When Michael slips some sly references about Pam in his conversations with Jim, Jim quickly tries to do damage control to make sure that no one else in the office finds about his crush on Pam, all while slamming himself with regret for ever telling Michael in the first place. Jim goes to drastic measures, even bonding with Michael at a Hooters restaurant for lunch. Nonetheless, Jim's efforts do little to keep Michael from revealing the secret, but Jim smooths the situation over with Pam to make it seem like nothing more than a tiny crush in the past. Meanwhile, Dwight conducts an investigation about Oscar's mysterious absence from work, and what Dwight finds, though it goes way over his head, is surprising.
WAR
31.6
Wins Above Replacement
“The Secret” ranks #58 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.0 — Elite. The episode packs 40 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 6.6 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael · Toby: He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. / Pam?
Michael Toby Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Pam · Dwight: Sniffling how? / Um, how many different ways are there to gonna sniffle? / Three.
Pam · Jim · Jim: So are you gonna be, like, totally awkward around me now? / Oh, yeah. Yeah. / Hope that's okay.
Pam Jim Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here. / Oh.
Jim Pam Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Michael: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well, I say an empty desk means an... Empty mind. No, that's not... No. That's not what I was gonna say.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 40 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Jim Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Unknown · Jim: What's updog? / Nothing much. What's up with you?
Unknown: Oh, wow. I walked right into that.
Jim · Stanley: Hey, Stanley. Is that jacket made of updog? / I'm on the phone.
Jim Stanley Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Unknown: What flavor coffee is that, updog? / What's that? / I don't know. Nothing. What's up with you? / Huh? No. Damn it.
Jim · Dwight: Dwight. Hey, is it me, or does this place smell like updog? / What's updog? / Gotcha! / Oh, God! Crap.
Jim Dwight Callback Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: But if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Michael: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well, I say an empty desk means an... Empty mind. No, that's not... No. That's not what I was gonna say.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: Could've used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael · Dwight: Which is exactly how you'd want to sound if you wanted someone to think you were sick. / That's exactly what I was thinking.
Michael: Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Roy: Man, this must be torture for you.
Roy Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jim: I confided in the world's worst confidant.
Jim Observational Character Comedy Michael: And it is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Stanley: See the game last night? / Which game? / Any of 'em.
Michael · Stanley: So, uh, what's the 4-1-1? Any updates on the 'P' situation? / P-A-M... P-A?
Stanley · Kevin: Peach iced tea. / You're gonna hate it.
Dwight: Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone. So none of this is useful.
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Observational Kevin · Michael: It's grrrrape soda. / Tony the Tiger, you don't hear that much anymore.
Jim: I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation, and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material.
Jim Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Oh, man. You should order milk. Get it?
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Michael: We're not worthy. We're not worthy.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Michael: I will have a chicken breast. Hold the chicken.
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Wordplay/Pun Dwight · Pam · Dwight: Sniffling how? / Um, how many different ways are there to gonna sniffle? / Three.
Michael · Jim · Michael: Her legs or boobs, or...? / Um, she's easy to talk to, I guess. / Really? She never gets any of my jokes.
Hooters waitresses: Happy birthday song at Hooters
Michael · Jim · Michael: What did you guys talk about? / Just, you know, politics. Literature. / I hate you.
Ryan: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too.
Ryan Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter. And you know what, Toby? They almost bought from us.
Michael · Toby: He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. / Pam?
Michael Toby Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: One time, I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out she was. With a couple of guys, actually, so. Mystery solved.
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim · Jim: Well, the cat's out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam. And now I don't. / Riveting.
Jim Jim Deadpan/Understatement Meta/Self-Referential Jim · Pam: I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here. / Oh.
Jim Pam Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Pam · Jim · Jim: So are you gonna be, like, totally awkward around me now? / Oh, yeah. Yeah. / Hope that's okay.
Pam Jim Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight: I don't tell Michael, and in exchange, you owe me one great, big, giant favor redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Dwight: Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's-s sake.
Dwight Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Creed · Michael · Creed: Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis. / No. That was mandatory. / Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing.
Pam · Michael · Pam: Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, or he told you about it on the booze cruise. / Um... okay. / Shut it, Michael. I'm done. That's it, I'm out.
Michael: Portrait of a Prostitute. Something... Secrets of a... More Secrets of a Call Girl.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I don't wanna be Shila. I like being Michael Scott.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 11:19-12:02 range with Hooters birthday scene as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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