Will Goes A Courtin

Phil:God knows I wouldn't do it.

Phil:I just don't think that black is the right color for this kind of heat.

Hilary:Oh, don't worry, Daddy, this dress is surprisingly cool. It's like I'm wearing practically nothing.

Phil:She's not my daughter.

Will:Yeah, man, it's so hot out there the Uh-Huh Girls just went: [implied gesture/sound]

Phil:You know, that girl has got the mind of Willard Scott.

Will:Hey. Come to think of it, you got his body. Y'all should team up.

Phil:Sorry, Uncle Phil has left the building. You're now talking to landlord Banks

Will:I'm sorry, was I talking out loud?

Carlton:Oh, don't worry about it, it's a double negative.

Carlton:Dad, this is an outrage! Three dollars for orange juice?

Phil:Oh, and I've taken the liberty of adding a 15-percent gratuity.

Will:Carlton. Of course you know this means war!

Carlton:It certainly does. And we're gonna win, right, Dad?

Will:Girl, I got to tell you, that suit look like a piece of 'good God' wrapped up in some 'have mercy' with a side of: [gesture]

Will:Come on, let's get out of this heat before I pop something, you know.

Hilary:Oh, sorry, that 'LA' stands for Louisiana. Our high will be 112.

Hilary:Don't any of you touch me.

Geoffrey:I wouldn't call it disobedience, sir. It's more like outright defiance.

Phil:Dance puppets, dance!

Will:That's either him or a rhino that got his horn chopped off.

Woman at party:Oh, my God, Howard!

Phil:And I'm in heaven.

Will:Well, they will be if you come out in the morning, Uncle Phil.

Will:I pay rent here too, eventually.

Will:What, a sit-up?

Carlton:Oh, I'm afraid. Hold me, Will.

Geoffrey:Oh, gosh, now you've gone and spoiled the surprise.

Will:Your Honor, I'm from West Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground is where I spent most of my days.

Will:Or a high-priced degree from Princeton... like my worthy adversary, Judge Philip Banks.

Will:And this man is making a mockery of a finely cut Italian suit.

Will:You, dummy.

Carlton:When we prepared this case, you didn't say I had to speak against my father.

Carlton:smile at me

Carlton:All right, I'm guilty! I'm guilty!

Phil:Welcome to my turf.

Will:Objection!

Party guests:No, no, no, this party is crazy, fly, dumb, deaf, doogy!

Phil:I'm sorry, son. Here, here's $100.

Will:Now, why don't you take your Humpty Dumpty butt on back up to the main house

Will:Right now I'm considering their 15-year-old daughter.

Steffi:To hell with my parents. Will taught me that.

Will:You call me 'boy'? You better step to me like a man!

Will:Check it out, the night was so hot people was pulling up on camels, right?

Will:I've got some old T-shirts in there that I was gonna drop off for the homeless... but you're welcome to put one on to cover up.

Will:Oh, Gayle, bring out that book of hymns I was telling you about.

Will:Safety first, my little non-swimmer.

Will:He may be an unreasonable, pigheaded dictator... but he is your father and my uncle, and you will show him some respect.

Phil:Do you know how humiliating it is to have a son who can't swim?

Phil:If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

Phil:Hit the bricks, you little tramp! Out of here!

Phil:And tell your mother your father has a girlfriend!

Will:I intend to cite the landmark case of Rhode Island v. Schechter Poultry.

Phil:That has to do with the right to hang dead chickens in a butcher-shop window.

Will:Well, then, you see where I'm going with this.

Phil:Yeah, never rent to relatives.

Will:I'm sorry.