Product Recall

Jim:Jim's camera is blurry, then adjusts — the cold open reveals Jim dressed as Dwight, complete with glasses and mustard-yellow shirt, doing the Dwight bit before the reveal

Jim:Jim (as Dwight): 'Question. What kind of bear is best?' / 'Dwight' (Jim): 'It's a ridiculous question.' / 'False. Black bear.'

Dwight:'Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!'

Michael · Dwight:Michael laughing at the prank and saying 'Oh, that's funny.' while Dwight protests

Michael:The obscene watermark described as 'a beloved cartoon duck performing unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like'

Michael:'I've never been a fan.' — Michael about the 'certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like'

Michael · Jim · Other:Michael yells 'Cry-Man Squaw, F and C, double time!' — then has to spend 30 seconds explaining what it means

Jim · Employee · Jim:I think you could make the argument that it wastes time. / Yeah, she has a good point. / For example, with the last thing you said, by the time you explained it, it actually took up more time.

Creed:Creed confessional: 'Every week, I'm supposed to take 4 hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And, of course, the one year I blow it off, this happens.'

Kelly:'This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.' Kelly starts spelling it and then continues into the next scene

Dwight:Dwight doing the 'money beets' speech to the assembled women — 'First rule in roadside beet sales: put the most attractive beets on top... Those are the money beets.'

Michael · Jim:Jim: 'That's what she said. No time! But she did. No time!'

Jim:Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.

Michael:'That's what happened to O.J.' — Michael's example of a company that waited for the story to control them

Michael:Michael's imagined newspaper headline: 'Scranton-area paper company, Dunder-Mifflin, apologizes to valued client. Some companies still know how business is done.'

Creed:Creed's confessional: He calls the paper mill to find out who was supposedly supposed to be there for his inspection, using the call itself to construct an alibi by getting the name 'Debbie Brown' and the date

Creed:Creed calls the paper mill pretending he WAS there for the inspection and gets them to give him the name of the absent manager to cover his tracks

Kelly:Kelly tells the accountants 'I know the reason you became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So give yourselves a round of applause.'

Oscar:Oscar: 'I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer it.'

Kelly:Kelly: 'I know. Probably a lot.' — responding to Oscar's point about missed calls

Kelly · Kevin · Angela:Kelly's Bridget Jones impression and the accountants' Australian role-play: 'I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend.' / 'I like ice cream, too, mate. Alli-gators and dingo babies.'

Jim · Andy:Jim: 'Beer me.' Andy: 'What's that?' Jim: 'Hand me that water. I always say beer me. Gets a laugh, like, a quarter of the time.'

Andy · Jim:So how's what's-her-name? / You know her name. / Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends.

Andy:Andy's forced small talk with Jim: 'How's the apartment hanging? / Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right?'

Jim · Andy:Jim's girlfriend's mix tape plays — we don't hear what it is but Andy says 'I was thinking more like a CD or... a CD?' suggesting it was something profoundly awkward

Andy:My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc.

Jim:'Lord, beer me strength.' — Jim quietly to himself before entering the school with Andy

Andy · Jim:Andy tries to figure out which student is his girlfriend — 'Oh, is she that teacher in the white?' Jim: 'No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.'

Dwight:Dwight grants the reporter Level 3 security clearance: 'Don't get too excited. That's out of 20.'

Michael:Oh, dear God. (Michael's reaction to seeing it's just a local lifestyle reporter)

Andy · Jamie:Andy runs into his girlfriend at the high school and realizes she's a student: 'You never told me you're in high school.' / 'This is weird. I gotta go to Spanish.'

Andy · Jamie:Andy's girlfriend is revealed to be a high school student: Jamie saying 'Yeah' and 'I gotta go to Spanish'

Jim:Jim: 'Well... that's not gonna hold up in court.' — after Andy says he had no idea his girlfriend was in high school

Andy:'We didn't do anything illegal. Except knock over a mailbox with her friends.'

Creed:Creed's elaborate false alibi confessional: invented a dentist appointment story to cover for Debbie Brown, who actually called in sick

Michael:'Mrs. Allen is our most important client. Because every client is our most important client.' — then immediately: 'Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.'

Michael:I would like to present you with this novelty check for six months of free paper, or 25 reams, whichever comes first.

Andy · Jim:Andy staring after the boy at Jamie's locker: 'Who was that guy?' Jim: 'Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony.'

Andy:'One of your students is a bitch.' — Andy blurting this at the principal/teacher during the meeting

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'Andy is having a real rough day today.' — Jim directly to camera, completely deadpan

Principal · Andy:The issue with the watermark is very serious. / You don't teach it well enough. / One of your students is a bitch.

Jim:'I wanna take out an ad in your yearbook. A full page, two words.' — Jim to Andy, implying a message to Jamie

Andy:Andy: 'That's not what I had in mind.' — in response to Jim suggesting 'Good luck' for the yearbook ad

Kelly · Oscar:Kelly coaching Oscar via earpiece — Oscar robotically relays Kelly's words verbatim: 'And the company has already apologized, so you can take that apology or not.'

Andy:I think he had Tourette's or something. (Andy, after his outburst, explaining himself to Jim)

Michael:Michael: 'May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual. Both animals were smiling.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken, chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching.'

Michael:May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual. Both animals were smiling.

Dwight:'Whoever drew this got it exactly right.' — Dwight's conclusion of his barnyard testimony

Michael · Mrs. Allen:Mrs. Allen demands Michael resign; Michael says 'I'm a regional manager!' as if this is the relevant distinction

Michael:'Yeah, well, I'm calling the Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline!' — Michael's retort as Mrs. Allen threatens the Better Business Bureau

Michael:This is spinning out of control, Pam. No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. And then YouTube gets a hold of it.

Pam:'Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. He says he needs a woman's touch.'

Michael:Michael's apology video script includes the phrase 'our embarrassing watermark boner'

Michael:Michael's apology video: 'I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team to remove me from this office, and maybe not even that.'

Dwight:Dwight's tactical analysis of how a SWAT team would defeat Michael: 'They would flank you, throw in a concussion grenade. You'd be on the ground...'

Michael · Dwight:Michael: 'Cut.' / Dwight: 'Cut.' / Michael: 'I'm asking Pam to do it.' / Dwight: 'Cut.'

Kevin · Angela:Kevin/Angela payroll argument: Kevin: 'You didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form.' Angela: 'Yes! Facial!' — then 'You two are apes.'

Angela · Kevin:Angela: 'I'm sorry. That you're both morons.' / Kevin: 'But you still said I'm sorry.' / Angela: 'I called you morons.' / Kevin: 'Still said it, so...'

Michael:Michael's second apology video: 'They are trying to make me an escape goat.'

Michael:Michael's apology video: '...they are trying to make me an escape goat'

Michael:Michael's threat in his video: 'I swear to God that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day.'

Dwight · Michael:That was your best apology video ever. / I thought so too.

Dwight · Michael:Dwight: 'One day for what?' Michael: 'That's... they always give an ultimatum.'

Creed:Creed passes around a farewell card and collection for Debbie Brown — who was fired because Creed framed her

Creed:Creed confessional: 'I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight.' — completely wrong about who caused it

Dwight · Jim:Dwight tells Jim he looks nice today; Jim says 'I look like an idiot'

Dwight · Karen:Dwight approaches Karen: 'Hey, Karen. Hey, Dwight. Lookin' sharp.' — Dwight realizes compliment, starts to reveal he's Jim

Dwight:Dwight's confessional as Jim: 'Spot on. Blah, blah, a little comment. Yeah.'