Gabe Lewis

That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.

Sabre. Sabre. It's Sabre. It's Sabre. Oh. Of course. Sabre.

Dunder Mifflin and Sah-bray... Sabre. It's Sabre. Dunder Mifflin and Sabre

Perfect. No. Don't like that.

You don't have enough water in there? Your stomach?

Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so... Not good timing.

I could get a girlfriend, wouldn't have to go to amsterdam seven times a year.

Michael, I don't want to 'incentivize' murder.

Either they don't respect me, or they respect me too much. And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy.

And that's straight from corporate, so... Not to be scary, but, yeah, I would listen to me.

I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.

I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days. You can't just suspend someone from work. Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're suspended too, Jim.

Or cookies!

That's good for five bucks at dunkin' donuts. Any dunkin' donuts.

I just hate that part of the job, you know? The power dynamic.

I actually designed that chart. Kind of hoping it catches on.

Statements of such a nature, While they have their place, are overused In a competitive business environment

Has anyone started calling you Gabe-wad yet?

Kevin and Gabe discussing extremes of human physique

Kevin teaching Gabe Lady Gaga robot power-down move

Michael's hat solution for decision making

Imagine one instant of a song expanded to be the size of the universe. I can't even do that.

So, these are pizza dogs. These aren't pigs in a blanket, per se.

The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, 'You're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.'

Gabe Lewis. Now, listen here, Gabe, you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.

'I like the musical Grease, or as we call it, home'

Gabe's horror movie 'Suspiria' vs Erin's 'Wall-E where all boundaries of color are pushed'

Gabe's 'Hardware' as Wall-E compromise - 'killer combat robot the government invented to destroy humans'

Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for. Irony is such a critical...

I think we can all agree they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other.

Sticky Quips are fun. They're safe. They're handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-it notes when I'm in a fun mood. Not every day.

How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?

You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob. I'm the only one here.

Boom! Face! I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend.

You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. Did it. Yeah!

Booby honking. Butt honking. All the honkings.

The temp at night, the temp at night

Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower. Such a klutz. Yeah, and it took the fire department forever to get there.

This computer's a hunk of junk. Hey, sailor, come watch your regatta over here.

Gabe... We should break up. I'm not attracted to you. I just... I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right, Pam?

Here comes that quarter-life crisis everyone's talking about.

I've seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies.

Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.

Andy, do you like being alone with me right now? No, this is horrifying.

No, I don't like being alone with me, either. Okay?

No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don't believe in God.

Or it could be. It's possible that that is exactly what God is.

No! We really shouldn't be without a receptionist. Now more than ever.

Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again?

I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?

I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel.

♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones ♪ ♪ now we're the skeleton crew ♪

Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in, and I didn't stop crying? / Yes. Lars and Takako's.

I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary. / If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.

Get out of here, little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room. Grown-ups are gonna use it later.

The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

This game is called pecker poker. It's the game of cards that gets you har--

Are you really this lazy? I'll be there.

Mondays suck. Yep.

I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction. So...

It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?

Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays.

Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Look at this. This is enormous. Oh.

I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.

The Michelin man called. He wants his cummerbund back.

A $100 bill. Should cover it, I think.

Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino. Val? Actually, Val, why don't you come with?

So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, I'm gonna drink a little wine, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

I could quit. Problem solved.

Mondays suck. Yep.

Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. Oh. I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction.

It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?

Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays.

Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Look at this. This is enormous. Oh. I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.

It's like a hula hoop. Right? ♪ Mele kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪

A $100 bill. Should cover it, I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino.

So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, I'm gonna drink a little wine, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

I could quit. Problem solved.

I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

Question, what's the most important appliance in your house? / Meat grinder. / Too slow. It's the toilet.

I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean, and, just like a toilet, I am essential.

There're no fires within eight miles of here. / Well, it's nine miles away.

I can see you in the jungle now.

Put your hand on my hand. / Flush! / Ow!

With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night you and me. And Gabey makes three

To both these bears

But boy, that Erin, she sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Meow! And to think I always thought of her as a second Meredith

So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her? Just go nuts... With sex

Robert, I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want. And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like

Got that, bimbo? Got it, bimbo

Yeah, we noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.

It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point. Just clap through it, man.

Gabe's weight description: 'Feel how fat my buttocks are... It's like a warm pumpkin.'

Gabe's button-down confession: 'I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship'

Gabe's love confession story: 'She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out.'

Gabe's KKK music question: 'So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of ku klux klan?'

Gabe's smooth porpoise line: 'I am as smooth as a porpoise for you.'