Andys Ancestry

Dwight · Steve (actor):Dwight asks 'Who are you?' to Jim's Asian actor stand-in, insisting 'Jim's not Asian.'

Steve (actor):'You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.'

Steve · Dwight:Steve rattles off specific sales details (Wellington Systems, Krieger-Murphy, Paul Krieger voicemail) with total confidence as a fake Jim

Dwight · Steve (actor):The voicemail machine confirms a new message just as 'Jim' predicted Dwight's password, and Dwight screams 'That is sensitive information! Only for employees, not outsiders!'

Pam · Steve (actor):Pam walks over and casually confirms the dinner reservation at Grico's with Steve-as-Jim, and Jim immediately goes along with it.

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'Jim's at the dentist this morning, and Steve is an actor friend of ours.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's reaction shot upon seeing the real Jim return — 'Oh, my-- oh, d-- oh, how did--' — visual comedy of Dwight's mind breaking.

Erin:Erin announces she wants to knock out more 'sound bites' while talking to the camera, then cuts to the nature documentary footage playing on a small screen.

Pete · Erin · Dwight:Pete studying French while Erin watches and Dwight interrupts to pitch Dothraki as 'a lot easier than French.'

Dwight:Dwight's description of French: 'It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat.'

Dwight:Dwight's full pitch for Dothraki: 'It's the native tongue of the nomadic, war-mongering horse lords of Essos, as featured in the superb Home Box Office series Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.'

Dwight · Pete:'Athdavrazar! It means excellent. And we have begun.'

Nellie:Nellie refers to Andy as 'Demandy' — her nickname for him due to his demanding nature.

Nellie (quoting Andy):'Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.'

Jim:Jim dodges Pam's sympathy with 'I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try.'

Dwight:Dwight's child-proof paper research reveal: 'This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't.'

Dwight · Andy:Andy's genealogy reveals he is a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama.

Dwight:Dwight's description of Michelle Obama: 'Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children.'

Andy:Andy's talking head: 'My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof.'

Erin:Erin's talking head imagining Andy's family at the holidays: 'She's gonna be like, "what's your stance on politics?" Or, "what is the best war to do?" And I will just be like, "duh--"'

Andy:Andy telling the Annex: 'Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, I'm related to Michelle Obama.'

Pete · Clark:Pete and Clark's talking head about Andy's enthusiasm: 'We noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm, so we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders... It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.'

Pete · Clark:Talking head with Pete and Clark: 'We noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.'

Darryl · Andy:Darryl answers Andy's 'which talented individual is related to the First Lady' with 'Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross.'

Andy:'Darryl said, "cool, man." He called me a cool man.'

Nellie · Pam:Nellie says she might as well practice eating while driving since she'll be doing it anyway. Pam objects with 'Brake lights!'

Nellie · Pam:Pam and Nellie's conversation about Andy being related to Michelle Obama: 'Well, somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight's Dothraki conjugation lesson: 'I throat-rip. Foth aggendak. You throat-rip. Foth aggendi. He-she-it throat-rips. Foth aggenda. More of a barbaric growl. Louder. You're shouting it from the back of a horse.'

Nellie:Nellie's confession: 'I barely know how to turn on my computer' — she invented the Michelle Obama genealogy.

Pam:Pam's talking head: 'Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight warns Andy to be 'very polite' today. Andy responds: 'Why, is it employees' day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.'

Dwight · Andy · Office:Dwight delivers: 'Your family were... slave owners.' Office reaction shot.

Erin:Cut back to Erin watching her nature documentary: 'Whoa. That person has really gotten him- or herself- into quite a predicament.'

Erin:Erin's talking head interrupts again: 'Whoa. That person has really gotten him-- or herself-- into quite a predicament.' [Second occurrence]

Andy:Andy calls his mom: 'Hey, mom, it's Andy. Got a quick question for you. Uh, no big deal, just about America's national shame. Thanks, bye.'

Darryl · Andy:Darryl says to Andy about the slave ancestry: 'Right on, brother. Word dat.'

Pete:Dothraki lesson: 'Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?'

Pam · Nellie:Pam's driving instruction intercut with her genuine conversation about painting: 'turn signal... those are the wipers... there you go... red light... red light, red light, red, red—'

Nellie · Pam:Nellie sees Pam's mural for Angela's baby: 'I love the lion in the tuxedo.' Pam: 'Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed.'

Kevin · Andy:Andy asks if anyone has turned in status reports. Kevin says 'Vos.' Andy: 'So no?' Kevin: 'Do you think you could remind people?' Andy: 'I'm trying to downplay the whole bossy-boss thing today. Because of your slaves.'

Dwight:Dwight reveals that the Dothraki word for 'slave master,' azzafrok, is 'a term of respect.'

Oscar:Oscar's reaction to learning Pam is learning Dothraki: 'That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today, but this was a great nerd-out.'

Pete · Dwight:Pete confronts Dwight about teaching him a 'fake language.' Dwight: 'People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.'

Kevin · Andy:Kevin asks Andy (clearly doing a bit): 'Hey boss, I am so thirsty, can I have a scoop of water?'

Andy:Andy's ringtone has been changed to what is implied to be a slavery-themed or African song. Andy: 'Very funny, Kevin changed my ringtone. I liked the original song on my ringtone. Which, you may remember, was Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes by Paul Simon, featuring, Ladysmith African-American Mombazo.'

Nellie:Nellie gets Andy's text and reads it aloud: 'New special proj. Need fam. Tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt. ASAP.' And then in parentheses he wrote out, 'as soon as possible.'

Nellie:Nellie's response to the text: 'Ugh, looks like it's pretendy time again.'

Pam · Nellie:Nellie suggests connecting someone to Tonya Harding. Pam says 'I'm related to Tonya Harding.' Beat. 'No, I'm just practicing my lying.'

Nellie:Nellie: 'I just made a joke then. I'm sorry.' Then immediately pivots to genuine concern about Jim.

Nellie · Pam:Nellie: 'Ugh, an affair. It is always an affair.' Pam: 'Jim? No.' Nellie: 'How can you be sure?' Pam: 'Because he just loves me too much.' Nellie: 'You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam?'

Andy:Andy's fake genealogy meeting: 'Phyllis' great-great-grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States.'

Andy · Kevin:'Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt. And John Wayne? No. Not that I see here. Wayne Johnson? The Rock? You mean Dwayne, and no.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy builds to Dwight's ancestry: 'Dwight's grandfather— Was a member of the Bund, which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party.' Dwight: 'So—' Andy: 'I was gonna say he was a tax evader.' Dwight: 'Oh.' Andy: 'I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh-ho, the look on your faces.'

Andy · Meredith · Kevin:'Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden.' Meredith: 'Cool.' Kevin: 'Stop it! Stop it, you're frightening me.'

Oscar · Andy · Kevin:Oscar's speech: 'The difference is, Andy, that you're the only one here still benefitting from the terrible things your ancestors did.' Andy: 'Might have done.' Oscar: 'Your family's rich.' Andy: 'There's nothing wrong with being successful in America. I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth could one day benefit society, if capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate as earned income.' Beat. 'Okay, Kevin did that.'

Andy · Kevin:'I do not wish I was in Dixie.' Kevin, apparently, has changed Andy's ringtone again.

Andy:Andy calls his mom mid-meeting: 'She said no. Take that! Follow-up question, did any Bernards ever make money in an unsavory way?' Long pause. 'I just asked you— why didn't you used to say that? Okay, stop, stop. Stop talking. Stop talking.'

Andy · Darryl:Andy asks Darryl to help him 'po' mouth' — invent a hardscrabble childhood — and suggests 'My dad beat me, and I just left out the croquet of it all.' Or: 'I could just go all the way and say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy?'

Andy · Darryl:Andy: 'Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here.' Then leaves for a walk.

Andy · Darryl:Andy tells Darryl his productivity suggestions are 'textbook assistant regional manager stuff' and that Darryl is doing 'none of the heavy lifting' — then announces he's going for a walk, apparently solving nothing.

Darryl:Darryl's talking head: 'It's not just today, it's every day. Seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.'

Jim · Darryl:Jim tells Darryl about a sports marketing job in Philly in cryptic, tantalizing terms, and Darryl responds with immediate enthusiasm: 'Hell yeah.' Jim: 'And it's in Philly.' Darryl: 'I love Philly.' 'It's not even a thought—' 'Not even a thought.'

Darryl · Jim:'It's not real until your wife is on board.' Darryl's line to Jim, who has clearly not told Pam about the Philly job.

Nellie · Pam:Nellie shows Pam the ugly warehouse wall: 'That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? Needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking, a mural. You mean me? Yes, you. You are so talented. It's going to be my next special project. Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist to paint the warehouse wall.'

Nate:Nate (warehouse guy) intercepts a conversation between Pam and what seems to be an ex-boyfriend situation: 'Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me.' The guy says: 'She never loved you.' Nate: 'What? No, I-- I got this.' Then he pivots: 'Okay. This is his fault. It is not your fault. I am gonna find you someone better, and rich. And Filipino. But we'll break that to her later.'

Pam · Darryl:Pam's reaction as she clearly sees Jim returning from a Philly meeting: 'You know what this is all about?' Darryl: 'Yeah.' Pam: 'You too, huh?' The knowing exchange, then Pam's confessional pivot.

Jim:Jim's confessional after Pam reacts positively to the Philly job news: 'I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world.'

Pam:Pam's immediate confessional cut: 'I still can't believe he didn't tell me.'

Nellie · Pam:Nellie interrupts Pam trying to explain something. Pam: 'I was helping Nellie drive—' Nellie: 'Do not care.'

Dwight:Dwight ends the episode Dothraki-greeting a random man on the street. The man responds correctly in Dothraki. Dwight: 'I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith.'