Erin Hannon

Dwight · Erin:She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop. / Oh, my god. / It was gruesome.

Dwight · Erin:Just kidding. You finding everything okay? / Yeah. / Got some ice.

Michael · Erin:After the fake-fire reveal, Erin sincerely asks: 'Do they not like me, though?' Michael: 'I don't know, actually.'

Dwight · Erin:Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us. You're right. I'm sorry. Now, how can I help you?

Dwight · Erin:Erin, let me see your birth certificate.

Erin:I had just woken up. I didn't look cute.

Erin:Erin catches herself saying 'when he gets up' and self-corrects to 'gets back'

Erin:Erin's escalating explanation: 'Michael had chicken pot pie for lunch... an entire chicken pot pie... an entire family-sized chicken pot pie... and then he fell asleep.'

Erin · Michael:Erin checks the clock while saying 'which actually should be in about...' then a long pause and the camera cuts to Michael waking up at [01:16] like clockwork

Jim · Dwight · Erin · office staff:The entire scheme of changing Michael's computer clock and watch so he wakes up thinking it's 5pm

Dwight · Ryan · Erin:Ryan asks Dwight to put Erin on his row ('Bro-migo'); Dwight misreads it as Ryan wanting Erin to set him up for spikes, and offers Phyllis instead: 'She's the best setter on the team.'

Dwight · Jim · Andy · Erin · Michael:The gossip-tracing scene: 'Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me working me with controls?' — traced back through Andy, Erin, to Michael

Michael · Jim · Andy · Erin · Dwight:The gossip chain traced back: 'I heard it from Andy.' 'I heard it from Erin.' 'I heard it from Michael.' Everyone turns to Michael, who tries to sneak away. 'Where are you going?' 'Nowhere.'

Michael · Erin · Office Staff:'Yeah, no, it's nobody.' — Michael denying he has a date, while clearly having a date

Michael · Erin:Michael returns to the office soaking wet; receptionist immediately notices: 'You're soaking wet.' Michael: 'Oh, well, jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain, flash winds, flash lightning.'

Erin · Michael:'Why isn't Jim wet?' Michael: 'I... outran it.'

Erin · Michael · Jim:The custodian calls about keys found in the 'koi pond' — first mention revealing what happened to Michael

Michael · Erin:Erin: 'Staples?' when Michael asks for 'clips that hold paper together'

Erin · Michael:David Wallace calls to say Michael 'made a big splash' at the meeting

Michael · Erin · Oscar:The koi has died; it 'stepped on its head' — Michael is billed $300

Erin:Erin: 'Hand them to me upside down, so I don't accidentally read them.'

Erin · Andy:Erin asks Andy if the cold call day went well: 'No, it was a total waste of time.' Then immediately: 'Um, it was fun, though, because I got to spend the day with Andy Bernard. He's really cool.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'He's like Marlon Brando.' Erin: 'Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is.' Andy: 'I actually do mean Marlon Wayans, yeah.'

Erin · Michael:Erin mishears 'the Journal' as Michael's personal feelings journal: 'Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.'

Michael · Erin:Michael emerges from the bathroom. Erin asks if he threw up. Michael: 'No, just poopin'. You know how I be.' Erin: 'But it smells like throw-up in here.' Michael: 'Crazy world, lotta smells.'

Andy · Erin:Andy gets character card 'Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and... Nellie's brother.' — reacting with dawning horror to the sibling relationship with his potential love interest's character.

Andy · Erin:Andy (as Nathaniel) asks 'Nellie' (Erin) out on a date within the game — she accepts in character — both grinning.

Kevin · Jim · Andy · Erin:Kevin: 'I was just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. So funny. The guy's dead the whole time.' Jim: 'I haven't seen it.' Kevin: 'Speaking of weekends — you excited about our date this weekend?'

Andy · Erin:Andy (as Nathaniel) offers Erin (as Nellie) a date at 'The finest steakhouse in all Savannah.' Erin: 'Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin simultaneously deny the date was real. Andy: 'Did you mean a real date?' Erin: 'No.' Andy: 'Totally not.' — both clearly disappointed.

Michael · Erin:Erin startles Michael, who dramatically clutches his chest: 'You startled me! My stars, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest.'

Michael · Erin:Erin tells Michael it's David Wallace on the phone. Michael (as Caleb): 'Tell him I'm not heyah.' Erin: 'You're not gonna answer the phone?' Michael: 'No, I only answer to Detective Wallace, 'cause I got a warm body in the other room.'

Michael · Erin:Pam/Erin helps clear Michael's inbox; a category of emails is labeled 'Frankie's Dirty Joke of the Day' — and there are a bunch of them. 'Keep.'

Michael · Erin:Michael wants to keep 'sent' emails in his inbox so he can see what he sent. Erin points out that's what the sent folder is for. Michael: 'Keep.'

Michael · Erin:Three 'Nip Slip' news alerts are in Michael's inbox. Michael: 'I don't know how those get on there... Must be hackers.'

Michael · Erin:The reveal that Michael promised to pay college tuition for an entire class of third-graders 10 years ago — and it has now come due. Erin's reaction: 'Has it really been 10 years?'

Michael · Erin:Michael recognizes a student, Mikela Lasker, and immediately brings up her eighth-grade saxophone solo. 'She gave a rendition of When the Saints Go Marching In that would blow your freaking mind.' Erin: 'Well, you didn't even hear it.'

Michael · Erin:Michael's talking head: 'I destroyed 15 young lives today.' Erin: 'No.' Michael: 'Yes.' Erin: 'No, there's financial aid. They could join the Army or the Navy. Maybe...' Michael: 'You're, what, like, 12?'

Michael · Erin:Erin, trying to further comfort Michael: 'Maybe...' Michael: 'You're, what, like, 12?'

Michael · Erin:Erin reveals her career aspiration: she'd like to be an accountant but is 'terrible at math.' Michael: 'When I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse. I just sort of had a feeling about him.'

Michael · Erin:Michael, after the Kevin revelation, turns to Erin with full seriousness: 'Have a feeling about you, too.'

Erin:Erin's announcement: her Secret Santa has been giving her the 12 Days of Christmas literally. 'My cat killed a turtledove. The French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please stop.'

Erin · Michael:I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts. Is it you? / Yeah! / Totally. I admit it. It's me.

Michael · Erin:Michael as Jesus, handing out Erin's gift: 'That's fantastic! You can make another dress that goes past your feet.'

Michael · Andy · Erin:Michael accidentally reveals that Andy gave Erin her gift: 'No, Andy had Erin. It was a secret. Michael! You...' Michael: 'What? Was I not supposed to say?'

Andy · Erin:Andy confessional about the 12 Days of Christmas gift to Erin: 'I thought that you would like it.' Erin: 'It was a little much, Andy.' Andy: 'Well, it's the thought that counts.' Erin: 'What were you thinking?'

Michael · Erin · Drummers:Erin receives her 12th Day of Christmas final gift: 'Twelve drummers drumming.' Actual drummers play at the office entrance. Erin: 'Merry Christmas, Erin. Take it away, boys!'

Michael · Erin:Michael immediately opens the box again ('Erin, scissor me, please?') despite the entire repacking ordeal

Erin · Andy:Andy's confessional: 'I think when Andy finally asks me out, he's gonna try to top what he did with the drum line.' Cut to Erin's confessional: 'The ball is totally in Erin's court, after the whole drum line thing.'

Andy · Erin:Andy tries to hint to Erin about doing something on the weekend: 'Hey, any fun weekend plans?' / 'No. You?' / 'No, actually.' / (beat) / 'So, nothing? No movies or parties or anything you might want to invite someone to?' / 'Nothing. It's wide open.' / 'Okay. That's as hard as I can hint.'

Andy · Erin:Andy gives Erin a Valentine's card and says it smells good because 'it's Roger Federer for men. I sprayed some in there.' Then adds 'It's got pheromones in it.'

Andy · Erin:Andy gives Erin the Valentine's card and explains the Snoopy/Woodstock connection to the birds he gave her for Christmas. Erin says 'You named them?' Andy: 'Uh, Charles Schulz did.'

Erin:Erin's talking-head: 'I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one that you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual.'

Erin · Jim:Erin brings Michael 'ants on a log' at 2:30 and says 'Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say, Who's hungry?' — apparently trying to maintain Michael's office rituals for Jim.

Erin:Erin offers to spin Jim in his chair to help him think: 'It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.'

Erin:Erin: 'Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.'

Erin:Erin's talking-head about the Valentine's card situation: 'Andy Bernard is a playboy, and why shouldn't he be? He's got it all.'

Michael · Erin:Erin is in Michael's old chair in his old office. Michael comes in and startles her. She says 'I warmed it up for you, so should be good to go.' Michael says 'Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy.'

Michael · Erin:Michael's return to his office: Erin has installed a space heater, humidifier, dehumidifier, fan, foot fan, and food dehydrator. Michael: 'Erin, what about my keyboard?' — keyboard appears magically.

Michael · Erin:Michael has printed '10 ways to induce labor' and proposes doing the opposite to slow it down. Erin reads the first one: 'Stimulate the nipples.' Michael: 'Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.'

Erin · Office Staff:Erin reads: 'Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.' Someone offers: 'I have a shirt like that in my car.'

Michael · Erin:Third anti-induction item: 'Eat spicy foods.' Michael interprets 'opposite' as: 'Stick spicy food up her butt.'

Michael · Kevin · Erin:Michael introduces Kevin to Erin as her 'new boyfriend': 'You will learn to love me.' Kevin is presented like a prize on a game show.

Andy · Erin:Andy sends Erin a fax asking her to dinner — the fax is sent to their own office fax machine. Andy stands waiting for the confirmation. Fax is busy; Erin says she'll keep trying.

Andy · Erin:Andy demands Erin send the fax immediately or she's fired. Erin: 'You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong.' Andy: 'I've been having a tough day.' Erin reads the fax aloud: 'Erin, will you have dinner with me? From, Andy.'

Andy · Erin:Andy threatens to fire Erin for not sending his fax fast enough. Erin: 'You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong.' Andy: 'I've been having a tough day.'

Erin:Erin reads the fax and reacts with genuine joy: 'Oh, my God. That's amazing!' Then immediately starts faxing it as instructed.

Erin · Jo:I just have a little indigestion. In your nose. Yes.

Erin:Except once when I was in the hospital from age three to six.

Jo · Erin:Erin delivering a fax while visibly sick; Jo noticing and sending her home — 'These dogs have gotta be in a commercial with Dwight Howard next week.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'I'm in my jammy jams.' Erin: 'That's okay, I'm in my worky works.'

Andy · Erin · Reed:Erin's foster brother Reed showing up in bed with her during Andy's date — 'I didn't know you had a brother.' 'He's my foster brother.'

Reed · Erin · Andy:Reed inviting Andy to take the easy chair: 'Plus, you don't have to sit next to this big dork and her smelly feet.' Erin: 'They smell like roses. Smell them.'

Andy · Reed · Erin:So how does the whole foster sibling thing work? Do you guys share one parent, or— None. We were in the same house from ages 10 to 12, and then from 15 to 18.

Andy · Reed · Erin:Slavic/Eastern European folk music playing loudly in the apartment, interrupting the date; Andy and Reed looking around confused

Andy · Erin:Erin showing up at Andy's door after the failed date, both awkward, then laughing together — 'Ah. Oh, great, now I'm gonna get sick.'

Erin:Sales team decides to compensate non-sales staff — Erin's advice: 'People love shells from faraway beaches.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's coded couple-speak: 'Are you going later? / Sure, if you are. Yes.' followed immediately by Erin threatening to 'cut your face off'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's confessional about keeping their relationship secret 'because of the drama' — while talking over each other in perfect sync, clearly enjoying the drama

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin are at the arcade section of the bar, playing children's games separately (racing game, Whac-A-Mole) to avoid being seen together

Erin:Erin's fantasy of what people would say if they saw them dancing: '"What's up with those two?" "Hey guys, get a bedroom already." "Did we miss the wedding?"' — spoken with dreamy contentment

Angela · Erin:Angela is teaching Erin Whac-A-Mole: 'Whacking moles. Hit him on the head. Whack! Say it with me. Whack! Extend the fingers more. Whack! Good.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's plan to throw people off: Andy approaches a woman and starts 'talking to himself to confuse other people'

Erin:Erin: 'Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that?' — her attempt at flirting with a stranger to deflect suspicion

Andy · Erin:Andy pulls Erin away: 'We didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers.' / 'I was flirting with a man.' / 'What movie? Black Snake Moan?'

Andy · Erin:Confessional: Andy and Erin watching their colleagues — 'This is not what I want my relationship to look like' — presumably looking at any number of dysfunctional office couples on the dance floor

Andy · Erin:After Andy's big announcement, Erin says 'You know, it got to the point where keeping it a secret was just too much drama. And I hate drama.' Andy: 'I know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen.'

Erin:Erin to Michael: 'I got a picture of you asking me to lunch.'

Erin · Michael:Erin critiques Michael's lunch suggestion: 'Well, Hayworth's is more business-casual, and they always screw up your order...' / Michael: 'Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was a stupid suggestion.'

Michael · Erin:The pair ultimately goes to Hayworth's anyway: 'Okay, let's go to Hayworth's.' / Erin: 'Okay!'

Erin · Michael:Michael asks to listen to book on tape in the car; Erin: 'This is a novelization of the movie Precious, Based on the Book Push by Sapphire.'

Michael · Erin:Michael's conversation attempt: 'What decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?' / Erin: 'I don't know.' / Michael: 'I would have chosen the 1490s. 'Cause America was discovered. Right.'

Erin:Erin's confessional: 'My last job was at a Taco Bell Express, but then it became a full Taco Bell and I don't know, I couldn't keep up.'

Erin:Erin: 'My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. At my foster home I never had a desk.'

Erin:Erin's answer to the pillow question: 'Yeah, like a favorite month. Like, I liked April when I was seven.'

Michael · Erin:Michael describes Andy to Erin: 'Andy plays the banjo. Yeah, I love that. Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser.'

Michael · Erin:Erin: 'Why wouldn't he tell me that?' / Michael: 'Probably didn't want you to have a mental image of him having sex with somebody else.' / Erin: 'They had sex?' / Michael: 'They were engaged, so...'

Erin · Waiter:Erin: 'I asked for pickles on my burger, and there are only, like, five or six. Can I get some more pickles?' / Waiter: 'Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles.'

Erin · Michael:Erin begins braiding/playing with her hair at the restaurant table in full public meltdown; Michael: 'What are you doing? What are you doing?' / Erin: 'In the foster home, my hair was my room.'

Michael · Erin:Michael returns from lunch and peppers Erin with anxious questions: 'Did you have a... Did you like your lunch? Did you have a good lunch? Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food?' / Erin: 'It was good. I liked my lunch.'

Erin:Erin snaps at Oscar during confrontation with Andy: 'God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy.'

Andy · Erin:Andy announces 'Secretary of Love' and begins playing banjo — then Erin immediately interrupts to confront him about Angela mid-performance.

Erin:Erin's public questioning of Andy: 'Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together?'

Erin:Erin to Andy: 'You want to talk to me, come to my desk.' — delivered from across the room with maximum frost

Angela · Erin:Angela to Erin at the fax machine: 'You embarrassed me earlier.' / Erin: 'Take it up with the chief of police.'

Angela · Erin:Angela about Andy: 'It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.' / Erin: 'You are throwing up for the wrong reasons.'

Erin:Erin: 'You are throwing up for the wrong reasons.'

Pam · Erin:Pam approaches Erin: 'You know, I was engaged before Jim.' / Erin: 'Really?' / Pam: 'Yeah. And he worked here, too.' / Erin: 'It was Andy, wasn't it?'

Erin · Andy:Andy's confessional about trust, then Erin interrupts: 'Is your name Andy Bernard? What's your real name? Lionel Frankenstein?'

Erin · Andy:Erin's breakup speech: 'I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. Like that girl Precious in Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Okay?' / Andy: 'I didn't see that movie.'

Erin · Michael:Erin alone watching Cookie Monster video, Michael finds her: 'Sorry. I thought everyone was gone.' / Michael: 'No, no. I was just watching Cookie Monster. It finally downloaded.'

Michael · Erin:Michael: 'Andy? You know... Come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis.' / Erin: 'Oh, I like his butt.' / Michael: 'You said butt.' / Erin: 'You tricked me.'

Erin · Michael:Erin: 'Oh, I like his butt.' Michael: 'You said butt.' Erin: 'You tricked me.'

Erin:Erin: 'Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home?' — referring to Donna's barrette

Kelly · Erin:Oh! Did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? / Aw! It's kissing its mommy.

Ryan · Erin:For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals, so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But look, why tell you, when I can show you? I just sent myself a woof. / Ryan, you have a woof on line one. / Thank you, Erin. / Woof!

Michael · Dwight · Jim · Pam · Ryan · Creed · Andy · Oscar · Angela · Kevin · Darryl · Erin:The entire cold open lip sync/dance performance to 'Nobody But Me' — the whole office is participating in an elaborately choreographed music video, including Dwight with a CamelBak hydration pack, Creed awkwardly appearing, and Ryan ignoring it for his laptop

Erin:Erin's talking head about Gabe: 'Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise.'

Erin:Erin continues: 'Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn't have to.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The 13-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters' club.'

Jim · Pam · Erin:Jim and Pam confronting Erin outside: 'All you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed. Then we were kind of hoping you wouldn't touch her again.'

Erin · Jim · Pam:Erin: 'But why would I take her to the hospital?' — responding to Jim saying the car seat was 'to take her to the hospital or...'

Erin:Erin on the phone to Gabe at the cast party: 'I'll see you soup.' [giggles] — accidentally saying 'see you soup' instead of 'see you soon'

Erin:Erin answers the phone: 'Dunder-Mifflin, this is Erin. Happy Halloween. How can I haunt you today?'

Erin:MacGruber SNL countdown interrupts Erin's talking head — 'Six seconds, MacGruber! / Two seconds, MacGruber! / Oh, boom! Ohh, explosion! MacGruber!'

Erin:The 2011 Scranton/Wilkes-Barre coupon book is revealed as the costume contest prize, 'worth over $15,000 in savings.'

Michael · Darryl · Erin:Michael has Erin put Darryl on speakerphone — Darryl says 'I'm good' instead of coming out to the office.

Michael · Erin:Michael can't figure out how to use the speakerphone: 'Um, hit the speakerphone button. The speakerphone button? Same button as you hit before. Or sit on it.'

Erin:Erin is bobbing for apples during the party scene — turns out she ate two whole apples: '57, 58. Wait, she hasn't moved in a while. Erin. Er... Two. I got two. I ate two whole apples.'

Erin · Michael:Erin: 'I think it's really cool, Michael. I wish I had a job that I could just leave.' Michael: 'Thank you.'

Michael · Erin:Michael performs a fake-out: pretends to be too busy to care about Glee, then immediately caves and admits he's a 'total Gleek.'

Erin:Take Gabe, take Michael, you make 'Gaymike.' Best friends.

Andy · Erin:Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose? / Andy, you look awful. / You're four seasons in a day.

Erin · Michael:Why do you care whether we like him or not? / I care if you like him. / Why? I'm not your father.

Michael · Erin:Go to your room. / What? / Go to your room, young lady. / I'm not going to my room. / You listen to me. You listen good. You are not to see that boy anymore.

Erin · Michael:I hate your roof. / Do not raise your voice to me. / I'll raise it all I want. I'll raise the roof. / I will pull this car over. / I hate it. I hate your car.

Ryan · Michael · Erin:The WUPHF demo: 'I sent you a Facebook message yesterday, I still haven't heard back.' / 'You should've sent me a WUPHF.' / [all devices go off simultaneously] WUPHF! WUPHF! Dot-com!

Erin · Ryan:Erin enthusiastically shouts 'WUPHF! WUPHF! Dot-com!' as the product demo jingle/chant.

Michael · Darryl · Phyllis · Stanley · Angela · Oscar · Erin:The entire office Christmas photo shoot where Michael keeps trying to get everyone to jump simultaneously and failing each time

Michael · Erin:Erin jumped too early — 'she's on the ground by three.' 'I didn't want to miss it.'

Erin · Holly:Erin refuses to help a woman carry boxes because she's waiting for 'my boss' pretty friend to arrive.' The woman IS Holly.

Erin · Michael:Erin goes through happy/sad items: 'Sponge — sad. To soak up my tears.' / 'Gummy bears and gummy worms — bears sad, worms happy. Come on, Erin.'

Michael · Erin:Ukuleles: Erin guesses 'Happy?' — Michael: 'Sad. Something to break.'

Michael · Erin:Michael: 'Two bottles of scotch. Both sad.' Erin: 'And did you get the tickets?' Michael: 'Two front row center to Paula Poundstone, live in Poughkeepsie. Holly's favorite.'

Erin:Erin's resolution update: 'My goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say that it is going immensely.'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe intercepts the gift from Sabre meant for Erin — 'Intercepted. Hey... Gabe.' 'Oops-e-doops.'

Dwight · Holly · Erin:Stupid question. He went back to the office, obviously, which is that way. / Oh, really? You don't think he walked by that bakery just for the smell of it? / She's right. He went that way.

Holly · Dwight · Erin · Cell Phone Clerk:Cell phone store scene: Holly is 'just changing my cell phone plan' / clerk calls her 'Fanny Smellmore' / Holly realizes it's a fake name Michael used.

Holly · Erin · Dwight:Okay. Close your eyes. We need you to think. What is Michael seeing right now? / Can you tell him that we miss him? / Michael, we're coming for you! / Will you stop?

Dwight · Erin:Someone propose a plan. / Okay. / We fan out... / Not you, Erin.

Erin:I'm Gabe and... I'm a weirdo.

Erin · Andy:Erin explaining she did Andy's sudoku by accident and is avoiding Stanley: 'I accidentally did his sudoku.'

Erin · Andy · Darryl:Erin and Andy's whispering scene in Darryl's office — whispering about whether Darryl can hear them, then testing by calling him a jerk, then immediately apologizing.

Gabe · Erin · Andy:Gabe's treasure hunt song plays on a boom box: '(Singing) The temp at night / The temp at night'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin struggle to decode the treasure hunt instruction 'pick it up, take it out' — repeating it back and forth in confusion.

Andy · Erin · Ryan:Andy and Erin finding Ryan in the break room/office — it's implied he's with a woman. 'Oh. Cool.' followed by Andy and Erin gasping and looking away.

Ryan · Andy · Erin:Ryan accuses them of wanting to have sex in his office. 'You wanted to have sex in my office.' Andy: 'No. Definitely not. That's disgusting.' Ryan: 'It's cool. Just um, try to put everything back where you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.'

Erin:Erin, acting as hunt guide, tells Andy to 'enjoy a mid-hunt break' and to look for 'a heart or some (bleep) in the break room when you're through.'

Andy · Erin:Andy asks Erin: 'B-9. Like benign tumor.' Erin corrects: 'Maybe it's just more like Be mine.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin stare at each other after reading 'the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss' — both realize they're supposed to kiss, neither moves

Erin · Gabe:Gabe fell in the shower and it took the fire department forever to get there.

Erin:Erin gave Packer the computer meant for reception because 'he seemed to really need a new computer and he knows so much about that one'

Erin:Erin pretends she doesn't have plans, then excitedly reveals she's going to the Dundies

Erin · Jim · Pam:Erin hides in the car during lunch to avoid Gabe, then whispers urgently for Jim and Pam to get in

Erin:Erin: 'I eat lunch in the car now. It's my alone time. It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe.'

Erin · Pam:Erin tells Pam: 'I can't just dump him, Pam. I'm not like you. I can't be mean.' Pam: 'Wait, when am I...'

Erin:Erin's acceptance speech: 'This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. People were right about the Dundies, they are magical.'

Erin · Gabe:Erin breaks up with Gabe at the podium during her Dundie acceptance speech: 'I'm not attracted to you. I just... I cringe when you talk.'

Erin · Pam:Erin: 'I have to be honest. Right, Pam?' — turning to Pam for validation while publicly humiliating Gabe

Andy · Jim · Pam · Dwight · Kevin · Erin · Oscar · Meredith · Angela · Stanley · Ryan:The office performs a parody of 'Seasons of Love' ('Rent') customized with Michael-specific details: 'You hit me with your car / You helped me get off drugs / I watch you when you sleep / I forgive you for kissing me'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe confronts Erin: 'I've seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'You're not prone to seizures?' — apropos of nothing, to Erin

Erin:Erin: 'I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.'

Gabe · Erin · Creed · Michael:Gabe follows Erin into the women's bathroom and Michael says 'Hey, Creed. Not cool, man.' — then Creed is apparently also in the women's bathroom

Gabe · Erin:Gabe: 'Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.'

Erin:Erin, on choosing between Gabe and Andy: 'I wish I knew who my birth mother was so she could just tell me who to choose.'

Erin · Kevin · Andy:Kevin walks by; Erin: 'Kevin?' / Kevin: 'Andy.' — Erin mistook Kevin for a romantic option

Andy · Erin:Andy gives Erin a heartfelt speech ending with: 'you are beautiful, and you are fun, and you are smart... you don't need a mom, because you have my number and you can call me anytime. Extension 147.'

Deangelo · Erin · Office Staff:Deangelo's attempted dunk — 'Doctor is in!' — followed by the crash, emergency, and his post-injury speech in garbled nonsense language

Erin:Erin: 'Who should I say is calling?' in response to being asked to call 911.

Gabe · Erin:Erin. I am in love with you. I don't believe in much, okay? I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don't believe in God. / What? / Or maybe there's a God. I don't know. I mean, it's just not a guy with a long white beard. Or it could be.

Gabe · Erin:Uh, do we not have voice mail? / Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.

Erin:It was a challenge being touched by him.

Erin · Andy:Erin has been turned into a puppet: 'I've been turned into a puppet. Okay. Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet. Who are you? I went to drop off the FedEx forms, and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet!'

Erin · Kevin:The puppet's request: 'I need the most special thing in the office. Silence?' / Puppet: 'A date with the best salesman, Andy Bernard!'

Erin · Robert:Well, I woke up, and-- / Erin, when you recount your day, never say you woke up, it's a waste of your time. That's how every day has begun for everyone since the dawn of man.

Erin:Suddenly... I was awake.

Erin · Jim:I know! It's alphabetical. / No. No, it's not.

Andy · Erin · Darryl:The nickname chain: Erin calls Andy 'D Dog,' Andy approves it, tells Erin she's 'E Dog,' the whole office adopts dog names

Erin · Andy:What are you doing? I just wanted to see how you do it. If you're doing something I don't...

Erin:One day he's like 'Fax these documents, please.' The next he's like, 'Pam, you fax them. Who cares what Erin's feeling.'

Erin · Pam:How would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of one to three? Um... Two? It's like the second to last thing I wanted to hear.

Erin · Angela:Oh, I put those up. / I know. I'm taking them down. / I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y.

Erin · Gabe:I'm throwing the Halloween party and I just want to amp it up. I think it could use some extra pizzazz. Okay. Where does Gabe factor in?

Erin:Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying?

Gabe · Erin:I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary.

Erin · Andy:All I knew is that you wanted to have a talk with me at the end of the day, and I got nervous, so... / Did you think I was going to fire you? / No, I wasn't.

Andy · Erin:She's never come by, so. And she's never called here. / Unless it's your mom. / No, I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird, but now it's weird that she's not calling.

Erin · Andy:Two dates? / Three dates? / Thirty-one. / Wow. / I'm so happy for you guys. Um. Let me know when you get to 40.

Andy · Erin:Andy's elaborate scheme to impress a client by staging a fake important phone call that he'll heroically refuse to take

Erin:Because your mother is dead.

Andy · Erin · Client:The back-and-forth where Andy insists his mom isn't dead while Erin doubles down ('She was hit by a bus'), and everyone escalates around the bewildered client

Erin:Wow, this is so much better than the story you made up.

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'Although, I was watching a movie and Meryl Streep had two secretaries.' Erin: 'I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying.'

Erin:Erin: 'I know exactly which stapler to give her.' — volunteering her form of sabotage.

Andy · Erin:Andy reveals he brought his bicycle to be Erin's designated driver 'in the event that you drink too much, which is by no means required'

Erin:Erin talking head: 'I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like, we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.'

Kelly · Erin:Kelly wishes Erin 'Happy Pancha Ganapati' — Erin asks 'Ew, what is that?' — Kelly explains it's a five-day Hindu celebration honoring Ganesh, patron of the arts — Erin: 'Cool.'

Erin · Jessica:Jessica arrives; Erin rushes to hug her aggressively: 'We don't say hi. We hug.' and squeezes her — 'I-- Oof. Sorry.'

Erin · Jessica:Erin claims spontaneous scoliosis and starts dramatically convulsing — 'Spontaneous... Scoliosis.' / 'This thing could take your arm off, your head off.'

Darryl · Erin:Darryl explains the upstairs corporate party: 'There's a Christmas party upstairs tonight.' — Erin asks 'Isn't that just for popsicles?' / 'Popsicles?' / 'Yeah, like, upstairs people. 'Cause you got a stick up your butt.'

Erin:Erin's alternative theory: 'See, I thought it was because they're all so rich they could eat popsicles all the time. What?'

Erin:Erin: 'You had me at clookies. I can't wait to find out what they are.'

Meredith · Erin:Meredith trying to get Erin to take a shot: 'The fifth one is for you, Erin. You can take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine, too.'

Erin · Meredith:Erin takes the shot and yells 'Jiminy Christmas!' — Meredith echoes 'Jiminy Christmas, indeed' with satisfaction

Erin · Darryl:Erin to Darryl: 'How many drinks have you had tonight? I can't be driving everybody home.' — Darryl: 'A thousand.' / 'Whoa! Maybe you should take a break.' / 'Maybe you should mind your own business.' [pause] 'Just kidding.'

Erin · Jim · Pam:Drunk Erin to Jim and Pam: 'I am so happy you guys are together. And you both have such beautiful hair. I hope you guys get married. And who knows? Maybe at the wedding I meet someone.'

Erin:Erin: 'Okay, well, I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. That's how the cool kids say get a drink.'

Erin · Andy:Drunk Erin to Andy: 'I don't want to put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take an apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.'

Erin:Erin drunk at the bar: 'Every Martini has an olive.' [in response to 'have you had anything besides candy canes?']

Erin · Andy:Erin: 'I'd said I wish Jessica was dead.' / Andy: 'You — you mean you wish she wasn't here or something.' / Erin: 'I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground with worms coming out of her mouth.'

Erin · Andy:Erin: 'You promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So which one are you, a murderer or a liar?'

Robert California · Erin:Robert dropping off Erin: giving her very specific instructions — 'Take a few aspirin, drink a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning' — then when she thanks him and says good night, he stays in the car smiling suggestively

Robert California · Erin:Robert on Erin's porch: 'What are you smiling for? You thinking what I'm thinking?' / Erin (slightly fearful/excited): 'I'm sure I am not.' / Robert: 'Let's get you home.' / Erin: 'Ow! Take it easy!'

Andy · Oscar · Kevin · Meredith · Kelly · Erin:The team self-sorting into A-team, Backup, and 'Good-timers' — with clear visual implication that Kevin and other weak players self-select into the good-timers group

Kevin · Erin:Kevin hits the bell immediately on 'On a square-rigged ship...' — gets the answer 'flying jib' before anyone processes the question

Kevin · Meredith · Erin · Kelly:Final montage: The B-team rattling off answers — 'Riboflavin.' / 'Michigan.' / 'POTUS.' / 'John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath.' — with total confidence

Meredith · Erin:Meredith: 'It's no problem. You live right near me.' Erin: 'How do you know where I live?' Meredith: 'Andy followed you home after the Christmas party.'

Meredith · Erin:Erin: 'Why?' Meredith: 'He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend... a restraining order.'

Robert California · Erin:Robert and Erin debate pool temperature: 'It is warm. It's almost too warm. I'm feeling 82, 82.5.' 'Oh. So close. Eighty-one.' Robert: 'Well, we'll say it's 82 and it'll be our secret.'

Andy · Erin:Andy hits on Erin about her car: 'It's great, you know, reliable, great mileage.' Andy: 'How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain.' Erin: 'Well, I can't, I'm going skiing with Jessica.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'Couple of dopes on the slopes.' Erin: 'Oh. Like a goodbye trip?' Andy: 'No. What?'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But if he was jealous once before, then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ridel wouldn't survive and I believe him.'

Dwight · Erin:Erin tells Dwight she was flirting with him to make Andy jealous. Dwight: 'Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office?' then immediately: 'I'll do it!'

Erin:Erin feeds herself chips and asks someone to 'crush it into my face' and 'rub the grease around,' then: 'Andy's not even looking. Eating is a dead end. Damn it.'

Dwight · Erin:Dwight, on Erin's shoulders during chicken fight: 'Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together.' Dwight: 'I know. I could just bang you right now.'

Dwight · Erin:Dwight refuses to quit the chicken fight: 'Maybe we should take a little break.' Dwight: 'Dwight, we've got this. I promise I will not leave your shoulders no matter what.' Extended chaos in the pool ensues.

Dwight · Erin:Dwight, apparently having lost the chicken fight: 'Erin, did we win?' Beat. Erin: 'Sure. Sure, we did.' Dwight: 'You're lying. We didn't win.'

Erin · Andy:Erin steps on Andy's ring: 'So I kind of stepped on this. I think it's yours.' Andy: 'Yeah.' Erin: 'Oh. Wow.' Andy: 'How did you know it was mine?' Erin: 'The Bernard family seal, duh.' Andy: 'Duh.'

Andy · Erin:Erin: 'Sorry if your special night was ruined.' Andy: 'Oh, whoa, whoa, no it's not a special night.' Erin: 'Oh, you weren't going to do it?' Andy: 'Honestly, Erin, I don't know what I'm doing.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for. But it's not so bad either.'

Erin:And here's the fax for you. And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes.

Erin:Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one.

Erin:For awhile there, I thought something would change, but, nope, Andy's still with Jessica. They even carpool together most days.

Erin:I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy. But I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica.

Erin · Dwight:Hey, guys, any spots left? / Erin, you want to go to Tallahassee? / I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head.

Erin:I'm going to Florida and I'm not coming back.

Erin:Like a coat check.

Robert California · Erin · Waiter:'I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please.' 'And I will have a waffle with your mapliest syrup.' 'Sorry, no waffles.' 'Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it.' 'A waffle?' 'A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy?'

Erin · Andy:Erin: 'Whoa. The lights are still on.' Andy: 'Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off.' Erin: 'I like how guys just know stuff all the time.' Andy: 'Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me.'

Andy · Erin:[Whispers] 'Get down. It's the fuzz.' 'Shh! Do you want us to get scolded?' 'Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please.'

Ryan · Erin:Ryan to Erin: 'I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day. You should move down here with me. We could be roommates. We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl — Maybe in six months —' Erin: 'Six months?' Ryan: 'Um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly.'

Erin · Andy:Erin telling Andy he should move to Florida: 'You should move down here with me. We could be roommates. We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl — maybe in six months—' Andy: 'Six months?'

Ryan · Erin:Erin to Ryan: 'That was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again?' Ryan: 'Sure.' Ryan: 'Hey, just so you know, me and you — I don't think that's ridiculous. Dot, dot, dot... Dot, dot.'

Dwight · Erin:Erin admits she's afraid of falling off the chair while Dwight insists 'your tiny fingers make the best knots'

Erin:Erin breaks from her 'hipster Tabitha' cover identity to whisper to the camera: 'Psst. It's me, Erin.'

Erin:Erin's hipster persona mispronounces 'Zooey Deschanel' as 'Zoo-ey Desh-channel' and 'Coachella' as 'Couch-arilla Music Festival'

Dwight · Erin:Dwight spots elderly visitors: 'The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here!' then instructs Erin to shoo them away by telling them the pigeon fountain is 'out behind the bank'

Elderly woman · Erin:Old woman at the store tells Erin she's searching for 'handsome men' after being redirected from the Sabre store, and expresses sympathy when told Erin was rejected by Andy: 'Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas?'

Elderly woman · Erin:Elderly woman to Erin: 'And you should forget your husband.' Erin: 'Well...' — the implication being that Erin's 'husband' (Andy) is not actually her husband

Erin · Jim:Erin trying to video chat Andy: 'Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy.' Jim: 'You don't "make a video chat" — you "video chat."'

Erin · Jim:Erin reveals her password is 'Erin123' — Jim: 'That's a terrible password.'

Erin · Andy:Video chat visual gag: Erin and Andy's video connection keeps breaking — 'There's something wrong with my laptop. Oh! I fixed it.' [Andy's screen goes black] 'Oh! Now mine's broken. Hang on.'

Erin:Erin cheerfully narrates her life as a maid: 'That's right, I'm a maid for an old lady... Listen to me, bragging away.'

Glenn · Andy · Erin:Irene's grandson: 'Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome.' / Andy: 'Hey... Don't listen.'

Erin:Erin cheerfully mentions she's been reusing the hot dog water for extra flavor

Andy · Erin · Irene:Andy still has a girlfriend (Jessica) when he came to declare his love for Erin

Erin · Andy:'Just go to preferences, then click-- Proctology.'

Erin · Andy:Erin reveals she doesn't own a toothbrush: 'There's always one around. I just find one.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush?' / Erin: 'Of course. I own my toothbrush.'

Erin:"Oh, no, no. I meant that must be nice to have parents."

Andy · Erin:The 'no kisses until the breakup is official' exchange — both characters agree this is 'important'

Andy · Erin:Andy's worst-case scenario rehearsal: He keeps saying 'I just need you to know' and then trailing off, punching himself

Erin · Andy:"Okay, Andy, that is a bachelorette party. This is Jessica's friends and they've been drinking during the daytime." — followed by 'Should we go? / Yeah'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin looking at photos of Jessica's new boyfriend — Andy keeps misidentifying the relationship: 'I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend. Like a boyfriend? You read my mind.'

Andy · Erin:Andy at the bachelorette party: 'Do you want a gummy penis? / No. I'll just have some gummy bears. / These are delicious. / But they're penises.'

Andy · Erin:Jim and Erin's post-bachelorette debriefing: 'That was a really rough scene.' / 'Right? Rough scene. Yeah.'

Andy · Erin:'At least we can kiss now.' / 'Oh, yeah.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'You know, that stuff that I said about you to her, that's just... I was dating her at the time.'

Andy · Erin:Andy/Erin nausea: 'Probably from seeing that turkey. / Oh yeah. When we drove by the farm. Always does that.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's mutual reassurance that last night 'was not a big deal' and both were 'just tired' — played as obviously a big deal

Erin:Erin's talking head about Andy losing the manager job: 'I don't know what the technical term is. Hmm. Penial... softiosis.'

Robert California · Erin:Robert California denies ever experiencing anything 'remotely like that,' then immediately starts listing erection-adjacent monuments: 'Washington Monument.' 'Okay.' 'Eiffel Tower.' 'Okay, okay.'

Kevin · Erin:Kevin defends Erin's sex life: 'Erin doesn't even like sex, remember? You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton.'

Andy · Erin · Toby:Andy asks if Toby can stop the meeting: 'Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff?' Erin responds: 'HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything.'

Erin:Erin's angry outburst: tells Nellie to take the memos herself, outs Andy's sexual performance issue to the whole office ('our sex life is none of your business!'), and declares 'Andy is the manager, not Nellie!'

Andy · Erin:Andy has hurt his hand punching the wall but insists on carrying his own box: 'I got it. But you hurt your hand. I... got it.' Then he struggles visibly.

Erin · Robert California:Erin: 'Hey, jabroni, show some class.' / Robert: 'She's right, Andy. You're being a jabroni. You're being a Thomas Oregon.'

Clark · Erin:Clark's fake news producer pitch to Erin: 'You'll just come over, put on a little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple of different ways in a couple of different outfits. It'd be really tasteful...'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist, but why? Because I happened to answer a Help Wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO or for a brain surgeon?'

Erin:Erin's news story: 'Afghan President Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of Dollar Days throughout the country, promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. Aren't you glad you waited? Karzai commented.'

Erin:Erin: 'A little bit here, a little bit there.' — when asked where she got the story

Erin:'I bet you didn't think I knew current events.' — Erin to Andy after the Karzai story

Erin · Andy:Erin struggles to pause long enough after 'For Channel Eleven News' — multiple takes get increasingly desperate

Andy · Erin:Andy's news co-anchor pun: 'You know what they say, Erin, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.' / Erin: 'Well, he tried to, but the fire door was blocked.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And maybe it will work out for Andy.'

Erin:Erin's talking head: 'Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And maybe it will work out for Andy.'

Erin:Erin brushing her teeth in the shower to 'save 90 seconds,' which she then uses entirely to explain the hack.

Erin:Erin announces she wants to knock out more 'sound bites' while talking to the camera, then cuts to the nature documentary footage playing on a small screen.

Pete · Erin · Dwight:Pete studying French while Erin watches and Dwight interrupts to pitch Dothraki as 'a lot easier than French.'

Erin:Erin's talking head imagining Andy's family at the holidays: 'She's gonna be like, "what's your stance on politics?" Or, "what is the best war to do?" And I will just be like, "duh--"'

Erin:Cut back to Erin watching her nature documentary: 'Whoa. That person has really gotten him- or herself- into quite a predicament.'

Erin:Erin's talking head interrupts again: 'Whoa. That person has really gotten him-- or herself-- into quite a predicament.' [Second occurrence]

Erin · Pete:Erin and Pete bickering about PowerPoint: 'You're the tutorial.' 'No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial.' 'You could be.' 'Mmm-mmm.'

Dwight · Jim · Erin:Dwight eating Nerds candy shaped like Jim's head: 'Jim, look, I'm eating you.' / 'Must eat more Jims!'

Andy · Erin · Russell:Andy: 'What the hell is Broccoli Rob doing here?' / Erin: 'She said you wanted to hear Faith.' / Andy: 'That's Broccoli Rob's signature song... That's MY signature song.' / Russell: 'I thought you were Adam Lambert.'

Erin · Unnamed Coworker:Erin's talking-head: 'This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone, but it's a girlfriend's job to know her man, and I know Andy. He is seriously juvenile.' / 'He's like 40, though, right?' / 'Oh, no. He couldn't be more than, like, thirties, tops.'

Andy · Erin:Andy's first look at the family boat: 'Oh, my gosh, Andy! This is enormous!' / 'I thought it was going to be tiny!'

Erin:'So this is how your family came to America.' — Erin to Andy about the enormous sailboat

Andy · Erin · Boat Captain:The captain rebuking Andy: 'I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people.' / Erin: 'He was salty.' / Andy: 'He is, a little bit.'

Erin:'Well, we're doing it. We're finally having a picnic on the boat!' — Erin, cheerfully reframing the failed sailing attempt as a success

Erin · Andy:'Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man.' / 'Fine, but I could have.'

Erin:Erin asks the sailor: 'How much for that cool fisherman's sweater?'

Erin:Erin's talking-head: 'Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? Yes. I think that would have been really fun and romantic.'

Erin · Kevin:Erin, did this call-- / Uh! Sorry. I just-- I saw your face. / Oh. I'm sorry. It's for the thing. / I know. That's great. It just -- it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face.

Erin:But, um, you look like a cyclops whose eye... fell out... which is great.

Erin:Ellie/Erin: 'Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzer-hosen and meet this Glen Pickle guy?'

Andy · Erin:Andy's email from the boat: 'Wuddup, shorty! We got in last night, sold the boat. Went out, got drunk, saw Life of Pi, got super depressed and introspective. Gonna hang out here awhile, maybe a couple of weeks, figure this whole life thing out, maybe see Hobbit. Lates.'

Dwight · Erin:Dwight confessional: 'Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me?' Erin: 'Yeah. Definitely.'

Pete · Erin:Pete: 'Are you going to kiss me?' Erin: 'Yes.' — the punchline being the directness and certainty of the answer

Erin · Pete:Erin to Pete: 'Are you going to kiss me?' Pete: 'Yes.'

Erin · Pete:Pete and Erin have a fake pre-existing lice-buddy pact to avoid pairing with Creed: 'I'm already partners with Pete. Right, Pete?' / 'Uh... Yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up.'

Erin · Darryl:Erin panics about receiving a box of pens: 'What does that mean, exactly? What are we talking here? Details... I haven't been trained for this.'

Erin:Erin bursts into the kitchen: 'Super-busy. Pens coming in later. Just grabbing a java before all hell breaks loose.'

Erin:Erin in talking head: 'I don't really have time to think about Pete right now. I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens.'

Erin:Erin's full talking-head about whether to unpack the pens, concluding: 'Don't wanna be a busybody, but I don't wanna be a lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Aah! My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now. It's insane.'

Erin:In the middle of the espresso taste test confessional, Erin adds: 'Oh, yeah. No. I've never had an espresso before. They're good, though. A-bam!'

Erin:Erin rapidly reports her espresso findings like a scientist: 'My favorite is Viennese Amaretto. And the worst flavor I've tried so far is Alpine Select!'

Oscar · Erin:Oscar to Erin: 'Stocking pens, huh? You're like the new office administrator.' Erin: 'No. I just took over the pen shipment because Pam had to leave. When I say it out loud, I know that sounds insane, but it's the truth.'

Kevin · Oscar · Erin · Pam:Pam's colleagues shout 'Pam, look out! Erin's gunning for your job!' — twice. Erin: 'No, I'm not. It's not like that at all.' Kevin: 'Pam, look out!'

Creed · Erin:Creed reveals: 'I didn't get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant.' Then: 'I saw the leaves twitch.'

Erin · Pam:Erin's final talking head about the pens: 'You left me in charge of the pens, Pam. That's what happened. The pens happened.' Then the camera slowly reveals the pens, still boxed.

Pete · Erin:The Youth Task Force handshake that Pete and Erin can't get right — 'You always mess that part up. Oh, no, no, no.'

Nellie · Pete · Erin:Nellie reassembles Youth Task Force — Pete and Erin clearly want it dissolved; Nellie insists; they capitulate awkwardly: 'Well, okay then.' / 'I guess we don't have a choice.' / 'Nope.' / 'Yeah.' / 'Yeah.'

Erin · Coworker:Have you seen Darryl? / He's around here, somewhere. / So is Santa Claus. / It's just a regular Thursday. / Neither guy is here. / And it's Friday.

Erin:Welcome to me and Darryl's World of Lies.

Erin · Darryl:Darryl, meet Bear-yl. / How much did you pay for that? / Nothing. Won him at the carnival. / Spent a ton on tickets, though.

Erin:'And poof, he disappears.' Erin's talking-head confessional where she immediately pivots from Jim and Pam's romantic moment to announcing she's breaking up with Andy.

Jim · Erin:Jim immediately asking 'Wanna play catch in the parking lot?' after the dying-dog speech, and Erin cheerfully agreeing.

Erin:Erin's talking-head: 'I am really, really bad at breakups. Technically, I'm still dating my first-grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And I forgot to get him something.'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's breakup scene: Andy insists on the relationship using fishing metaphors. 'Really playing the scales, huh?' Erin: 'I don't know, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now.' Andy: 'You think I need a new fish?'

Erin · Andy:Erin: 'I don't love you anymore.' Andy: '[pause] What?' Erin: 'I still like you.'

Andy · Erin:Andy: 'I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years, if we're lucky? I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun. You got really sunburned.' Erin: 'I'm gonna be a prune in like three years.'

Andy · Erin:What do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years, if we're lucky? I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun. You got really sunburned. — I'm gonna be a prune in like three years.

Erin · Pete:Erin comes to Pete after failing to break up with Andy. Pete: 'Oh.' Erin: 'I'm sorry.' Pete: 'Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just — I just want you to be happy, okay?'

Erin:We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months.

Erin · Andy:Erin's confession to Andy: 'We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months.'

Andy · Erin:Andy cheerfully greets Erin 'Good morning. And how are you on this fine d—' then immediately breaks down weeping mid-sentence.

Erin:Erin confessional: 'And hot for us. I mean, I saw Pete's butt. It's sick.'

Erin · Andy:Erin to Andy when he questions her leaving early: 'Not on a three-month boat trip.'

Andy · Erin:Andy to Erin: 'Are they from you?' (about messages) / 'Well, then I don't want them.' / 'You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater.'

Andy · Erin:Erin tells Andy she gave the blue sweater to the Salvation Army. Andy's reaction: 'She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about?'

Erin · Alice · Kevin:Erin to the management consultant (Alice, Pete's ex): 'Cute sweater.' Alice: 'Oh, thanks.' Erin: 'Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk.' Kevin: 'I'm Kevin.'

Gabe · Kevin · Andy · Erin:Gabe, upon seeing Erin's new boyfriend: 'Hey Erin, look who's back. The birdman.' / 'Hello, beautiful.' / Kevin to Erin about Andy: 'Didn't you two used to do it?' / Andy: 'We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.'

Andy · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy trying to maximize Erin and Pete's discomfort: 'I mean, you got to admit it, this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with.' / 'Awkward!'

Andy · Gabe · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy calls a conference room meeting, pretending to care about everyone's day, then reveals: 'Interesting, because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe?'

Gabe · Andy · Erin:Gabe: 'I got a tattoo for you.' / Andy: 'I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh. Nobody did. You did that for you.' / Gabe: 'Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe: 'Come back. One night. Give me one night with you.' / 'I have shaved everything.' / 'I am as smooth as a porpoise for you.'

Erin · Toby:Do they film us at night when we're sleeping? Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping 'cause that makes great TV.

Erin:Oh, wide wings, interesting. Hey! Why don't you back off? I mean, best of luck to you in the competition.

Erin:Growing up in an orphanage, you have to fight other kids for everything. Snacks, pillows, parents. I once ripped Greedy Susan's pigtail right off her head just for a handful of Crispix.

Erin:Yeah! Oh, eat it, piggy! Eat it! Oink, oink, oink.

Pete · Erin:We still got to work together, so we should keep it civil. / I can't hear what you said. / You get your slop?

Erin · Pete:Damn it! God... Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay. I got mad. Yeah. 'Cause I don't like losing, Pete. I'm just gonna... Sorry, I'm mad, Pete. I'm mad. I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money. I was gonna buy you a sweater.

Andy · Erin:Andy asks Erin: 'Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial.'

Erin:Erin mishears 'Is Andy in?' as 'Is Indian?' and launches into: 'Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes to all three, by the way.'

Erin:Erin's talking-head: 'Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic.'

Andy · Erin:Andy to Erin: 'Honest Erin. Cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back.' Erin: 'So true.'

Erin · Andy:Erin tells Andy bluntly: 'Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless or maybe even starve.' Andy: 'Thank you.'

Audience member · Erin:So, my question is, um, don't you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you are so angry at her that you would hate her.

Erin:Maybe sometimes. But not like hate-hate. More just like, 'Mom, I hate you,' and then she would say, 'Go to your room, young lady,' and I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs. And I have a room, which is really cool.

Moderator · Erin:Erin, same question, but about your dad? / [Erin's birth mother has just been revealed in the audience]