Moroccan Christmas

Dwight:Dwight's over-the-top karate demonstration with sound effects - 'Got you! Broken arm. Boom! Boom! Boom! Broken nose!'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'the one thing that thousand-year-old martial arts do all the time is change'

Dwight:Dwight's absurd scenario: 'You are all members of the Yakuza, visiting the Lackawanna Trolley Museum, and you are attacked by Triads'

Kevin · Dwight:Kevin refuses to attack Dwight: 'Last time, you pulled my pants down, and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.' 'False. I did choke you with your shoelace.'

Jim:Jim suggests Dwight fight himself: 'I think the most worthy opponent of you is you'

Dwight:Dwight's caveat: 'unless there happen to be measles present'

Dwight:Dwight begins fighting himself in elaborate physical demonstration

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam's commentary on Dwight fighting himself: 'he's making you look like such a fool' 'He really is'

Jim:Jim continues commentary: 'You two are so evenly matched, I don't know how one of you is gonna get the upper hand'

Michael · Erin:Michael's claim about stand-up comedy: 'I did stand-up comedy once. Yeah, I killed. That sounds like it was hilarious. It was hilarious.'

Michael:Michael's email confusion: 'I get like eight e-mails a day'

Erin:Erin's confusion about 'the Journal': 'Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule'

Jim:Article paywall: 'It's $1.99 to finish the article'

Michael · Jim:Michael's dismissive 'Are you serious?' about paying $1.99 while Jim says 'Tuna beat me to it'

Dwight:Dwight's job offer: 'You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize'

Michael:Michael's suggestion to David Wallace's assistant: 'maybe you should spy on him. Oh, my God! Wouldn't that be hilarious?'

Michael:Michael's phone sign-off: 'I'll catch you on the flippity-flip'

Jim · Michael:Bathroom exchange: 'Did you throw up in there?' 'No, just pooping. You know how I be.' 'But it smells like throw-up' 'Crazy world, lot of smells'

Andy:Andy's talking head: 'it's time for the Nard-Dog to take matters into his own paws'

Michael:Michael's stress response: 'I need more Mullins'

Michael:Michael's rhyme: 'Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey pee all over you. That rhymes.'

Stanley:Stanley's work philosophy: 'I only slack off when things are good'

Michael · Office:Michael's murder announcement: 'There has been a murder!' 'What?' 'There's been a murder in Savannah'

Michael:Michael's game therapy speech: 'Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., My Operation'

Jim:Jim's callback: 'Tube City. You owe me one'

Jim:Jim's explanation of Tube City: 'plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them'

Michael · Stanley:Food negotiation: 'There will be food. You leave, you do not get food.' 'What kind of food?' 'Sandwich platters.' 'I'm in.'

Michael · Kevin:Michael's character suggestion: 'So if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.' Kevin: 'Cool. I'll try it.'

Andy · Erin:Characters revealed: Andy as Nathaniel Nutmeg and Erin as Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, the incestuous siblings

Stanley:Stanley's character discomfort: 'I'm not comfortable with this.' about playing Voodoo Mama Juju

Michael:Michael complaining about his character: 'I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night a different woman, being ogled, having to hug and kiss and spoon. I make them feel beautiful.'

Jim · Michael:Southern accent debate: 'You don't have to keep saying I do declare anytime you say something, it means you're declaring.' 'That is the way Southern people talk.' 'And what designing woman are you basing that on?' 'Delta Burke, I do declare.'

Jim · Pam · Michael:Accent criticism: 'You sound like Forrest Gump.' 'I do not.' 'Well, you do, actually. You got this kind of like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sort of spilling out of your mouth.'

Michael · Jim · Kevin:Swedish Chef confusion: 'Oh, now do the Swedish Chef.' 'I'm not familiar. What province is he from?' 'He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass.'

Toby · Michael:Toby's arrival interruption: 'Sorry, I'm late, boss. What's going on?' 'Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.'

Andy · Erin:Andy's date proposal: 'I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.' 'Sounds like a plan, sugar.' 'All right! A plan it is.'

Stanley:Stanley's voodoo backstory: 'It's not my fault. I was exposed to Harry Potter.'

Dwight:Dwight's murder logic: 'It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore, I know the killer to be Phyllis, the person I most medium suspect.'

Andy · Erin · Kevin:Character flirtation: 'How about a threesome?' 'Yeah. My boudoir's always open.' 'Nice.'

Andy:Andy's worry: 'I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone, and she might be a murderer.'

Kevin:Financial crisis in character: 'This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks, and we're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay them.'

Michael · Phyllis:Michael skipping ahead: 'I'm gonna skip forward to a really big clue. Here we go. Well, by now, you figured out that old Beatrix Bourbon was the killer.' Phyllis: 'What? Michael, I was doing so well.'

Michael:Michael's character commitment: 'I do believe you have me mistaken. My name is Caleb Crawdad.' when Jim tries to talk business

Michael · Erin:Weekend at Bernie's reference: 'I was just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. So funny. The guy's dead the whole time.' 'I haven't seen it.'

Erin · Andy:Date reality check: 'Did you mean a real date?' 'No. Did you?' 'Totally not.'

Erin:Erin's confession: 'I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was part of the game.'

Michael:Michael's interrogation escalation: 'Stop playing games with me, Crawdad!' 'This is not a game! This is my life!' 'You are out of order, sir!'

Jim · Pam:'Snapped or stuck?' 'Both. They're both worse.'

Michael:Crime scene recreation: 'Because this is the recreation of a crime scene. I'm the dead body, and these are my brain chunks.' 'Hey, shut up. You're dead.'

Michael:Michael's defense of the game: 'They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, all right?'

Michael:Phone call deflection: 'Tell him I'm not here.' 'No, I only answer to Detective Wallace, 'cause I got a warm body in the other room.'

Jim:Jim's lifeboat metaphor: 'if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids.'

Stanley:Stanley's exhaustion: 'Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.'

Jim:Triple agent reveal: 'Andy revealed himself to be a double agent, at which point, Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was a double agent, and then, Michael announced to everybody that, get this, he was a double agent.'

Phyllis:Phyllis's practical ending: 'Hey, I want to go home. Get the keys out of my purse, start the car.'