The Inner Circle

Deangelo:Deangelo's entire 'big changes' speech, ending with 'this is called a door, you can walk right through it'

Deangelo · Toby:Toby. You're getting a new chair.

Deangelo:Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Deangelo:I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on ice cream Thursdays.

Deangelo · Kevin:That is a— An astute observation, Kevin. Kev's got me pegged.

Deangelo · Pam:Pam interrupts Deangelo mid-conversation: 'Good morning, Deangelo.' He says 'Hold on, Pam' and immediately resumes talking to the men about nature.

Pam:Pam offers Deangelo Carla's resume for executive assistant. 'We even considered making her Cece's godmother. But she had this boyfriend at the time.'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'I also say that, because I am also in the inner circle.'

Kevin:Kevin's talking head: 'Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is in the inner circle.'

Deangelo:Deangelo declines coffee, saying 'I own the coffee shop. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage. 'Cause it's so much fun.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's talking head: 'No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.'

Deangelo:'Or my other idea: 50,000 tiny clients.'

Deangelo · Jim · Others:Deangelo insists the basketball is a Chinese knock-off based on the 'center of gravity' — everyone agrees enthusiastically even though it's from Toys R Us.

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'The problem with having it, or the x-factor... is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor.'

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly: 'Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie.' Ryan: 'I'd die for you too.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan performing as Kelly's fake boss: 'Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company.' Kelly: 'Sure thing, Mr. Howard.' Ryan: 'Whoo.'

Oscar:Oscar's talking head: 'Glad he's not my boss.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'You know I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'Congratulations on your one cousin. I have 70— each one better than the last.'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight confronts Deangelo: 'Straight up, why don't you like me?' / 'I'm gonna win you over.' / 'No, you're not.' — escalating yes/no argument

Pam · Deangelo:Pam reading a resume: 'Uh-oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled administrative and assistant.'

Deangelo:Deangelo reveals he's 'a big juggler' and performs a motivational juggling routine. He calculates room size before deciding the office is 'a little cramped.'

Deangelo:'Prepare to go into the danger zone.'

Deangelo · Phyllis:Deangelo asks Phyllis to hold still, mimes throwing an invisible ball at her head, she flinches — 'Aah! Big hand for Phyllis. That took a lot of guts.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim's talking head: 'He didn't drop a single ball.' / Cut to: Dwight: 'Look. I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls. I'm juggling with one hand. No hands.'

Andy · Dwight:Andy's talking-head defense of Deangelo: 'What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?' / Dwight: 'What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine?'

Andy:Andy: 'I took a crapload of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the vagina monologues called the penis apologies.'

Angela · Pam · Kelly:Angela, Pam, and Kelly reveal they are all department heads but Deangelo has never spoken to any of them. Camera cuts to: Pam, Kelly, and Angela's silent dawning realization.

Angela:Angela: 'And if he doesn't listen then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls?'

Pam · Deangelo · Jim:Pam begins to talk to Deangelo about the sexism issue, but Deangelo keeps letting other men into the conversation: 'If it's all right, can I just have like one minute alone, just to go over—' / 'What's the big secret? Why are you even whispering? Come on, it's the guys.'

Deangelo · Jim · Pam:Pam trying to have a private moment with Deangelo — Jim walks in, then Deangelo immediately says 'Saw Jim come in, are we meeting? Let's make it a meeting.'

Deangelo · Ryan · Kevin:Deangelo reacts to 'sexist': 'Damn!' / Ryan: 'Whoa.' / Kevin: 'Hot.'

Kevin · Deangelo:Kevin: 'Deangelo, she can get really bitchy.' Deangelo: 'Kevin, wah-wah.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan's talking head: 'So I am the new customer service supervisor. When Deangelo's around. And I'm also a very dutiful boyfriend when—' Kelly: 'All the time.' Ryan: 'All the time.'

Deangelo:Deangelo addresses the sexism accusation by asking everyone to raise their hand if they have a vagina, then if someone they love has a vagina.

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'I'm not a feminist, but I think that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't.'

Deangelo · Dwight:Deangelo: 'Man, you're smart.' (responding to Dwight's WNBA-is-a-joke take)

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.' Re: hiring someone with zero corporate experience.

Jim · Deangelo:Jim is not texted for the inner circle meeting. He watches through the glass, then just walks in. Immediately kicked out.

Jim · Pam:Jim gets a text for the inner-circle meeting but Pam doesn't — Jim's reaction beat at Pam's expense

Andy:Andy: 'I'm going in to the belly of the beast. I'm gonna infiltrate and change from within.' Then: 'What's up, man cave!'

Dwight · Jim:'So, he kicked you out of the inner circle, huh?' / 'No, there is no inner circle.'

Dwight · Jordan:Jordan asks Dwight if there's anything she can help him with. Dwight: 'Tell your whore to leave me alone!'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.'

Jim · Darryl:Darryl describes Pam's future book series: 'Quirky tenth grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes the horse flyer.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan's fake-boss performance with Kelly continues: 'Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company. No one likes a money-grubber.'

Kelly:Kelly breaks: 'I can't do this. I'm sorry, I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss... He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically, just like the way Rango didn't save those animals.'

Ryan:Ryan: 'I did not see Rango.'

Deangelo · Kelly:Deangelo: 'I like Ryan, you seem kind of hysterical to me.' Then: 'Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan quietly tells Kelly: 'Close call. Okay, why don't you just finish this up and leave it on my desk and I will see you at your place around 2:00 A.M., huh?'

Deangelo · Jim:Deangelo dunks (or tries to), with Jim and others watching. 'Oh, angry, angry dunk.'

Pam · Deangelo:Pam complains the basketball game is too loud. Deangelo: 'We're getting a dunking clinic from magic Jordan himself.' Pam: 'Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?' Deangelo: 'Total brain-burp.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'Total brain-burp. I'm no MJ. Please. I can do his dunk, from the free-throw line though.'

Darryl:Darryl's talking head: 'The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say. And soon, I will say it in Chinese.'

Deangelo:Deangelo is challenged to actually dunk. 'Why not?' / 'Only because no one has called NASA to request a lift-off.'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight: 'If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.' / Deangelo: 'Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs, or find a new place to sell paper!'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight refuses to go downstairs for the dunk contest: 'If I wanted to see a pissing contest I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.' / Deangelo: 'Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!'

Dwight:Dwight's talking head: 'Okay, a little about me. I respond to strong leadership.'

Deangelo · Kevin · Angela · Oscar:Deangelo insists the foul line is where he says it is. Kevin volunteers to sit under the basket. 'Someone wanna sit in Kevin's lap?' / 'Angela?' 'No.' / 'Oscar?' 'No, thank you.'

Deangelo:'Jimmy, this is for you, to show you that anything is possible. This is also for the troops.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's dunk attempt goes catastrophically wrong. He clearly injures himself badly and begins speaking in incoherent word-salad: 'Tablab.' 'Chea three thead twa to bar.' 'Scoince? Paunch and loud.'

Deangelo · Erin · Office Staff:Deangelo's attempted dunk — 'Doctor is in!' — followed by the crash, emergency, and his post-injury speech in garbled nonsense language

Erin:Erin: 'Who should I say is calling?' in response to being asked to call 911.

Deangelo · Others:Deangelo continues speaking in nonsense words while someone responds 'Yeah' and 'I get it' and 'Okay, we're gonna work on treasure' as if understanding him.