Michaels Last Dundies

Michael · Deangelo:Michael comparing Dundie nomination deliveries to the Oscars, going house-to-house at 6am

Michael · Deangelo · Jim:Jim answers the door at 6am in apparent confusion; Michael yells 'Surprise! Congratulations!' at him

Michael · Deangelo:Michael shouts 'Hey, Toby, you suck!' at Toby's house in the early morning, then they sprint away

Deangelo · Michael:Deangelo: 'Is this an employee of ours?' as they speed away from Toby's house

Deangelo:Deangelo says 'I've never seen this place in the daylight. This reminds me of Katrina.'

Michael · Deangelo · Meredith:Meredith answers the door in last night's clothes having clearly not come home; her door was unlocked and ajar

Meredith:Meredith excitedly invites Michael and Deangelo in for 'Vienna sausages and napkins' for breakfast

Erin:Erin pretends she doesn't have plans, then excitedly reveals she's going to the Dundies

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'When Larry King died, they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in and do his show, and that way, Larry lives on.'

Ryan · Michael · Oscar:Ryan's 'breadsticks are like crack' exchange — 'What can I use? I don't know. Something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking.' 'You're right, you're right. No, I'm a middle-class fraud.'

Deangelo:Deangelo: 'Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.' Then immediately declines to co-host.

Deangelo:Deangelo admits to 'singing in the shower' as his only performance experience, then says 'Boy, okay.'

Michael:Michael's banter attempt: 'Deangelo, you and I have a lot in common. You lost 200 pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning.'

Deangelo:Deangelo takes the weight-loss/car-keys joke literally and offers sincere advice: 'For me, it was portion control. For you, you need a keychain.'

Ryan · Michael:Ryan demonstrates banter: 'Why don't you ask my therapist? My mom certainly pays her enough.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's banter attempt: 'You, sir. Are we having fun tonight?' 'Having a great time, thanks.' 'Where were you on September 11th?'

Jim · Michael:Jim: 'Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies like you're just running a meeting?' Michael: 'Jim, please, no loopholes.'

Michael:Michael: 'If I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael asks Deangelo to share a childhood trauma for comedic material, then immediately rejects it: 'Too personal. I don't want to hear about that stuff.'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael puts headphones playing loud music on Deangelo so he 'can't hear himself' and makes him read the teleprompter

Deangelo:Sweet potato fries aside: 'I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.'

Erin · Jim · Pam:Erin hides in the car during lunch to avoid Gabe, then whispers urgently for Jim and Pam to get in

Erin:Erin: 'I eat lunch in the car now. It's my alone time. It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe.'

Jim:Jim bails on Erin's emotional conversation mid-sentence: 'I think I'm going to go.' / 'I'm sorry, that just wasn't interesting to me.'

Erin · Pam:Erin tells Pam: 'I can't just dump him, Pam. I'm not like you. I can't be mean.' Pam: 'Wait, when am I...'

Deangelo:Deangelo tours the restaurant venue and gives one-word evaluations: 'Nice.' 'Appalling.' 'Eyesore.' 'Surprisingly adequate.'

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's call: 'We're in serious horse manure here. The Dundies are tonight, and we ain't got no host.' / 'Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.'

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's phone call sets up a fake dramatic scenario where Deangelo must 'find Michael Scott' — played as an action-movie mission — even though Michael is presumably right there at the Dundies

Deangelo · Angela:Deangelo asks Angela if she can help find Michael; she says 'My boyfriend can. He's a state senator.' Deangelo: 'Oh, no, he can't help because that title has no meaning.'

Jim · Deangelo:Jim to Deangelo: 'Oh, I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey, you want to listen to some records?'

Deangelo:Deangelo's spiral: 'I've fallen and I can't get up. Maybe I just need to look into my heart. Deangelo, where is Michael Scott? I'm here. In a good way. I've been here the whole time.'

Deangelo · Dwight:Deangelo's grand entrance is met with Dwight's confused 'Is that part of the...?' as he apparently freezes or does something strange on stage

Michael:Michael's speech to Deangelo: 'You're doing this for all those kids out there eating off the Louie Volpe's kids menu who are wondering, does it get better?'

Michael · Deangelo:'Stop hitting me.' / 'You can do it, just say it.' / 'Hit me again.' — Michael slapping Deangelo to get him pumped up

Deangelo · Michael:Deangelo's first ad-lib: 'Fall asleep right after sex. Huh, guys?' — then Michael immediately cuts him off: 'Nope, go back to the script.'

Jim:Jim wins 'Best Dad Dundie'; his acceptance speech: 'Cece, if you're watching this at home, it's way past your bedtime. By the way, how'd this get televised?'

Pam:Pam's 'Didn't think to mention me, huh?' directed at Jim after his Best Dad acceptance speech doesn't mention her

Michael · Meredith:Meredith Palmer wins 'Best Mom Dundie'; audience member: 'Say what?'

Meredith:Meredith accepts: 'I'll tell you one thing, I'm not going to be a good mom tonight!'

Michael · Jim · Meredith:Michael wants a photo of 'the best mom and the best dad' — Jim and Meredith are made to pose together

Michael:Michael's preamble: 'Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award because year after year, I present this award to a guy instead of a girl.' — Hottest in the Office goes to Danny Cordray (who isn't there).

Unknown Female Employee:Talking head of female employee very carefully articulating why she's 'very relieved' not to win Hottest in the Office and questioning Michael's criteria

Angela:Talking head — character (Angela implied) on not winning Hottest in the Office: 'I'm very relieved. How do you judge something like... What is his criteria, even? It's so subjective.'

Michael:'Stanley Hudson is a grump, everybody knows that. But did you know that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes? The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson!'

Michael:'Come on up here, you sick bastard.'

Deangelo:Deangelo's aside: 'I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it.'

Dwight:Dwight wins 'Promising Assistant Manager Dundie' and dedicates it to 'the humble trash can.' 'This is for you, trash can.'

Angela · Kevin:'This is a cloth tablecloth. You can't color on it.' / 'Oh, really?' (ignores it and colors anyway)

Michael:'Did you know herpes affects one out of every five sexually active adults?' — delivered mid-awards show by Michael

Michael:'Pippi Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley. What do they all have in common? Redheads. And, Erin Hannon, come on up here to receive your Cutest Redhead in the Office award.'

Kelly:After winning Cutest Redhead: 'That is bull.' — reaction beat from another female employee (Kelly or Phyllis implied)

Erin:Erin's acceptance speech: 'This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. People were right about the Dundies, they are magical.'

Erin · Pam:Erin: 'I have to be honest. Right, Pam?' — turning to Pam for validation while publicly humiliating Gabe

Gabe:Gabe: 'Thank you for hearing me.' — accepting the breakup with creepy formal gratitude

Gabe:Talking head: 'Obviously really angry at Erin. Here comes that quarter-life crisis everyone's talking about.'

Oscar:'Damn, that was cold.' — audience member reacting to the breakup

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you.' — then gives Deangelo the Best Dundies Host award

Deangelo:Deangelo's acceptance speech: 'I was in the bathroom, vomiting and vomiting in that men's room.' / 'That's why it has been shut down for most of the evening.'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael cuts off Deangelo's speech mid-sentence: 'We're done, we're done.' Deangelo: 'What?' Others: 'Michael, are we...' Michael: 'What?'

Michael:Michael's talking head: 'I was hoping it would be more like Godfather III, that wrapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way, but instead it is like Godfather I, that was very confusing, had maybe three big laughs.'

Pam · Michael:Pam asks if they can move the Dundies to the office to finish; Michael resists, then asks 'So what you're saying is, you kind of liked it?'

Pam · Michael:Pam references 'the Phyllis bit' — 'That got a big laugh. It did. That actually got a big laugh. Pretty huge laugh. You were laughing, right? I was.'

Dwight · Michael:Dwight's talking head: 'I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to.' Michael: 'Man! Maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'Gladly. I'd accept that award, because a bitch is a female dog.'

Pam · Michael:Someone (Michael) stops the car suddenly; Pam: 'Please don't stop so suddenly. Seatbelt's pressing on my bladder.' / 'Why are you even wearing a seatbelt? You're sitting in the backseat, baby.'

Dwight:Dwight's critique: 'And next time, why don't you pick a co-host that doesn't have microphone-a-phobia?'

Michael · Deangelo:Michael sprints to a gas station bathroom; Deangelo narrates: 'He is in an all-out sprint.'

Michael · Andy:Andy wins 'Doobie Doobie Pothead Stoner of the Year Award'; Michael reads: 'By his own admission, this person actually tried marijuana in college.'

Andy · Michael:Andy's acceptance speech: 'There's a lot of people I'd like to thank, but I think we all actually want to thank you, Michael.'

Michael:Michael's transition back to the Dundies: 'Well, this is going to hurt like a mother.' (then proceeds to give Toby the Extreme Repulsiveness Award)

Michael:'Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award.'

Toby · Oscar:Toby: 'It's fine.' / 'It's his last Dundies. You got to play along, man.' / 'Come on, Toby.' — Toby accepting the award to protect Michael's feelings

Toby:Toby's acceptance speech transforms into a confessional about the Scranton Strangler case: 'A man's being put to death, I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty anymore.'