The Handicap Spot

so it's conceivable that while she's getting lingerie... he'll be at a nude bar watching a dancer in the same outfit.

when you're single you're the dictator of your own life... When you're married you are part of a vast decision-making body.

You've been impeached. You weren't even the president.

really good-looking women... walk a lot faster than everybody else... They're a blur. It's like they got a motor on their ass.

It never ends, this present stuff. Engagement present. Then they get married. You gotta get them something. Then a baby. Another present.

Don't like the Drake? - Hate the Drake. - I love the Drake. - How could you not like the Drake? - Who's the Drake?

Elaine, look. I drew this triangle freehand. It's a doodle. It's perfect.

I'm lukewarm about the Drakette.

If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.

Once he gets it, he doesn't go out for weeks.

Have you ever seen a handicapped person pull into a space and park?... No, they don't. If they could drive, they wouldn't be handicapped.

It's the same thing with the feminists. They want everything to be equal. Everything. But when the check comes, where are they?

You got a veggieburger, so I got one. It's like eating a loaf of crumbs.

Some jerk parked in the handicapped spot... so this woman in a wheelchair had to wheel up this incline. Halfway up, her batteries gave out, and she rolled backwards into the wall.

It's not like we stuck a broomstick in her spokes and she went flying.

Must have been a rich, spoiled handicapped person... who didn't want to do any work. Just wanted to sit in her wheelchair and take it easy.

Eight years I had that car, not a scratch on it. Eight years.

They had swastikas all over it. They were hurling racial epithets at us.

The important thing is he didn't get hurt. - No, it isn't.

Jerry's car gets hit and the other driver doesn't have any insurance... so the judge sentences him to be Jerry's butler.

Mahjongg.

I'm glad they're happy, but frankly it doesn't do anything for me.

I'm in love.

She's got everything I've always wanted in another human being. Except for the walking.

What's the difference. You don't go out that much.

we're gonna look out the window, see her crawling along Fifth Avenue. Is that what you want?

Wheelchairs. Engagement presents. It never ends!

This is like you're almost glad to be handicapped.

I put Stephen Hawking in one of these two months ago, he's loving it.

We just broke up.

Hell of a picture on this thing. - Crystal clear.

It was owned by some lady... who only used it to go to the kitchen to feed her cats.

Oh, yeah.

when I see someone enjoying themselves like that... it reminds me of why I got into this business in the first place.

Don't worry, they'll make friends fast with that nice TV.

Once there's no theirs, there's no hers. It should be ours.

I told you the Drake was bad. I hate the Drake!

Calling people I hardly know... and demanding they return expensive gifts? That's my thing?

I could see that.

She gave it to charity. - Charity? That's appalling. How could anybody be so selfish and inconsiderate.

You mean a blessing in disguise?

And that's a lot of wheelchairs.

Parking in a handicap spot.

I agreed to become his butler.

She rolled right over me.

Said I was a hipster doofus. Am I a hipster doofus?

You're very attractive.

Went right down a hill?

Somebody gave her a used wheelchair with defective brakes. Sons of bitches!

The handicapped parking spot is the mirage of the parking desert.

They must have to just stack, like, a hundred cars into those two spots. How else are they gonna do it?