Gabe Lewis

Gabe:That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.

Gabe · Michael:It's Sabre. Oh. Of course. Sabre.

Andy · Gabe:Sabre. It's Sabre. Dunder Mifflin and Sabre So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sah-bray

Gabe:They're two-ounce paper cups dipped in plastic. He goes through 20 a day.

Ryan · Gabe:Why doesn't she just tell you where your schedule is? Yeah. That'd be awesome. I could get a girlfriend wouldn't have to go to amsterdam seven times a year.

Gabe:I will date when I'm dead.

Gabe:Michael, I don't want to 'incentivize' murder.

Gabe:Either they don't respect me, or they respect me too much.

Gabe:And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy.

Gabe:Not to be scary, but, yeah, I would listen to me.

Gabe:I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.

Gabe:I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days.

Gabe:I would even settle for apricot preserves.

Gabe:That's good for five bucks at dunkin' donuts. Any dunkin' donuts.

Gabe:I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on.

Gabe:I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics.

Gabe:But I'm not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about 'suck it.'

Gabe:Statements of such a nature, While they have their place, are overused In a competitive business environment

Unknown · Gabe:Has anyone started calling you Gabe-wad yet?

Kevin · Gabe · Michael:Kevin and Gabe discussing extremes of human physique

Kevin · Gabe · Michael:Kevin teaching Gabe Lady Gaga robot power-down move

Michael · Gabe · Darryl:Michael's hat solution for decision making

Gabe · Kevin:Imagine one instant of a song expanded to be the size of the universe. I can't even do that.

Gabe:So, these are pizza dogs. These aren't pigs in a blanket, per se.

Gabe:The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, 'You're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.'

Gabe:Gabe Lewis. Now, listen here, Gabe, you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.

Gabe:'I like the musical Grease, or as we call it, home'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe's horror movie 'Suspiria' vs Erin's 'Wall-E where all boundaries of color are pushed'

Gabe:Gabe's 'Hardware' as Wall-E compromise - 'killer combat robot the government invented to destroy humans'

Gabe:Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for. Irony is such a critical...

Gabe:I think we can all agree they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other.

Gabe:Sticky Quips are fun. They're safe. They're handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-it notes when I'm in a fun mood. Not every day.

Gabe:How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?

Gabe:You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob. I'm the only one here.

Gabe:Boom! Face! I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend.

Gabe · Jim · Pam:You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. Did it. Yeah!

Gabe · Unknown:Booby honking. Butt honking. All the honkings.

Gabe:The temp at night, the temp at night

Erin · Gabe:Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower. Such a klutz. Yeah, and it took the fire department forever to get there.

Gabe · Andy:This computer's a hunk of junk. Hey, sailor, come watch your regatta over here.

Erin · Gabe:Gabe... We should break up. I'm not attracted to you. I just... I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right, Pam?

Gabe:Here comes that quarter-life crisis everyone's talking about.

Gabe:I've seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies.

Gabe:Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.

Gabe · Andy:Andy, do you like being alone with me right now? No, this is horrifying.

Gabe:No, I don't like being alone with me, either. Okay?

Gabe:No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

Gabe:I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don't believe in God.

Gabe:Or it could be. It's possible that that is exactly what God is.

Gabe:No! We really shouldn't be without a receptionist. Now more than ever.

Gabe:Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again?

Gabe:I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?

Gabe:I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel.

Toby · Gabe:♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones ♪ ♪ now we're the skeleton crew ♪

Erin · Gabe:Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in, and I didn't stop crying? / Yes. Lars and Takako's.

Gabe · Erin:I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary. / If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.

Gabe:Get out of here, little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room. Grown-ups are gonna use it later.

Gabe:The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Gabe:This game is called pecker poker. It's the game of cards that gets you har--

Val · Gabe:Are you really this lazy? I'll be there.

Gabe · Val:Mondays suck. Yep.

Gabe:I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction. So...

Gabe:It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?

Gabe:Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays.

Gabe · Toby:Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Gabe:Look at this. This is enormous. Oh.

Gabe:I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.

Gabe:The Michelin man called. He wants his cummerbund back.

Gabe:A $100 bill. Should cover it, I think.

Gabe:Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino. Val? Actually, Val, why don't you come with?

Gabe:So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, I'm gonna drink a little wine, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

Gabe:I could quit. Problem solved.

Val · Gabe:Mondays suck. Yep.

Gabe · Toby:Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. Oh. I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction.

Gabe:It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?

Gabe:Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays.

Gabe · Toby:Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Gabe:Look at this. This is enormous. Oh. I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.

Gabe:It's like a hula hoop. Right? ♪ Mele kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪

Gabe:A $100 bill. Should cover it, I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino.

Gabe:So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, I'm gonna drink a little wine, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

Gabe:I could quit. Problem solved.

Gabe:I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

Gabe · Dwight:Question, what's the most important appliance in your house? / Meat grinder. / Too slow. It's the toilet.

Gabe:I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean, and, just like a toilet, I am essential.

Dwight · Gabe:There're no fires within eight miles of here. / Well, it's nine miles away.

Gabe:I can see you in the jungle now.

Gabe · Dwight:Put your hand on my hand. / Flush! / Ow!

Toby · Gabe:With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night you and me. And Gabey makes three

Toby · Gabe · Robert:To both these bears

Gabe:But boy, that Erin, she sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Meow! And to think I always thought of her as a second Meredith

Gabe:So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her? Just go nuts... With sex

Toby · Gabe:Robert, I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want. And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like

Gabe · Oscar:Got that, bimbo? Got it, bimbo

Nate · Gabe:Yeah, we noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.

Nate · Gabe:It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point. Just clap through it, man.

Gabe · Alice:Gabe's weight description: 'Feel how fat my buttocks are... It's like a warm pumpkin.'

Gabe:Gabe's button-down confession: 'I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship'

Gabe:Gabe's love confession story: 'She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out.'

Gabe · Pete:Gabe's KKK music question: 'So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of ku klux klan?'

Gabe:Gabe's smooth porpoise line: 'I am as smooth as a porpoise for you.'