Sabre's CEO wants the Scranton branch to have one manager, and Michael voluntarily steps down and lets Jim become the boss when he finds out that salespeople make more money. However, he soon comes to regret the decision.
WAR
139.6
Wins Above Replacement
“The Delivery” ranks #83 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 88.5 — Elite. The episode packs 107 scored jokes at 2.4 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dwight: Dwight talking head: 'Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.'
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Angela: Dwight to Angela: 'Bear my child.' / Long pause / 'Excuse me?' / 'I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.'
Andy: Andy's talking head: He was named Walter Junior, but when his brother was born, the parents felt the brother 'better exemplified the Walter Junior name' and gave it to him, leaving Andy with 'Andrew' from a baby name book.
Andy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight · Jim · Pam: Final tag: Dwight appears at Jim and Pam's door. 'I couldn't find your iPod.' Long pause. 'Give me a couple days. Be out of your hair.'
Jim · Pam: Jim asks 'Hey, did you change?' Pam: 'Oh, yeah. My water broke.'
Jim Pam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Standout Moments
Dwight: Dwight talking head: 'Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.'
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Angela: Dwight to Angela: 'Bear my child.' / Long pause / 'Excuse me?' / 'I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.'
Andy: Andy's talking head: He was named Walter Junior, but when his brother was born, the parents felt the brother 'better exemplified the Walter Junior name' and gave it to him, leaving Andy with 'Andrew' from a baby name book.
Andy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 107 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Pam · Jim: Pam announces her pregnancy to a client as a sales tactic during her maternity leave check-in call
Pam Jim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jim: Jim announces the pregnancy to a client on a sales call: 'Hey, did I tell you we're gonna have a baby?'
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: Dwight's client says he could use the paper money because his cousin got a 'nasty new goat fungus' that 'bearded so quickly'
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy Dwight: Dwight in talking head: 'I need a baby. I'll never outsell Jim and Pam without one.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: Dwight talking head continuation: 'Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life.'
Dwight Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Kevin · Michael: Kevin describes cooking through The Twilight Cookbook: 'Last night I had Edward's cornflake chicken.'
Kevin: Kevin's eating schedule with Pam: 'Second breakfast, lunch, second lunch and first dinner.'
Kevin Character Comedy Escalation Kevin: Kevin proposes 'one last ultra feast' before Pam goes to the hospital
Kevin Character Comedy Absurdist Jim · Pam: Jim explains the insurance midnight scheme, then adds: 'once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is gonna have to take care of it, and I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.'
Jim Pam Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Pam: Pam: 'I cannot wait for that joke to be over.'
Pam Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Michael announces he put diesel in Jim's car 'to save some money' and then 'did a heck of a job baby-proofing this office'
Michael · Jim: Michael: 'Also, I did a heck of a job baby-proofing this office.' Jim: 'You know the baby's not gonna live here, right?'
Michael · Jim · Pam: 'Well, the baby was conceived here, so might as well live here a little bit, too.' / 'That logic's airtight, but unfortunately it wasn't conceived here.' / [beat] / 'Burning Man, Porta Potty.'
Michael: Michael: 'Yuck! TMI. How was it?' — immediately after Pam says the baby was conceived in a Burning Man Porta Potty
Michael Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Michael: 'Yuck! TMI. How was it?'
Michael Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Nick · Michael: Random office worker Nick warns Pam: 'You don't want to wait too long, otherwise the baby's gonna become a teenager in there, and you'll be up all night from the rock music.'
Michael: Michael stares Nick down: 'Weird IT nerd. Don't get revenge on me, nerd.' Then continues staring: 'What are you looking at? Nerd.'
Michael Character Comedy Escalation Callback Dwight · Angela: Dwight: 'Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 p.m. In our old meeting spot and bang it out.'
Dwight Angela Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Contractions hit seven minutes apart and Michael panics: 'Contraptions! She's contrapting!'
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Kevin: Kevin warns Jim and Pam against waiting: if the baby is born tomorrow, she'll share a birthday with 'Buttmud Brooks, my old roommate'
Kevin Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: Jim talking head about Pam calling the audible on contractions: 'That's her call, 'cause she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.'
Jim Character Comedy Observational Andy: Andy talking head: 'Guys, a word of advice, speaking as a former baby...'
Andy Absurdist Character Comedy Michael: Michael's solution to distract Pam: 'Conference room, five minutes. No, no, five seconds! Right now, right now, conference room.' Topic announced: 'Potpourri.'
Michael: Michael talking head brags about always being able to distract others in class, which his teachers praised as a skill
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Office Staff: Michael asks if anyone can try to think of the first 13 colonies as a distraction — cut to awkward silence and mumbling
Michael · Office Staff: Office member suggests 'Can we do sleight-of-hand tricks?' — Michael approves; someone immediately says 'I'm gonna go look at the Internet.'
Phyllis · Michael: Phyllis offers to 'put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club.' Michael immediately says: 'No, no. I don't think anybody wants to see that.'
Kevin: Kevin stops his silent dance because someone is clapping — 'You're clapping. I need complete silence.' — then announces he has to start over: 'The Evolution of Dance dance.'
Kevin Escalation Character Comedy Callback Dwight · Office Staff: As Kevin dances in silence, Dwight recites Triple Crown winners and jockey names, and someone sings a mournful song — all simultaneously
Dwight · Angela: Dwight and Angela's parenting contract: child will be breastfed 'exactly six months' then weaned onto 'nutrient-rich, winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus.'
Kevin: Kevin is calculating contractions: 'We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen. Another 75 contractions and you are going to be there. For the love of God, Pam, do it for ultra feast.'
Kevin Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Michael · Erin: Michael has printed '10 ways to induce labor' and proposes doing the opposite to slow it down. Erin reads the first one: 'Stimulate the nipples.' Michael: 'Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.'
Erin · Office Staff: Erin reads: 'Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.' Someone offers: 'I have a shirt like that in my car.'
Michael · Erin: Third anti-induction item: 'Eat spicy foods.' Michael interprets 'opposite' as: 'Stick spicy food up her butt.'
Pam · Jim: Pam to Jim: 'Sweetie, I love you, but you're really distracting me from my distractions.'
Pam Jim Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kelly · Creed: Talking head cut to Kelly and Creed (presumably) saying Jim is 'getting a little frazzled' and laughing at him
Jim: Jim's talking head where he reanalyzes the contraction windows: '"Five to seven minutes." "Six minutes." Different, but not really. "Five to seven minutes."'
Jim Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Angela: Dwight's contract: child shall be named from acceptable names including 'Ebenezer, Jebediah, Honus, Jedediah, Worf.' Angela: 'No Star Trek names.'
Dwight · Angela: Contract Section 5A: 'Child shall be male.' Dwight explains keeping the womb 'extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.'
Jim · Pam: Jim tries to prevent Pam from getting in the car — Pam says she knows because 'You know me too well.'
Jim Pam Character Comedy Reaction Beat Jim · Pam: Jim asks 'Hey, did you change?' Pam: 'Oh, yeah. My water broke.'
Jim Pam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's response to Pam's water breaking: 'Too bad you didn't have sex, like, seven-and-a-half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Kevin: Ultra feast menu revealed by Kevin: 'Hollywood theme. Ratatouille from Ratatouille, tandoori chicken from Born Into Brothels, and I tried to bake a cake like that District 9 prawn thing but I...' [trails off]
Kevin Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Pam · Michael: Jim and Pam's genuine moment: Jim confesses 'I'm scared. I'm real scared.' Pam: 'I'm scared, too.' Michael: 'I'm petrified.'
Michael · Office Staff: In the pre-hospital chaos, someone asks 'Should I bring a dictionary to the hospital?' Michael: 'The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring the thesaurus.'
Dwight · Jim: Dwight appears with a tape measure, offering to check dilation. 'I didn't know we had a tape measure.' Jim: '"We" don't.'
Stanley · Michael: Stanley refuses to leave the bathroom during the hospital dash — multiple people have to physically deal with him as the chaos mounts
Michael · Jim: Driving to hospital, Michael gets distracted: 'This is where I saw that deer last week.' Dwight is escorting them on a motorcycle with a siren.
Dwight: Dwight talking head: 'I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. Got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Pam's Mother Helene: Michael reveals to Pam's mother in the car: 'She?' — the gender reveal — ruining the surprise for her.
Dwight · Police Officer: Dwight gets pulled over by a police officer for impersonating a police officer with his motorcycle siren escort
Pam · Jim: Pam insists they detour past the house to get her iPod with the 'birth song' on it — 'I don't want the first thing the baby hears to be the 8 Mile soundtrack.'
Pam Jim Character Comedy Observational Dwight · Angela: Dwight's phone call to Angela to retrieve the iPod: 'We need it yesterday.' Angela: 'Then why didn't you ask me to do it yesterday? I kept IM-ing you how bored I was.'
Dwight · Pam · Jim: Pam tries to tell Dwight where the spare key is; Dwight: 'I don't need a key.' Pam persists; Dwight: 'Don't. Don't. Don't tell me.' As Pam keeps trying to tell him during contractions.
Michael: Michael parks illegally right at the hospital entrance. Security: 'You can't park here.' Michael: 'I just did.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jim: Jim talking head from hospital: 'Pam's doing great. She's 10 inches dilated now. Sorry, meters... Centimeters.' 'And she's also fully effaced, which I don't know what that is.'
Jim Character Comedy Observational Jim: Jim: 'I was sent out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing...' [nurse interrupts] 'Daddy? She's ready to push.' Jim drops everything immediately.
Jim Character Comedy Misdirection Dwight · Jim · Pam: During the delivery, Dwight appears: 'No, don't push. Pull! Pull!' followed by 'Why don't you get some more ice chips?' to Jim, and then '...Gotta go wash my eyes. That kid's gonna have a lot of hair.'
Michael: Michael has bought a framed newspaper from the day Baby Halpert was 'supposed' to be born. The baby took too long, so he now has to swap the newspaper. 'This frame set me back 55 bones.'
Phyllis · Michael: Phyllis reveals she has an ice cream cake in the car. Michael: 'Oh, my God! Go! Go! Go! Are you insane?'
Michael · Nurse: Michael tries to check in with the delivery nurse: 'Sorry to be a bother, but if we could have an ETA when this is gonna...' Nurse: 'You're kind of losing them.'
Michael: Baby is born. Michael tries to light a cigar in the hospital. 'Sir. Sir, you can't smoke that in here.' Michael: 'Okay. Put it out. All right. Can't smoke anywhere these days.'
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jim · Pam: Jim announces the baby name: 'Cecelia Marie Halpert.' Then starts with wrong stats: 'Eleven pounds, four...' Pam corrects: 'Seven pounds, two ounces, 18 inches.'
Jim Pam Character Comedy Reaction Beat Jim · Pam: Jim: 'You want to count her fingers and toes again?' Pam: 'No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there are still 12 of each.'
Jim Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Pam · Pam's Mother Helene: Pam's mother returns with coffee: 'It was an adventure and a half trying to find the cafeteria, but I have returned with the coffee.' Pam: 'Thank God. I haven't had caffeine in nine months.'
Jim: Jim boasts he's 'a diapering master' after 'little else' in two months. 'There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you.'
Jim Character Comedy Observational Michael · Helene: Michael runs into Pam's mother Helene at the hospital — his ex-girlfriend. Awkward exchange. Michael: 'I worry about you.' Helene: 'I think it's time for me to go.' Michael: 'Love you.' Helene: 'Love you as a friend.'
Kevin · Jim: Kevin shows up without pants to hold the baby. Jim makes him sanitize and then: 'Again. No pants.'
Kevin Jim Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Jim · Pam: Michael holds the baby and she seems to say 'Michael' — 'That's so weird. She was saying it just before you got here.'
Dwight: Dwight talking head: He was sent to find the iPod. 'I searched everywhere, but I didn't find it. What I did find was mold, and lots of it.' He then: 'read a book, had a bath, I got a good night's sleep, and I made plans to eradicate it. I also made plans to ask Jim where he bought his marvelous sheets.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's talking head: 'There she sat. Her name was Pam. She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal.' / 'There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman.' / 'The odds of them getting together were insurmountainable.'
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Michael: Michael: 'There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Michael: Michael's matchmaking offer to the office: 'I made a family. I got these two together and I made a family. This man has a gift.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Stanley: Stanley shuts down Michael's matchmaking: 'Why don't you find someone for yourself instead of meddling in our affairs?' Michael: 'Okay, show of hands. Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don't have any?'
Meredith · Andy: Meredith: 'I am never getting married. Like Clooney.' Michael offers to match Andy; Andy: 'Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so...'
Andy: Andy talking head: 'Yes, I'm gonna ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible.'
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim · Pam: Jim and Pam's touching moment — 'Remember yesterday, when we were terrified of being parents? We were just kids. What did we know?' — played straight but arrives 19 hours after labor started
Jim Pam Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Jim · Pam: Jim and Pam attempt to swaddle the baby — failing repeatedly. 'She's too strong. Careful, though. You don't want to break it.' Pam: 'She's not going to...' — Jim calls the nurse.
Jim Pam Observational Character Comedy Jim · Clarke · Pam: Male lactation consultant Clarke arrives. Jim clearly uncomfortable: 'Do you want to try it, Jim?' Jim: 'Mmm-mmm. I think you're good. Doing a good job.'
Jim · Pam: Clarke leaves; Pam struggles alone; Jim offers to try the technique he watched. Pam: 'Jim, please, please, please. I think it would be weird if you did it.' Jim: 'That makes sense. I'll just go get the other guy.'
Jim Pam Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Kevin · Erin: Michael introduces Kevin to Erin as her 'new boyfriend': 'You will learn to love me.' Kevin is presented like a prize on a game show.
Michael: Michael talking to Erin privately: 'Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally, he has an elephant heart. He had a transplant when he was 17.' Beat. 'No. Kevin doesn't have an elephant heart, but he is very sensitive.'
Michael Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael warns Erin about Kevin: 'I bet his heart is enlarged, though. I don't want anyone to die. Just don't let him sit on you.'
Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Andy: Andy, hiding behind a hospital plant watching Erin and Kevin, explains to camera: In college he would hide behind plants in botany class to eavesdrop — but then he'd jump out and confront people saying 'You think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted.'
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dwight · Isabel: Dwight arrives at Jim and Pam's house to find mold — he's done new cabinets, moved the fridge to the backyard. Isabel: 'All I did was bring macaroni and cheese.' Dwight: 'Where's the fridge?' 'Oh, it's in the backyard. I'll take this.'
Dwight: Dwight calls the woman (Angela) from the annex: 'Nothing left to do except dot the I's, the J's and the umlauts.'
Dwight Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Pam · Isabel · Jim: Wrong baby: Isabel is holding a baby she's incorrectly identified as Cecelia Halpert. Pam: 'Wrong baby. This is not our baby!'
Jim · Pam · Nurse: Cut to the other baby's room: the other baby is sleeping perfectly quietly. 'She's not hungry.' Pam: bewildered.
Pam · Jim: The baby (actually theirs, now returned) 'is not hungry' — with the implication being the wrong baby was calm because it had just been fed in the nursery.
Pam Jim Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Nurse: Nurse about checkout: 'That bottom part needs to go in the car.' Jim: 'Newsflash, the whole thing needs to go in the car.'
Jim Nurse Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jim · Pam · Nurse: Jim and Pam are told checkout is at 3:00 — it's 2:35. Pam: 'Half hour.' Jim: 'Well, 25 minutes.' Then immediately asks the nurse: 'Can we get a late checkout?'
Isabel · Dwight: Isabel invites herself for a teeth cleaning from Dwight: 'Listen, I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by sometime for a teeth cleaning? Just for fun.' Dwight: 'Well, adults are supposed to go to the dentist, too.' Isabel: 'Are they, now? How some people spend their money, right?'
Andy · Erin: Andy sends Erin a fax asking her to dinner — the fax is sent to their own office fax machine. Andy stands waiting for the confirmation. Fax is busy; Erin says she'll keep trying.
Andy · Erin: Andy demands Erin send the fax immediately or she's fired. Erin: 'You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong.' Andy: 'I've been having a tough day.' Erin reads the fax aloud: 'Erin, will you have dinner with me? From, Andy.'
Andy Erin Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback Andy · Erin: Andy threatens to fire Erin for not sending his fax fast enough. Erin: 'You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong.' Andy: 'I've been having a tough day.'
Andy Erin Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Erin: Erin reads the fax and reacts with genuine joy: 'Oh, my God. That's amazing!' Then immediately starts faxing it as instructed.
Erin Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Jim · Pam: Pam has learned to breastfeed: 'There we go. Yeah. Oh, yeah! Like that. Oh. There we go. You got it.' Jim: 'Five tickets on the windshield.'
Jim Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Jim · Pam: Jim asks Pam if she used Clarke's move on the baby. Pam: 'I used a variation of your move.' Jim: 'Mmm-hmm.'
Jim Pam Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Michael: Michael's talking head about Erin and Kevin: 'There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love. And that's what I thought that Erin and Kevin were going to find today.' Long pause. 'I think I'm going to be sick.'
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Angela: Final scene: Dwight presents a legal document to Angela at the office — the parenting contract. She signs. He signs. Beat. He looks up, she looks up. Both look away. Another beat. Dwight: 'All right. How would you like to celebrate?' Angela: 'Just pour yourself a cup of apple juice. I feel sick.'
Dwight Angela Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Nurse · Jim · Pam: Bureaucratic bit: A nurse checks Jim and Pam's IDs to release the baby to them. 'Two forms of ID, please.' Then she does it again with the baby: 'And now you. Two forms of ID, please.'
Dwight · Angela: Dwight's elaborate parenting contract negotiation continues: 'Two forms of ID, please.' — referring to both Angela and the unborn child
Dwight · Jim · Pam: Final tag: Dwight appears at Jim and Pam's door. 'I couldn't find your iPod.' Long pause. 'Give me a couple days. Be out of your hair.'
Dwight: Dwight calls: 'What? I couldn't find your iPod. Give me a couple days. Be out of your hair.'
Dwight Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
