Toby Flenderson

Toby · Michael:Hey we are not all gonna seat in circle in it so are we? / Get out! / I'm sorry. / No this not a joke, ok?

Toby:Technically, I am in human resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Toby:Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved.

Toby:Aren't the suggestions meant for you?

Michael · Toby:He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. / Pam?

Toby:I always set it at 69.

Toby:I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one.

Michael · Toby:Do you think that it is too late for me to have kids? Well, you need a wife first or at least a girlfriend. What about Jan? Not Jan.

Michael · Toby:I didn't even invite you to my birthday party. I work here. 'I work here.'

Toby · Michael:Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael. / Yes, it is. / No, it's not. It's a type of pipe.

Toby:That box is the special file in New York.

Toby:Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This is January through March of this year.

Toby:Should I keep going?

Toby · Michael:Toby's bird story and Michael's aggressive interrogation about checking its vital signs

Toby:They're teasing you. To be funny.

Toby:Clean it in your car.

Toby · Michael:Toby explaining HR disclosure requirements while Michael accuses him of being a 'skeevy little perv'

Toby · Michael:Toby... Yeah! I just want Phyllis to have a great day. Phyllis and you will be great together. We are great together. We are a great team. The Celtics were a great team. Yes. Yes, they were. Robert Parish...

Michael · Toby:I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon. Well, nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know. Dude, keep it together.

Michael · Toby:Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like a half an hour every hour. / Take them at the same time.

Michael · Toby:Like sometimes, computers can explode. / Can they not? / No, no.

Michael · Toby:What about a long-sleeved tee? / Well, that'll work. / Long johns? A shawl?

Toby · Michael · Darryl:Sedimentary. / Sedentary. / Yes, 'which can contribute to heart disease.' / Heart disease kills more people than bailers. / That's called having a fat butt, Michael.

Michael · Toby:That's like a half an hour, every hour? / Take them at the same time.

Michael · Toby:Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? / No. No.

Toby · Oscar:sedimentary lifestyle / Sedentary.

Michael · Toby:Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going. It's beach day. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby.

Toby · Meredith:Hey... want my sunscreen? Oh, great. I forgot mine, and I'm wearing a two-piece. Thanks, Toby.

Toby · Michael:I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is 'We're fine'?

Toby:For the record, I've never been involved with anyone at work in any capacity.

Toby · Jim:Let's just wait and see what happens, you know. What? Well, let's just wait.

Michael · Toby:You hadn't noticed she's a woman? I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?

Michael · Toby:Toby: 'Ryan used me as an object.' Michael: 'So whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.'

Toby:Made so many s'mores, that I finally had to say, 'No more s'mores, no more s'mores.'

Toby:My birthday was two months ago. There was no party. Well, it... there was. But Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. You know, people sang in the parking lot.

Toby:If I had somebody to set you up with, Michael, then I'd take her for myself.

Toby:I... am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it... for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it.

Toby:So... I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home then.

Toby:Mike gave me a list of his top ten springsteen songs. Three of them were huey lewis and the news. One was tracy chapman, fast car. And my personal favorite, Short people.

Toby · Ryan · Michael:I'm not going to punch you, Michael. / Are you really not going to punch him? / No, why would I punch you? / Son of a bitch.

Michael · Toby:You wanna hear a lie? / What? / I think you're great. You're my best friend.

Toby · Michael:Toby's arrival interruption: 'Sorry, I'm late, boss. What's going on?' 'Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.'

Toby:If you ever put sun block on a window, you might be Michael Scott.

Toby:oh,my god. i think the eagles could clench the n. f. c. east. and she said that we're done.

Michael · Toby:The sales department smashed my sandwich. Yes. All of them. Together. It's a conspiracy.

Michael · Toby:That's what she said. Yeah.

Toby:He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes

Toby:You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.

Jim · Toby:Get the hell out of here, idiot! What did I do?

Toby:That's why they pay me the big bucks.

Toby:Okay, you're a jackass.

Michael · Toby:Oh...The antichrist. - Okay, you can't-- - sss! - Ow!

Toby · Michael:Honey and jelly sandwich time. You saw who did this, and you didn't stop 'em? Didn't have to see. It was sales--I can feel it.

Toby:The sales department smashed my sandwich. Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy.

Michael · Toby:That's what she said. Yeah. Yeah.

Toby · Michael:That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday. I don't care. I have an appetite for life!

Toby:Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael.

Toby:the walk from the yogurt shop To my car, after I drop My daughter off on Sunday afternoons

Michael · Toby:Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, Who she married... So her husband and your stepdad... Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way

Toby:at risk for homicidal behavior

Toby:Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.

Toby:I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking.

Toby:There's no connection between the origin story and the quest. We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise it's the bear's quest.

Toby:So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around slo-mo drinking latte.

Toby:A.J. won't commit to Holly. And she's gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose to her by the end of the year, it's over. And I don't know about you, but I don't know a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum. Do you?

Toby:I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case that I was recently a juror on, the Scranton Strangler. A man's being put to death, I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty anymore.

Toby:Was thinking I might glue a stapler on top or put a hole here and stick pens in it.

Toby:Well, no, he hates jams.

Deangelo · Toby:Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Kevin · Toby:The thing that I like about elmo is the tickling. - I should not be here. I'm in the-- I was in the wrong-- I'm...I'm sorry. Uh, just picture me back there. I-I was never here.

Toby:I've never been lucky. And I'm not talking about the lottery. I'm talking about stuff like developing a soy allergy at 35. Who gets a soy allergy at 35? And why is soy in everything?

Toby:I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, 'The Flenderson Files.' Duh-buh-bum.

Toby · Gabe:♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones ♪ ♪ now we're the skeleton crew ♪

Robert California · Toby:And how are you, Toby? / So great.

Toby · Bert:Wanna see the dance? ♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem-- ♪ / You're fired. / What? / You heard me. Pack your things. / I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.

Gabe · Toby:Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Gabe · Toby:Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. Oh. I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction.

Gabe · Toby:Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Toby:'I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla'

Toby:Toby's Chad Flenderman description: 'Just an easy-going black guy who knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. And he's also the world's leading Egyptologist'

Michael/Ryan · Toby:'Toby, nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective' 'No, no, no, no, no women chase him. He misses his wife'

Toby · Gabe:With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night you and me. And Gabey makes three

Toby:I guess I'm through the gateway now though, right?

Toby · Gabe · Robert:To both these bears

Toby · Gabe:Robert, I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want. And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like

Robert · Toby:Toby, I am Bacchus god of wine. And I am Bacchus' friend

Toby:we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from Ernesto's

Toby:You mean food truck Ernesto's was a food truck

Toby · Unknown:'It really has been a long, lonely winter Wow. Seasonal affective disorder, a.k.a. SAD. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby It is real. Thank you for saying that'

Andy · Toby:Toby is teaching us self-defense. Me? Toby, will you teach us self-defense? Yeah. Um... I can't believe you remembered I do self-defense.

Toby · Andy:Um, I'll go put on my cup. Great.

Toby:Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? This is about escaping with your life. So... Strike, scream, and run.

Toby · Unknown:That may have been my fault. What the hell, Toby?

Toby:So just remember, I-a-a-t-g. 'It's all about the groin.'

Toby:Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?

Andy · Toby:What can the attacker then do to better protect himself? It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker.

Toby:The latest Chad Flenderman novel... Based from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu.

Jim · Toby:Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink! Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dead right away and just make it known that you're alive.

Toby · Andy:There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. My ex-wife used to demolish me. No, there is shame in it, okay? We have to draw the line somewhere.

Toby · Andy:Good point? What is a tub of electricity? - I don't-- I don't--

Kelly · Toby:You think you're so pretty! Well, you're not gonna be so pretty come prom time! Okay, this is what's called pre-violent posturing.

Kelly · Toby:Take that! Not so pre-violent anymore! Okay, I'm at what's called 'the decision point.'

Kevin · Darryl · Toby:50? Hungrier. You're not talking... Triple digits. Oh, yeah, I'm talking triple digits.

Kevin · Darryl · Toby:Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day. I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens. Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.

Toby · Darryl:This may be wrong, but there's a limit to what I would do for my child. Yeah, I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey.

Toby:Welcome. I'm Tony. What? I said, I'm Tony. Okay, I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But I'm Toby.

Toby:Toby: 'I wish! No, I made some short lists, I had a couple of sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone.'

Toby · Oscar · Kevin:I'm Sexy Toby. Gross. I love it.

Toby · Darryl:Are... are you me? Yeah. I thought I'd, you know, be you.

Toby:George Howard Skub, AKA the alleged Scranton strangler, because he's in prison for something he may not have done.

Toby:I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back.

Nellie · Toby:Nellie's Scranton Strangler advice: 'Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes.'

Toby:Toby's Bogart impression: '[As Bogart] I think this is the start of my first friendship.'

Toby · Nellie:Toby's strangling aftermath and Nellie's commentary about 'the proud neck of justice'

Toby:Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. Doesn't become a violation till she physically acts on it.

Toby:Let's do it. Let's get personal.

Pam · Toby · Dwight:Toby will stop it. Any time anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so... / Yeah. Yeah, I don't think... / Toby, wait, wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake.

Toby:At least I got chocolate.

Toby:Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together.