Angry Andy

Jim · Phyllis:Jim has been tracking Phyllis's 12 rain clichés and promised hot chocolate if she hits them all by noon

Jim · Phyllis:Jim deadpans 'You don't say?' in response to Phyllis's rain clichés while secretly tracking them

Jim · Phyllis:Jim desperately tries to bait Phyllis into saying the final cliché ('curled up with a good book') by asking if she wants to be 'doing something... cozy in the rain'

Phyllis · Jim:Phyllis unknowingly delivers the final cliché — 'normally the rain would make me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book' — just after noon, but says it because everyone's been so nice to her today

Kevin:Kevin thanks Nellie for the sweater but adds 'I just wish there was pockets'

Kevin · Andy:Kevin explains that Nellie 'bobblized' his bobblehead, renaming it 'Captain Mutato'

Kevin:Kevin's talking head: Captain Mutato is 'half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man, and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.'

Andy · Nellie:Andy introduces himself to Nellie as 'the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about' in a mirror of her own greeting

Nellie · Andy:Nellie's flat 'No' to Andy's politely worded request to vacate the office

Robert California · Jim · Pam:Robert talks baby care with Jim and Pam, then adds 'after Jim quiets down, you do the same thing with your baby'

Ryan:Ryan set Kelly up with Ravi 'because Kelly is Indian, and...' then immediately backtracks: 'Race had nothing to do with it. I just knew they'd be good together. Why!'

Jim · Pam · Ravi:Jim and Pam perform exaggerated shock at being told not to shake the baby, as if this is news to them

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome... if you're into Indian people. I'm not.'

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?'

Robert California · Nellie · Andy:Robert California, asked to mediate the Andy/Nellie office standoff, tells Nellie to 'get accustomed to' people saying no because 'then it feels good when they finally say yes'

Robert California:Robert's talking head about sexual desire influencing business decisions: 'I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to recuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love, and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.'

Andy · Nellie · Angela:Andy counts down from five to dock Nellie's pay, Nellie calls his bluff ('You can't dock my pay'), Andy escalates to calling for Angela — then finds Angela won't dock Nellie's pay either

Andy · Nellie · Angela:The countdown escalation: Andy and Nellie go through multiple five-count cycles, with Andy docking increasingly absurd amounts, culminating in '$10,000,' while Nellie taunts 'you're just saying numbers'

Andy · Erin:Andy and Erin's mutual reassurance that last night 'was not a big deal' and both were 'just tired' — played as obviously a big deal

Andy:Andy's talking head: clearly devastated, saying 'Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal' about his sexual performance issue with a pained pause

Ryan · Pam:Pam says the photo was taken 'right before we got in that huge fight'; Ryan says he doesn't remember the fight, only how pretty Pam looked taking pictures of him

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor... all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.'

Erin:Erin's talking head about Andy losing the manager job: 'I don't know what the technical term is. Hmm. Penial... softiosis.'

Robert California · Erin:Robert California denies ever experiencing anything 'remotely like that,' then immediately starts listing erection-adjacent monuments: 'Washington Monument.' 'Okay.' 'Eiffel Tower.' 'Okay, okay.'

Kelly · Ryan · Pam:Kelly responds to Ryan pointing out he cheated on her with 'Which time?'

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'I'm not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan... I mean Ravi.' Then adds he's not trying to get access to the pediatrician.

Dwight · Nellie:Dwight's briefing for Nellie: 'One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that.' — delivered with deadpan gravitas as an intelligence report

Dwight · Nellie:Dwight's briefing continues: Gabe bragged about an air show ticket to Meredith, then immediately said his friend might take it — 'so I'll keep you posted on that'

Dwight · Nellie:Dwight reveals to Nellie that Andy couldn't perform sexually: 'Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that.' / 'By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all.'

Nellie · Dwight:Nellie responds to Dwight's erection report: 'Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood.'

Andy · Nellie:Andy attempts to call a meeting, Nellie says 'you can't call a meeting,' Andy repeats himself louder — then thanks everyone for coming to 'my meeting'

Nellie · Andy:Nellie corrects Andy mid-meeting: 'Andrew, not everyone here is important. And the word is impotence. Which is important in its own way.'

Andy:Andy's 'meeting' response: 'Take a man's job, but leave him his balls.' Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie.'

Nellie:Nellie informs the group: 'Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male.'

Nellie:Nellie clarifies the impotence meeting is 'not me': 'I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim and Dwight simultaneously ask 'How old?' and then Jim calls jinx

Dwight · Andy:Dwight reveals it was Andy who had the impotence problem after promising to keep it secret

Andy:Andy finally admits his impotence publicly: 'Fine, it was me. I couldn't-- I had a problem with Erin last night. Happy?'

Andy:Andy's complaint: 'It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight polls the room for impotence solidarity: 'Tuna. T-dog!' / Jim: 'I have other issues. I'm terrible at math. Overweight.' / Dwight: 'You're in great shape.'

Dwight:Dwight asks 'Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with little Chumbo?' — apparently having a pet name for his own genitalia

Creed:Creed: 'Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did.'

Jim · Pam:Jim's reluctant impotence confession: 'Yes, that time that it was very late... We'd had sex so many times already, I was exhausted. I could barely see. I was very drunk.'

Dwight:Dwight suggests prostate stimulation as a solution, then claims he heard it on 'This American Life'

Dwight:Dwight offers to rent Andy his 'rectal electro-ejaculator' — which is 'rated for bovine use only'

Andy · Erin · Toby:Andy asks if Toby can stop the meeting: 'Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff?' Erin responds: 'HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything.'

Andy:Andy, on phone with his dad, says: 'Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level.'

Nellie:Nellie corrects Erin's date format on phone memos: 'I prefer it day, month, year. Small, bigger, biggest.' Then adds: 'Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional. Shut up!'

Erin:Erin's angry outburst: tells Nellie to take the memos herself, outs Andy's sexual performance issue to the whole office ('our sex life is none of your business!'), and declares 'Andy is the manager, not Nellie!'

Andy:Andy's meltdown: 'Stop protecting me. I'm a man -- I can protect myself.' Then to his phone: 'Dad, go to hell! I'm taller than you!'

Office Staff:After Andy runs into the wall, a colleague deadpans: 'He does not like that wall.'

Dwight · Andy:After Andy's rage meltdown, Dwight casually says: 'Maybe we'll get sent to anger management together. That would actually be cool. I'd love for you to meet some of the guys.'

Ryan · Pam:Ryan confronts Pam: 'If you have something bad to say to me, say it to my face.' Pam: 'Fair enough. Um... I don't think you're a very good person. And forgive me, but I feel like I've said this to you before.'

Brian (documentary crew) · Ryan:Brian from the documentary crew chimes in about Ravi: 'just having knowing you short while, Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I've never even met the guy.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan claims to have written an 'amazing love poem' for Kelly but says he can't read it because 'my heart couldn't handle it.' When pressed: 'This poem would crush you!'

Ryan:Ryan claims to have written Kelly 'the most amazing love poem' but says he can't read it because 'my heart couldn't handle it.' When pressed, he says 'This poem would crush you!'

Kelly:Kelly's talking head: 'Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me.'

Robert California · Andy:Robert California tells Andy: 'I promise you, in time, we'll all laugh about this incident.' Andy: 'I already think it's kinda funny.'

Andy · Robert California:Robert California is told Andy said 'No' to demotion; Robert tells Andy if he says no one more time he's fired. Andy's response: 'No.'

Pam · Robert California:Robert California, having just fired Andy, walks away — and Pam's reaction is 'Boo! Boo to you!'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan's marriage proposal: 'I wanna marry you, Kelly Kapoor. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday. And probably.'

Pam · Ryan:Pam yells 'Barf! Ugh, you suck!' at Ryan's proposal — then the old woman in the convertible refuses to turn her car around for Ryan

Ryan:Ryan physically tries to turn a bus or vehicle around to face Kelly, demanding help: 'Can we turn this back around quickly, please? Help me turn this fucking thing around, please. Thank you. She don't wanna turn around.'

Ryan · Kelly:Ryan's closing proposal line: 'Even if the odds are 50/50 that we'll break up within the week, I wanna roll those dice. I love you, Kelly. Ryan. Will you roll those dice with me?'

Ryan · Kelly:After Kelly rejects Ryan and asks for a hug, Ryan stares blankly and says 'What?' then 'This was really cool.'

Ryan:Ryan's 'What?' reaction to Kelly's hug request — visual beat

Pam:Pam's talking head: 'Well, it's good to see Kelly's maturing.'

Andy:Andy's talking head after being fired: 'I can't describe it. I just, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel in control. I feel... alive.'

Andy · Erin:Andy has hurt his hand punching the wall but insists on carrying his own box: 'I got it. But you hurt your hand. I... got it.' Then he struggles visibly.

Ryan · Pam · Kelly:After everything, Ryan reads from his 'poem' — it's barely coherent ('Kapoor and Kadesperate. He watches... He is a drifter out to see...') — and Kelly is clearly moved despite herself