Job Fair

Michael · Darryl:Michael shouts 'Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama!' after noticing Darryl in a suit

Kevin · Oscar · Jim:'Why are you dressed like that? Like what? Like you're applying for a loan? Maybe he's going to church or court.'

Michael · Pam:Michael assigns roles: 'Oscar will be in charge of accounting, Pam will be eye candy. No, and also because that is your alma mater.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight: 'What college did you go to, Mike?' — delivered as a burn after Michael's classist remark, then immediately: 'Let's go!'

Michael · Darryl:Michael: 'Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college.' Then: 'What college did you go to, Mike?'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'Today I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about.'

Andy:Andy: 'My grandfather would be spinning in his urn if he knew I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir. I am totally and completely kidding!'

Andy:Andy: 'Hit about twelve hundred balls last night in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.'

Jim:Jim confessional: 'I'm going to take this petty cash that I got from Oscar and turn it into next month's rent.'

Pam:Pam confessional: 'Pretending to have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball. Pretending to have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. Those were the days.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael and Oscar arrive at the job fair booth — Michael has brought only a single blank sheet of paper while surrounding companies have elaborate displays

Oscar:Oscar's deadpan: 'Conceptual.'

Andy:Andy confessional: 'People assume I'm great at golf, but like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid, so I used to just hang out with the sailing club instead. Got my knot on.'

Dwight · Stanley:Dwight takes charge in the office, threatening people not to leave, culminating in Stanley walking out mid-threat: 'Stanley, do not walk out that door. If you walk out that door, so help me, I will— He left.'

Dwight · Stanley:Dwight: 'Stanley, do not walk out that door. If you walk out that door, so help me, I will...' — Stanley leaves. Dwight: 'He left.'

Dwight:Dwight listing the tasks remaining: 'There is some filing, restocking of the supply shelves, replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do.'

Kevin · Justin:Intern prospect Kevin talks to: 'We eat a lot of cake. Cool.' (laughing) The high schooler seems charmed by this as an office perk

Michael · Pam:Michael pulls Pam aside about Justin: 'Only the best and the brightest.' — then dismisses him as 'totally wrong'

Michael · Justin:Michael to Justin: 'I don't think a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity or a migraine worker.'

Michael · Justin:Michael: 'Maybe, for you, paper should be more of a hobby.' — then Justin walks away

Michael · Pam · Oscar:The kid signs the blank sheet of paper, defeating its 'conceptual' purpose. Michael: 'Okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams, and he just made it into a stupid piece of paper.'

Pam · Michael:Pam recounts Michael's original instruction with perfect recall: 'You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference, and I said, Are you sure, Michael? And you said, Pam, Pam, Pam, and then you sneezed in my tea, and then you said, Don't worry, it's just allergies.'

Michael:Michael: 'And that is why I need a smart intern.' — immediately after Pam has exposed his idiocy in detail

Jim · Phil:Phil: 'I just came out here to get out of the office a little bit, so why don't we just play, okay?' Jim: 'Absolutely. Will do. So I guess I'll just work on my short game.'

Michael · Student:Michael's pitch collapses: high schooler says 'Thanks.' and walks away immediately after Michael says 'Well, it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company.'

Creed · Angela:Creed calls the office on the phone: 'Hiya, pumpkin, it's Creed. So, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?' — speaking to Angela

Creed · Angela:Angela refuses; Creed: 'Pumpkin's out. Let's go, gang.'

Pam:Pam wandering her old school's art room, looking for something she left there, finding nothing: 'No, no, they must have taken it down. Never mind.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight calls Michael to report the office abandonment; Michael: 'Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there. Why should they have to be there? So, what else is up?'

Michael · Pam:Pam returns with a sheet of paper from another company's booth; Michael: 'This is some sort of Pendleton crap.'

Michael:Michael demands Pam go back to the office for 'ultra white card stock,' then adds: 'Yes, and don't call me Shirley.'

Pam · Jim:Pam calls Jim while he's in a bad spot on the course: 'I just drove 20 miles round trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So I could've just had them fax it to me, I guess.'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'Oh, I like you.' — responding to Pam's fax realization

Phil · Jim:Phil definitively shuts down Jim: 'Even with free shipping, doesn't work. It's just not in the stars, Jim.'

Andy:Andy tries a shortcut on the golf course and apparently falls into a sand trap or worse: 'Shortcut, shortcut.' then a scream

Andy:Andy's deadpan report: 'I fell in the sand trap.'

Michael:Michael confessional: 'All of these jobs suck. I would rather live jobless on a beach somewhere off the money from a large inheritance than have to work in any one of these crap holes. They suck.'

Michael · Justin:Michael to Justin: 'Just-in time. Hi. Just-in case. What's your last name? Polznik. This just in, Justin Polznik.'

Michael:Michael: 'Justin is the ugly girl in the movie who takes off her glasses and she's hot. And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses, and that you were the blind one.'

Michael · Justin:Michael: 'He's the most important thing in my life right now. I want you to meet my family.' — then introduces the team to a stranger teenager

Michael · Darryl · Justin:Michael introduces Darryl: 'This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big?'

Michael · Pam · Justin:Michael: 'Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will do you.' (nervous laugh from Pam) 'No, no, but she has already dated two guys in the office that we know of, so this could be number three.'

Michael · Justin · Pam:Michael pulls Justin aside: 'I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.' Justin: 'What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?'

Michael · Justin:Justin declines Michael's internship offer: 'You didn't want me before. That's what you said.' Michael: 'No, I didn't.' 'You misconstrued.' 'You were kind of a jerk to me.'

Angela:Angela: 'Bless you.' — to an unseen sneeze, presumably from the one other person left in the office

Andy · Jim · Phil:Jim's final accounting: 'Okay, Jim, you owe me $120. And, Phil, you owe me $230.' Andy has beaten both of them at golf.

Jim · Andy · Phil:Phil: 'Let's open a tab, because you and me are going to be playing more often.' Andy: 'Count me in.' Jim: 'Nope.'

Jim:Jim confessional: 'I also told him that I don't quit, either. And I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car.'

Jim:Jim: 'And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.'

Michael:Michael grabs the microphone at the job fair and addresses all the students: 'I would like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you.'

Michael:Michael: 'H&R Block? Come on. I mean, I don't even know what they do.'

Michael:Michael: 'Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde.'

Michael:Michael: 'The Air Force? Air Force is cool.' — breaking his own dismissal pattern

Michael:Michael: 'The refreshments? Bush league, you know? That's not what you want.'

Michael:Michael: 'Dunder... Okay, I see security is coming, so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin.'

Michael:Michael: 'Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work. Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands.'

Michael:Michael: 'Damn it. Okay, I'm going to wrap it up here. Thank you for your time. And drive safe!'

Jim · Andy:Jim and Andy doing a mutual porn music impression: '(BOTH IMITATING PORN MUSIC)'

Michael:Michael confessional: 'Today, I did something stupid. I questioned myself, and I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert, and I think that guy could do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here selling paper. Just like me.'

Michael · Jim · Pam:Cut to Jim's car window with Pam inside; Michael says 'Kiss her. Kiss her good.' — Jim and Pam share a moment, unaware Michael is watching/commenting

Pam · Student:A student approaches the Dunder Mifflin booth after Michael has left: Pam helps her fill out an application for graphic design

Pam · Recruiter:Pam at the graphic design table: admits she doesn't know Photoshop, Dreamweaver, Corel Painter, Illustrator, After Effects — 'I don't know any of those.'

Pam · Recruiter:The recruiter gently tells Pam she should consider adult education classes and maybe move to New York or Philadelphia for serious design training — repeated three times with escalating desperation from Pam