When Michael slips some sly references about Pam in his conversations with Jim, Jim quickly tries to do damage control to make sure that no one else in the office finds about his crush on Pam, all while slamming himself with regret for ever telling Michael in the first place. Jim goes to drastic measures, even bonding with Michael at a Hooters restaurant for lunch. Nonetheless, Jim's efforts do little to keep Michael from revealing the secret, but Jim smooths the situation over with Pam to make it seem like nothing more than a tiny crush in the past. Meanwhile, Dwight conducts an investigation about Oscar's mysterious absence from work, and what Dwight finds, though it goes way over his head, is surprising.
WAR
78.8
Wins Above Replacement
“The Secret” ranks #107 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.9 — Elite. The episode packs 71 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jim: Jim's talking head: 'If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too.'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Pam · Michael: Pam parsing Michael's vague statement: 'Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, or he told you about it on the booze cruise.' Michael can't answer this. He's caught.
Pam Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight's talking head on how to detect lying — 'The liar will avoid direct eye contact... unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone, so none of this is useful.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight's talking head: surveillance of ex-girlfriend for six nights — 'Turns out she was. With a couple of guys, actually, so. Mystery solved.'
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance? Hmm, probably. But now I know something he doesn't want me to know... Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's sake.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Standout Moments
Dwight: Dwight's talking head on how to detect lying — 'The liar will avoid direct eye contact... unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone, so none of this is useful.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's talking head: 'If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too.'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Pam · Michael: Pam parsing Michael's vague statement: 'Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, or he told you about it on the booze cruise.' Michael can't answer this. He's caught.
Pam Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 71 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jim · Michael: Jim sets up the 'updog' joke on Michael, who walks right into it
Michael: Michael's 'Oh wow, I walked right into that' followed by immediately running to try it on Stanley
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Stanley · Michael: Stanley's dead-flat 'I'm on the phone' rebuff when Michael tries the updog prank on him
Jim · Dwight: Jim tries to get Dwight with 'does this place smell like updog' and Dwight almost bites but then catches himself — 'Damn it'
Jim Dwight Running Gag Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Unknown office member: Dwight falls completely for the updog prank — 'Gotcha!' / 'Oh God!' — camera presumably catches his mortified face
Michael: Michael: 'Today is spring cleaning day. And yes, I know it's January. I am not an idiot.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Meredith: Michael: 'They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well, I say an empty desk means an—' Meredith: 'Empty mind.' Michael: 'No, that's not... No. That's not what I was gonna say.'
Michael: Michael assigns Meredith to the men's room — 'Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down.'
Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Michael · Dwight: Michael: 'Oscar, dusting. Where is Oscar?' 'He's out sick.' 'That's unacceptable.' Dwight immediately: 'I agree. It's unacceptable.'
Michael: Michael calls Oscar on speaker: 'On a Friday?' — implying being sick on a Friday is inherently suspicious
Michael Character Comedy Observational Dwight · Michael: Dwight insisting on doing the talking during the Oscar call while also wanting credit for being present: 'Let him know I'm here though' / 'What difference does it make?'
Michael: Michael tells Oscar he could have used 'that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic' — the camera presumably catches the silence that follows
Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dwight: Dwight interrupts to ask Oscar his symptoms because he's on WebMD — 'Checks out.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Dwight: Michael: 'He sounded sick — which is exactly how you'd want to sound if you wanted someone to think you were sick.' Dwight: 'That's exactly what I was thinking.'
Michael · Dwight: Dwight: 'Question, may I investigate?' Michael: 'Yeah, drop what you're doing. Make this a priority.'
Michael: Talking head where Michael says Jim is his great friend and he intends to keep his secret 'for as long as I possibly can' — implying the window is very short
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's camera look after Michael makes Phyllis's bridal talk weird — 'Man, this must be torture for you.'
Jim Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Dwight · Ryan: Dwight delegates spring cleaning to Ryan: 'Do you think, or do you know?' Ryan: 'I think.'
Michael · Jim: Michael sidles up to Jim at the vending machine: 'See the game last night?' Jim: 'Which game?' Michael: 'Any of 'em.'
Michael · Jim · Stanley: Michael attempts to speak to Jim in 'code' about Pam using the letter P while Stanley is right there — 'P-A-M... P-A?'
Jim: Jim to the woman at the vending machine: 'Peach iced tea. You're gonna hate it.'
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Dwight · Oscar: Dwight catches Oscar on the phone from the pharmacy, confronting him: 'So, sounds like you're too sick to come into work, but you're well enough to go to the pharmacy.'
Dwight · Oscar: Dwight calls Oscar: 'I called six minutes ago and no one answered — so I was wondering if you could explain...' then realizes Oscar is at the pharmacy
Jim: Jim drinking grape soda: 'It's grrrrape soda' with a Tony the Tiger impression
Jim Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Jim: Michael: 'Tony the Tiger, you don't hear that much anymore.' Jim: 'Not so much.'
Dwight · Michael: Dwight confronts Michael: 'Fact, you are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact, you are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim.'
Michael · Dwight · Jim: Michael deflects Dwight's interrogation by making up a fake story about the Oscar investigation — Dwight becomes satisfied and thanks him
Michael · Jim: Michael proposes a picnic in the break room to 'talk about you-know-who' — then Jim immediately capitulates to the more public option of going out to avoid this
Michael: Michael: 'Oh, man. You should order milk. Get it?' at Hooters
Michael Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Michael: Michael's talking head about why he likes Hooters: 'The boobs and the hot wings.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Michael to the Hooters waitress: 'We're not worthy. We're not worthy.'
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Jim: Michael introduces Jim and himself as brothers, Jim immediately denies it, Michael pivots to 'I'm his boss, and I can afford to pay for his lunch'
Michael · Dana: Michael to the Hooters waitress: 'Tell me, Dana, how is your chicken breast?' / 'Oh it's great, served with our world-famous wing sauce.' / 'Sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast. Hold the chicken.'
Michael · Dana: Michael to Dana the waitress: 'Tell me, Dana. How is your chicken breast?' Dana: 'Oh, it's great. It's served with our world-famous wing sauce.' Michael: 'Mm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast. Hold the chicken.'
Michael Dana Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Michael · Dana: The waitress asks 'Is that what you really want?' — a long pause — and Michael changes his order to a gourmet hotdog
Kevin · Angela: Someone in the office: 'Who took all the black ones?' about the M&Ms — 'That's a communal bowl.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'What do you like best about Pam? Her legs or boobs?' Jim: 'She's easy to talk to and has a good sense of humor.' Michael: 'Really? She never gets any of my jokes.'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'What about you?' [meaning 'what do YOU like about Pam'] — Michael answers: 'Her boobs, definitely.'
Michael · Jim · Dana: The Hooters staff sings Happy Birthday to Jim — Michael announces it behind Jim's back as a surprise, clearly enjoying it more than Jim is
Jim · Michael: Michael asks what Jim and Dana talked about: 'Just, you know, politics. Literature.' / 'I hate you.'
Dwight · Michael: Dwight reports his Oscar investigation to Michael; Michael cuts him off: 'Just go to his house and see if he's sick.' Dwight: 'I could've done this investigation in like 20 minutes. Including prep time?'
Michael · Angela: Michael's Hooters wig appears at the office — the reaction of everyone seeing it
Michael: Michael defends the Hooters expense: 'They took my card away because I spent 80 bucks at a magic shop... I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter. And they almost bought from us.'
Michael · Toby: Michael accidentally outs Jim's crush on Pam to Toby while trying to justify the Hooters expense: 'He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged.' Toby: 'Pam?'
Angela · Phyllis: Angela: 'It's nobody's business, Phyllis.' [pause] 'Roy.'
Michael · Kevin: Kevin: 'So do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding?' Michael: 'You know what, Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine. So the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me.'
Michael: Michael: 'The only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dwight: Dwight's talking head: surveillance of ex-girlfriend for six nights — 'Turns out she was. With a couple of guys, actually, so. Mystery solved.'
Dwight Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's camera look when Pam asks 'which one is Pam?' or when Michael announces his secret has gotten out
Jim Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's confessional: 'Well, the cat's out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam. And now I don't.' — three-second pause, camera holds on him.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Kevin: The office apparently discussing Pam's hotness — someone says 'She is so hot' in the background
Kevin Character Comedy Reaction Beat Jim · Pam: Jim finds expired coupon in desk cleaning: 'Coupon for a free sandwich.' 'Score.' 'Expired in August.' 'Big day. Big day.'
Jim Pam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: Pam: 'I kind of thought maybe you did. When I first started.' Jim: 'Oh, you did? You saw through me. Great.'
Jim Pam Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: Pam: 'I kind of... I thought that maybe you did. When I first started.' / Jim: 'Oh, you did?' / Pam: 'I mean, just cause we, like, got along so well.' / Jim: 'You saw through me. Great.'
Jim Pam Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: Jim: 'So are you gonna be, like, totally awkward around me now?' Pam: 'Oh yeah.' Jim: 'Hope that's okay.' Pam: 'Mm-hmm.'
Jim Pam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim's talking head: 'And Pam. It was, like, three years ago. So I am totally over it.' — then sustained camera hold.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight surveilling Oscar's house: 'This is it. There he is. He's been gone for at least two... Who is that? Come to Papa.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Dwight · Oscar: Dwight finds Oscar at the ice skating rink: 'Oh man, you are so busted. Ice skates. Shopping bags. I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all.'
Dwight · Oscar · Gil: Dwight meets Gil at the skating rink and immediately pivots to extortion: 'I don't tell Michael, and in exchange, you owe me one great, big, giant favor redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.'
Dwight: Dwight's talking head: 'Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance? Hmm, probably. But now I know something he doesn't want me to know... Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's sake.'
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jim: Michael's emotional scene — he's crying in his office, tells Jim 'I just hope this doesn't affect our friendship!'
Michael Jim Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Creed · Michael: Michael asks Creed if he organized the menu book. Creed: 'Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis.' Michael: 'No, that was mandatory.' Creed: 'Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing.'
Michael · Pam: Michael tells Pam that Jim had a crush on her 'on the booze cruise' — revealing the crush is much more recent than Jim led her to believe
Michael Pam Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: Jim sees Michael exiting Pam's office: 'Shut it, Michael. I'm done. That's it, I'm out.'
Jim Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Michael: Michael's final confessional: 'People are always coming to me: Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust. No, thanks — keeping a secret can only lead to trouble.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Michael's Cinemax movie reference: 'Portrait of a Prostitute. Something... Secrets of a... More Secrets of a Call Girl.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael concludes: 'And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. Goes on the run, and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't... I don't wanna live like that. I like it here. I don't wanna be Shila. I like being Michael Scott.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael: 'I don't wanna be Shila. I like being Michael Scott.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Top Episodes — The Office
