwich. They wouldn't serve me one because they were only serving breakfast. You should've had some eggs. For lunch? Who eats eggs for lunch?

Have you ever heard of egg salad?

Why didn't you say something? I gotta tell you about egg salad?

Pay phone in L.A. Look, it's a miracle.

We need change. All I got is 20s. I have a 10. So break it. I hate asking for change. They make a face. It's like I'm asking them to donate a kidney.

So buy something. What? I don't know. Some mints or Tic Tacs. Breath problem? No. I just want some change. Tell me. Your breath is fine. It's delightful. It's delicious.

Why don't you just call 911? But is this an emergency? Of course it is. How is this an emergency? Your friend has been accused of being a serial killer. I think that qualifies.

Hello, 911? How are you? I'm sorry. Just a reflex.

What is my name? Who am I? I'm George Costanza. What's the matter? Are you crazy? What are you using my name for?

Your name is a good name. Costanza. Sounds like it stands for something. They'll believe us. Really? Sure. You think so? Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, where are we? Earth.

Hey, you know, I'm on the phone with the police. Some guy just gave me a wise answer.

Excuse me, what street are we on? I don't know. You don't know? I don't know. How could you not know what street you're on? You don't know.

He's gonna send a black and white to pick us up. Black and white? Cop car. Why didn't you just say that? I thought it sounded cool. Yeah, real cool. You're a cool guy.

Hi. How are you? Guys, listen, do either one of you have a mint, or a piece of gum, or something?

You guys ever shot anybody? No. No. Can I flip on the siren? Why are you bothering them? I'm just asking. All they have to do is say no.

You know what I've never understood? Why did they change the siren noise? When I was a kid, it was always: [mimicking old siren] You know, and now it's: [mimicking new siren]

Why'd they do that? Did they do some research? Did they find out 'woo-woo' is more effective than 'waa'?

Clean as a whistle. You could eat off that shotgun. What is that, a 12-gauge? Yeah. Twelve-gauge. Seems to be the most popular gauge.

Makes the 11-gauge look like a cap pistol.

There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there. What kind? Milano. Cops eating Milanos? What kind of crazy town is this?

I can't believe that cops still have to read that whole 'you have the right to remain silent' speech to every criminal they arrest.

Is there anybody that doesn't know that by now? Can't they go, 'You're under arrest. You ever seen a Baretta?' 'Yeah.' 'Good. Get in the car.'

What do you tip a chambermaid? I don't know. Five bucks a night. No. A dollar. Two, tops.

Hey, you guys aren't cuffed. What are you, narcs? Narcs. Imagine. Us, narcs.

No, no. No, actually, we're friends of a serial killer. Just trying to help him out. Really? Yeah. That's very nice. Thank you.

A dollar a night? Yeah. That's a good tip. That stinks. I read it in Ann Landers. Ann Landers sucks!

What? Me? Fabulous. Just fabulous. I got a lot of auditions, a lot of callbacks. I got a lot of interest in my movie treatment. You know, I'm in development. I'm developing vehicles.

Man, there's a lot of energy here, man. You know, the vibe, it's powerful. I'm just swept up in it. Yeah, I'm a player. You're a player? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm a player.

Hey, guess who I met today. Fred Savage. Oh, nice kid. A really good kid. You know, we're talking about doing a project together.

Do you know why you're here? What, this? I'll be out of here in a couple of hours.

Help me! Oh, God, help me! Get me out of here! George, Jerry, get me out! Get me...! I didn't kill anyone. I swear. I swear to God!

Don't you ever swear to my God, Kramer. My God protects the innocent and punishes evil scum like you.

Now, you might beat the gas chamber, Kramer. But as long as I've got a breath you will never see the light of day again.

Yeah, right. Maybe it was one of your other personalities. What? The wise guy, the little kid, the bellhop, the ballplayer? Maybe the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman, but not you.

You saw a life, brimming brightly with optimism and verve, and you just had to snuff it out.

Maybe the pervert in the park had a present in his pants, huh?

You're a weed. Society's filled with them. You're choking the life out of all the pretty flowers.

How'd you know about the guy in the park?

Yes, I'm free because the murderer struck again. Hey!

Do? Do? Hey, I'm doing what I do. You know, I've always done what I do. I'm doing what I do. The way I've always done it, and the way I'll always do it.

That L.A.'s a cold place even in the middle of summer. That it's a lonely place even when you're stuck in traffic on the freeway?

That I'm no better than the screenwriter driving a cab, the starlet turning tricks, the producer in a house he can't afford?

Well, I'm not saying that. You know, things are going pretty well for me here. I met a girl. Kramer, she was murdered.

Yeah, well, you know, I wasn't looking for a long-term relationship.

I was on TV. As a suspect in a serial killing. Okay, yeah, all right. You guys gotta put a negative spin on everything.

What do they put in this tuna? Tastes like a dill. I think it's a dill.

No, it's a tarragon. Oh, you're crazy.

You know, it's so nice when it happens good.

Think she gets to take any of those little bars of soap home? No, I don't. You'd think when they hand out the checks, they'd throw in a few soaps.

Yeah, maybe they should throw in a couple of lamps too.

I'll tell you, if I owned a company, my employees would love me. They'd have huge pictures of me on the walls and in their home. Like Lenin.

Oh, my God, I forgot. That's why communism didn't work.

No, no. I don't like this one. It's too yellow.

He is described as 5'5", bald, and reputedly a very generous tipper.

And they actually recommend that people stay indoors during the smog alert. Now, maybe I'm way off, but don't you think? Wouldn't you assume that the air in the house pretty much comes from the air in the city where the house is?

What do they think? We live in a jar with a couple of holes punched in the top?

'All right, kids, I want you in the house and get some fresh air. Summer vacation. Everybody indoors.'