Customer Survey

Hey, sport! I heard someone got engaged, you dog! Yeah. God! Nothing can hurt you now. You're a man in love!

I was there, and that dude is not engaged. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I would go into my own pocket to cover his copay.

Big idea, double wedding! Me, Angela, you, Holly. No. We would never do that. And if we did, it would be with Jim and Pam.

Michael, I got my bridesmaid's dress. Wow, so quickly. Yeah, and you said I could get it in any color I wanted, so I picked white.

Hello? Mom, I'm getting married. No, you're not. Why do you always do that? Whenever I'm getting married, you don't believe me.

Are you getting married? No.

Psych.

So I've returned my bridesmaid dress and it was on sale, so I'm out a hundred dollars.

And I'm out a fiancée.

It's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there? I'll take care of that for you.

Kelly Kapoor is our dusky, exotic, customer service rep.

Sort of a 'Kapoor's List.' Schindler's List parody.

That's not appropriate. No.

but Pam's a gold digger. Hey, New York ain't free.

It's the world's tiniest Bluetooth. I found it in a Japanese gadget store in the Village.

We wanted to stay on the phone all day, but the company has a policy against eight-hour personal calls, so we're not telling anyone.

Pam, what do you want on your coffee? Sprinkle of cinnamon. Sprinkle of cinnamon.

Dwight, your feedback is horrible. That's impossible.

I'm getting that queasy feeling that sometimes accompanies jokes. Do I look like I am joking?

Impossible to say, I can't see myself. You're not.

Yo, Tommy Tuna. Did you get your scores yet? No. I got mine, they were really good.

I miss him.

That's my mug. Sorry, I was just... It was right here. Right. Well, it's mine, so if you could pour it out and get another one.

That is my mug, so give it back. How can you even be sure? That's my face on it.

Make the face. I don't see it. Dude, that is my face.

What color mustard is his shirt, yellow or Dijon? It is spicy brown, actually.

I caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. Get a friend, loser!

I found the best 'tentist' on the East Coast.

He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings.

Jim, they are poopy.

Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant. I think he means smug. Arrogance. Michael, I'm just trying to... And there is our smudgeness.

I need a decent bonus because I'm actually in the process of buying my parents' house so that they can retire.

And if history tells us anything, it's that you can't go wrong buying a house you can't afford.

Pam doesn't know about the house, so it's a fun surprise.

Maybe it's 'cause you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist. Little bit. Worth it.

Jim, what is that called? Micro-gement. Boom. Yes.

Ring, ring. Hello? Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin paper company.

I am Bill Buttlicker.

Really? That's your real name? How dare you? My family built this country, by the way.

No. I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just going to keep him on the line forever and not buy anything.

Sorry, you just have to speak a little bit louder, I'm hard of hearing. He's hard of... He's an old man.

Buttlicker, our prices have never been lower! Stop it! Stop it!

The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult.

I'm going to buy $1,000,000 worth of paper products today. See how it's done? You are the master.

You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly. Don't do it, Michael. It's a million-dollar sale.

It's two stories, heated, and it has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet.

I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo. Hobos live in trains.

Done and done-er.

There has to be a barn that's old enough that you can see the stars through the roof slats, when you lay on your back. And antique tools to look at when you roll over.

They might be listening to us. What's that? Who is 'they'? Customer service might be monitoring this conversation! In this car?

Who stands to benefit from our downfall? The mob? Maybe NASA. Could be the mob.

Cute shoes online. How many shoes do you need? I don't know, two, maybe three, if one wears out.

How many shoes do you need? I'm not talking to you. Who are you talking to? Pam. She's not here, Jim. No, she's not.

I found it. I found the perfect place. A local bed and breakfast which is on a 60-acre beet farm, and even better, I have an in with the owner.

Well, stop. Hold your breath. I still hear it. Who's there? Kelly, is that you?

You always say that, and I almost never know. What are you up to, girl? Did Phyllis put you up to this? Stanley? Are they paying you?

You just can't come into my nook and call me stupid. And maybe if you were a little bit more nice and polite, then people wouldn't give you such bad customer reviews.

That's what she said. That's what she said! That's what she said! Good one.

Have you ever had a conversation with Kelly where she didn't go on for 15 minutes without taking a breath? No, actually.

Her America's Got Talent finale party over the summer. That's crazy. It was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there. I remember you being there. I wasn't, but thank you.

Boom! Kelly the whole time. Let's get her. No, no, no, no. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight.

Let me paint you a picture of a little girl from southern India, who despite being welcomed into this country will now spend the rest of her life in prison for a crime she did commit.

I was raped. You cannot say 'I was raped' and expect all your problems to go away, Kelly. Not again. Don't keep doing that.

I did it because you guys didn't come to my party, and you said you would try to, and then you didn't even show up, and so you're bad friends.

I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. And I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years.

I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities.

There's free wine and cheese at the Chuck Close retrospective. Let's go. That's going to be great. Who's Chuck Close? I love Chuck Close and his photorealist paintings.

Why did you come to New York in the first place? Because they have a great design program, and I wanted to see if I was any good at it. And I wanted to work on my art, too.

Is that the Matsahashi B-400? The world's tiniest Bluetooth. May I? Don't.

I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by any time of the day or night.

This wedding is officially out of your hands. Thank the good Lord. Deal! Okay. What are we talking pricewise? You already said, 'Deal.' Pay him whatever he wants.