The Duel

Angela · Dwight · Oscar:Angela's 911 calls about speeding cause a radar gun to be placed out front, which then becomes a traffic hazard as office workers try to beat each other's speed records while running past it

Dwight:'12 miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis!'

Dwight · Oscar:Dwight demands a do-over at 13 mph; Oscar hits 31 mph and Dwight insists it's 'humanly impossible'

Michael:Michael on being summoned by David Wallace for 'big picture stuff': 'I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad.'

Michael · Kevin:Michael's candy announcement: 'New year, new candy.' Cautions Kevin not to eat too many Hot Tamales at once.

Andy:Andy formally addresses the whole office about the elephant in the room — that no one has RSVPd to his wedding — completely unaware that the ACTUAL elephant is that his fiancée is cheating on him

Andy · Jim · Pam · Oscar · Kevin:The entire office awkwardly tries to stop Andy from finishing his sentences about the affair situation — a cacophony of interruptions and avoidance

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been 17 days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out... when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth.'

Oscar · Dwight:Oscar: 'Are you still having intercourse with her?' Dwight: 'What is wrong with you? She is engaged.'

Oscar · Dwight · Jim:'Did you ever have intercourse in this office?' followed by a long pause and camera pan as characters silently process where exactly it happened

Dwight:Dwight: 'Seems like you already know where.' — responding to 'Where, Dwight?' with total deadpan

Kevin · Jim:Kevin's form correction becomes a thinly veiled confession: 'I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it and stopped right away. Because I wouldn't want an innocent person who doesn't know anything about the form--'

Jim:Jim: 'That was good. It just — at the end, you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form.'

Jim · Kevin:Jim suggests Kevin say 'I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form' as a better dual-meaning line

Andy · Pam:Pam: 'I've got a better angle on Pam. I can see everything.' [Andy, referring to seat position to see Pam better, mid-wedding planning conversation]

Dwight:Dwight recites Rule 17: 'Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season.' Then sings the rules song.

Dwight:Dwight sings the Schrute rules as a children's song: 'Learn your rules / you better learn your rules / if you don't / you'll be eaten in your sleep'

Dwight · Angela:Angela pushes Dwight to tell Andy about the affair; Dwight calls it 'a terrible idea. One of your worst.' Then after she says 'you're expanding on your worst idea.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight: 'I've already admitted that I do [love you]. Why do you keep making me repeat it?' Angela: 'Because you're engaged to Andy.'

Oscar · Jim:Oscar asks if Angela is 'crazy in bed'; when asked 'how so, specifically?' he says 'eager and flexible'

Michael · Andy:Michael's extended, meandering attempt to tell Andy about the affair — 'these things... that are bad things that you hear... in your ears' — before completely chickening out

Andy · Michael:Andy: 'Kick Wallace's ass.' Michael: 'Okay, I will.'

Michael · Andy:Michael tells Andy about the affair through a car window, and Andy can't hear him through the glass. Michael repeats it louder. Andy just says 'What? All right. See you later.'

Jim:Jim's reaction shot/talking head: 'Are you serious?' after Andy apparently returns inside having processed the news

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'If I'm sitting, I can't disable his neck or his groin.' Jim: 'You're not gonna do anything to his neck or his groin.' Dwight: 'If I'm sitting, I don't have the option to.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight: 'I knew something bad was gonna happen today.' Jim: 'You said that yesterday.' Dwight: 'Yeah, my neighbor got murdered.'

Angela:Angela: 'That doesn't sound like me' when Andy asks if she's sleeping with Dwight

Andy:Andy: 'Would I have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if I didn't want to get married?' — using wedding flower logic as proof of Angela's commitment

Michael · David Wallace:Angela's infidelity reveal cuts immediately to Michael's meeting with David Wallace, who is praising the branch's strong numbers — 'What are you doing right?'

Andy:Andy's horrified reaction beat to 'a little bit' — the silence before he asks 'how long has it been going on?'

Michael:Michael's management philosophy: 'Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.'

Michael:Michael: 'Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.'

David Wallace:David Wallace talking head: 'Michael is doing something right. And in this economic climate, no method of success can be ignored... it's hail mary time.'

Michael · David Wallace:Michael's pasta order: 'Standard, you know? Nothing fancy.' David: 'So, like, missionary?' Michael: 'I said nothing fancy.'

Angela · Andy:Angela: 'I love you.' Andy: 'Why should I believe that?' Angela: 'Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying, that we're not good together -- ' Andy: 'Who says that?'

Andy · Kevin:Andy addresses the office: 'I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying to my face.' Kevin: 'You are welcome.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight and Andy's confrontation: 'she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me' / 'Angela Bernard will never be her name' / 'It will be her name, and you will have to call her that'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I will use a sword, and I will cut off your bare hands.'

Angela:Angela: 'I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.'

Angela:Angela: 'I will respect the results of the duel.'

Angela:Angela: 'I will respect the results of the duel.' — said with regal acceptance

Dwight · Andy:Dwight and Andy each announce they'll 'take their break at 4:00 in the parking lot' as if coincidentally scheduling the same break time

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'So I either get more involved or I take a sick day... leaving Dwight in charge. Oh, god.'

Meredith · Dwight:Visual gag: a star-shaped weapon (shuriken/throwing star) is discovered taped under the kitchen table. Meredith: 'How'd that get there?'

Michael · David Wallace:Michael tells the story of seeing Kevin in a tweed jacket and saying 'I feel the need... the need for tweed' — a Top Gun parody — as his example of his managerial success to David Wallace

Michael · David Wallace:Michael's 'need for tweed' story to Wallace — recounting the jacket anecdote as a management philosophy example

David Wallace:Wallace's response to the tweed story: 'It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying. And thanks for coming in.'

Michael · David Wallace:David Wallace's polite dismissal: 'It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying. And thanks for coming in.' Michael: 'Have to say, I am so impressed with the potential you see in me.'

Dwight:Dwight pacing the parking lot, trash-talking into the empty space: 'Come on! Come on out! Come on, coward! Where are you?'

Angela:Angela watching the empty parking lot: 'I can't believe they're gonna fight over me. I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.'

Jim:Jim: 'Believe in something.' — to Dwight, encouragingly, about whether Andy will show for the duel

Andy · Dwight:Andy's formal written note: 'Dear Dwight, By now you have received my note. How are you? I am well.'

Andy:Andy's note continues: 'The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight and Andy fighting while Dwight is pinned against the car: 'Get out and face me like a man!' 'I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiancée!'

Andy:Andy: 'All you do is dress fancy and sing! La la la la la la la!'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight: 'You can't even protect her! Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton? Last year, idiot!'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight: 'Trust fund'll take care of that.' / Andy: 'What did you say?' — Dwight taunting Andy with his wealth

Jim · Dwight · Andy:Jim: 'Are your legs broken?' Dwight: 'No, my right one's falling asleep a little bit.' Andy: 'Go away, Tuna! I'm winning this.'

Dwight · Jim · Andy:Dwight: 'Back off. This isn't your fight.' Jim: 'Oh, how much is this gonna cost?' 'Trust fund'll take care of that.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy: 'You're like a sasquatch. You live in the woods.' Dwight: 'Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a sasquatch.'

Andy:Andy calling to cancel his sailboat-shaped wedding cake: reading out his name letter by letter — 'B-E-R-N-A-R-D... Yeah, the one shaped like a sailboat.'

Michael:Michael returns from corporate, thrilled: 'Wow, what a day! I thought I was gonna get chewed out. But hold on! Here's an attaboy for you.' ... 'Roller-coaster ride. Roller-coast.' Then 'just goes to show, you leave Scranton, exciting things can happen.'