Michael was excited to be attending a party at his CFO's house. He carpooled with Dwight and was also looking forward to meeting Jan at the party. Jan wanted to spend a night alone with Michael, but he thought it was important to come out as a couple to all of their co-workers.
WAR
100.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Cocktails” ranks #24 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 92.4 — Elite. The episode packs 79 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.
Jan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Dwight: The chimney's in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation. So, all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff's station.
Creed Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Michael: Separately on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...
Michael Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Standout Moments
Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.
Jan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff's station.
Creed Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Dwight: The chimney's in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation. So, all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 79 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: Michael in escape-artist bondage chains with straps being tightened, performing magic for the office
Michael Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: ...and a little extra time after school.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael: And now, Michael the Magic will attempt to escape from extreme bondage.
Dwight: I know how. He'll dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out.
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jim: So we shouldn't help you no matter how much you might beg and plead?
Jim Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Michael: Michael struggling and groaning, clearly unable to escape the chains for an extended period while the office watches
Michael Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape other than by using magic. That is the magician's code.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: Separately on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...
Michael Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: All right, ready? Come on, guys. Early worm gets the worm.
Michael Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Pam: Another worm, like, are they friends?
Pam Reaction Beat Observational Michael · Pam · Dwight: Pam, would you smell my breath? No. No. DWIGHT: Let me smell. Good. Not great.
Michael: Tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael: And Jan and I are going as a couple for the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party, really.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Jim: Jimbo, last chance, carpool... I Spy... Play some games?
Jim: I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time. Or in my work time. And did I use the word 'pointless'?
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jim: I really didn't give it any thought. Wait, should you be going?
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Jan · Michael: Let's just blow this party off. MICHAEL: That's what she said. Yeah. JAN: Am I on speakerphone?
Jan Michael Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jan · Michael: Jan on speakerphone: '...just, like, rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica.'
Jan Michael Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: I'm still on speaker? I... I... I don't know. Are the cameras there? Maybe.
Roy: My brother, he just unloaded the jet skis and he, kind of, took a bath, so we're gonna go get hammered.
Roy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Pam: Hey, you have to come to stuff with me. I'm serious. If you're going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things.
Pam Character Comedy Observational Pam: I've decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm gonna start telling people what I want directly. So look out world, 'cause old Pammy is getting what she wants. And don't call me Pammy.
Pam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jan · Michael: You're dressed exactly like the servants. Shut up.
Jan Michael Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jan · Michael: Okay, change shirts with me. Wait. I don't think yours will fit me. I don't care.
Jan Michael Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: That duck is so cute.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Angela: Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo, de facto, go to a party early, become a really good friend.
Angela Character Comedy Absurdist Kevin · Angela: Oh, potato salad? It's from both of us. No, it's not.
Kevin: WHISPERS: It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise.
Kevin Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Phyllis · Kevin: Kevin, you and Stacy set a date yet? Yeah. Oh, my God. When is it? It's complicated. I would appreciate some space on this.
Phyllis: Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
Phyllis Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Creed: What you looking for? You bring dip?
Creed Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jan · Michael: The love contract scene: Jan asks Michael to sign a legal document releasing the company from liability if their relationship interferes with work. Michael: 'Awesome. I'm gonna frame mine.'
Jan · Michael: You realize this is... This is a legal document that says you can't sue the company... Over our love.
Jan · Michael: What's this over the 'l'? It's a heart.
Jan · Michael: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh, my God, what am I saying?
Jan Michael Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Jan: I love this woman! Oh, God.
Michael Jan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael: So did the merger go smoothly or... It did. 'Like butter.' Mike Myers, SNL.
Michael Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Karen: I'm the only one left. Everybody else was either fired or quit. And there's one in anger management.
Karen Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Jim: But you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great? We're good.
Rachel · Michael: Can I get anyone anything? I could go for an appe-teaser. Martini, please. Yep, Bagel Bites or something.
Dwight · Rachel · Jan: Rachel, your house is beautiful. Thank you. What's the square footage? About 5,000. Does that include the garage? Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate.
Michael: David, how much did this house cost?
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Dwight: Cool. Let's start with the banisters.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Karen: That's Drake. And just so, you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we used to date. And it didn't end well.
Karen Setup/Punchline Character Comedy David Wallace: This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty-year-old single malt Scotch. Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the DeLorean.
Michael: Michael coughing after the Scotch, asking for ice, then asking for Splenda.
Michael Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Dwight: Yeah, these studs are way too far apart.
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Dwight · Rachel: What's in here? That's a guest room. Just the one window?
Dwight: Are those real pearls?
Dwight Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Karen · Jim: Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kind of saw him for a little bit when they were separated. Oh, didn't notice. Really? I thought it was so obvious.
Michael · Jan: You and the missus should join us in Sandals, Jamaica next Christmas. Michael, I think David probably wants to spend Christmas here with his family. Yeah. They don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non grata there.
Michael: You would not believe how low this girl can limbo.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jan · Michael: The bathroom scene: Jan pulls Michael into the bathroom for what she implies is sexual, he resists. 'No means Please don't. Means... Slam me up against the wall right here.' 'I'm not going to slam you up against anything. You're acting inappropriate, Jan.'
Michael · Jan: What has gotten into you? No, no, no. / What? / Come on, let's get back to the party. Come on. / Wait, let me just take my dress off. We're missing everybody. / Don't take that... No, stop it! Stop it! Jan! No! No! No! / MICHAEL: No means 'Please don't.' Means... Slam me up against the wall right here.
Michael Jan Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Unknown CFO-party guest · Jim: Hey, where have you been all night? I was looking forward to hanging out with you. I was... Hey, don't you have a daughter?
Dwight · David Wallace: Oh, good. You're up. Hey, who makes this chair? I don't know. It was here when I was born. I want one. It's really good, solid construction. It's comfortable.
David Wallace: God, I hate these parties. You wanna sneak out back and shoot some hoops?
Dwight · Michael: Now you stay here and have fun 'cause I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.
Karen · Jim: Don't mention that you and I are dating 'cause I think he might still have feelings for me. Wallace? What the hell? Have you dated, like, every guy here?
Karen Jim Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Karen · Jim: You got me. So none of them? Of course not. I mean you're, kind of, like, my first. Oh, my God, it's so easy... it's not even fun.
Karen Jim Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Callback Rachel · Michael: Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad? MICHAEL: Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad. But I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise.
Pam · Roy: Pam tells Roy about the Jim kiss at Casino Night. Roy's reaction: 'Jim came on to you? Just listen. No, I am listening! That's the problem, I'm listening!'
Pam Roy Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Pam · Roy: I want us to make it. I want a fresh start. That's awesome. That's what I want. Okay, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us. / I didn't... I didn't do anything. Ask anybody. I totally could have and I didn't at all.
Pam Roy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle...
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Michael: You didn't have any of the potato salad, did you?
Michael Callback Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Jan: You know, we were good when we were just running around, you know? In secret. It was wrong and it was exciting, and maybe it was a mistake to take it public.
Jan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Jan: Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million pieces? / It was never a love contract, Michael. / Yeah. And besides, I have already given a copy to David. It would be just as embarrassing to get it back from him as it was handing it to him...
Michael Jan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Michael: Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly. Michael... Greatly.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling and the giggling.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Jan: I love you, Jan. Okay.
Michael Jan Cringe/Discomfort Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: Don't break up, you guys. You're great together.
Michael Character Comedy Reaction Beat Kenny · Roy: Are they gonna call the cops? No. I paid them off. Jet ski money? All of it.
Kenny Roy Dark/Subversive Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.
Roy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
