Angela Martin

Kevin · Angela:Kevin: 'He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom.' Angela: 'Kevin, that's inappropriate!'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'Ok great. Germatitus. Thank you Angela, I'll make sure that's covered.'

Michael · Angela:Angela reminds Michael of the surprise. Michael stalls, asks what everyone thinks the surprise is. Employee: 'We all think you don't have a surprise.' Michael: 'All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise.'

Angela:Angela: 'I think green is kind of whorish' during a streamers color discussion

Michael · Angela:Michael criticizes the streamers: 'Ladies, not your best effort. You could have done better than that, don't you think?' / Angela: 'Phyllis wanted red, I didn't.'

Angela · Unknown:Michael suggests Angela might cheerlead — someone responds 'Oh, yuck! That's worse than you playing.'

Michael · Angela:'The Tight Ass award goes to Angela — not only because she's everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose!'

Angela:I do play games. I sing, and I dangle things in front of my cats.

Angela · Pam:I call it Pam-Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you. / We're friends. / Apparently.

Angela:Angela's desert island books: The Bible, A Purpose Driven Life, and then refusing a third book ('No.')

Roy · Angela:Roy's answer to 'Who would you do?': 'Oh, I got it. What's the name of that tight-ass Christian chick. The blonde?' — Angela responds: 'My name is Angela.'

Angela:Angela's conflict with the person who brought brownies: 'Those aren't chips and dip.' 'No, I made brownies.' 'I made cookies. Same category.'

Angela:'I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.' — Angela accuses someone of sabotage for bringing brownies

Angela:Angela's talking head: "I actually look forward to performance review. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny."

Michael · Angela:Michael immediately dismisses Angela's performance review with "Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year." the moment Jan calls, then runs to the phone

Jim · Dwight · Angela:Jim confessional: 'Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to delete all of her sensitive e-mails. Immediately!'

Michael · Angela:Michael approaches Angela and awkwardly probes about Jim's party under the guise of asking if she's 'bringing anyone'

Michael · Pam · Oscar · Kevin · Angela:Michael works through the office trying to find someone — ANYONE — to spend Friday night with: Pam (no), Oscar (on a call), Kevin (Alaska Film Festival with brother), Angela (Charity Bake Drive)

Michael · Angela:Michael to Angela: 'Rushy, rushy. Where you rushing off to?' Angela: 'Charity Bake Drive.' Michael: 'LIAR! You are a liar!'

Phyllis · Angela:Angela drafted Phyllis into the party planning committee, and her memo said they needed to prepare for 'every possible disaster'

Unknown · Angela:The baby-dressed-as-adult poster is unwrapped and the room reacts with visible discomfort — "That's like the creepiest thing that I've ever seen."

Angela:Angela takes the baby poster for herself — in Yankee Swap she chooses her own gift back

Kevin · Angela:Someone in the office: 'Who took all the black ones?' about the M&Ms — 'That's a communal bowl.'

Michael · Angela:Michael's Hooters wig appears at the office — the reaction of everyone seeing it

Angela · Phyllis:Angela: 'It's nobody's business, Phyllis.' [pause] 'Roy.'

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'I don't know how I fit in with these women. Here. Or with Jan. Um... I mean, we get along great. Fine.'

Angela:Angela's talking head conclusion: 'Um... I guess the person I have the most in common with is... Jim. Halpert.'

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently — judging from her outfit —'

Angela:Angela: '...Jan aspires to be a whore.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela and the mystery gift-giver: 'Did you hear? Somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.' 'I wouldn't know anything about that. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.'

Michael · Angela · Pam:Angela's response to Michael asking if wedding planning would be good practice for Pam's wedding toast: 'Yeah, the bride doesn't really do...' — Michael: 'Have you ever been to a wedding?'

Angela · Dwight:Angela, with complete sincerity, says 'The very best of luck to you, Dwight' before he goes on stage

Angela:I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.

Angela:Angela and another committee member argue about whether to bring out the cake at 1:00 or 1:30, treated with total gravity.

Angela · Michael:Angela reads from 'a list of things Michael would like to be surprised by' — which includes a strippergram — then says 'he doesn't want to know when or whom.'

Angela:Angela warns about no cookie at a later meeting but has a prolonged back-and-forth with someone asking what if they're hungry — 'No cookie.' — delivered with total finality.

Angela:Angela refuses to let Michael touch the ice cream cake: 'His is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.'

Michael · Angela:The birthday cake candles are regular candles, not trick candles. Michael: 'I asked for trick candles.' Response: 'Pam was supposed to get them. Well, when she comes back, we'll do it again.'

Angela:Angela confessional: 'I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.'

Michael · Angela:Michael asks Angela: 'You're not on anything?' — with clear implication that she seems like she could use something

Angela:Angela's defense of the baby poster: 'It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.'

Pam · Angela:Pam hand-delivers Angela's Save-the-Date — having not had her zip code — and Angela's talking head: 'It's not my taste.'

Michael · Kevin · Angela:Michael's solution to Kevin making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela: Angela must make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make HIM uncomfortable. 'I accept your decision.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela at craps: 'Good luck, Dwight.' — Angela's deadpan encouragement as a rare moment of warmth

Kelly · Angela · Pam:Kelly advises Pam not to sleep with Allen on the first date. Angela overhears and asks 'Sleep with who?' Kelly says it's her neighbor Allen going on a date. Angela: 'Oh wow. Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do? Wear your wedding dress.'

Angela · Kelly:Angela date advice: 'You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it.' Kelly: 'If you do that, you're gonna have to put out.'

Angela:Angela confirms: 'Oh yeah. You'll have to put out.'

Angela · Kevin:Michael is going to get us all fired. / That's not going to happen. / You sat back and let him play that dumb movie and now Jan is peeved off...

Angela · Dwight:Dwight, you should be running this office. / Michael would never let me. / It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call.

Angela:...sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.

Dwight · Angela:We can make a difference here. / I will make a difference here.

Dwight · Angela:Oh, please! Don't be naive. / But you can be in charge of the women.

Angela:Angela at her desk on phone: 'I mean, how many times do I have to confirm plans with Ryan for him to know that we have a date tonight?'

Kevin · Kelly · Angela:Kevin: 'I'm sure Dwight will protect him.' Office worker: 'I don't know, Dwight's so weird.' Kevin: 'He's not weird, he's just individualistic.' Other: 'No, he's a freak.' Kevin: 'You're a freak!'

Angela:Angela's counter-offer to Diwali: 'Do you want to make Appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?'

Andy · Angela:Andy showing Angela his screensaver and her unexpectedly responding 'I do like it, actually' — and the audience not seeing what it is

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'Let's protect the convicts at the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.'

Phyllis · Angela:I thought you said green was whorish. / No, orange is whorish.

Angela · Karen · Pam:The 'Committee to Plan Parties' flyer vs. Angela's Party Planning Committee — 'There's no such thing as the Committee to Plan Parties. There is now.'

Pam · Karen · Angela · Dwight:Karen and Pam's 'Committee to Plan Parties' rival flyer: $200 funding. Angela: 'What's ours again?' Dwight: '$201.'

Angela:Angela announces the party starting time during a fake paycheck announcement

Angela:Please stand by for a very important announcement further regarding your paycheck!

Angela:'Welcome, Hannah. You will not be disappointed.' Hannah: 'Why would I be disappointed?' Angela: 'I said you wouldn't be.'

Angela:I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years over some disagreement I don't even remember.

Kevin · Angela:These nuts are really hard to crack. / Try harder then.

Angela:Angela reveals she had the karaoke power cord all along

Michael · Angela · Pam:Angela says 'By the end of the day? That's impossible.' Michael responds: 'The Jamaicans don't have a word for impossible.' Pam: 'Yep, it's English. It's "impossible".'

Angela · Kevin:Angela has called every grocery store in Scranton for a whole pig; Kevin suggests trying 'the petting zoo'

Angela · Kevin:Kevin challenges whether the tax forms are a big deal, and Angela claps back: 'Is it a big deal? Is it, Kevin?'

Angela:Angela in confessional, speaking in code about Dwight: 'This friend of mine... let's call her Noelle... this gallant gentleman... we'll call him Curt.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela: 'I'll just stand up in front of the office, and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.' Dwight: 'I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela's greeting to Oscar: a cold, clipped 'Oscar.' Nothing more.

Andy · Angela:Andy tries to join the party planning committee; Angela: 'Never.'

Angela:The phone is hidden in the ceiling; Angela calls it to keep it ringing; she says 'Is everything okay? No.' — a terse exchange that reveals her participation in the prank

Angela:Angela's confessional: reveals Dwight was late because he drove to New York to deliver tax forms Angela forgot to send — but immediately blames Kevin for not reminding her

Angela:Angela: 'Dwight loves this company. Do you think that anyone else out there would've driven to corporate for you? None of them. Especially not Andy.'

Michael · Dwight · Angela:Michael introduces Dwight to the office; then: 'Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're going to break it.'

Angela · Michael:Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office. / Shut up, Angela!

Michael · Angela:Michael approaches Angela: 'You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.'

Angela:Angela's immediate tactical response after Michael's compliment: 'Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left.'

Pam · Angela:Angela invites Pam to her art show, downplays it ('It's not a big deal'), then immediately says 'a lot of people from the office are gonna be there' — but the show later reveals almost nobody comes

Jim · Angela:Jim complains about a headache from 'the glare' — revealed to be the glare from Angela's crucifix

Angela:Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo, de facto, go to a party early, become a really good friend.

Kevin · Angela:Oh, potato salad? It's from both of us. No, it's not.

Dwight · Angela:Dwight reads bravery stories to Angela in her office; she suggests they read it together; both exchange loaded looks

Jim · Pam · Kevin · Angela · Ryan · Oscar:The office workers betting on how many jellybeans (or similar objects) are in a jar; escalating guesses with Kevin being eliminated: 'Ten. Kev's out. Damn it!'

Kelly · Kevin · Angela:Kelly's Bridget Jones impression and the accountants' Australian role-play: 'I like ice cream. I need a boyfriend.' / 'I like ice cream, too, mate. Alli-gators and dingo babies.'

Kevin · Angela:Kevin/Angela payroll argument: Kevin: 'You didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form.' Angela: 'Yes! Facial!' — then 'You two are apes.'

Angela · Kevin:Angela: 'I'm sorry. That you're both morons.' / Kevin: 'But you still said I'm sorry.' / Angela: 'I called you morons.' / Kevin: 'Still said it, so...'

Michael · Angela:Michael/Angela argument: 'I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.' 'That's the same thing.' 'No.'

Angela · Michael:Angela: 'When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.' Michael: 'Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.'

Andy · Angela:Andy, floating away on a sumo suit in the lake, screaming for help while Angela watches passively

Angela:Angela refuses to walk the coals because 'I'm not gonna walk in the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through.' — referring to Michael's hypothetical prior crossing

Michael · Oscar · Kevin · Angela:Michael reveals he sold his condo — on eBay — before knowing if he got the job. 'It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time.'

Dwight · Kevin · Oscar · Angela:Dwight propositions the accounting team: 'How would you like to spend the night with the Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton?' Kevin says no; Dwight clarifies he means himself, not Michael

Michael · Pam · Phyllis · Angela · Karen:'Defcon 20. She wants to get back together.' / 'How can she make you get back together with her?' / 'She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do.'

Creed · Angela · Oscar · Kevin:The office's split opinions on Jan's surgery: Creed: 'I love fake boobs. Often times you find them on strippers.' / Angela: 'I find it offensive.' / Michael Scott Sr.: 'Au naturale, baby. Swing low, sweet chariots.'

Oscar · Angela · Other Office Workers:Office workers debating whether Jim and Pam are together: 'Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile. They're just keeping it a secret. Right? / I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things.'

Angela · Pam:Angela declining to visit Meredith: 'I can't. Sprinkles is sick... Who will she eat lunch with? / Can't your other cats keep her company? / There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques...'

Angela · Dwight:Angela gives Dwight an elaborate list of medical instructions for Sprinkles: diabetes shot, ACE inhibitor, omega fatty acids, kidney medicine, and finally — fungal cream under the cat's tail.

Dwight · Angela:Dwight returns from Angela's apartment: 'Hey, monkey. Any problems? / Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.' / 'What? / Sparkles, the white one, is dead.' / 'Sprinkles.' / 'That was the sick one, right?'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight on Sprinkles' location: 'She's in a better place.' / 'Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.'

Dwight · Angela:Angela confronts Dwight about Sprinkles. Dwight: 'I sang her her favorite songs.' / 'You put her in my freezer.' / 'It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep.' / 'Well, then, she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother.' — Angela stops dead.

Angela:I don't see it. I think they both could do better. It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.

Dwight · Angela:It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed. Her name was Sprinkles. And his name is Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage 'cause he likes to eat garbage.

Angela · Dwight:I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight. / Really? / Yes. / I'll make a reservation. / No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side. / I would prefer a public place.

Dwight · Angela:I heard a joke today. / Oh, that's funny. / Yes, it was.

Dwight · Angela:I miss you. / Elevators.

Dwight · Angela:Fine. / Then I just want to be friends. / Good. / Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

Angela · Dwight:Angela's talking head: 'I can't tell if he's mocking me.' Cut to Dwight's: 'I was. Mocking.' Then: 'Thank you.'

Kevin · Angela:Kevin reads the party banner and asks: 'Isn't 7:00 PM a little late for a LUNCH party?' — the banner says 'Lunch Party' instead of 'Launch Party'

Phyllis · Angela:Phyllis uses 'active listening' technique: asks Angela how she feels about the 'Lunch' banner; Angela: 'Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.'

Phyllis · Angela:Phyllis responds to Angela's tirade with 'I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be awful.' — and Angela briefly accepts the sympathy before realizing it's aimed at her own insults

Kevin · Angela:Kevin's banner solution: 'Maybe you could just change the U into an A?' — which would make it 'Lanch Party'

Angela:Angela's talking head about the pressure she's under: 'Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65 for your budget. And here are 4 idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh, and your cat's still dead.'

Angela · Phyllis:Phyllis delivers spoons to Angela instead of cutlery; Angela explains the difference between spoons, forks, and knives as if to a toddler: 'Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things... forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top... knives which have blades. Do you understand me now?' Phyllis: 'Yes.' Angela: 'Goody.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight to Angela privately after winning: 'I did it for you.' Angela: 'I didn't ask you to do it for me.' Dwight: 'You didn't have to.'

Michael · Angela:Michael's party wish list includes 'something made of ice,' 'someone famous,' 'go-go dancers,' 'Al Roker,' — demanding Angela make the satellite party surpass the New York party in under an hour with a $65 budget

Andy · Angela:Andy to Angela while she works: 'You looking for dinner and a movie? You're not gonna find it in that box. It just so happens I know where you can find it, but again... Not in the box.'

Angela:Angela's overwhelmed talking head: lists all her problems — new party in an hour, no number two, no one for orchids/chocolates/ice thing — and ends with: 'And my upper back itched all day, and I can't reach it. And Kevin had Greek food for lunch again.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight presents Angela with 'one thing made of ice' — a full ice sculpture, apparently stolen — Angela: 'How did you... Where did you...?' Dwight: 'I stole it.'

Andy · Angela:Andy scratches Angela's upper back for her — she hasn't asked for this; she reacts with 'I didn't ask you to scratch it' — Andy explains his feelings; Angela: 'I'm not dating you.'

Andy · Angela:Andy serenades Angela with ABBA's 'Take a Chance on Me' — performed sincerely, with full commitment — ending with: 'That's all I ask of you, Angela.'

Andy · Angela:Angela and Michael compete over the car; Andy: 'Why don't you just pretend that you have a car? Good practice in case you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car.'

Dwight · Angela:Visual gag: Dwight's breakup inventory — 'One cardigan. One sleeping cardigan. One sleep apnea mask.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela argue over the cherub figurine — Dwight insists it was on the night table 'by the lamp'; Angela says she was 'scrubbing my room of memories' and didn't see it

Angela:Angela's visible devastation at the debt chart — and Michael interpreting her reaction as attraction: implied by context of the meeting

Angela:Angela: 'That's not happening. I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.'

Angela · Unknown · Jim:Angela explodes about the party plans: '...these little magic party elves to do your bidding. We already have Devil's Food, peach cobbler, Fudgie the Whale, mushroom caps...' / 'I'm allergic to mushrooms.' / 'That's a bummer.'

Andy · Angela:Andy brings a single flower for the group and gives one to Angela: 'Except for one flower, which is for my flower.'

Jim · Pam · Angela · Andy:Beat after 'oaky afterbirth' — guests' silent, horrified reaction

Jan · Angela · Pam:Jan to Angela in the kitchen: 'You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. But I don't have to tell you, Pam.'

Angela · Dwight's date:Angela to Dwight's date offering beet salad: 'The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.'

Angela:I will quit. As God is my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.

Andy · Angela:Andy: "Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately, if you know what I'm saying." Angela is standing right there.

Creed · Angela:Creed calls the office on the phone: 'Hiya, pumpkin, it's Creed. So, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?' — speaking to Angela

Creed · Angela:Angela refuses; Creed: 'Pumpkin's out. Let's go, gang.'

Angela:Angela: 'Bless you.' — to an unseen sneeze, presumably from the one other person left in the office

Angela · Michael:Angela asks 'Do you mean leaves as in dies?' after Michael's New Orleans funeral parade reference

Michael · Kelly · Angela:Michael performs 'Goodbye, Toby' to the tune of 'Goodbye Stranger' by Supertramp; coworkers give confessionals during the song

Andy · Angela:Andy proposes to Angela with his parents present ('Andrew and Ellen Bernard, thank you for sharing this joyous moment'), full PA announcement, then asks her to 'join me onstage'; she doesn't move; he says 'Okay then I will come to you, my flower.' She says 'okay' into the mic barely audibly.

Andy · Angela:Andy's proposal: 'Angela, will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?'

Angela:Angela's reactions to Andy's venue pitches: 'No. No.' / 'I don't care. Okay.' / 'How do you feel about Maine?'

Angela · Dwight:Angela and Dwight's secret romantic moment in the office is followed by: 'Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it.' / 'Monkey.' / 'No. No. I have a fiancé I very much like.'

Andy · Angela:Andy's four non-refundable wedding deposits: 'Hot air balloons over Napa Valley, world famous Walt Disney's Epcot Center, scuba diving wedding in the Bahamas, and Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C.' Angela's reaction: 'Dangerous, tacky, sharks, haunted. No.'

Angela:Angela's impossible wedding requirements list: 'Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call.'

Andy · Angela:Angela's first dance demand: 'The Little Drummer Boy.' Andy agrees immediately and reveals his a cappella group 'Here Comes Treble, class of '96' has been booked, will be the wedding band AND collectively his best man, and are crashing with them for three weeks.

Angela · Coworker:Angela clarifies that Pam was engaged to Roy, not Jim — 'That was Roy' — then reveals she already bought a gift for Pam and Roy and asks if she has to get another one

Angela · Phyllis:Angela appears and tells Phyllis not to talk to the camera crew, ordering her to 'Make the party' — implying she's lurking and monitoring Phyllis

Michael · Angela:Michael tries to get baby Astrid to look at his finger for a photo — Angela gets involved — Michael: 'You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that?'

Angela · Dwight:I think you have me confused with another person. / I said I was only gonna say it once.

Dwight · Angela:You have until 6:14 P.M. / 6:14. / I heard you. / Pump it up!

Angela · Michael:Michael/Angela's wedding: 'I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo.' Michael: 'Hobos live in trains.'

Angela:Angela's wedding requirements: a hand-plowed field, an old barn where you can see stars through the roof slats when you lay on your back, and antique tools to look at when you roll over

Dwight · Michael · Angela:Dwight launches into the Schrute Farms wedding sales pitch with full professionalism: 'Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms...' Michael: 'We haven't decided on anything yet.'

Michael · Dwight · Angela:Michael says 'Deal!' before hearing the price; Dwight: 'You already said deal.' Angela: 'Pay him whatever he wants.' Michael: 'Can't argue with that.'

Angela · Andy · Angela · Andy:What is wrong with you? / Why won't you do Andy? / What? / That's Oscar, and he wants to know why you won't do me, and I think it's a valid question.

Angela · Andy:Are you drunk? / This is Andy Bernard.

Dwight · Angela:Who is that, monkey? / Is somebody there?

Angela · Dwight:Angela asks about the manure smell at Schrute Farms. Dwight: 'Manure covers up the smell of the slaughterhouse.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela: 'Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?' Dwight: 'You want to eat, don't you?'

Angela · Dwight:Angela demands a 'cow-butter sculpture of a cat' for the wedding. Dwight: 'Cats don't make butter.' Angela: 'I would like a cow-butter sculpture of a cat.' Dwight: 'It doesn't make any sense.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela's wedding planning demands: 'Have you made a decision on the butter sculpture? No. Cow, goat or sheep. It's not that hard. I would like a cat.'

Dwight · Angela · Andy:The mock ceremony: Andy is unknowingly signing the actual marriage certificate while Dwight presents the twine ring exchange as a 'rehearsal'

Angela · Dwight:Angela confesses to Dwight: 'I made a mistake picking Andy.' Dwight: 'I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight reveals he has secretly married Angela using the German Mennonite minister, Andy as an unknowing witness, and the mock ceremony. 'Well, monkey, he's a real minister and you said "I do" and I said "I do" and Andy wasn't signing a receipt. He was signing our marriage certificate as a witness.'

Dwight · Angela:Angela: 'It's not my fault you don't understand German!' — as she denies the marriage is valid.

Angela:Angela's talking head about the Moroccan Christmas party theme: 'This isn't your grandmother's Christmas party. Unless, of course, she's from Morocco, in which case it's very accurate.'

Michael · Angela:Michael negotiates with Angela about the nativity scene: 'all right, you can keep your camel, sheep, elephant, and the north african king can stay'

Angela:Talking head: 'I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will, though. And Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.'

Angela:Angela confronts Phyllis: 'Face it, the only power you have over me is this little secret that I know you're not gonna tell. Because then you won't be able to plan your stupid, tacky parties anymore. So you move the tree.'

Angela:After Andy's serenade, dead silence — then: 'I think I'd like to go home now.'

Angela · Dwight · Oscar:Angela's 911 calls about speeding cause a radar gun to be placed out front, which then becomes a traffic hazard as office workers try to beat each other's speed records while running past it

Dwight · Angela:Angela pushes Dwight to tell Andy about the affair; Dwight calls it 'a terrible idea. One of your worst.' Then after she says 'you're expanding on your worst idea.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'I've already admitted that I do [love you]. Why do you keep making me repeat it?' Angela: 'Because you're engaged to Andy.'

Angela:Angela: 'That doesn't sound like me' when Andy asks if she's sleeping with Dwight

Angela:Angela: 'A little bit.' — her answer to 'Are you sleeping with Dwight?'

Angela · Andy:Angela: 'I love you.' Andy: 'Why should I believe that?' Angela: 'Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying, that we're not good together -- ' Andy: 'Who says that?'

Angela:Angela: 'I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.'

Angela:Angela: 'I will respect the results of the duel.'

Angela:Angela: 'I will respect the results of the duel.' — said with regal acceptance

Angela:Angela watching the empty parking lot: 'I can't believe they're gonna fight over me. I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.'

Angela:Angela's confessional: 'Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.'

Angela:Angela throws her cat Bandit through a ceiling tile hole — 'Save Bandit!' — and the cat is immediately thrown back down.

Angela · employees:Firecrackers go off inside the office — 'The fire's shooting at us!'

Michael · Angela:'Angela, where's Angela? Well, there you are. I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted.'

Angela:Angela describing her new cat: 'She's hypo-allergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents.'

Kevin · Angela:'How much?' / '$7,000.' / 'For a cat? I can get you a kid for that.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay and kept the money for the cat. 'He wouldn't have wanted that.'

Angela:Angela: 'I'm out of vacation days, and this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity.'

Kevin · Angela · Oscar:The Nanny Cam reveals two cats mating: 'That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady.' / 'No!' / 'Awesome.'

Angela · Kevin:Angela: 'I swear he is fixed.' Kevin: 'I know fixed, that ain't fixed. No way.'

Angela:Angela: 'Now listen, you can't let what you see here sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats.'

Angela:Angela, on the Nanny Cam feed, appears to be disciplining a cat: 'You look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? Look at me.'

Michael · Angela:Michael about Angela: 'This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange.'

Angela:Angela: 'Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship.'

Angela:'Bandit, no! No, no, no!' — a cat apparently loose in the office

Angela · Charles:Angela barges into Michael's office mid-interview to push an accounting seminar — mentions a sundae bar, then: 'I mean, I didn't have any. To stay trim.'

Angela · David Wallace:I got your memo. Thank you. I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not. — Well said, Angela.

Angela · Oscar:Mose wearing sandals to work — 'The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross.'

Kelly · Pam · Angela · Oscar · Toby:The office staff forms a chaotic line outside Toby's door, each mimicking his 'if you do this, I'll do that' dress code negotiation gestures

Angela:I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense.

Dwight · Phyllis · Angela:If my assessment is correct, you grind your teeth? I do. No kidding. She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. It's like children singing Christmas carols.

Michael · Angela:Hey, hey, Angela, no. No cleaning up. You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?

Michael · Angela:Would you like to dance? No.

Michael · Angela:Michael: 'He's lying. He has a doctor's note.' Angela: 'From who? Dr. J?'

Angela:Angela: 'Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmother.'

Oscar · Angela:Angela and Oscar have clearly spent time together — Oscar is nursing what appears to be morning-after distress; Angela says wedding emotions made her cry. Oscar: 'People say you cry all the time.' Angela: 'Well, that's...' [trails off]

Dwight · Angela:Dwight to Angela eating a nut: 'Enjoying your nut?' — then to camera: 'I'm not mocking. I was just making an observation about her... nut.'

Angela · Oscar · Michael:Oscar and Angela argue over Michael's homemade orange juice popsicles that disappeared from the freezer. Oscar: 'That's because you kept opening the freezer door to check if they were frozen.' Angela: 'Yeah, but then I left it closed, and now they're all gone.' Angela: 'Those were my homemade orange juice popsicles.' Oscar: 'Well, whatcha gonna do about it? You can't fire us anymore.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight to Angela: 'Bear my child.' / Long pause / 'Excuse me?' / 'I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 p.m. In our old meeting spot and bang it out.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela's parenting contract: child will be breastfed 'exactly six months' then weaned onto 'nutrient-rich, winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's contract: child shall be named from acceptable names including 'Ebenezer, Jebediah, Honus, Jedediah, Worf.' Angela: 'No Star Trek names.'

Dwight · Angela:Contract Section 5A: 'Child shall be male.' Dwight explains keeping the womb 'extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's phone call to Angela to retrieve the iPod: 'We need it yesterday.' Angela: 'Then why didn't you ask me to do it yesterday? I kept IM-ing you how bored I was.'

Dwight · Angela:Final scene: Dwight presents a legal document to Angela at the office — the parenting contract. She signs. He signs. Beat. He looks up, she looks up. Both look away. Another beat. Dwight: 'All right. How would you like to celebrate?' Angela: 'Just pour yourself a cup of apple juice. I feel sick.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's elaborate parenting contract negotiation continues: 'Two forms of ID, please.' — referring to both Angela and the unborn child

Michael · Creed · Meredith · Angela · Phyllis:Michael distributes leads to non-sales staff — 'King Creed,' 'King Meredith,' 'King Angela' — while salespeople object

Angela:Angela's 'Oh, how the tables have turned' — delivered to a salesperson who now has to do clerical work for leads

Stanley · Angela:Stanley and Angela briefly bond over The Kardashians while a salesperson suffers nearby

Angela · Erin:Angela is teaching Erin Whac-A-Mole: 'Whacking moles. Hit him on the head. Whack! Say it with me. Whack! Extend the fingers more. Whack! Good.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela trying to break up with Dwight at the bar using the contract as leverage — 'You don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore.' Dwight: 'It's no worry.'

Angela:Angela tells Dwight she wants 'a big family. Tall, thick. A big, physically big family.' — the criteria becoming increasingly specific and physical

Dwight · Angela · Process Server:Dwight is served legal papers at the bar by a process server: 'Dwight Kurt Schrute. You are hereby served...' for breach of contract against Angela for failing to fulfill the child-rearing agreement

Angela · Isabel:Angela, to Isabel: 'Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. Did he not tell you that?'

Angela · Michael:Angela objects: 'This is inappropriate.' / Michael: 'This is my favorite day.'

Angela · Erin:Angela to Erin at the fax machine: 'You embarrassed me earlier.' / Erin: 'Take it up with the chief of police.'

Angela · Erin:Angela about Andy: 'It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.' / Erin: 'You are throwing up for the wrong reasons.'

Michael · Angela:Michael calls Angela 'Angelo' and she corrects him flatly; he responds 'Yo soy Cancun'

Michael · Angela:Michael sees the bindi on Angela's forehead: 'That's very nice. I never noticed that before.' Angela: 'Sometimes my bangs cover it.' Michael: 'Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh, may I ask you what that means?' Angela: 'I do find that offensive, actually.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's confessional deduction: 'Heart-shaped jewelry is not something a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.' Pause. 'Wait, so you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right? No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love.'

Dwight · Angela · Mediator:Dwight and Angela arguing over a child-rearing contract with a mediator, with provisions for 'descendants of any replicants from this union'

Angela · Dwight:"Alleged contract." / "Alleged?"

Angela · Dwight:"I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over. Pfft. Yeah, just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you."

Dwight · Angela · Mediator:"Item five, point B, the beet juice cleanse. I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting. / How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample."

Dwight · Angela · Mediator:"Finally, there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, à la Benjamin Button. / Same page. Go to the next one. Same page. We're fine there."

Mediator · Dwight · Angela:"Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of The Matrix... / Which we can't know... / ...unless we're unplugged... / ...and wake up in the future."

Dwight · Angela · Mediator:"Intercourse to completion five individual times, rendered at my discretion." / "Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. / Better than most horses."

Dwight · Angela:"But not on your bed. It's lumpy. / Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Amber, Milky Way, Dianne and Lumpy."

Mediator · Dwight · Angela:Mediator: "Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution." Dwight: "I want eye contact." Angela: "No." Dwight: "Yes." Mediator: "Do you understand how rare that is in nature?" Dwight: "I'm not some farm animal."

Dwight · Angela:Angela and Dwight's 'encounter' begins — 'Are you warmed up? / No. / God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility?' / 'What did you do to yourself?' / 'Never mind. Never mind.' / 'Well, it better work.' / 'Stop kissing me.' / 'It's not in the contract.'

Angela · Dwight:"Stop kissing me." / (Scoffing) / "It's not in the contract."

Dwight · Angela:Put your hand up, Norma Rae. / If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.

Angela:Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money.

Angela:Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mister Bernard / Who have you silenced today?

Angela:Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. / Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big, stupid mouth.

Michael · Dwight · Jim · Pam · Ryan · Creed · Andy · Oscar · Angela · Kevin · Darryl · Erin:The entire cold open lip sync/dance performance to 'Nobody But Me' — the whole office is participating in an elaborately choreographed music video, including Dwight with a CamelBak hydration pack, Creed awkwardly appearing, and Ryan ignoring it for his laptop

Michael · Luke · Oscar · Angela:In a parallel scene, Michael is training Luke with a laser pointer, which Luke keeps pointing at colleagues — Oscar's head, Angela's 'boob' — while Michael desperately tries to redirect him.

Angela · Dwight:Angela uses a punch card system for sexual encounters with Dwight as leverage to get him to attend the play

Dwight · Angela:'That is not in the contract.' / 'Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?'

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'And should he develop feelings for me? Well, that would be permissible under item 7c, clause 2, so I would not object.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'Ugh! There's gum on the seat, and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.' / 'Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.'

Angela · Dwight:'Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model?' / 'These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.'

Andy · Angela:Andy's fake 'kill me' theatrical warm-up with Angela backstage: 'Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me!' — Angela appears to actually stab him with a prop

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela's post-murder-exercise negotiation about whether their 'encounter' counts contractually; Angela says 'I won't tell if you don't' / Dwight: 'I will tell. I will tell the mediator.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela punches the punch card on Dwight without his consent, using the hole punch, then says 'Good night, Dwight.'

Angela:Talking head: 'Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is?'

Angela:Angela explains she's dressed as a nurse because they were sold out of other costumes: 'Look, they were sold out of all the other costumes, okay? Think we all live in the real world here. Let's not pretend to be unaware of what sells in this office.'

Angela · Party Guest:Angela corrects the other party guest calling the baby 'Dave': 'Davey.' 'Yeah.' (pause — he doesn't care at all)

Angela · Jim:Hi, honey. I was just changing the baby. Did you think I stole your baby? What's that? Oh, yeah, back then I did. Just now. So don't, because I've got my eye on you.

Kevin · Angela · Pam:Look at these scones, Jim. Give me that! Thousands of them. What kind of a person steals scones from a baby?

Angela:Someone put them in my bag.

Angela:Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.

Angela · Pam:Are you authorized to do this? / Yes. I have been so authorized.

Angela:How did he seem? You know, like, did he seem disappointed?

Dwight · Angela:Women aren't allowed to address the Hay King directly. Go away. / [Angela approaches anyway] It's okay. I've been waiting for you all day.

Dwight · Angela · Dwight:So, if I were to call Dunder Mifflin and ask for Miss Angela Martin... would I get through to you? / You would. / And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife, would I get through to you? / My wife passed away a few years ago. / How tragic. Very sorry to hear that.

Michael · Darryl · Phyllis · Stanley · Angela · Oscar · Erin:The entire office Christmas photo shoot where Michael keeps trying to get everyone to jump simultaneously and failing each time

Angela · Oscar:Angela name-drops her senator boyfriend repeatedly, each time being corrected: 'He's a very busy senator.' 'State senator.'

Angela · Oscar:'We went to a picnic thrown by the comptroller's wife.' 'Oh, that would be impressive... if anyone knew what a comptroller was.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela describes the ribbon-cutting ceremony photo shoot: '...how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony?' 'I do. Two.'

Oscar · Angela:Angela complains about the cold. Oscar: 'Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car for screwing Americans.'

Angela · Meredith:Angela explains the senator is fighting to eradicate park geese: 'You know those annoying geese at the park? Well, he's helping eradicate them as well.' Meredith: 'I mean, I think they've really become a pest.' 'Annoying.' 'Yes.'

Angela · Jim:Angela's resolution: 'Make time for romance.' Jim: 'Who's the senator?' Angela: 'My boyfriend.' Jim: 'Oh, you mean the state senator. I'm sorry, I was confused 'cause you accidentally wrote The senator.'

Angela:Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she's so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a three, her sense of humor is a two, her ears are like a seven and a four.

Angela:Add it all up, and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40.

Angela · Pam:Contrast between Angela's Valentine's Day ('Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me') and Pam's ('Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with').

Michael · Todd Packer · Angela:Michael: 'Angela loves pussycats. Packer loves...' Packer: 'No, don't.' Michael: 'I was going to say dogs!'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight approaches Angela's table and tells her that a half-used candle signals to men that she's seeing someone else, making them 'lock her down fast'

Angela · Dwight:Angela lets Dwight take her Helen Fielding and Jennifer Weiner collection — signaling she's giving up on romance

Deangelo · Angela:Deangelo asks Angela if she can help find Michael; she says 'My boyfriend can. He's a state senator.' Deangelo: 'Oh, no, he can't help because that title has no meaning.'

Angela:Talking head — character (Angela implied) on not winning Hottest in the Office: 'I'm very relieved. How do you judge something like... What is his criteria, even? It's so subjective.'

Angela · Kevin:'This is a cloth tablecloth. You can't color on it.' / 'Oh, really?' (ignores it and colors anyway)

Andy · Jim · Pam · Dwight · Kevin · Erin · Oscar · Meredith · Angela · Stanley · Ryan:The office performs a parody of 'Seasons of Love' ('Rent') customized with Michael-specific details: 'You hit me with your car / You helped me get off drugs / I watch you when you sleep / I forgive you for kissing me'

Michael · Angela · Phyllis · Pam:Michael says he wants vanilla ice cream so 'everybody will like it' after being told mint chocolate chip is his favorite

Angela · Pam:Angela warning about bringing Meredith onto the party planning committee: 'You can't let a street dog into the house.' Then: 'Let's hear her out.'

Meredith · Angela:Meredith's erotic cake feminist defense: 'The women on these cakes, they're not just guys' fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.' / Angela: 'Don't turn this into some feminist issue.' / Meredith: 'As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.'

Angela · Pam:Angela to Pam: 'We don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker.'

Angela · Pam · Kelly:Angela, Pam, and Kelly reveal they are all department heads but Deangelo has never spoken to any of them. Camera cuts to: Pam, Kelly, and Angela's silent dawning realization.

Angela:Angela: 'And if he doesn't listen then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls?'

Deangelo · Kevin · Angela · Oscar:Deangelo insists the foul line is where he says it is. Kevin volunteers to sit under the basket. 'Someone wanna sit in Kevin's lap?' / 'Angela?' 'No.' / 'Oscar?' 'No, thank you.'

Angela:Angela's talking-head about the Senator's lunch invitation: 'The Botanical Gardens, Scranton's hidden gem. Don't eat any berries you don't recognize.'

Angela · Pam · Oscar:Angela shows off her engagement ring: 'It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I, Naomi Judd?'

Angela:Angela describes the proposal: 'Then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally I would hate, 'cause it's so civil rights-y.'

Angela · Pam:Angela: 'Will you be a senator's wife?' — The Senator proposed in the third person.

Angela · Pam:Angela defends the Senator's formality by mocking Jim and Pam's proposal: 'Hey, Pam, dude, whatever. Wanna marry me?'

Angela:Angela invites the office to her wedding: 'We wanna keep it to 350.' / 'I mean, we just have to see how many senators and members of Congress want to attend before we can open it up to regular people.'

Angela · Pam:Angela dismisses Pam's Niagara Falls wedding as 'ironic': 'Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford?' / 'That was our dream wedding.' / 'Niagara Falls? Pregnant? That was your dream?'

Angela:I'm having a child with my husband the senator, and Pam is having a child with Jim... The great salesman.

Dwight · Angela · Kevin:'Cultural ghetto'? / Totally, totally agree. / Completely. / Apt. Apt analysis, Robert.

Angela · Pam:Angela's ethical dilemma opening: 'Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having. A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant and I don't know if I should call social services about it.'

Pam · Angela:Pam: 'Angela, that's pretty transparently me.' Angela: 'Maybe.'

Jim · Angela:Jim: 'Yeah. I think you should call social services.' Angela: 'I already did.'

Angela · Others:Angela pregnancy small-talk: cankles, cup size, the senator being 'grossed out'

Pam · Angela:Philip name collision — both Pam's baby and Angela's baby are going to be named Philip, for entirely different reasons, revealed in escalating awkward beats

Angela:Angela's reaction to Jim's Philip toast: 'She just always has to copy anything I do. It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again.'

Andy · Ryan · Angela:What are you? Some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? / Ryan: Whoopi Goldberg. / Has no one here heard of Kerrigan from StarCraft?

Erin · Angela:Oh, I put those up. / I know. I'm taking them down. / I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y.

Angela:So can we speak our minds now? Or are we still sparing feelings? Because I hate all of this.

Dwight · Angela:If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a lurker. Not some girl. / Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm. / Yeah. She also has boobs. / Yeah, but no nipples.

Angela · Dwight:The party looks fun, doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer. / I'm using it. I'm about to play StarCraft with him.

Angela · Phyllis:Is she Asian? / I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. / Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest? / I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city.

Angela · Andy:Angela's flat response to Robert: 'Andy, sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.' Followed by Andy: 'I would agree with that.'

Angela · Andy:Angela about the porcupine: 'You might want to run that by Angela. 'Cause it's so cute.' [Angela] 'No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs.'

Kevin · Angela:I'm going to call him Little Kevin. / No, you will not. / Is he really five pounds? Because I squat with five pounds. (Grunts) This feels like more than that. / He's nine pounds seven ounces.

Kevin · Angela:Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. / You know what? I was under so many drugs — a James Taylor concert or something.

Angela:Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park.

Oscar · Angela:Preemie pajamas. / I think he came early just so he could wear these.

Oscar · Angela:Honestly, I can return this for a larger size. / It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? It's not the barrio.

Kevin · Angela:Little Kevin. / Really? / Angela. / Fine. God.

Angela:Philip was conceived nine months ago. The Senator and I wanted to wait, but we had just seen Thor, and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata.

Oscar · Angela:Chicken marsala. / Right.

Angela · Kevin:He's hungry. / Oh, that's my cue to leave. / No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover. / Still.

Angela · Dwight:Every baby looks just like you. / Your face kind of looks like a baby.

Dwight · Angela:And then I inserted my penis into your... / No! Stop it! Dwight. / ...vagina and— / And even if it did, it's just a coincidence.

Angela:Angela returns to work four days after giving birth, calling it a 'long, luxurious, Parisian maternity leave' with exaggerated disdain

Angela:Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros.

Pam · Angela:Aw, it's okay, Angela. I have mommy-brain too. / I don't know what that is, Pam.

Angela:I made a batch with no nuts, special for you, Kevin. It's right here.

Coworker · Angela · Pam:When did you find time to do all this? Babies sleep a lot, Pam. If you feed them enough. Brownie, Pam?

Pam · Angela:Thank you. Oh, my gosh, it's really good. I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight.

Angela · Oscar · Pam:Angela asks if anyone wants to see a picture of Philip, then pivots to her cat Philip — but Oscar's dog is apparently doing baby things too

Angela · Pam:Oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby. News flash, if you didn't carry it around in your belly for nine months, it isn't your kid. Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course. That is where we disagree.

Angela:'No one said you must have two. Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA.'

Oscar · Angela · Pam:Oscar pivots from baby talk to 'There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat' — Angela and Pam: 'Unbelievable! Un-be-lie-va-ble.'

Angela:Angela's talking head: 'She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.'

Kevin · Phyllis · Angela:"I'm sorry, we're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible?" / "I'm still not sure why this woman is even here!"

Andy · Nellie · Angela:Andy counts down from five to dock Nellie's pay, Nellie calls his bluff ('You can't dock my pay'), Andy escalates to calling for Angela — then finds Angela won't dock Nellie's pay either

Andy · Nellie · Angela:The countdown escalation: Andy and Nellie go through multiple five-count cycles, with Andy docking increasingly absurd amounts, culminating in '$10,000,' while Nellie taunts 'you're just saying numbers'

Phyllis · Angela:Phyllis tells Angela the flower arrangement is predictable: 'Daffodils in spring. I wonder what's next — mistletoe at Christmas?'

Phyllis · Angela:Phyllis: 'Have you ever been to our house?' Angela: 'Not exactly, but I know the Flats.' — Phyllis implying Angela's taste is lower-class.

Senator · Oscar · Angela:Senator to Oscar, at the end of the event: 'And don't forget to call.' — with Angela standing right there.

Angela:Angela: 'Apparently there were some silly rumors going around tonight. We are very much in love. Very much in love.' — stiffly, to camera.

Kevin · Angela:Angela needs to give away a cat. Kevin: 'The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one that you let go around naked?'

Angela · Kevin:Angela: 'So cute that you just want to eat them.' Kevin (beat): 'But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.'

Angela:Angela describing Comstock's love of denim pants: 'He loves those pants.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's response to taking the cat: 'Please. After the turtle?' — said with complete contempt.

Angela · Oscar:Angela to Oscar: 'If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.' Oscar: 'Those guys always turn back, Angela.'

Angela:Angela announcing Comstock adoption interviews: 'My ideal situation would be an independently wealthy cute couple with a strong commitment to education. Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela on why she's giving away the cat: 'Allergies.' 'Your husband?' 'No, the baby.' Then: 'It's the only time I've seen him cry, other than our wedding night.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela: 'He has this business dinner tonight. C'est la vie.' Oscar: 'Please don't teach the cat French.'

Oscar · Angela:Oscar calls Angela's husband 'Robert' and says he'll see him 'tonight when you come over for dinner.' Angela freezes.

Angela:Angela's talking head about 'the Senator and I still have mystery' — cut to her looking uncomfortable/uncertain at Roy's wedding

Kevin · Angela:Angela's 'oldy-weds' game comment and Kevin asking 'What's the craziest place you ever made whoopee?'

Angela · Dwight · Andy:Angela: 'The Senator will be joining us later.' Dwight: 'Not a question.' Angela: 'No, it wasn't.' Andy: 'Excellent.'

Senator Lipton · Oscar · Angela:Senator Lipton: 'Wait a second. Who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem.' Then immediately abandons Oscar to find Phyllis.

Angela · Jim:Angela: 'They lost me when they sang Monster Mash. That song obviously glorifies the occult.' Jim: 'Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing Monster Mash.'

Angela · Jim:Angela's interrogation of Jim: 'Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing Monster Mash.' / 'You have to, Jim? You literally have to?' / [Jim falters] / 'Would they go to jail? Would they be shot?'

Jim · Angela:Jim's Monster Mash defense: 'Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in.' / Angela: 'Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's a good idea to brush your teeth, but you have to, um, feed your children. Send them to school... all things you can't do if you just keep singing Monster Mash.'

Angela:Angela pulls multiple coworkers aside to confess her affair with the Senator, framing it with gravity and requesting 'sensitivity, maturity, and discretion'

Kevin · Angela:'I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.' / 'I don't know what that means.'

Angela · Kevin:Angela snapping at Kevin about 1138 forms: 'Well, I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you could do could surprise me anymore.' / Kevin: 'Oh, really, Angela? That's interesting. Because I do think that I could surprise you.'

Angela · Kevin:Angela's talking-head: 'That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom. So the supply forms are going to be...' [interrupted by Kevin bursting in yelling 'I have to go to the bathroom!' again]

Angela · Oscar:Angela's conversation about Senator Lipton: 'Last night he was so tired, he just wanted a little Mexican brought in.' Oscar reacts with horrified restraint: 'I can't! It's too much!'

Angela · Oscar:'The Senator is just pushing back as hard as he can.' — Oscar's cringe reaction: 'Hmm! Please stop!'

Oscar · Kevin · Angela:Oscar bribing Kevin with snack machine money to separate Kevin from Angela mid-conversation

Kevin · Angela:Kevin's talking-head reveal: 'Well, Oscar, I did not get the promotion. He just wanted to update my personal information.' / Angela: 'Why on Earth would you think you were getting a promotion?' / Kevin: 'You know what, Angela? I... Oh, my God!'

Angela · Senator Lipton · Oscar:Senator Lipton's arrival: 'Honey! What are you doing here?' / Senator (to Oscar): 'Oscar! Looking very healthy. Getting lots of vigorous exercise?'

Angela:I think the Senator is having an affair.

Angela · Oscar:We need to go and check this out. — Angela, I'll go with you.

Angela:Which one is the instructor? — They're all fatties.

Angela:She's so stunningly tiny. She's like a petite double zero for sure, for sure.

Angela:She's repositioning his hips for downward-facing dog. I've heard of this — dog style.

Angela:Thumbelina has a boyfriend. And he has a ponytail? Ew. I'd like to see that run for office.

Angela · Oscar:Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go. — No, whoa, whoa. Shut up. Hold on.

Angela · Oscar:The Senator is seen through the yoga studio window clearly making an intimate phone call / interacting in a way that confirms the affair.

Angela:Oh, are you getting your jollies right now? Can't get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fire.

Oscar · Angela:It's Robert who's enjoying it. What? This could be the affair you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. / But, uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so...

Angela · Oscar:The Senator is seen outside on a phone call — 'Oh, oh!' — the reaction as it becomes clear something intimate is happening.

Angela · Oscar:Angela enters and says 'Good morning' warmly — a long pause before Oscar's relieved reaction beat

Angela · Oscar:Angela asks Oscar if it's cool in the office, and Oscar — terrified she's being metaphorical about their situation — over-confirms and immediately pivots to blaming the thermostat.

Angela · Dwight:Meet me in the old place. Five minutes. I need you! [via text message from Angela]

Dwight · Angela:All right, what are we talking, surveillance, wire-tapping? / Something like that. / Yeah. The less I know the better.

Angela · Dwight · Trevor:Do you have a gun? Does he own a gun? Show her. You tell me. What is this? That's the receipt for my gun. You don't carry it with you? Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it.

Dwight · Trevor · Angela:You have any idea how many guns Trevor has had stolen from him? Now I keep it in a safe. A good safe? You tell me. [Dwight opens an impressive safe; Angela reacts]

Dwight · Trevor · Angela:So, what's the job? Murder. Okay. That's the big one. That's the big—

Dwight · Angela:What if they deserved it? / There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, putting it on the porch. That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating.

Dwight · Angela · Trevor:What about a knee-capping? No! You're not helping, Trevor. Yes! A knee-capping could work.

Angela:Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn.

Oscar · Angela:I brought you a cookie. Thanks, Oscar, you're such an angel.

Angela · Dwight:...and all the while running behind your back, and defiling your marriage, and seducing your husband! / But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me!

Angela · Oscar:You made my husband gay! / What I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is gay and he was gay when you married him.

Angela · Dwight:I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day. / You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid. / Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes!

Angela · Dwight:I don't like your friend Trevor. / I don't like him either. [beat] And yet, I really like him.

Angela:Angela's It's a Wonderful Life analogy: 'It's like in It's a Wonderful Life, when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people at the Building and Loan are just jerks and he was the real hero.'

Angela:Angela discovering she has lice: 'No! How? I'm so clean.' / 'I wash my hands at least six times a day.' / 'Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee.'

Angela:Angela: 'I also only eat local, organic produce.' (in the context of approving mayonnaise as a lice treatment)

Meredith · Angela:Meredith appears bald: 'Sha-boom! How you like me now? Take a picture, it'll last longer.' / 'We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible.' / 'Bald people make me sick.'

Oscar · Kevin · Angela:Oscar sings '♪ Yolo! ♪' to advocate for trying all 16 espresso flavors, then gets called out: 'You just do not look cool saying it.'

Angela · Office staff:Angela refuses to participate in the group espresso taste test, insisting she doesn't want to put her hand in. 'Can't I just agree without putting my hand in?'

Angela:After the group toasts with espressos: 'Where's my ring? I'm sure it'll turn up.'

Angela:The office espresso energy leads Angela to declare: 'Everyone, now that we have all this energy, why don't we move the copier into the annex like we've always wanted to?'

Meredith · Angela:Meredith: 'Oh, my head is killing me. Does anyone have a baby Aspirin?' Angela: 'Oh, enough with the whining already. Why don't you just have some more coffee?' Meredith: 'It's all gone.'

Angela · Meredith · Creed · Office staff:'Shut up.' 'You shut up!' 'Everybody shut up and work.' 'We don't work for you.' 'Yeah.' 'Yeah.'

Kevin · Angela · Oscar:Kevin assumes 'Irish-American Cultural Center mural' is a joke setup and enthusiastically waits for the punchline: 'Potato?'

Angela · Dwight:Angela accidentally admits to cheating on Andy: 'Oh, I'm sorry, didn't you cheat on Andy?' / 'Yes, and he didn't like it.'

Angela:Angela: 'Forget it. I need to work on my mural. I have some pointy trees that I need to round off.'

Angela · Coworker:It's Phillip's first birthday, and the Senator and I are hosting a party at our house. / Oh, cute, so there'll be a bunch of kids. / No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also ew.

Angela · Kevin:It will mostly be campaign donors. / Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping $8 to Lipton for America to have an invitation.

Angela:None of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about.

Angela · Oscar:Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too. [beat — Oscar's reaction]

Angela · Dwight:Angela invites Dwight to the party to pitch his bit salt idea to the State Transportation Secretary. / If I get the deicing gig, it's gonna be on merit, not because I played politics.

Kevin · Angela:Hey, so a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So do you want me to go with you? / No. / Okay, I understand. I'll just stay here then, alone with the money. / Oh, crap.

Senator Lipton · Angela · Oscar:The Senator's increasingly frantic photo management — moving Sundeep, Oscar, and a wheelchair user (Margaret) around while Angela fumes, trying to control who appears in the frame

Clark · Angela:Clark agrees to be Angela's fake boyfriend for the couples discount: 'That's what I do.' — delivered as a weary statement of his role in the office.

Nail Salon Worker · Clark · Angela:The nail salon worker tells Clark to take off his glasses. After he does, she declares: 'Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl.'

Angela · Clark · Nail Salon Worker:Angela and Clark are caught in their fake relationship ruse. The worker revokes the discount: 'Full price.' Angela protests — worker: 'Shush!' Angela's talking-head: 'Turns out I can't even be in a pretend relationship.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight startles Angela at the vending machine and reveals he's been waiting 45 minutes for her in the bathroom.

Dwight · Angela:Dwight describing Aunt Shirley: 'Her hair, her clothes, it's all falling off in great, big clumps.' / 'We had a nurse, but she quit because she was poisoned by aunt Shirley.' / 'Probably nothing. Or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine, which is actually what it was.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight describing Aunt Shirley's body: 'There's this one hanging part in particular that's some sort of flap. It's like a prehensile wing or something. I don't know.' / 'There's a divot where it was, and it needs—it needs...'

Aunt Shirley · Angela · Dwight:Aunt Shirley to Angela: 'Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny, like a little kitchen witch.'

Dwight · Aunt Shirley · Angela:Dwight to Aunt Shirley: 'Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. Yes. How would you like a nice, warm bath?' / Aunt Shirley: 'How would you like a mean, cold slap?' [Slap sound]

Dwight · Angela · Aunt Shirley:Dwight: 'Can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps?' Angela objects. Dwight: 'Trust me. It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. Step on it.'

Dwight · Angela · Aunt Shirley:Dwight's farm: the 'private shower area, very tasteful and very rustic' turns out to involve a hose, chains, and a box cutter. Angela refuses to hose Aunt Shirley 'like some animal.' Aunt Shirley: 'Stop your bellyaching and hose me.'

Angela · Aunt Shirley:Angela braiding Aunt Shirley's hair. Shirley: 'Ow. The braid is too tight.' Angela: 'Hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character.'

Aunt Shirley · Angela:Aunt Shirley to Angela: 'I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way.' Then: 'Thank you, Angela.'

Aunt Shirley · Angela · Dwight:Aunt Shirley after Angela braids her hair: 'I feel like a show pony.' Angela: 'And you look like one too. Thank you.' / Shirley: 'Would you like some stew?' / Dwight: 'And I will carve the roast skunk.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight offers Angela 'the stink sack' from the skunk: 'You don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wishbone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's romantic plea to Angela: 'I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The 80 or 90 years that I have left of this life... I want to spend with you.'

Kevin · Angela:Kevin's anti-cupcake resistance breaks: 'Kevin, you can do this.' 'You don't know that.' — Kevin is clearly very close to eating the cupcake.

Angela · Kevin:The Skyfall distraction gambit: 'Let's think of something to distract us. Like the movie Skyfall. You loved the movie Skyfall, right?' / 'James Bond was a spy.' / 'Yes, he was a good spy.' / 'Yeah. He was the best.' / 'James Bond would love this cupcake.'

Angela:Seriously? This is unacceptable.

Angela:I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean, if there are chubby chasers, then there are men that like that thing.

Oscar · Angela:They caught us kissing on Halloween. He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! God. Ow! Angela! Well, he kissed like Jack Kennedy. Oh. Stop it. Stop kissing him.

Oscar · Angela:I don't like giving him bad news. Call him! You call him! Call him! Call him! Stop hitting me! No!

Angela · Oscar:You've reached Senator Robert Lipton. Please leave a message. Honey. Go. No, go ahead. No, you go. Hi, honey. Hey, Robert. It's Angela and Oscar. Hey.

Angela · Oscar:Hi, honey. / Hey, Robert. / It's Angela and Oscar. Hey. / Just a few quick things. / The documentary's going to be airing soon, and you look great in the promos. You look so handsome. Very presidential. / Very much so. Absolutely. Yeah.

Oscar · Angela:Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay. Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight. It looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it. I think that's it. I think we're good. Done. Okay. Bye. Love you.

Angela · Senator:Angela's husband (the Senator): 'Correction. Best darn wife.' Angela: 'Sorry. I'm a better wife than that.'

Angela:I had a chance with Dwight, but I didn't take it. And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer.

Kevin · Angela · Nellie:Kevin versus Angela matchup introduced; Kevin admits he bought a pre-folded plane off Craigslist

Angela:I was disappointed in Dwight today. He showed a weakness that was unbecoming. Even if he did do it for me. I don't need pity, and I don't need charity. I have my dignity, and that's enough.

Oscar · Angela:Oscar asks Angela 'Is everything okay?' Angela flatly replies: 'No. Everything is not okay.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela reveals: 'The county took my cats... Two sacks' worth. Apparently, my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela describes her downstairs neighbor as 'this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.' Oscar, directly to camera, deadpans: 'I've never met anyone like that.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela says 'Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.' Oscar gently notes: 'Angela, you still have your son.' Angela replies: 'I guess.'

Angela:Angela's talking-head: 'He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. I felt like I was flying.'

Angela:Angela is on the phone, apparently with her landlord. She pivots from defending herself about rent to hearing she's been evicted, ending with: 'You have so many hairs on your chin, Animal Control should've taken you away.'

Andy · Angela:Andy misreads Angela's speech about not rehashing the past as being about their romantic history: 'What we had was great, and honestly I think about it a lot, too.' Angela recoils in confusion.

Angela:Angela watches Andy leave and says quietly: 'A bridge a-burnt. No turning back now.'

Oscar · Angela:Oscar finds Angela looking at tents in a catalog. 'Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.' Angela: 'Well, I've changed my mind.' Oscar: 'Wait a minute, Angela. You're not thinking of living in a tent...' Angela: 'God, would you just mind your own business?'

Oscar · Angela:Oscar invites Angela to stay with him. Angela: 'Separate bathrooms.' Then a long beat. Angela: 'Thank you.'

Oscar · Angela:Oscar asks if he's allowed to have pets. 'Oh, Angela.' — the implication being that this is obviously going to cause trouble.

Oscar · Angela:Oscar: 'Are you allowed to have pets?' [beat] Angela's expression. Oscar: 'Oh, Angela.'

Oscar · Angela:Angela moves into Oscar's apartment. Oscar: 'So is your place all bachelor, slobby and gross?' Oscar: 'Nope, it's neat and tastefully appointed, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up.' Angela: 'I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy.' [beat] Oscar: 'Angela, you just were...' [Long pause. Angela realizes.]

Angela · Oscar:Angela, after a long pause, quietly: 'I love him.' Oscar: 'I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on.' Angela: 'No, not the Senator. I love Dwight.'

Angela:Angela threatening to call child protective services over saddle shoes with denim

Oscar · Angela:Oscar sends Phillip off with 'Go get 'em, honey.' Angela responds 'Oh, don't worry. They'll get got.'

Angela · Kevin:Kevin bursting in: 'Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. Why? Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive.'

Kevin · Angela:Kevin using his pen as a fidget toy during a confessional, explaining defensively: 'I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work.' / 'Here, use my pen.' / 'Don't tell me what to do!'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight and Angela discussing Phillip eating paper: 'Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond.' / 'Smart baby. That's the most flavorful bond.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight spacing out while Angela talks about farm animals, then snapping back: 'Dwight? / The way that boy looks at the Galactica is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. And he eats the same kind of paper I do.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight introduces his 'number two' to help with the baby test: 'He's the best in the biz. Unless you think he can't handle it.' / 'Hey, he can handle it.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's roadside proposal: 'Shut up, woman! / Listen to me! I love you! And I don't care that Phillip's not my son! I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers if it means I can be with you!'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'This expresses how loudly I love you!' / Angela: 'It's too loud.'

Angela · Dwight:Angela's reveal: 'And I lied to you. / What? / Phillip's your son.' / Dwight: 'What? Why would you say that--' / 'I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me.' / 'Get out!'

Angela:Ugh. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting. Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan.

Angela · Rachael:This is my big sister, Rachael. No, this is my big sister, Angela. We're very close. We even have our own special language.

Meredith · Angela · Jakey:Angela, special repairman is here! / What is this? / Shut up! Jakey? / Mom?

Angela:Can you imagine if I'd worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you 600 bucks, mister.

Others · Angela:Oh, boy. Maybe your heels are too high. / No, my heels aren't too high. / It's because I spent three hours in a car trunk.

Angela · Pam:I need to get out of this dress. / I got to get out of this dress.