Safety Training

Andy · Pam:Drew. I'm Drew now. / Oh... Drew. / Sorry. / Apology not accepted.

Andy:And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies.

Andy · Jim:You can call me Drew. / No, I'm not gonna call you that. / Cool. I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do.

Dwight:I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence.

Dwight:I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

Jim · Dwight · Andy:Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug. / Okay, tell him that that's not true. / Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.

Dwight · Jim:Tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. / Jim! / Andy... Nah, that's too far.

Michael:And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity.

Michael · Madge:I thought your name was Pudge. / No, it's always been Madge.

Darryl:kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... 'Hey, Darryl, how's it hangin'?'

Michael:Bail 'er? I hardly know her.

Michael:Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored.

Michael · Darryl:It's a big, red trash compactor. / It's not a trash compactor! It's a bailer.

Michael:Toby now has the floor. And he is going to try not to screw this up. Like everything else in his life.

Michael · Toby:Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like a half an hour every hour. / Take them at the same time.

Michael · Toby:Like sometimes, computers can explode. / Can they not? / No, no.

Michael · Toby:What about a long-sleeved tee? / Well, that'll work. / Long johns? A shawl?

Toby · Michael · Darryl:Sedimentary. / Sedentary. / Yes, 'which can contribute to heart disease.' / Heart disease kills more people than bailers. / That's called having a fat butt, Michael.

Kelly · warehouse worker:Excuse me, Sea Monster, you weigh, like, 1,000 pounds. / Yeah, I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you?

Darryl:You live a sweet little NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it.

Michael:I worked in a warehouse... Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.

Michael:Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Wearhouse. We have a special on khaki pants today.

Oscar · others:51. / Oh, don't be that person. / Come on, that is lame. / It's a strategy. / It's called being smart.

Angela · Pam · Jim:He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. / Okay... okay. / No, constantly... like, for years.

Michael:Nobody commits suicide because they work with a bailer.

Michael:You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball. Your hair sticks up straight. And you know science.

Michael:Because you know what our killer is? Depression. Wolves. Depression.

Michael:And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note... they might think, hey, I should've been nicer to Michael. But that's not why I'm doing this.

Michael:Ta-freakin'-da!

Ryan · Jim · Pam · Andy:Ryan describing Netflix queue management in elaborate detail while others time him

Kelly:You're such a ditz.

Jim · Dwight · Michael · Dwight:Maybe we should test this first, Letterman-style. Throw a TV over. / We measured it once. / Go buy some watermelons. / Seedless?

Creed:I found a potato.

Michael · Dwight:Car alarm and crash aftermath response

Michael:If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini. See if he handles hate crimes.

Michael:Have Patch do it... or the sea monster.

Dwight · Andy:I'm temporarily lifting the shun. / Thank you. / It means nothing.

Andy · Dwight:You mean a moon bounce? / What do you think? You've got an hour. / I'm gonna need petty cash. / Shunning resumed.

Andy · Dwight:Do you... do you want a drawbridge? / Un-shun. / Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun.

Dwight:When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.

Michael · Dwight:If we keep doing them, I'm not gonna want to jump. / This is about doing, not thinking.

Stanley · Andy · Phyllis · Andy:Is it nice outside? / It's gorgeous. Let's go! / Do I need my jacket? / No, really, it's very nice. / Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? / Everyone's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!

Dwight · Michael:Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? / Dwight, you ignorant slut.

Kevin:If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.

Oscar:Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride in the second show. / Um... / Might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee.

Jim · Pam · Michael:Hey, check it out. There's a castle over there. / Oh, my God. There is a castle. / No, there's nothing to see over there, people. There's nothing to see.

Jim:He's going to kill himself pretending to kill himself.

Dwight · Pam:It's, uh... A Repliee Q1 Expo female robot. They're only available in Japan. / Dwight, you are such a liar.

Michael · Darryl:You told me that I lead a... a cushy, wimpy, NERF life. / Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for.

Darryl · Michael:I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you. / Do you really mean that? / I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.

Darryl · Michael:You Braveheart, man. / I Braveheart. I am.

Michael:Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.