The Manager And The Salesman

Michael:Michael calls a Vancouver hotel to confirm an Olympics reservation, spelling out M-I-C-H-A-E-L when asked if there's a 'unique spelling' of his name.

Michael:Michael describes curling as 'men with brooms' who 'broom the ice' in front of 'cylindrical discs that float gently,' concluding 'there are no winners, and no losers, only poetry, and it is called curdling.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight shouts a confirmation code ('XV2RDM!') from off-screen, having apparently been listening in on Michael's hotel call and researching the reservation.

Michael:Michael cancels his Vancouver reservation, then casually asks to cancel 'Rio too' and 'Chicago' — Olympic cities he apparently booked.

Michael:Michael's talking-head: 'She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride. So she's gotta be kinda nervous. I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? Do we speak English?'

Jo:Jo introduces herself: 'That's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the Mrs. just to piss off the new wife.'

Jo · Michael:Jo's dogs go for Michael's crotch. Michael says 'They love a good crotch,' and Jo deadpans 'You should take that as a compliment.'

Dwight · Jo:Dwight stays seated when Jo enters the room. When challenged, he says: 'I am treating you the same as a man for whom I would also not stand, unless it was the president or Judge Judy.'

Jo:Jo calls Jim a 'tall drink of sun tea' upon meeting him.

Jo:Jo looks at Michael and Jim standing together and says 'Two guys doing one job? We gotta do something about that.'

Andy:Andy's talking-head: 'I got cards for everyone in the whole office to kind of dilute it a little bit. It cost, like, $200. Pretty sure it was worth it, though. It was definitely worth $50.'

Meredith · Andy:Meredith gets a paper cut on her throat from Andy's stack of cards and says 'Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat.'

Jo · Michael · Jim:Jo tells Michael and Jim they look good standing next to each other: 'You're tall and thin, and you're solid and dark.'

Andy · Erin:Andy gives Erin a Valentine's card and says it smells good because 'it's Roger Federer for men. I sprayed some in there.' Then adds 'It's got pheromones in it.'

Michael:Michael's attempt to defend the co-manager system to Jo: 'I don't know how things work in Florida which, from your description, sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp. But here it takes two men to do one job, where in Florida it might take one very strong woman to do such a job.'

Jo · Jim · Michael:Jo: 'You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly 'cause gravy ain't sweet. Is it, Jim?' Jim: 'I don't think so.' Jo: 'Michael?' Michael: 'Forget the question.'

Michael:Michael suddenly and confidently says 'I humbly accept the management position' before anyone has offered it to him.

Michael:Michael defends his position with 'Because, well, Jim, where I'm from, there are two types of folk: those who ain't and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now.'

Kevin · Others:Office employees enact a 'traffic jam' in the hallway — 'Beep beep! 20 people dead in a pileup. There's blood everywhere!'

Andy · Erin:Andy gives Erin the Valentine's card and explains the Snoopy/Woodstock connection to the birds he gave her for Christmas. Erin says 'You named them?' Andy: 'Uh, Charles Schulz did.'

Jo:Jo to the sales team: 'Just choosin' seats, not gettin' married. Chop-chop, little onion.'

Jo:Jo tells the story of walking into a Kodak boardroom wearing 'nothing but a pair of spike heels, a lace push-up bra, and matching lace panties' and saying 'Gentlemen, if this is all you see, then take a good look.'

Michael:Michael's response to Jo's lingerie boardroom story: 'As a male manager, I would have never done that to you. I am nothing if not not sexist.'

Michael · Jo:Jo: 'That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it?' Michael: 'The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.'

Jo · Kevin:Jo tells the staff: 'I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin, right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? I mean, where is that? Near Mars?' Kevin responds: 'No, we know. Texas.'

Jim:Jim's talking-head: 'It seems like Jo feels that there might be one too many managers around here. And Michael's response seems to be to use the word manage as often as possible.'

Jo:Jo explaining why Gabe is there: 'I barely know my own Cadillac. And you know, sometimes I go in reverse when I wanna go forwards. I nearly killed a bunch of preschoolers. That's why Gabe is here.'

Erin:Erin's talking-head: 'I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one that you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual.'

Jim · Pam:Jim comes to Pam and says 'I wanna make out.' Pam says 'No, not now.' Jim: 'I have some information.' Pam: 'Why were you doing that?' Jim: 'What do you mean why? Why didn't you? Our cool new boss said to read the handbook. Don't make me feel like a dork.'

Jim:Jim's talking-head: 'You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I'm definitely in it for the money, and quite honestly, the women.'

Michael · Jim:Michael: 'If you visualize something, it can actually come true.' Then immediately: 'I wonder if it works for other stuff.' Michael visualizes Sheryl Crow being the SNL musical guest and himself in the audience as her boyfriend.

Michael · Jim:Jim checks TV listings and finds 'Special guest Gnarls Barkley.' Michael: 'Must be a typo. I like sports guys though.'

Michael:Michael to Jo: 'Oh, that is my favorite ocean' — responding to Jo reading 'The Atlantic' (the magazine).

Michael:Michael's ocean ranking speech: 'The Pacific Ocean is pretty much just garbage. The Indian Ocean is full of pirates. The Arctic Ocean is too cold. The Southern Ocean is just the bottom of all the other oceans. Atlantic Ocean has all the history. That is where the amoebas crawled from the murky depths and became man.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight's talking-head: 'Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 89, 88...' Cut to Dwight waiting: 'You're 20 minutes late.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight: 'Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.' (In response to Ryan asking 'Did you see Saw?')

Dwight · Ryan:Ryan's plan: lure Jim to Dwight's barn and do 'what they did in Saw.' Dwight: 'I mean, we don't kill him, obviously.' Ryan: 'He's supposed to cut his leg off?'

Ryan:Ryan's talking-head: 'You know, I say I'll do these things like work with Dwight on a diabolical plot or watch all the Michael Moore movies, and then I don't know, I just lose interest and bail. I just gotta stick with one of them, you know? I'm looking forward to this plot making me a better person.'

Dwight · Ryan:Ryan: 'I don't-- I have a mask...' Dwight: 'Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life.' / 'He's supposed to cut his leg off?'

Erin · Jim:Erin brings Michael 'ants on a log' at 2:30 and says 'Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say, Who's hungry?' — apparently trying to maintain Michael's office rituals for Jim.

Erin:Erin offers to spin Jim in his chair to help him think: 'It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight on the IT guy: 'He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. He's been given an awesome amount of power and does not know how to wield it.' Ryan: 'Like Frodo.' Dwight: 'Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock?'

Dwight · Ryan:Ryan: 'Well, I think he can be corrupted, like Gollum.' Dwight: 'Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. God, when this whole thing is done, I'm gonna bring you out to the farm and read you the entire trilogy and show you what an idiot you are.'

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.' (referring to Dwight)

Erin:Erin: 'Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.'

Michael · Kevin:Michael announces a new account to the open office: 'the gentleman's club in Carbondale. It is called Curves.' Then: 'I went by there the other day, saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. Actually, Kevin, you might like it.'

Michael · Kevin:Michael's new account: 'I just got a new account, the gentleman's club in Carbondale. It is called Curves. I went by there the other day, saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. Actually, Kevin, you might like it.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly reads Andy's Valentine's card aloud: 'You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. You bring so much laughter and love. You are everything to me, and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me.' Ryan deadpans: 'Jeez Louise.' Kelly: 'I know. Obsessed with me much?'

Erin:Erin's talking-head about the Valentine's card situation: 'Andy Bernard is a playboy, and why shouldn't he be? He's got it all.'

Dwight · Nick:Dwight approaches the IT guy Nick in the break room: 'I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is you get to know everyone's computer passwords.' Nick: 'You know, I actually don't.' Dwight: 'Listen, I know you have to say that...'

Dwight · Nick:Dwight to the IT guy Nick: 'I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is you get to know everyone's computer passwords.' Nick: 'You know, I actually don't.' Dwight: 'Listen, I know you have to say that...'

Dwight · Nick:Dwight accuses Jim of 'molesting people via the internet.' Nick says Dwight should call the cops. Dwight: 'No, the cops called us.'

Dwight · Ryan · Nick:Dwight threatening Nick: 'We could make things very, very difficult for you.' — followed by awkward silence and then Dwight's camera stare

Angela · Oscar · Michael:Oscar and Angela argue over Michael's homemade orange juice popsicles that disappeared from the freezer. Oscar: 'That's because you kept opening the freezer door to check if they were frozen.' Angela: 'Yeah, but then I left it closed, and now they're all gone.' Angela: 'Those were my homemade orange juice popsicles.' Oscar: 'Well, whatcha gonna do about it? You can't fire us anymore.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar confronts someone about the popsicles: 'Do you know how long it took me to freeze those?' / 'That's because you kept opening the freezer door to check if they were frozen.'

Michael · Jim · Phyllis:Michael smells something bad in the office and thinks it's a 'sulfur deposit under here' or 'the dogs.' Jim tells him it's Phyllis. Phyllis says: 'I sent an email out to everyone in this area that this might be a side effect to my new allergy medication I'm on.' The coworkers defend her: 'She sent an email.'

Kevin:Kevin moves away from Phyllis's area with a tissue over his nose, then: 'It's not 'cause of the smell. I'm just expecting a nosebleed.'

Michael:Michael's talking-head: 'Yes, money can buy happiness, but can it buy things? Things like a private office or a nose that can't smell? Answer is no.'

Michael · Erin:Erin is in Michael's old chair in his old office. Michael comes in and startles her. She says 'I warmed it up for you, so should be good to go.' Michael says 'Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy.'

Darryl · Andy:Darryl to Andy about Erin: 'Believe me, if I got that card, we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now.'

Jim · Michael:Jim to Michael, looking through the glass of the manager's office: 'You know, it's funny, I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. And now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here.' Michael: 'Well, the grass is always greener.' Jim: 'Yeah, except there's no grass out there. It's just a farty dirt patch.'

Michael:Michael on how to reverse the manager/salesman swap: 'We make a poster that says Happy Opposite Day, and she sees it on the way out. That's stupid.' Then: 'Oh, I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black.'

Jim · Michael:Jim: 'Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot, and they could have just gone and talked to her?' Michael: 'Lethal Weapon?' Jim: 'That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.'

Jo:Jo overhears Michael and Jim and says: 'You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management?'

Jo:Jo: 'You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management?'

Michael · Jim:Michael to Jo: 'Jo, I am a man of few words. I don't mince words. I try to use as few words as possible to express an idea or a thought or a concept. Along those lines—' Jim interrupts: 'Jo, we made a mistake.'

Michael:Michael: 'I would sleep in my office and I would sexually harass people.' When asked why: 'I'm turning myself in right now.'

Jo:Jo hands dog leashes to Jim and Michael: 'Finish walking my dogs for me. And don't ride 'em. A lot of people try to ride 'em.'

Andy:Andy mass emails the entire office: 'Coworkers, you may have received a valentine from me. Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way.' Signs it 'Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog.'

Phyllis · Andy:Phyllis reads Andy's email aloud: 'You don't even like us as friends?' Andy: 'Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like like you.' Phyllis: 'What are we, five?'

Kelly · Andy:Kelly confronts Andy: 'Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you that said that you don't like me? Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy?'

Andy:Andy is asked who he likes. He stammers and doesn't say Erin's name for almost 20 seconds of awkward silence as the camera holds on him.

Jim:Jim's talking-head after the Andy/Kelly debacle: 'Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. How about that? Oh, it smells good in here.'

Michael · Erin:Michael's return to his office: Erin has installed a space heater, humidifier, dehumidifier, fan, foot fan, and food dehydrator. Michael: 'Erin, what about my keyboard?' — keyboard appears magically.

Michael · Jo · Jim:Michael puts on bossa nova music in his office and does a little celebratory dance. Jo watches through the glass window, then says to Jim: 'He looks happy.' Jim: 'Yep.'

Dwight:Dwight's talking-head: 'Boss for—what was it?—oh, 4½ hours? New record, low. Previous record, Henry Rostin. Boss for nine years, four months, and he only left because he had family matters to attend to, and he—what—Michael?'

Ryan · Dwight:Ryan's talking-head about the Dwight conspiracy: 'Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel.' Dwight: 'Oh, temp, I like that. I'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood.'

Dwight · Ryan:Dwight and Ryan argue about where to celebrate. Ryan: 'No, because martini bars are pretentious.' Dwight: 'I'm sorry that I don't want farm boy swill like you do.' Ryan: 'It is not farm boy swill. I will show you. It is beet vodka, and it is delicious.' Dwight: 'I'm not interested in anything I have to make myself.'

Jim · Pam:Jim's final talking-head: 'As a manager, I felt I couldn't do that.' Pam: 'Um, please don't make it a habit.' Jim: 'I'm afraid I'm going to.'