Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager

Deangelo:If you don't like 'em, this is called a door, you can walk right through it.

Deangelo:Full ride, deal with it. Seriously? Stone-cold seriously.

Deangelo:They are trying to figure me out, and I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear.

Deangelo · Toby:Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Deangelo:Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on 'Ice Cream Thursdays.'

Kevin:But I could see how some people might think that they're bad.

Deangelo · Kevin:That is a... An astute observation, Kevin. Kev's got me pegged.

Pam:I found your new executive assistant, my friend, Carla. She's got great experience, we even considered making her Cece's godmother, but she had this boyfriend at the time.

Andy · Jim:Oh, there is an inner circle. Oh, yeah. There is no inner circle.

Andy:I also say that because I am also in the inner circle.

Kevin:Did you get that, ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is in the inner circle, which doesn't exist.

Deangelo:It's just that I own the coffee shop. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage 'cause it's so much fun.

Deangelo:No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

Deangelo:Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients.

Deangelo · Jim:That's Toys 'R' Us, I think. No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity is off.

Ryan:So, to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor.

Kelly · Ryan:Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie. I'd die for you, too.

Deangelo:You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.

Dwight:Congratulations on your one cousin. I have 70, each one better than the last.

Deangelo · Dwight:Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... Uh-oh.

Deangelo:This former administrative assistant misspelled 'administrative,' and 'assistant.'

Deangelo · Darryl:Under special skills, Mr. Don Finer put juggling. What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.

Deangelo:What would you say this room is? 300 square feet? 320? Three-twenty, just free-balling it. It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? Seventeen, eighteen hundo?

Deangelo:Sorry, I never touch another juggler's instruments.

Deangelo:Why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls? Prepare to go into the danger zone.

Deangelo · Phyllis:Phyllis, where's Phyllis? Here. Do you believe in me, Phyllis? Yes. 'Cause I believe in you. Feel that connection?

Kevin:He didn't drop a single ball.

Dwight:What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine? What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine?

Andy:I wrote my own companion piece to The Vagina Monologues, called The Penis Apologies. So I know a thing or two.

Angela:And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip-snip. Am I right, girls?

Jim · Deangelo · Kevin:Oh, like, nobody, it was... Pam? Was it Pam? Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Kevin, she can get really bitchy.

Deangelo:Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.

Unknown:What about Deangelo's hand? Oh, wow. He's got 'em both up.

Dwight:NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.

Jordan · Kelly:A law office? No, Anthropologie. 'We don't have this and that size.' Pretty lame.

Jordan · Pam · Deangelo:Yeah. Yup. Wow. No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.

Andy:What's up, man cave?

Jim:Jim watching through window, clearly wanting in but unable to enter

Dwight:Tell your whore to leave me alone!

Jim:So this is my life until I win the lottery or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books. So, one afternoon while walking home from school, quirky 10th-grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes 'The Horse Flyer.'

Kelly:No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically, just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.

Ryan:I did not see Rango.

Deangelo:Total brain burp. I'm no MJ. Please. I can do his dunk from free-throw line, though.

Darryl:Mad respect from a brother! The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say. And soon, I will say it in Chinese.

Deangelo:Only because no one has called NASA to request a lift off.

Dwight:If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.

Deangelo:Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs, or find a new place to sell paper!

Dwight:Okay, a little about me. I respond to strong leadership.

Deangelo:Deangelo falls and hits his head attempting the dunk, lying motionless on basketball court

Erin:Who should I say is calling? Erin.