Deangelo Vickers

Michael · Deangelo:Colorado? Yeah. Sunshine State. Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.

Michael · Deangelo:You know, it's funny. I actually tried to get an animal Olympics going. Really? What happened? You know, life happened.

Deangelo · Michael:What are you gonna miss most about Scranton? Oh. Wow. The mountains, where things are.

Michael · Deangelo:I'm at the bar, the bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel. I do not see you. How long have you... I've been here about, gosh, over half an hour. Okay, yeah, me, too.

Michael · Deangelo:I hear your voice in the phone. And that's... Man! And... Oh, brother. Michael Scott. Deangelo Vickers. Wow. That is insane.

Michael · Deangelo:I have heard that it is impossible to become addicted to vodka. That is true. That is true. Vodka is non-addictive. Most of the higher spirits are undetectable. It's because of the potato.

Michael · Deangelo:Are her breasts different? No panties on this one. And I think the sail was folded differently.

Michael · Deangelo:You know what would be a great Onion headline? 'Cancer prevents cancer.' That's so Onion. I know! It's so you, but it's also so Onion.

Michael · Deangelo:Well, this is it. What do you think? She'll do. Oh, she'll do just fine.

Michael · Deangelo:We should write a movie or something. I'm serious.

Deangelo:Do not talk to me until I have had my coffee. Until I've had my coffee, do not talk to me.

Deangelo · Michael:Coffee keeps me regular. That's the best time of the day. I give it about seven minutes. Seven minutes from this. Beeline. So at 8:37...

Deangelo:You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.

Deangelo:I have a peanut allergy, something I live with. It's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it.

Deangelo · Michael:That story makes you sound stupid. I happen to like the hilarious high jinks that I get myself into.

Deangelo · Andy:Office funny guy. Always glad to have an office funny guy around. I wasn't even trying to make a joke.

Deangelo · Michael:Try to keep my daily caloric intake under 1,200. Deangelo, you're going to starve to death.

Deangelo · Michael:Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen. Burned. It's lush, dummy.

Kevin · Deangelo:Hey, Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them.

Jim · Pam · Deangelo:And we turn back, and she has spelled out the word 'Ass' in the blocks. So we're laughing, she's grinning... It was so funny. Kids are a riot. They really do say the darndest things.

Deangelo · Erin:Try it without using your name. Dunder Mifflin. This is. Oh, yeah, I like it.

Deangelo:Well, you know, whatever... Yeah. Whatever you think would work. What do you... Yeah. I think a change would be nice. You could do the old way or the, you know... Whichever one you want to do.

Deangelo:Come on, you maggot. Bye-bye, calories. Don't stop, now. No one's stopping me.

Deangelo:Don't hug me. No! Get away, get away.

Michael · Deangelo:Well, the water's pretty cold. A lot of octopuses out there. Well, I've been taught by the best octopus hunter in the biz.

Phyllis · Deangelo:No, not officially. I saw you coming out of the bathroom earlier. Well, I guess I'm gonna go back to my cave.

Andy · Deangelo:What do African Americans call the... What? I don't know. Help me.

Deangelo:I saw a hawk today. It was just sitting right there on the overpass, looking at me.

Michael · Deangelo:And this is Erin, and she's going to shave my face. Here we go. This is how we do it.

Jim · Deangelo:We sort of do more of like powwows and what-ups. God! Okay, well, powwows, then.

Deangelo · Pam · Jim:Enough about your baby, okay? I'm sorry. Well, we were just... I think she was just trying to... No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it.

Deangelo:Now that's funny. That's funny. You walk much?

Deangelo:I guess this is my life now.

Deangelo:Tapas is a cuisine for groups. Not with me. Tapas party of one.

Deangelo:Keep in mind, I was naked.

Deangelo · Jim:Guess how much weight I lost. Two hundred and two pounds? 203. I beat it by one. I beat it by one.

Dwight · Deangelo:What recommendation? From when he recommended me to replace him. Um...

Deangelo:If you're gonna go whale watching on the East Coast, you might want to bring a magazine called West Coast Whales. Because you're not gonna see any.

Deangelo:I missed the O.J. verdict. Had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.

Deangelo · Michael:Why did you have to be so damn good? I... I'm adequate.

Deangelo:Get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time.

Deangelo:I'm telling you, that baby could be the star of a show called Babies I Don't Care About.

Deangelo:Unless you count singing in the shower.

Deangelo:Where were you on September 11th?

Deangelo · Michael:When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them. Too personal. I don't want to hear about that stuff.

Deangelo:The Dundies are all about coming together, and recognizing the indomitability of the human spirit!

Deangelo:I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.

Jo · Deangelo:Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.

Deangelo:I've fallen and I can't get up.

Deangelo:Fall asleep right after sex. Huh, guys?

Deangelo:I was in the bathroom, vomiting and vomiting in that men's room. That's why it has been shut down for most of the evening.

Deangelo:Hi, Tuna.

Deangelo:You guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

Unknown · Deangelo:What's wrong with cupcakes? Everything.

Deangelo:I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion.

Deangelo:I'm not saying I'm Superman, but let me just put it this way, if I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it.

Deangelo:Walk away, bitch.

Deangelo · Andy:Is there an animal shelter on the way? Yeah. Awesome! Ani-ani-shelto.

Deangelo:I've only got enough cash to buy a sandwich or get drunk.

Deangelo · Andy:Staged dog rescue scene for client presentation

Deangelo:I can say that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you that he's gonna be a success.

Deangelo:You ever play Russian roulette? Time to spin the chamber, Boris... By signing up for another year.

Deangelo:No! Uh-oh. No!

Deangelo:If you don't like 'em, this is called a door, you can walk right through it.

Deangelo:Full ride, deal with it. Seriously? Stone-cold seriously.

Deangelo:They are trying to figure me out, and I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear.

Deangelo · Toby:Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Deangelo:Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on 'Ice Cream Thursdays.'

Deangelo · Kevin:That is a... An astute observation, Kevin. Kev's got me pegged.

Deangelo:It's just that I own the coffee shop. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage 'cause it's so much fun.

Deangelo:No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

Deangelo:Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients.

Deangelo · Jim:That's Toys 'R' Us, I think. No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity is off.

Deangelo:You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.

Deangelo · Dwight:Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... Uh-oh.

Deangelo:This former administrative assistant misspelled 'administrative,' and 'assistant.'

Deangelo · Darryl:Under special skills, Mr. Don Finer put juggling. What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.

Deangelo:What would you say this room is? 300 square feet? 320? Three-twenty, just free-balling it. It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? Seventeen, eighteen hundo?

Deangelo:Sorry, I never touch another juggler's instruments.

Deangelo:Why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls? Prepare to go into the danger zone.

Deangelo · Phyllis:Phyllis, where's Phyllis? Here. Do you believe in me, Phyllis? Yes. 'Cause I believe in you. Feel that connection?

Jim · Deangelo · Kevin:Oh, like, nobody, it was... Pam? Was it Pam? Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Kevin, she can get really bitchy.

Deangelo:Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.

Jordan · Pam · Deangelo:Yeah. Yup. Wow. No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.

Deangelo:Total brain burp. I'm no MJ. Please. I can do his dunk from free-throw line, though.

Deangelo:Only because no one has called NASA to request a lift off.

Deangelo:Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs, or find a new place to sell paper!

Deangelo:Deangelo falls and hits his head attempting the dunk, lying motionless on basketball court