Deangelo Vickers

Michael · Deangelo:Michael comparing Dundie nomination deliveries to the Oscars, going house-to-house at 6am

Michael · Deangelo · Jim:Jim answers the door at 6am in apparent confusion; Michael yells 'Surprise! Congratulations!' at him

Michael · Deangelo:Michael shouts 'Hey, Toby, you suck!' at Toby's house in the early morning, then they sprint away

Deangelo · Michael:Deangelo: 'Is this an employee of ours?' as they speed away from Toby's house

Deangelo:Deangelo says 'I've never seen this place in the daylight. This reminds me of Katrina.'

Michael · Deangelo · Meredith:Meredith answers the door in last night's clothes having clearly not come home; her door was unlocked and ajar

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.' Then immediately declines to co-host.

Deangelo:Deangelo admits to 'singing in the shower' as his only performance experience, then says 'Boy, okay.'

Deangelo:Deangelo takes the weight-loss/car-keys joke literally and offers sincere advice: 'For me, it was portion control. For you, you need a keychain.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's banter attempt: 'You, sir. Are we having fun tonight?' 'Having a great time, thanks.' 'Where were you on September 11th?'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael asks Deangelo to share a childhood trauma for comedic material, then immediately rejects it: 'Too personal. I don't want to hear about that stuff.'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael puts headphones playing loud music on Deangelo so he 'can't hear himself' and makes him read the teleprompter

Deangelo:Sweet potato fries aside: 'I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.'

Deangelo:Deangelo tours the restaurant venue and gives one-word evaluations: 'Nice.' 'Appalling.' 'Eyesore.' 'Surprisingly adequate.'

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's call: 'We're in serious horse manure here. The Dundies are tonight, and we ain't got no host.' / 'Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.'

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's phone call sets up a fake dramatic scenario where Deangelo must 'find Michael Scott' — played as an action-movie mission — even though Michael is presumably right there at the Dundies

Deangelo · Angela:Deangelo asks Angela if she can help find Michael; she says 'My boyfriend can. He's a state senator.' Deangelo: 'Oh, no, he can't help because that title has no meaning.'

Jim · Deangelo:Jim to Deangelo: 'Oh, I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey, you want to listen to some records?'

Deangelo:Deangelo's spiral: 'I've fallen and I can't get up. Maybe I just need to look into my heart. Deangelo, where is Michael Scott? I'm here. In a good way. I've been here the whole time.'

Deangelo · Dwight:Deangelo's grand entrance is met with Dwight's confused 'Is that part of the...?' as he apparently freezes or does something strange on stage

Michael · Deangelo:'Stop hitting me.' / 'You can do it, just say it.' / 'Hit me again.' — Michael slapping Deangelo to get him pumped up

Deangelo · Michael:Deangelo's first ad-lib: 'Fall asleep right after sex. Huh, guys?' — then Michael immediately cuts him off: 'Nope, go back to the script.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's aside: 'I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it.'

Michael · Deangelo:Script reads: 'They say he's going to be my right-hand man, [ad-lib masturbation joke]. No.' then 'I hate this. I hate it so much.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's acceptance speech: 'I was in the bathroom, vomiting and vomiting in that men's room.' / 'That's why it has been shut down for most of the evening.'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael cuts off Deangelo's speech mid-sentence: 'We're done, we're done.' Deangelo: 'What?' Others: 'Michael, are we...' Michael: 'What?'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael sprints to a gas station bathroom; Deangelo narrates: 'He is in an all-out sprint.'

Deangelo · Michael:Deangelo's story of how he got his job: 'Walking along, out of work, again... I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog. So I grab the dog, he runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me.' — then he re-enacts it dramatically with Michael

Deangelo:Deangelo apologizes for Michael's behavior at the client meeting: 'I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is, I think he's just a terrible salesman.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'Well, if he's not gonna make it, at least we should go ahead and eat the cake.' — then aggressively eats cake, then self-recrimination spiral

Deangelo:Deangelo's entire 'big changes' speech, ending with 'this is called a door, you can walk right through it'

Deangelo · Toby:Toby. You're getting a new chair.

Deangelo:Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Deangelo:I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on ice cream Thursdays.

Deangelo · Kevin:That is a— An astute observation, Kevin. Kev's got me pegged.

Deangelo · Pam:Pam interrupts Deangelo mid-conversation: 'Good morning, Deangelo.' He says 'Hold on, Pam' and immediately resumes talking to the men about nature.

Deangelo:Deangelo declines coffee, saying 'I own the coffee shop. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage. 'Cause it's so much fun.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's talking head: 'No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.'

Deangelo:'Or my other idea: 50,000 tiny clients.'

Deangelo · Jim · Others:Deangelo insists the basketball is a Chinese knock-off based on the 'center of gravity' — everyone agrees enthusiastically even though it's from Toys R Us.

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'You know I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight confronts Deangelo: 'Straight up, why don't you like me?' / 'I'm gonna win you over.' / 'No, you're not.' — escalating yes/no argument

Pam · Deangelo:Pam reading a resume: 'Uh-oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled administrative and assistant.'

Deangelo:Deangelo reveals he's 'a big juggler' and performs a motivational juggling routine. He calculates room size before deciding the office is 'a little cramped.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'You know, we're all here, I've got the music cued. Why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls.'

Deangelo:'Prepare to go into the danger zone.'

Deangelo · Phyllis · Office Staff:Deangelo performs an elaborate mime-juggling routine with full music and motivational patter — the staff watches in bewildered silence/polite engagement

Deangelo · Phyllis:Deangelo asks Phyllis to hold still, mimes throwing an invisible ball at her head, she flinches — 'Aah! Big hand for Phyllis. That took a lot of guts.'

Pam · Deangelo · Jim:Pam begins to talk to Deangelo about the sexism issue, but Deangelo keeps letting other men into the conversation: 'If it's all right, can I just have like one minute alone, just to go over—' / 'What's the big secret? Why are you even whispering? Come on, it's the guys.'

Deangelo · Jim · Pam:Pam trying to have a private moment with Deangelo — Jim walks in, then Deangelo immediately says 'Saw Jim come in, are we meeting? Let's make it a meeting.'

Deangelo · Ryan · Kevin:Deangelo reacts to 'sexist': 'Damn!' / Ryan: 'Whoa.' / Kevin: 'Hot.'

Kevin · Deangelo:Kevin: 'Deangelo, she can get really bitchy.' Deangelo: 'Kevin, wah-wah.'

Deangelo:Deangelo addresses the sexism accusation by asking everyone to raise their hand if they have a vagina, then if someone they love has a vagina.

Deangelo · Dwight:Deangelo: 'Man, you're smart.' (responding to Dwight's WNBA-is-a-joke take)

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.' Re: hiring someone with zero corporate experience.

Jim · Deangelo:Jim is not texted for the inner circle meeting. He watches through the glass, then just walks in. Immediately kicked out.

Deangelo · Kelly:Deangelo: 'I like Ryan, you seem kind of hysterical to me.' Then: 'Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.'

Deangelo · Jim:Deangelo dunks (or tries to), with Jim and others watching. 'Oh, angry, angry dunk.'

Pam · Deangelo:Pam complains the basketball game is too loud. Deangelo: 'We're getting a dunking clinic from magic Jordan himself.' Pam: 'Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?' Deangelo: 'Total brain-burp.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'Total brain-burp. I'm no MJ. Please. I can do his dunk, from the free-throw line though.'

Deangelo:Deangelo is challenged to actually dunk. 'Why not?' / 'Only because no one has called NASA to request a lift-off.'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight: 'If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.' / Deangelo: 'Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs, or find a new place to sell paper!'

Dwight · Deangelo:Dwight refuses to go downstairs for the dunk contest: 'If I wanted to see a pissing contest I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.' / Deangelo: 'Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!'

Deangelo · Kevin · Angela · Oscar:Deangelo insists the foul line is where he says it is. Kevin volunteers to sit under the basket. 'Someone wanna sit in Kevin's lap?' / 'Angela?' 'No.' / 'Oscar?' 'No, thank you.'

Deangelo:'Jimmy, this is for you, to show you that anything is possible. This is also for the troops.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's dunk attempt goes catastrophically wrong. He clearly injures himself badly and begins speaking in incoherent word-salad: 'Tablab.' 'Chea three thead twa to bar.' 'Scoince? Paunch and loud.'

Deangelo · Erin · Office Staff:Deangelo's attempted dunk — 'Doctor is in!' — followed by the crash, emergency, and his post-injury speech in garbled nonsense language

Deangelo · Others:Deangelo continues speaking in nonsense words while someone responds 'Yeah' and 'I get it' and 'Okay, we're gonna work on treasure' as if understanding him.