The Gang Exploits a Miracle

Dennis · Frank · Dee:Dad, will you look at Sweet Dee's skin and tell me it's not blotchy?

Frank:Do I have to listen to this shit all morning?

Charlie:I found some extensive water damage in the back office

Charlie:maybe I'm not such a bad guy... for passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever

Mac:That is the Virgin Mary

Dennis:Listen. It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit. There's only one thing we know for sure... It's a goddamn gold mine.

Mac:I'd just finished praying on my rosaries. And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs.

Dennis:Did my face look fat?

Mac:Well, what price can one put on the viewing of a miracle?

Frank:I only made four dollars, Deandra

Charlie:Taking advantage of the mother of God. Are you kidding me? That is a water stain, man.

Cricket:I was the only other person in physical therapy with you

Mac:I called it from across the bar, even without the cripple braces

Dennis:does my face look fat to you?

Mac:What did we call you in high school? Rickety Cricket, dude!

Mac · Dennis:remember how you would pass out at parties... and Dennis would tea-bag you?

Dennis · Mac:Everybody loved those photos, Matty... My balls on your chin... I got a whole shoe box of those things

Mac · Cricket:Hey, you still get balls-to-the-chin cracks? / No. Actually, that was a long time ago.

Dennis:why did you pause before you said 'no' earlier?

Mac · Dennis:Remember the time you said you'd kiss him... if he ate a horse turd? He ate the whole turd.

Frank · Dennis · Mac:The priest may not do it because she's getting old... Your skin's all blotchy... You got the crow's-feet

Dee:I kind of led you on a little bit back then, didn't I?

Cricket:You do realize you're leading me on right now? I'm a priest.

Customer · Charlie:Could you bless me, please?... In the name of the Father, the Son, Holy Spirit. Amen.

Charlie:I may have saved that poor, wretched old person's life

Charlie:you could be my Peter... Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like shit

Dennis:I've been fasting for three days, so I probably look good

Mac:It's 'cause we said his face looks fat

Father O'Grady:The cats are brown

Father O'Grady:The cats are brown. / What? / The cats are brown.

Frank:This guy's perfect. Let's go clean him up.

Mac · Charlie:What are you doing? - What is that? - Why are you dressed like this? - Come on. It's perfect. I told you to dress nice. We look like salt and pepper shakers.

Charlie:We look like salt and pepper shakers

Charlie:I don't know who my father is... so am I the messiah?

Frank:I'm in love with a man... a man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God?

Mac:Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch

Mac · Charlie:Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch. / Ask and ye shall receive, sucker.

Dee:And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me

Dee:And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me.

Mac · Charlie:But what's in between the lines? / What's in between the lines is that he has to take off his damn sandals because it's sacred ground. / No! Sacred ground? Sacred ground? God doesn't worship the ground. God made the ground.

Charlie:God doesn't think Moses is gonna do it... God is gonna reward him with some sweet-ass shoes

Charlie:Trust in God, he'll give you shoes

Father O'Grady:Ooh, cats! And they're brown!

Dee:because you're a bad person

Mac:The Virgin Mary has left us! She abandoned us 'cause we listen to a false prophet!

Mac:No! No, get away from there! Get him away! Back off. Oh. What did you do, you shithead? You ruined it!

Dee:I felt safe saying those things in the first place

Charlie · Mac:You know what would make you feel better? You wanna tea-bag Dennis?