Michael and Dwight go undercover to do a bit of industrial espionage on a paper company competitor. Meanwhile, the rest of the office holds a debate to settle the question: is Hilary Swank hot?
WAR
70.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Prince Family Paper” ranks #133 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 85.5 — Elite. The episode packs 68 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael: Michael's 'bittersweet' confessional: 'It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's why I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even — what's the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping?'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael · Mr. Prince: 'When did you set up shop?' 'Oh, I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.' 'Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely.'
Angela: Angela's confessional: 'Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.'
Angela Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Stanley: Stanley's confessional: 'I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got, what, 20, 30 more years left? And my family history says I have less.'
Stanley Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Office staff: Post-credits(?) tag: Someone googles Hilary Swank and shows the photo — 'Oh, she's hot.' Everyone immediately agrees. 'Yeah!' 'Damn it!'
Standout Moments
Michael · Mr. Prince: 'When did you set up shop?' 'Oh, I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.' 'Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely.'
Angela: Angela's confessional: 'Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.'
Angela Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: Michael's 'bittersweet' confessional: 'It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's why I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even — what's the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping?'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 68 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Dwight · Jim: Dwight obsessively notices a single red wire running in a different direction from the other wires on Jim's computer
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Dwight · Jim: Jim points out that his computer doesn't have visible wires — Dwight's retort is 'doesn't it?' — confirming his suspicion
Dwight Jim Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dwight: Dwight confessional: 'I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. 20 bucks for the whole spool. Crazy. What a deal.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jim: 'Oh, he'll be fine. I made it out there.' — referring to Dwight crawling around the office floor cutting wires
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Callback Michael · David Wallace: Michael responds to David Wallace saying they haven't filled the regional supervisor job with 'Oh, have you not?' — feigning surprise
Michael: Michael mocks the fax: 'Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?'
Michael Character Comedy Observational Office staff · Phyllis: The office is debating whether Hilary Swank is hot. 'She's got mean eyes. Have you seen her with her bangs? She looks like a monster.'
Michael · Office staff: Office vote on whether Hilary Swank is hot — 5 to 5 tie, requiring a tiebreaker
Michael · Dwight: Michael and Dwight fantasize about seducing the owner's beautiful daughter to get intel. 'I will seduce her.' 'No, I want to seduce her.' Multiple voices competing.
Michael · Dwight: Michael's spy alias: 'Michael Scarn.' Dwight says 'Good.'
Michael · Dwight: Michael and Dwight argue fiercely about whether to meet at Denny's or IHOP. 'Are you a socialist?'
Michael · Dwight: 'I enjoy IHOP.' / 'You will have pancakes and you'll like it.'
Michael · Dwight: Dwight's 'field analysis': the neighboring storefront is for lease, meaning Prince Paper isn't expanding. 'Maybe they're shrinking.'
Michael: Michael's 'analysis': 'There are clouds. Clouds in the sky. That means it's gonna rain. Bad for business.'
Dwight: Dwight corrects Michael on cloud types: 'Oh, it would if they were altocumulus, not cirrostratus.'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Michael: The danger signal for the mission: 'Lick your lips.' Dwight demonstrates. Michael has to practice.
Michael · Dwight: 'Ready to do this?' 'All right. Here come the sharks.'
Michael: Michael's confessional 'food chain' speech: sharks eat little sharks, which eat littler sharks, down to 'the single-cell shark.' 'Replace sharks with paper companies. That's all you need to know about business.'
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Office staff: Back in the office, the debate is formalized with opening arguments on Hilary Swank. 'A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.'
Dwight · Mr. Prince: Dwight, disguised as a job applicant, pretends not to know what a cup is: 'Is this the cup? Is this what I drink out of?'
Michael: 'Laughter is my job. Tears are my game. Law is my profession.' — Michael's bizarrely poetic self-description while undercover
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dwight · Mr. Prince: Dwight walks in and immediately offers to get rid of the Prince son who works there: 'Why don't you just get rid of this guy?' 'That's my son.' 'I'm your son now. You can visit him on holidays.'
Dwight · Mr. Prince: Dwight to Mr. Prince: 'I'd say you guys have, what, 40 high-volume clients?' 'Try 80.' 'I've got 90 clients myself. Better look out — someone might run you out of business.'
Dwight · Prince Family Son: Dwight to the Prince son: 'Better look out. Someone might run you out of business.' / Son: 'Well, I sure hope not.' / Dwight: 'Me too.'
Jim · Kevin: Jim asks Kevin to close his eyes and imagine Hilary Swank walking in and whispering that she wants to make out with him. Kevin's long pause.
Jim Kevin Setup/Punchline Reaction Beat Callback Kevin · Office staff: Kevin's reaction after imagining Hilary Swank: clearly goes too far — 'is she hot? not would you do her? Respect the game.'
Dwight · Michael: Dwight's undercover description of his boss: 'His insensitivity could border on the cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs of his underlings.' — then Michael walks in.
Michael · Linda (grandmother): Michael asks Linda (the Prince family grandmother) for a picture 'just something to remember the trip by' — getting the family photo as cover for surveillance
Michael · Prince grandson: Michael helps the Prince grandson with math homework. 'Why is this little two so small? It's weird.'
Kevin: Kevin's contribution to the Hilary Swank debate: 'even though the penis was fake, I kept expecting a second plot twist where we found out that Hilary Swank actually was a boy.'
Kevin Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Kevin: Kevin on Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry: 'Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I kept expecting a second plot twist where we found out that Hilary Swank actually was a boy.'
Kevin Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Oscar: Oscar's response: 'I don't even get the discussion — hot is a temperature, people — but Kevin deserves to lose for what he said. So yes, she's hot. She's hot as heck. She's a female Boris Becker.'
Oscar Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Mr. Prince · Michael: Mr. Prince gives Michael his client reference list: top clients, trust them to say good things
Office Staff: After Oscar delivers the Boris Becker line, someone says 'Nice.' — the understated approval of a bizarre comparison
Dwight · Michael · Mr. Prince: Dwight asks for a ride home: 'I took the bus here and was wondering if I could catch a ride home with you in your car.' Michael: 'Of course.'
Michael · Dwight: 'We struck the mother lode! Wallace is gonna freak! He is going to absolutely freak!' — Michael triumphant in the parking lot
Michael · Dwight: Michael and Dwight realize someone from Prince Paper is watching them celebrate through the window and panic: 'Peel out. Go!'
Michael · Dwight: They drive over something while trying to escape — 'you drove over the thing' — and then back over it. 'God, what was that? That's not good.'
Meredith: Meredith(?): 'If you're saying Hilary Swank isn't hot, then you're saying I'm not hot, because obviously I'm not as hot as Hilary Swank.'
Meredith Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael · Dwight · Mr. Prince: The car is damaged. Mr. Prince comes out with a toolbox to fix it — Michael and Dwight try to stop him but can't.
Office staff: Someone's shocked reaction: 'Wait, what?' — to learning Kevin has restricted internet access
Andy: Andy's(?) facial symmetry/koinophilia argument: 'The obvious symmetry of the face. It's the natural appeal of the scientific standard of koinophilia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes, she's attractive, but she is not hot.'
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael · Mr. Prince: How much longer is this going to take? Mr. Prince refuses money — 'No, I sit all day. It's nice working with my hands.' Michael offers coffee.
Dwight: Dwight tastes the coffee: 'Blugh. Disgusting. What is this, instant?'
Dwight Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: Dwight's farewell: 'Look forward to hearing from you about that job application.'
Dwight Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback Michael: Michael: 'Goodbye, Prince family. Should be called the Sucker family. Here you go, shark, let me sharpen your fin for you and sharpen your teeth, while I'm at it.' — Michael mock-narrating as he drives away
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Michael: Michael, driving away: 'Good-bye, Prince family. Should be called the Sucker family. Here you go, shark. Let me sharpen your fin for you and sharpen your teeth, while I'm at Dunder Mifflin.' Bye-bye!
Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Office staff: Someone in the office: 'All I'm saying is Kevin's not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying.'
Dwight: Dwight explains what will happen to Prince Paper: 'It's simple. Wallace would use that information to destroy them.'
Dwight Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Dwight: Dwight's escalating animal predation examples: 'Have you ever seen a lioness devour her cub? Have you ever seen a baboon devour its mate? Have you ever seen a raccoon devour a squirrel?'
Dwight Character Comedy Escalation Dwight · Michael: Dwight: 'Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael, but it makes some terrible decisions.' Michael: 'That's true... Jan, Ryan...'
Stanley: Stanley's confessional: 'I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got, what, 20, 30 more years left? And my family history says I have less.'
Stanley Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Stanley: Stanley: 'The old Stanley Hudson would have found something to complain about this actress. But that's no way to live life. Look at this healthy, sexy, pretty, strong young woman. Come on, people. She is... hot.'
Stanley Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Mr. Prince · Michael: Mr. Prince, fixing the car: 'And it was a terrible war. Oh, so many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died.'
Michael · Dwight: Michael, inspired by the LOTR speech, decides to call Wallace and give him the information — then immediately goes somewhere else first. 'Where are you taking the client list?' 'Someplace safe... where it can't hurt anyone.'
Dwight · Michael: Dwight chases Michael to stop him from destroying the client list — full physical chase through the office, both yelling 'No!' and 'Give me the list!' and 'Those people will be ruined!'
Michael · Dwight: Michael, clutching the list: 'Those people will be ruined!' / Dwight: 'It's business! It's not personal!' — they wrestle for the paper
Michael: Michael: 'I'm not a shark.' — said with quiet conviction after the struggle
Michael Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Michael · Office staff: Final Hilary Swank vote — formal 'all in favor' / 'all opposed' structure — result still inconclusive
Michael: Michael post-call confessional: 'That's the thing about debating. People just get entrenched in the view they had in the first place. I can tell when I was talking, you were not listening.'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm David Wallace · Michael: David Wallace tells Michael: 'This is great stuff, Michael. You are a titan of industry, pal. Good work.'
Michael · David Wallace: David Wallace calls Michael: 'Well, guess whose stock just went up, golden boy?' — Michael is rewarded professionally for the thing he morally agonized over
Michael: Michael confessional: 'Well, guess whose stock just went up, golden boy?' — talking to himself
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Michael confessional: 'Well, guess whose stock just went up, golden boy?' — addressing himself in the mirror of the confessional
Michael Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Office staff: Post-credits(?) tag: Someone googles Hilary Swank and shows the photo — 'Oh, she's hot.' Everyone immediately agrees. 'Yeah!' 'Damn it!'
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