Toby Flenderson

Michael · Toby · Katy:Michael introduces Toby and Katy, mentions Toby's Catholic school, then immediately starts broadcasting Toby's personal life: 'Toby's divorced. He, uh... God. Recently, right? And you have kids? A girl. Oh, that's so... That was really messy. He slept one night in your car too?'

Toby:After being publicly humiliated, Toby says only: 'I should probably get back to my table.'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'What if Pam was a lesbian? What if she brought her partner into work? Would that be crossing the line?' / Toby: 'No.' / Michael: 'What if they made out in front of everybody?' escalating to 'And I told everybody everything about it?'

Dwight · Toby:Dwight to Toby: 'Where is the clitoris?' — followed by silence, then: 'On a website it said on the crest of the labia. What does that mean?'

Toby:The [12:10] gap — Toby's silence after Dwight asks 'What does that mean?'

Toby:Toby's talking head: 'Technically I am in human resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.'

Toby:Toby's talking head/line: 'How long does it take to find a cell phone? / I don't know either. / Is there anybody else?'

Toby:Toby's talking-head: 'He keeps hoping someone's going to volunteer. Or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.'

Toby:Toby's talking-head — camera reaction beat after 'therein lies the true essence of his charisma'

Michael · Toby:Toby tries to interrupt the fight planning: 'Any word on those time cards?' Michael: 'I have an idea. Why don't you leave right now? Why don't you walk away from the room, okay?' Toby leaves quietly.

Michael · Dwight · Toby:Michael and Dwight in the office, late — Dwight: 'Michael, did you finish yet?' Michael: 'This close.' Dwight: 'Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday?' Toby: 'We wanna go home.' Michael: 'Well, you don't even have anybody to go home to, Toby, so...'

Michael · Toby:Toby: "I thought you read these every week?" Michael: "Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box."

Michael · Toby · Creed:Toby: "Aren't the suggestions meant for you?" Michael: "Well, Toby. If by me you are inferring that I have B.O..." Then Creed: "Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring."

Toby · Michael · Creed:Aren't the suggestions meant for you? / Well, Toby. If by me you are inferring that I have B.O... / Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring.

Toby · Michael:"You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party." / "Yeah, I know. Dammit. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody."

Michael · Toby:"Zip it, Toby. Just, I mean, it's a party, come on." — Michael silencing Toby's compliance concern

Michael · Toby:Michael accidentally outs Jim's crush on Pam to Toby while trying to justify the Hooters expense: 'He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged.' Toby: 'Pam?'

Michael · Toby:Michael to Toby: "Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too. Sort of."

Toby · Michael:Michael, you can't be nasty today. Because of that. Oh, God. Is that today?

Michael · Toby:You have to ask me that because you work for Human Resources. That's true.

Michael · Toby:Do you think that it is too late for me to have kids? / Well, you need a wife first. Or at least a girlfriend. / What about... / Not Jan.

Toby · Michael:A foster parent or something. / Or biologically. / Somehow.

Michael · Toby:Hey, does Sasha have a godfather? Because... Yes. Okay.

Michael · Toby:Toby brings up Michael's previous e-mail investment scam; Michael responds: 'When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?'

Michael · Toby:Michael cancels drug testing and says he'll do a 'visual inspection' instead — Toby: 'No, you cannot. It has to be official. And it has to be urine.'

Michael · Toby:Michael reveals his drug list — Toby corrects him: 'Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.' / Michael: 'Yes, it is.' / Toby: 'No, it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or...'

Michael · Toby:Michael's response to Toby's hookah correction: 'In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.' / Toby: 'You can't do that.' / Michael: 'I can test anyone randomly. And I have chosen you randomly.' / Toby: 'That's not random.' / Michael: 'Okay, eenie, meanie, miney, moe. Is random.'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced.'

Michael · Toby:Michael creates a conflict with Toby over the complaints file, then uses 'win-lose' to force Toby to hand it over.

Toby · Dwight · Jim:Toby has a standing Friday 4pm appointment with Dwight to file grievances against Jim. The box labeled as a 'special file in New York' is just a box in Toby's office.

Michael · Toby:Michael's talking head: 'You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.' Cut to: Toby revealing he has a separate folder for complaints against Michael — January through March alone.

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'Redacted' just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight redacted about six months ago.

Kelly · Toby:Kelly: 'I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.' Toby: 'To your HR representative.' Kelly: 'To my friend, I thought.'

Dwight · Toby:Dwight: 'Question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?' Toby: 'Sure.' — Dwight believing in the fictional 'permanent file in New York.'

Dwight · Toby:Dwight discovers Toby gave Jim the box of grievances. 'What box?' — Dwight's four years of complaints revealed to be sitting in an office box all along.

Toby · Michael:Toby's exhaustive list of reasons not to invite actual Boy Scouts: gambling, alcohol, dangerous warehouse, school night, Hooters catering — 'Should I keep going?'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not, that way. I hate, so much about the things that you choose to be.'

Toby:Toby's confessional: 'I don't really play cards... but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling.'

Michael · Toby:Michael goes all-in on the first hand of poker and lectures Toby about card logic, then loses immediately

Toby · Michael:Toby offers comfort: 'Just this morning, I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die.' Michael: 'How do you know? Was its heart beating? You're not a veterinarian. You don't know anything!'

Michael · Toby:Michael bursts into the office after his pretzel: 'I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation.' Toby: 'Second?' Michael: 'Yes, second, Toby.'

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael?' Then: 'What's on your suit?' Michael: 'Caramel dip.'

Michael · Toby:Michael tells Toby 'Oh, my God. You walk so slowly.'

Toby:Toby's closing confessional: 'For a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But Costa Rica will still be there when I'm 65.'

Toby · Jim:Toby greeting Jim with an awkward hug/handshake hybrid that neither of them acknowledges

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'Wrong, Toby. This is an orientation, not a bore-ientation.'

Toby · Pam:Toby calls Pam from inside the conference room: 'Hey, Pam. Where are you calling from?' establishing Toby is also locked in the conference room.

Michael · Toby:Toby tells Michael he needs to let the employees out. Michael: 'You know what, Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so...'

Toby · Michael:Toby tries to reason with Michael; Michael talks over him and then Toby says: 'You know they're teasing you.' Michael slowly realizes: 'They're teasing you. To be funny.'

Toby:After a 30-second silence of Toby considering the goose situation, he relents: 'Clean it in your car.'

Toby:I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.

Toby · Michael:Toby informs Michael that nine people emailed him the photo, 'including my ex-wife, and we don't talk'

Michael · Toby:Michael calls Toby a 'skeevy little perv' for receiving an email Michael himself sent to the entire office

Toby · Pam:Toby says he'd love to attend Pam's art show but his daughter has a play; then immediately pivots to: 'You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it.'

Michael · Jan · Toby:Jan asks if Toby is there; Michael says 'No.' Toby quietly says 'I'm here, Jan.' — Michael has denied Toby's existence to Jan

Toby · Michael:Toby finds Michael in the parking lot and hands him $15: 'Here's the $15 I owe you. I heard you might need it.' — mocking Michael's salary

Michael · Toby:Michael to Toby: 'Come on, let's go. I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go.' — said like a friendly invitation

Toby:Toby's talking head: 'This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case... when it inevitably goes to trial.'

Toby · Michael:Toby's safety tips all converge on taking ten minutes away per hour for different reasons — Michael does the math: 'Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like a half an hour every hour.'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'Like sometimes, computers can explode. Can they not?' Toby: 'No, no.'

Toby · Michael · Dwight:Toby's sweater/cardigan tip devolves: Michael asks 'What about a long-sleeved tee?' Dwight: 'Long johns? A shawl?' — escalating suggestions until Toby says 'anything that warms you.'

Toby · Michael:Toby reads: 'sedimentary lifestyle' — Michael corrects: 'Sedentary.' — and the word had already been in Toby's printed materials for how long?

Michael · Toby:Michael excludes Toby from beach day: 'Somebody has to stay here.' Then confessional: 'And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.'

Toby · Kelly:Toby offers his leftover sunscreen to Kelly, who cheerfully accepts; shot plays as pathetically touching

Phyllis · Toby · Kevin:Office workers debate who gets the job: 'I think it's gonna be Michael.' / 'Do you really think he's qualified for that job?' / 'No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, and he got that one.'

Michael · Toby:Michael tells Toby about the accident: 'It happened on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine.' / 'I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.' / 'Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is 'We're fine'?'

Michael · Toby:Toby: 'I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's Pizza picked my business card out of the basket. So, I get a week of free pies.' Michael: 'So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.'

Michael · Toby:Michael starts polling the office on their religious beliefs for curse-breaking purposes; Toby objects: 'Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs.' Michael: 'Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite. All right, well then you CAN ask about religious beliefs.' Toby: '...' Michael: 'Psych.'

Jim · Toby:Jim mocks Toby's pre-race stretching via talking head: 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a working office? And not a French beach?' — then the camera pans to Toby stretching as Jim narrates 'Look at me. I'm Toby. I'm stretching. I know what I'm doing.' / 'Why is he even here?'

Dwight · Jim · Toby:Dwight put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race — then: 'Wait, Imodium or Ex-Lax?' / Toby's subsequent talking head: 'I'm making great time. Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, but not today.'

Toby:Race winner announced: 'And the winner is Toby Flenderson.' — Toby presumably appears and sits down while someone writes it. The race is over.

Michael · Toby:Toby's memo about PDA — Michael immediately assumes it's about him and Jan, then reveals embarrassing details about their office encounter

Toby:For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work in any capacity.

Toby:All right, the complaint was about Jim and Pam.

Toby:Oh, well, you know those are only for, you know, 'relationships.' So if this is just a casual thing, there's no need.

Toby:Let's just wait and see what happens.

Toby:Oh, I didn't know you guys were in here. I couldn't see your hands.

Toby:Hey, Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a salesperson. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week.

Michael · Ryan · Dwight · Oscar · Toby:The 'whoever vs. whomever' debate: Oscar corrects Ryan, Dwight says 'whomever' is a made-up word to trick students, Ryan says it's the formal version — Oscar: 'Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly. Not a native speaker.'

Michael · Toby:Toby correctly explains the who/whom rule; Michael: 'No one asked you anything, ever. So whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull?'

Andy · Pam · Oscar · Toby:Finer Things Club discusses 'A Room with a View' while Andy lurks outside trying to look like he's casually reading the same book.

Oscar · Toby · Andy:Quiz: 'Did you even read it?' / 'How does it end?' / 'Who was the main character?' — Andy's answer: 'Angela. Nope. The ashes.'

Toby:Oh, it wasn't camping. It was more of a wilderness retreat.

Toby:We ate so many s'mores. I finally had to say, 'No more s'mores. No more s'mores.'

Toby · Jim:Toby's birthday was two months ago. There was no party. Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. People sang in the parking lot.

Michael · Toby:Toby? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition? Michael, I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side. Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

Michael · Toby:Toby silently walks over to sit with Michael during the lunch break — Michael sees him and moves away without a word.

Toby:You know, I know a little bit about what you're going through in a way. When I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court... I love them both so much. I just wanted...

Toby:Toby's invented word: 'Well, can, but won't. Should, maybe, but, shorn't.'

Toby:There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.

Jim · Toby · Kevin · Oscar:Jim trying to call the security guard without knowing his name — 'Who have I got here?' / 'The African-American guy'

Jim · Kevin · Oscar · Toby · Phyllis:The cascading wrong name guesses for the security guard: Eddie, Evan, Hank, Edgar, Elliot

Toby:Toby's talking head: 'I have an announcement to make. I am moving to Costa Rica.' — then he just hops the fence and jogs home

Michael · Toby:Michael tells Toby they were 'joshin around' and Stanley said 'did I stutter' and he responded 'wha-wha-wha-wha-what, dog?'

Michael · Toby:Michael on Stanley: 'Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you.'

Michael · Toby:Toby's reaction beat: Michael says 'You're so white.' and Toby has no response — just absorbs it

Michael · Toby:Toby: 'Sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when there's a mean girl at school.' Michael: 'Well sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it's probably psychological.'

Ryan · Jim · Toby:Ryan gives Jim a formal performance warning — but it's transparently retaliatory because Jim talked to Wallace about Ryan's website

Michael · Toby · Holly:Holly introduces herself; Michael: 'Oh hey, do you still work here?' to Toby

Toby · Michael:Toby shows Michael a group photo: 'It's a photo of everyone in the office so you can take it to Costa Rica.' Michael is not in the photo. Toby: 'Well, I was taking the picture.'

Michael · Toby:Michael's exit interview opening: 'Of all the idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.'

Michael · Toby:Michael's first exit interview question: a long dramatic pause, then: 'Who do you think you are?'

Michael · Toby:Toby: 'I'm Toby.' Michael: 'Yeah. Correct.'

Michael · Toby:Michael's next question: extended pause then 'What gives...what...what gives you the right?'

Michael · Toby:Michael reads aloud: 'What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?' then says: 'I'll kill you.'

Michael · Toby:Michael gives Toby a box labeled 'Suck on this.' Michael: 'That is not even my handwriting.'

Michael · Toby:Toby's goodbye to Michael; Michael shows up with a security badge: 'Really, Michael?' Michael: 'Sorry, corporate policy.' Toby: 'It's not.' Michael: 'You might take something.'

Michael · Toby:Toby's departure triggers some kind of office alarm. Toby and Michael both look confused.

Toby · Oscar:Holly tries to pause on the piracy confession; Toby casually mentions 'I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.'

Michael · Toby:Hi, Mi-- / No! God! No, God, please no! No! No! Nooo!

Michael · Toby:Nice peaches? / Pristine beaches? / Yeah...

Toby:Hey guys, that's really inappropriate. [Toby reacts to seeing Michael's note being read]

Michael · Dwight · Ryan · Toby:Michael trying to provoke Toby into hitting him — 'You scared? Those are fighting words. You mad? You want to punch me? Hmm? Huh???' while escalating

Toby · Michael:You must feel pretty good about yourself right now. / I didn't put caprese salad in my drawer, Michael. Did you?

Michael · Toby:You said you were leaving, and you made liars out of all of us. / I did leave. / Yes, you did. And then you came back. Which makes you the biggest liar of history.

Toby · Michael:Toby suggests using the surplus to test air quality for radon and asbestos. Michael replies: 'You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.'

Michael · Toby:Toby reminds Michael that HR rules only allow them to address work performance — Michael: 'I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.'

Toby · Michael:Toby distributes corporate Christmas gifts — which turn out to be anti-alcoholism literature — to everyone including Meredith, mid-intervention

Oscar · Toby:Oscar's roast: 'Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.' / Toby: 'Cut off your nose to spider face.'

Toby:Toby's confessional about why he's in HR — he dropped out of seminary to have sex with a girl named Kathy, followed her to Scranton, she divorced him

Jim · Toby · Creed:Jim and Toby hiding out playing chess with Creed in the middle of the office crisis

Meredith · Michael · Toby · Oscar:Meredith's progressive Casual Friday violations — skirt riding up, then boob out, then no panties

Kelly · Pam · Angela · Oscar · Toby:The office staff forms a chaotic line outside Toby's door, each mimicking his 'if you do this, I'll do that' dress code negotiation gestures

Dwight · Toby:Dwight seizes control of the Casual Friday meeting — 'I'm cowboying this meeting. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.'

Dwight · Toby:After Dwight is written up/threatened, he says: 'Hmm. Where's this guy been?' — complimenting Toby's sudden authority

Toby · Dwight:Toby cancels Casual Fridays as 'the solution.' The staff objects that this is 'running from the problem.'

Dwight · Toby:Dwight and Toby bond over trains, then Dwight casually mentions he's rebuilding a steam engine 'in my slaughterhouse.'

Toby:Toby: 'Well, you know, because of the trains.' — After Dwight has moved past the slaughterhouse detail

Dwight · Toby:Dwight spots Darryl walking without crutches: 'It's Darryl! Get down! He's not using crutches! Get the camera. Start taping. Drive!'

Darryl · Dwight · Toby:Darryl confronts Dwight and Toby: 'You come to my house, bust up my trash cans, call my baby sister an ass and told her to eat dog food?'

Toby:Toby's talking head: 'So, Dwight and Darryl came to an agreement that they would both file complaints with corporate, and now I get to do all this paperwork.'

Toby:Toby talking head: 'Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And...well, frankly, so does talking about it, so...' [trails off]

Toby · Michael:Toby offers Michael his extra twin bed, then adds: 'You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you should just get used to it.'

Toby · Oscar:Toby talking head: explains he's 'trying to decide if I have time to pee.' Oscar: 'How long do you take to pee?' Toby: 'The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.'

Toby · Dwight:Toby: 'I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour.' [said to Dwight while standing at the altar waiting for Jim]

Toby:Toby's confessional reaction: 'Oscar says I checked out, huh?' — delivered with complete vacancy.

Jim · Toby:Toby wanders in; Jim snaps 'Not now, Toby, my God! Get the hell out of here, idiot.'

Toby:'That's why they pay me the big bucks.' — Toby says after Jim mocks HR pay

Toby:'You know, I always knew if Michael just took the time to get to know me, we'd become friends.'

Michael · Toby:'Yeah, you're -- okay, you're a jackass.' — Michael to Toby, immediately after Toby's hopeful confessional

Toby · Pam:Toby gives Pam boxing technique instructions in the parking lot

Toby:Toby calls in: 'It's Toby Flenderson. Listen, things are getting really bad down here.'

Michael · Toby:Someone has smashed Michael's honey and jelly sandwich — and Michael immediately blames 'sales' without evidence: 'Didn't have to see. It was sales — I can feel it.'

Michael · Toby:Toby's 'That's what she said' reaction — Michael and Toby both say it, briefly united

Toby · Michael:Toby tries to give Michael detailed information: 'I also learned some interesting things about how they structure their...' / Michael: 'Thanks, Toby.'

Michael · Toby:Toby repeatedly placing radon test kits around the office while Michael throws them away repeatedly — first thinking it's an ant trap, then a moo toy, then out of spite

Michael · Toby:Michael making farting noises with his mouth during Toby's radon safety presentation

Dwight · Phyllis · Toby · Andy:Dwight's solution: line them all up and shoot one bullet through all three throats simultaneously, then demonstrates with Phyllis as Hitler, Toby as Toby, Andy as Bin Laden

Dwight · Phyllis · Toby · Andy:Dwight's solution: line them all up and shoot one bullet through all three throats simultaneously, then physically demonstrates by having Phyllis play Hitler, Toby play Toby, and Andy play Bin Laden

Toby · Dwight:TOBY: "I don't want to do this." / DWIGHT: "Throats together." / Toby complies

Toby:Toby judging the lip sync performance: 'Well, that was better.'

Michael · Toby:Michael is told he'll do his counseling with Toby — in this office. Michael: 'Okay. Wait, what?' Reaction beat as the news lands. Then: 'Is there another option?'

Toby:Toby cheerfully tells Michael: 'Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael.'

Michael · Toby:Michael's counseling session opens with him yelling 'This is the worst! You are the worst. I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it!'

Toby:Toby's talking head: 'I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would just ask a few standard questions and tick off a few boxes, but I've got a chance to do some good here.'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'I know what you wanna ask me. Did your mom ever see you naked?' / 'So you can molest me?'

Toby:Toby describes his peaceful place as 'the walk from the yogurt shop to my car, after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons'

Michael · Toby:Michael cuts Toby off mid-sentence: 'One hour. We've done one hour. Let's just speed this up. Okay, keep it moving. I wanna do all six hours today.'

Michael · Toby:Michael: 'Yes, yes, they are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours, we're halfway done.' / Toby: 'How?'

Toby:Toby surrenders: 'You know what, Michael? You're right. You win. This is pointless.' Then reveals he has 'fun stuff in case my daughter ever comes over' — a box of children's games in his office

Michael · Toby:Michael's story about the baseball game: he felt bad for the pitcher being taken out because 'he wasn't going to be able to play with his friends anymore.' Jeff said the manager was 'making a really good move' — Michael absorbed the abandonment lesson.

Toby:Toby realizes the counseling is genuinely working: 'It's working. I'm doing it.' — followed by an immediate interruption

Toby · Michael:Michael: 'It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it?' / Michael: 'Well, let's not get too... this isn't a counseling session.' / Toby sighs.

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'Dogs don't do that.' Michael: 'Right? Why would a dog do that?'

Toby:Toby's realization: 'You son of a gun.' / then 'You son of a bitch.' — escalating as he realizes what Michael just revealed

Gabe · Toby:Corporate has sent Gabe to double-check Michael's evaluation — Toby marked 'severe' in ALL categories, including 'at risk for homicidal behavior'

Michael · Toby:Michael forged and faxed his own counseling evaluation forms, then blames Toby for 'getting him so worked up'

Michael · Toby:Michael's final confession: 'I wanna mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job.' / Toby: 'Good thing I'm here, 'cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous.'

Michael · Toby:Michael's doodles during therapy: 'That's the office, huh? Look at that. Angela's cat. Why is Angela taller than Dwight?'

Toby:Sunday church service. It's been a few years. The big guy and I, we've got some catching up to do.

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'You know, I don't interrupt your announcements.' Michael: 'You leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do?'

Toby · Oscar:Toby: 'I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.' [beat] 'That was the worst joke ever.'

Jim · Toby:Jim cuts off Toby mid-sentence while Toby is excitedly telling him about a stenographer who looks like Jim. Jim: 'I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second.'

Toby:Toby's confessional: 'I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking.'

Toby:Toby shows off a snow globe and claims he has a girlfriend named Tara who lives in New York: 'I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting.'

Toby:Toby's 'girlfriend' story: they drove to JFK but he was flying out of LaGuardia, 'so we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around slomo drinking latte.'

Ryan · Toby · Kevin:Reaction beat: Three co-workers shown in separate interviews saying 'He finished his movie? No kidding.' / 'Wow. That's great.' / 'Yeah, good for him.' — each clearly surprised and vaguely condescending

Michael · Toby · Meredith · Creed · Kevin · Others:Michael asks every person in the annex to marry him; each one says 'No' in turn — 'That marriage would be a sham.' / 'That would be hot. I would pay to see that.'

Toby · Oscar:Toby: 'It's fine.' / 'It's his last Dundies. You got to play along, man.' / 'Come on, Toby.' — Toby accepting the award to protect Michael's feelings

Toby:Toby's acceptance speech transforms into a confessional about the Scranton Strangler case: 'A man's being put to death, I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty anymore.'

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'Well, you know, Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.' — extended pause as Michael ignores this completely.

Toby · Michael:Toby tries to connect Michael with his brother in Boulder: Toby: 'Does he like jams? My shelves are overflowing with preserves.' Michael: 'Well, no, he hates jams.'

Deangelo · Toby:Toby. You're getting a new chair.

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Job candidate claims to have a three-step plan that could double profits, then refuses to reveal it: 'Nice try.'

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Candidate agrees to share 'part three of part two' of his plan, then reveals: 'Color-code said documents. T.M.'

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Interview candidate haggles over mileage reimbursement (25 cents vs. 27 cents), then pivots to asking if long-distance calls will be monitored.

Darryl · Jim · Toby:Darryl's interview awkwardness: candidate is already talking casually ('I think we make a good fit') before the interview has started, then claims it was 'a little joke' when corrected.

Darryl · Jim · Toby:Darryl uses a warehouse fight as a teaching moment about 'actions and consequences of actions' — an extremely long, uncomfortable pause follows.

Kelly · Jim · Toby:'So I think all we need is a resume and we'll be good, right?' / 'I just thought you knew me.' — Kelly doesn't have a resume.

Andy · Toby · Jim:Andy's interview: 'I really think we can streamline communication around here.' / Toby: 'Whoa. That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby.'

Andy · Jim · Toby:Andy says he'd 'streamline communication,' and Jim and Toby immediately interpret this as an accusation against Toby's HR department.

Toby:Toby's talking head about Andy: 'Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin.' / 'Professionally...' [long pause, nothing follows]

Jim · Toby · Andy:Andy is asked how many windows are in New York City, pivoting to 'How far away is the sun?' Andy answers both seriously.

Toby:Toby, advocating for Dwight, echoes the grave-hand metaphor: 'Sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat, that is the hand that you want on the wheel.'

Toby:I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup, I have a Swiss passport.

Toby:I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, 'The Flenderson Files.' Duh-buh-bum. Flenderson Files.

Robert California · Toby:And how are you, Toby? / So great. [Robert stares; Toby visibly deteriorates]

Toby · Bert · Gabe:Toby. Hey, Bert. Want to see the dance? / Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... / You're fired. / What? You heard me. Pack your things. / What? You can't— Gabe? Are you— I'm the CEO's son. / Pack your things. You're done.

Gabe · Toby:Gabe to Toby: 'Whom I am seeing is Val, from down in the warehouse. I'm not technically seeing her but I've seen her with the eyes. And there was attraction in at least one direction, so...'

Gabe · Toby:Gabe: 'Do you know her last name yet?' / 'Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight.' / Toby: 'She's gonna be screaming her own last name?'

Toby · Stanley:Toby/Stanley: 'How can we do that? She's simply wonderful.' followed by 'This is all pathetic.'

Toby:Toby: 'You know, this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flenderman novel, A Murder for Framing. Chad Flenderman. Just an easy-going black guy who knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One.'

Toby:Toby adds: 'Oh, and he's also the world's leading egyptologist.'

Dwight · Toby:Dwight to Toby: 'Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective.' / Toby: 'No, no, no, no, no, women chase him. He misses his wife.'

Toby · Robert California:Toby, still talking about Chad Flenderman: 'Chad Flenderman's kryptonite—' / Robert California: 'Whoa, we got a real Clarence Thomas here.'

Robert California · Jim · Toby:Robert: 'My wine collection.' Jim: 'How many bottles? Three hundred?' Robert: 'About 1,200.' Jim: 'What the hell, grab a bottle.' Robert: 'Less inventory for the lawyers.'

Robert California · Toby · Gabe:Robert to Toby about the wine: 'Too kind doesn't begin to cover it. With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night, you and me.' Toby: 'And Gabey makes three.'

Robert California · Toby:Robert, drunk on wine with Toby, whispers: 'Toby, you are playing a dangerous game.'

Toby:Toby: 'I guess I'm through the gateway now though, right?'

Toby · Gabe · Robert California:Toby, Gabe, and Robert raise their glasses: 'To both these bears. Bears. To both these bears.'

Robert California · Toby · Gabe:'To both these bears.' 'To both these bears.' 'Bears.' 'To both these bears.' — Toby, Gabe, and Robert toasting with wine to the two bears who died for the bed

Toby · Gabe · Robert California:Toby to Robert: 'I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want.' Gabe immediately: 'And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like.'

Robert California · Toby:Robert, drunk, announces: 'Toby, I am Bacchus, god of wine.' Toby: 'And I am Bacchus' friend.'

Robert California · Gabe · Toby:Final scene: Robert sees that Toby has fallen asleep (or passed out) in the pool area. Gabe: 'Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave.' Robert: 'So leave.'

Toby:You know, when I was on J-duties on a strangler case, we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from Ernesto's.

Jim · Toby · Andy:Oh man, Ernesto's! That was our favorite restaurant too. / You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck. / Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. Nobody cares about the empanadas.

Toby · Ernesto:The food truck arrives — 'Hola, Toby!' / Toby gagging.

Jim · Toby:Jim: 'Hey, this guy look familiar?' / 'It's the empanada guy!' / 'Holy [bleep]. Damn it, Toby. No, I wasn't asking you.'

Dwight · Toby · Kathy:We don't need idiots. / This hurts. / Good for nothings. / Meth-heads. / Or-- What's your name? / Kathy.

Toby:Wait, Kathy gets to go? Why does she even still work here? Pam is back.

Stanley · Andy · Pam · Toby:Stop calling us 'guys.' / I use the word 'guys' a lot when I'm nervous. / Guys. / Guys, guys, guys. / Andy, please. / Stop it, Andy. / Dudes-- / Andy.

Toby · Dwight · Toby:It has been a long, lonely winter. Wow, seasonal affective disorder, aka, 'SAD.' That sounds like a very real thing, Toby. / It is real. Thank you for saying that.

Toby:Toby's reaction when asked to teach self-defense: 'Me?' — then a beat — 'I can't believe you remembered I do self-defense. Um, I'll go put on my cup.'

Toby:Toby's self-defense class: 'Strike, scream, and run.' Demonstrates — immediately injures someone. 'Ow.' 'That may have been my fault.'

Toby:Toby's 'I-a-a-t-g' acronym: 'It's all about the groin.'

Toby:Toby: 'Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?'

Andy · Toby:Andy pivots to a 'point of view of the attacker' question — asking how an attacker can protect himself after getting sucker-punched — and Toby notes: 'It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker.'

Toby:Toby mentions 'The latest Chad Flenderman novel, based from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu' as a comparison for perspective-switching

Toby:Toby, mid-self-defense class: 'Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dead right away and just make it known that you're alive.'

Toby · Andy:Toby: 'My ex-wife used to demolish me. No, there is shame in it, okay? We have to draw the line somewhere.'

Toby:Toby's self-defense callback to Andy: 'Little things can be dangerous. Whether it's a Gremlin or Chucky the Doll — the key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace or a tub of electricity.'

Kelly · Toby:Kelly attacks Toby while yelling: 'You think you're so pretty! Well, you're not gonna be so pretty come prom time!'

Toby:Toby's running commentary during Kelly's attack: 'Okay, this is what's called pre-violent posturing.' Then, after getting hit: 'Okay, I'm at what's called the decision point.'

Toby:Kelly hits Toby in the eye: 'God! My good eye!' — Toby's reaction

Toby · Darryl:Toby appears selling cookies for his daughter: 'Knock, knock. Hey, it's Sasha's first year in the troupe, so I'm selling cookies for her.' Darryl's reaction: 'No!' immediately and firmly.

Toby · Darryl:Darryl catching Toby poaching Kevin: 'Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.' Darryl: 'You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.'

Kevin · Darryl · Toby:Cookie competition escalation: Kevin's hunger level negotiations — '40 boxes?' / 'Hungrier.' / '50?' / 'Hungrier.' / 'Triple digits.'

Darryl · Toby:'I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens.' 'Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.'

Kevin · Darryl · Toby:Kevin demands: 'Now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?' Darryl: 'Don't make me be your pony, Kevin.' Toby: 'I refuse to be another man's horsey.'

Toby:Toby introduces himself as 'Tony' and then has to correct himself

Toby:Toby: 'Touch me and I'll sue.'

Andy · Erin · Toby:Andy asks if Toby can stop the meeting: 'Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff?' Erin responds: 'HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything.'

Toby · Andy:Toby to Andy: 'You know, I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.'

Andy · Toby:Andy wants to fire Nellie; Toby says he can only do it 'for cause.' Andy: 'Then I will make up a cause.' Toby: 'Except you just told me you were going to make it up. Now if she sues, I'll have to testify against you.' Andy: 'Then forget I just told you that.' Toby: 'Can't.'

Toby:Toby explains he took a memory course: 'I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brooke, she had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean?'

Landlord · Toby:Landlord to Toby: 'How are you not murdered every hour?'

Toby · Oscar:Toby appears in costume: 'I'm Sexy Toby.' Oscar: 'Gross! I love it.'

Toby · Toby-costumed person:Beat following the Toby/Toby costume reveal — two Tobys staring at each other

Toby · other Toby:Two Tobys: 'Look at me.' / 'Being you.' / 'I know! Look at you.' / 'It's funny, right?'

Toby:Okay, calm down. It's just me, not Tom Selleck.

Toby:Toby's confessional: reveals Darryl promised to take him to Philly two months ago and has said nothing since — 'I mean, he said that, right?'

Toby · Clark:Toby hears 'Scranton Strangler' and eagerly says he was on the jury — Clark politely tries to exit: 'See you next Christmas'

Pete · Toby:New employee: 'Oh! What happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I understand.' Toby: 'I could. I could talk about it. See you next Christmas.'

Toby:Toby continues his Scranton Strangler jury story to someone who has now clearly stopped listening, with the detail: 'the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But that night, I did a little research on my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting.'

Toby · Pam:Toby: 'Let's get this over with.' / 'You don't have to...' / 'Let's get this over with, Pam.'

Pam · Oscar · Toby:The video reveals Pam filmed only the introduction and applause — not the actual recital

Nellie · Toby:Nellie to Toby about the Scranton Strangler obsession: 'Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it?'

Toby:Toby to Nellie before going to the prison: 'I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did Bogart put it? [as Bogart] I think this is the start of my first friendship.'

Toby · Nellie:Toby, after the Scranton Strangler strangled him in prison: 'Well, the good news is, no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal?'

Toby · Nellie:Toby, hoarse-voiced, on the brave act of offering his neck to discover the truth: 'You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice — isn't that the expression?'

Toby:Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. Doesn't become a violation till she physically acts on it.

Erin · Toby:Do they film us at night when we're sleeping? Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping 'cause that makes great TV.

Toby:Toby: 'Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had?'

Jim · Toby:Jim asks Toby about his divorce — Toby's exaggerated 'Whoa' followed by 'Oh yeah, no, it's okay. I can handle it.'

Toby:Toby (watching press conference): 'Ooh. Always hurts to hear that one.'

Toby · Jim:Post-counseling: Toby mutters 'Blah blah blah blah.' Jim: 'Well, they deserve each other, then.' Both: 'That they do. That they do.'

Kevin · Toby · Andy:Kevin and Toby confront Andy with a list of objections to quitting: '...in your late 30s with no savings to fall back on and no real connections in that business, which can be competitive. Yeah, sure. What's your question?' 'Our question is... it seems dumb.'

Toby · Kevin · Andy:Toby proposes Andy stay and 'full-ass' it as manager. Kevin: 'Really give it a go? Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way, achieve the fame and immortality that you seek?'

Toby · Andy:Toby: 'Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.'

Toby · Andy · Kevin:Wallace tells Andy his plan 'seems dumb,' Andy fires back with 'it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it.' Toby: 'But what if you were to stay here and "full-ass" it?'

Andy · Toby:Andy asks Toby to put in his file that he was 'fired for theft and/or groping wieners.' Toby refuses. Andy: 'Just know that you made me do this.' [Andy proceeds to grope Toby] Toby: 'Come on. Andy, no. God, Toby, don't... Stop blocking my hand.' Andy: 'Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!'

Pam · Toby · Dwight:Well, Toby will stop it. Any time anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so... Yeah. Yeah, I don't think... Toby, wait, wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake.

Toby · Office staff:Bye, bye, Toby — Toby walking out with his 'get out' cake

Toby:At least I got chocolate.

Audience member · Toby:Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore? / Yes.