Gabe Lewis

Michael · Gabe:Gabe asks to film the welcome song for the Sabre website, and Michael corrects Gabe's pronunciation of 'Sabre' back to 'Sah-bray' — only for Gabe to repeat 'Sabre' correctly, confusing Michael

Michael · Office Staff · Gabe:The office performs a welcome song for Gabe set to 'Welcome to New York' / 'Viva Las Vegas' style, including the line 'Dunder Mifflin and Sah-bray' — which Gabe immediately corrects mid-song: 'Sabre. It's Sabre.'

Gabe:After the song ends, Gabe asks 'You sure it's Sabre?' — apparently genuinely doubting himself after Michael's confident mispronunciations

Gabe · Michael · Office Staff:Gabe announces 'Don't think of yourselves as paper salesmen anymore, but as printer salesmen who also sell paper.' — Michael: 'Perfect.' / Someone: 'No. Don't like that.'

Gabe · Office Employee:Gabe: 'At Sabre, we really encourage honest communication. You should always feel free to express your thoughts...' Employee immediately: 'Talk about vacation days!'

Creed · Nick · Gabe:Creed notices Nick (new IT guy) going through his desk and asks 'Hey, who the hell's going through our stuff?' — is told it's the IT guy setting up a site blocker

Gabe · Kevin · Office Employee:Gabe introduces eco-friendly aluminum water bottles. An employee asks if they'll still get to use 'the little cups.' Gabe reveals: 'He goes through 20 a day.'

Michael · Gabe:Michael tells Gabe he's 'trying to embrace all of these changes' / Gabe: 'I don't get that sense at all from you' / Michael: 'Well, you should have a little.'

Michael · Gabe:Michael: 'I'll be honest, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of them.' / Gabe: 'Which ones?' / Michael: 'All of them.'

Michael · Gabe · Jo Bennett:Michael's video call with Sabre CEO Jo Bennett: Gabe tries to relay Michael's concerns while clearly being managed by Jo on the phone ('Gabe, honey, I love this, I love the sound of your voice, but I really need some new information now.')

Gabe:I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year.

Gabe:Gabe's confessional: 'And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy.'

Gabe:Gabe's confessional: 'This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people that I'm an authority figure.'

Gabe:Gabe's speech: 'It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or email this around.' / 'Not to be scary, but yeah, I would listen to me.'

Gabe:Gabe interrupts the impressions: 'Okay. Hey, can I have your attention, please?' [then pivots to introduce the party and thank Angela]

Unknown Speaker · Gabe:Gabe's attempt is called out as trying too hard: 'Why don't we leave the parodies to the pros at MADtv?' — another character passive-aggressively dismissing Gabe's attempt.

Gabe · Michael:Gabe praises Angela: 'A very special shout-out to the chair of the party planning committee, Miss Angela Martin. You have outdone yourself.' / Michael immediately: 'Yeah, you know what? I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so...'

Gabe · Michael:Gabe's apology: 'Gabriel, I apologize. Great. I kneel before you... Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition.' / Michael: 'Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.'

Kevin · Gabe:Kevin's Michael impression: 'Ciao. Right? Ciao. I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee.' / Gabe: 'Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? / [beat] / Ciao.'

Michael · Gabe:Michael to Gabe about Indian CEOs: 'Soft drink ain't paper, Gabe. Now name one significant paper company CEO that's Indian. Just one, and I'm out of your hair. Name two.'

Gabe:Gabe announces Kelly's full name: 'Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor' — which is a real Indian name for a flower (tuberose), delivered with full corporate gravity

Gabe:Gabe: 'They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly Black. It's almost too Black. That didn't sound right.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe's repeated interjections about almond butter/apricot preserves while Andy tries to escalate a safety crisis

Gabe:Gabe's corporate response to the printer fire crisis: hands Andy a coupon — 'That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe rewards Andy's safety report with a Dunkin' Donuts gift card: 'That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.'

Gabe · Jim · Pam:Gabe calls Jim and Pam into his office for sleeping on the job — does a 'dressing down' and then immediately says he hates the power dynamic

Gabe:Gabe's elaborate branching decision tree email about printer fires — 'I actually designed that chart. Kind of hoping it catches on.'

Gabe · Michael:Gabe, I told you all about the printers. / I mean, it could be you, Gabe. / Yes, it's totally obvious. I mean, that's the point. / I think we all can agree it's either Gabe or Angela. / It's Angela. Get her, boys.

Michael · Gabe:Gabe tells Michael: 'Why is this my problem, Michael?' Michael: 'Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you.'

Michael · Gabe:Gabe to Michael about Luke: 'Those overnight packages needed to go out, and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable.' Michael: 'Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't want to be having a conversation with your crotch.'

Michael · Gabe:Gabe confronts Michael; Michael responds: 'Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch.'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'Did you assume that I would automatically side with the rich, snobby shop owner? How about now?' — implying he looks like or is one

Gabe · Toby:Corporate has sent Gabe to double-check Michael's evaluation — Toby marked 'severe' in ALL categories, including 'at risk for homicidal behavior'

Gabe · Pam:Gabe confronts Pam about being office administrator: 'I have gone through everything from the past three years. There is nothing that says that you're office administrator.' / Pam: 'So weird that there's no paperwork.'

Gabe:Gabe: 'Statements of such a nature, while they have their place, are overused in a competitive business environment.' — responding to Pam's demand that he make a definitive statement

Gabe · Pam:Gabe: 'Could I get one of those nameplates that says "Gabe Lewis"?' / Pam: 'For sure. Anything else? I'll get it right away.'

Pam · Gabe:Pam immediately gets Gabe a nameplate as her first act as office administrator, after winning their confrontation

Andy · Gabe:Gabe seemed to think no one was going — Andy reacts with 'What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe?' and then immediately begins polling the office

Unknown · Gabe:Someone doing a MacGruber impression during what appears to be Gabe's policy presentation: 'I have ten seconds to explain them or this whole place blows up. MacGruber! Lame.'

Andy · Gabe:Andy calls Gabe 'Gabe-wad' to his face.

Michael · Kevin · Gabe:Michael confronts Kevin for going over his head — it turns out Kevin was just showing Gabe a Lady Gaga robot dance move.

Gabe:Gabe does the Lady Gaga robot power-down move on the costume catwalk.

Michael · Darryl · Dwight · Gabe:Gabe's chain-of-command meeting devolves into an argument about a hat. Michael: 'We will put it in a hat and have Erin pick it out of the hat.' Darryl: 'I don't understand the point of the hat.' Michael: 'You're right. We don't need a hat.' Dwight: 'I am not budging on the hat issue.'

Michael · Darryl · Gabe:Gabe/Michael/Darryl chain of command negotiation ends with the hat proposal: 'We will put it in a hat and then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat and let her decide.' Darryl: 'I don't understand the point of the hat.' Michael: 'You're right, we don't need a hat.' Gabe: 'I am not budging on the hat issue.'

Michael · Gabe:Try and keep me from coming. / Why would I keep you from coming? / Try and hide it, I will track this party down. / Why would I hide it?

Gabe:I did my senior year abroad in Japan. Best year of my life. / I like to create soundscapes. Imagine one instant of a song expanded to be the size of the universe.

Unknown · Gabe:What's your angle? / That woman. / She's been in a couple of episodes of Friday Night Lights.

Gabe · Dwight:The five Chinese virility herbs / powdered seahorse / 15 Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Genghis Khan just using this stuff.

Michael · Gabe:Is this the same dough that you used for the pizza crust? / Yeah. Waste not, right? / So, these are pizza dogs. These aren't pigs in a blanket, per se.

Gabe:So, these are pizza dogs. These aren't pigs in a blanket, per se.

Michael · Gabe:If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. / It's just a figure of speech. / But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.

Gabe:This one is called 'Earthrise on the Moon.' [New Age music plays]

Michael · Gabe:After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me. I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane, which would later become my—' / All right, good night, Gabe.

Gabe · Erin:Gabe intercepts the gift from Sabre meant for Erin — 'Intercepted. Hey... Gabe.' 'Oops-e-doops.'

Kevin · Gabe · Michael:Kevin being force-fed broccoli: 'Why are you eating stem first?' Kevin: 'This is a new food for me. How else should I eat it?' Gabe: 'The other way.'

Gabe:Gabe announces caption contest rules, including no pop culture references, no insults to the company, and mandating 'sticky quips.'

Gabe:I like to use sticky quips as regular post-it notes when I'm in a fun mood. Not every day.

Pam · Oscar · Kevin · Gabe:The office workers conducting the caption contest via secret I.M. chat to circumvent Gabe's rules — and Gabe intercepting it.

Phyllis · Gabe:Phyllis accidentally sending the IM caption to Gabe — Gabe receives it and responds 'Oh. Ha. An I.M. chat. Very clever. I'll just print that out.'

Gabe:How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?

Gabe:You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob. I'm the only one here. Ha.

Gabe:Isn't this the perfect romantic getaway, Erin? Sitting on a desert island in dog costumes?

Michael · Gabe · Office Workers:Michael, noting Erin's absence from the HR meeting: 'Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting. I also don't see Andy.' — followed by the office's 'Ooh' and 'Boom! Face!'

Gabe · Jim · Pam:Gabe uses Jim and Pam as the example of acceptable office romance: 'They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know they were husband and wife.'

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight adds 'booby honking' and 'butt honking' to the list of prohibited PDA behaviors. Gabe confirms: 'All the honkings.'

Gabe · Erin · Andy:Gabe's treasure hunt song plays on a boom box: '(Singing) The temp at night / The temp at night'

Erin · Gabe:Gabe fell in the shower and it took the fire department forever to get there.

Erin · Gabe:Erin breaks up with Gabe at the podium during her Dundie acceptance speech: 'I'm not attracted to you. I just... I cringe when you talk.'

Gabe:Gabe: 'Thank you for hearing me.' — accepting the breakup with creepy formal gratitude

Gabe:Talking head: 'Obviously really angry at Erin. Here comes that quarter-life crisis everyone's talking about.'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe confronts Erin: 'I've seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies.'

Gabe · Erin · Creed · Michael:Gabe follows Erin into the women's bathroom and Michael says 'Hey, Creed. Not cool, man.' — then Creed is apparently also in the women's bathroom

Gabe · Erin:Gabe: 'Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.'

Michael · Gabe:Michael to Gabe: 'A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite.'

Gabe · Andy:Are you still in love with Erin? / What? / Because I am. I need to get her back. I can't be alone anymore. / Andy, do you like being alone with me right now? / No. This is horrifying.

Gabe:No. I don't like being alone with me either, okay? I have to get her back.

Gabe · Erin:Erin. I am in love with you. I don't believe in much, okay? I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don't believe in God. / What? / Or maybe there's a God. I don't know. I mean, it's just not a guy with a long white beard. Or it could be.

Gabe · Erin:Uh, do we not have voice mail? / Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.

Gabe · Andy:Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again? / Did I say that earlier? / Yes, I did.

Andy · Gabe:Because you, Gabe, were crying... / No, I was not. / And sobbing uncontrollably. / Yes. Uh-huh. You were in hysterics. / And my maternal instincts kicked in.

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'I am unhappy with the confusing and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I wanted it to go better!'

Gabe · Jo:Gabe ambushes Jim and tries to submit his resume via text, one line at a time. Jo: 'He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me 10 cents apiece, you jackass. I'm roaming!'

Jo · Dwight · Gabe:Jo catches Dwight's bias about the Cornell candidate: 'So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you.' / Dwight: 'Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the work...' / Jo: 'Is she with him?'

Jo · Gabe:Jo tells Gabe he's being sent back to Florida: 'Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.' Gabe: 'That sounds like a promotion.' Jo: 'It's not.'

Gabe · Phyllis:Gabe's goodbye hug with Phyllis produces a sound of disgust. Gabe: 'You don't need to make that sound. I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be.' / 'There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger.'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch.'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel.'

Gabe · Andy:Gabe to Andy: 'Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?' — whispering at the party

Erin · Gabe:I'm throwing the Halloween party and I just want to amp it up. I think it could use some extra pizzazz. Okay. Where does Gabe factor in?

Gabe · Erin:I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary.

Gabe:The Cinema of the Unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well-known film in the genre is an hour-long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Unknown Office Member · Gabe:Is that my grandmother? / There is no story. / Yeah, seems like there isn't a narrative. / Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting.

Unknown · Gabe:Is that my grandmother? / What's the story? / There is no story. / Yeah, seems like there isn't a narrative. / Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting.

Gabe:This game is called 'Pecker Poker.' It's the game of cards that gets you hard.

Toby · Bert · Gabe:Toby. Hey, Bert. Want to see the dance? / Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... / You're fired. / What? You heard me. Pack your things. / What? You can't— Gabe? Are you— I'm the CEO's son. / Pack your things. You're done.

Gabe:Gabe awkwardly appears at the warehouse safety meeting and says 'Corporate. Continue.' trying to assert dominance; no one is impressed.

Gabe · Toby:Gabe to Toby: 'Whom I am seeing is Val, from down in the warehouse. I'm not technically seeing her but I've seen her with the eyes. And there was attraction in at least one direction, so...'

Gabe:Gabe: 'I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?'

Gabe · Toby:Gabe: 'Do you know her last name yet?' / 'Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight.' / Toby: 'She's gonna be screaming her own last name?'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'I get the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.'

Gabe:Gabe at warehouse meeting: 'The Michelin Man called, he wants his cummerbund back.' [said to Darryl about the support belt]

Gabe · Val:Gabe bribes Val with $100 to get coffee and contrives to go with her, then contradicts himself: 'Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino.' / Val: 'Caramel soy latte.' / Gabe: 'No, a decaf frap.'

Gabe:Gabe asks Val to the cemetery for wine: 'Tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery. I'm gonna drink a little wine and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.'

Gabe · Val:Val immediately shuts down Gabe: 'Are you asking me on a date?' / Gabe: 'Yes, I am.' / Val: 'Because I don't date coworkers, it's not personal. It's a matter of policy.' / Gabe: 'I could quit.' / Val: 'Don't quit.' / Gabe: 'Good policy. It's sensible. Smart.'

Gabe:Oh, is it okay with you? Because if it's not, you work for me, so...

Gabe · Darryl:Gabe, overhearing the conversation: 'I will look so handsome for you, Darryl.' — then a pause as everyone registers this

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight to Gabe: 'Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel's office.'

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'Scranton says, go back down to Florida. So, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.'

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight to Gabe: 'Gabe, I always wondered what it is you do around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy.'

Gabe:Gabe's toilet monologue: 'I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential.'

Gabe:Gabe: 'He has me toilet a lot of people for him.' — using 'toilet' as a verb

Robert California · Gabe:Robert California calling Gabe on the 'hallway phone' with instructions to manage Dwight — 'Make him feel valued, make him feel heard.' / 'Your wish is my command.' / 'It's a command.'

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight confronting the 'fire' excuse: 'There're no fires within eight miles of here.' / Gabe: 'Well, it's nine miles away.'

Gabe · Dwight:Gabe's smile during Dwight's pitch — 'What's with the smile?' / 'You're doing great. You know, so good.'

Robert California · Toby · Gabe:Robert to Toby about the wine: 'Too kind doesn't begin to cover it. With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night, you and me.' Toby: 'And Gabey makes three.'

Toby · Gabe · Robert California:Toby, Gabe, and Robert raise their glasses: 'To both these bears. Bears. To both these bears.'

Robert California · Toby · Gabe:'To both these bears.' 'To both these bears.' 'Bears.' 'To both these bears.' — Toby, Gabe, and Robert toasting with wine to the two bears who died for the bed

Gabe · Robert California:Robert: 'It's clearly meant for watching erotic cinema.' Gabe: 'Yeah, we could watch some right now if you want. I've got a Korean film on my iPod.'

Toby · Gabe · Robert California:Toby to Robert: 'I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want.' Gabe immediately: 'And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like.'

Robert California · Gabe · Toby:Final scene: Robert sees that Toby has fallen asleep (or passed out) in the pool area. Gabe: 'Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave.' Robert: 'So leave.'

Andy · Gabe:Gabe, bring it in. How many of you have seen a premature baby before? It's going to be really tiny so please don't say anything offensive. Got that, bimbo? / Got it, bimbo.

Dwight · Gabe:Dwight: 'Freak, I need a favor.' Gabe: 'Well, then you have to call me by my name.' Dwight: 'Gabriel Susan Lewis.'

Gabe:Gabe reveals he stopped using hair gel, abandoned an 8-year low-protein diet, and is getting 'half as many bladder infections' — as explanations for why he looks better.

Gabe · Kevin · Andy · Erin:Gabe, upon seeing Erin's new boyfriend: 'Hey Erin, look who's back. The birdman.' / 'Hello, beautiful.' / Kevin to Erin about Andy: 'Didn't you two used to do it?' / Andy: 'We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.'

Andy · Gabe · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy calls a conference room meeting, pretending to care about everyone's day, then reveals: 'Interesting, because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe?'

Gabe:Gabe: 'I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship... a lot of the time.'

Gabe:Gabe about Erin: 'She wouldn't even let me say I love you. It was adorable. She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out.'

Andy · Gabe:Andy to Gabe: 'Because every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.'

Gabe · Andy · Erin:Gabe: 'I got a tattoo for you.' / Andy: 'I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh. Nobody did. You did that for you.' / Gabe: 'Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.'

Gabe · Pete:Gabe: 'What kind of music are you into, Peter?' Pete: 'Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.' Gabe: 'Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?'

Gabe:Gabe: 'He's not a very sophisticated man. I mean, he can't use chopsticks, so do I need to say anything else?'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe: 'Come back. One night. Give me one night with you.' / 'I have shaved everything.' / 'I am as smooth as a porpoise for you.'