Viewing Party

Jim:Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not comfortable with this. We're not involving cats in any crimes.

Dwight Schrute:What if it's another Waco?

Jim Halpert:You mean a wacko?

Andy:You know, the Scranton Strangler probably wishes he had a hybrid car for better mileage.

Dwight:No, he probably wishes he was doing what he's known for.

Michael:Kids, gather around. I want to tell you about where I was on this historic day. I was there.

Grandchild:Wow, Grandpa! What was it like?

Michael:It was incredible. I was right there in the thick of it all, watching it unfold before my very eyes on the office TV while eating my tuna sandwich.

Michael:Listen to me, kiddo. When you grow up, you're gonna want to buy yourself a spaceship. Now, I know what you're thinking - 'Grandpa, spaceships are expensive.' Well, that's where you're wrong. You just go down to the spaceship store, you pick out the one you like, and you put it on a credit card. No money down, interest-free for 18 months. That's what your Grandpa does.

Erin:Who's your favorite Glee character?

Michael:Oh, the invalid. I love that guy.

Erin:A mash-up is when you take two different things and combine them together.

Erin:So like, if you combine Gabe and Michael, you get Gaymike.

Erin:Which sounds like a slur.

Angela:A show about glee? That sounds ridiculous. You know what would be a better show? Thirst. Just an hour of people drinking water.

Angela:I have calculated that we are at optimal fertility levels. I propose we engage in sexual intercourse to maximize procreation potential.

Kevin:Gabe is the boss.

Michael:No, I'm the boss.

Kevin:Right, so Gabe is the boss of you, which makes you the boss, which makes Gabe the boss.

Michael:No, that's not how it works.

Kevin:Okay, so Gabe is not the boss.

Michael:I have a very nice life. I wake up, I eat a couple of frozen vegetables, I drink some sangria, I watch TV, I go to bed. That's a lifestyle.

Gabe:Music is the language of the soul. It transcends the mundane constraints of everyday existence and elevates us to a higher plane of consciousness.

Kevin:I can't imagine it.

Pam:If this doesn't stop, I'm gonna be up all night.

Michael:Wait, which one is Glee?

Michael:You know, like in Spinal Tap, you can turn it up to 11. Well, I'd like to turn up my spinal cord to 11, but I'm afraid it might snap.

Creed:Yeah, these Chinese virility herbs. You know, back in 1887, the Chinese Emperor used to take these exact herbs before going to bed with his concubines. He fathered 847 children. All boys. The herbs were so potent, the Emperor's physicians had to water them down by 60% or he would've exploded.

Michael:I've had a lot of bosses. Jan was a nightmare. She went crazy, she tried to stab me. Ed Truck, they found his head in a duffel bag.

Dwight:The Schrute family has always believed in starting children on their responsibilities early. I myself have been raising children since I was a baby.

Kevin:Hey, don't worry about it. You're a great guy. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Kevin:And between you and me, I'm a sexual dynamo.

Erin:You know, Jim, it's fine. Really. I mean, sure, we missed the big musical number, but don't worry about it. I'm sure there will be other Glee episodes. It's not like this show is ending anytime soon or anything. No, you just check those sports scores. I'll be fine here. Totally fine.

Dwight:False. Babies are incredibly resilient. I was raised on a beet farm, and my father treated me like livestock. I turned out fine.

Dwight:You need to get a suet cage, hang it from the ceiling, and fill it with nutrients. The baby will jump up and peck at it.

Pam:That's a bird feeder, Dwight.

Dwight:Exactly.

Kevin:I feel like a seahorse.

Kevin:*makes neighing sounds*

Gabe:These are pigs in a blanket.

Gabe:Okay, they're actually pizza dough wrapped hot dogs.

Gabe:You are making this harder than it has to be.

Michael:That's what she said.

Jim:Dwight, I need your help babysitting this weekend.

Dwight:I would be very good at that.

Jim:I said babysitting, not... okay.

Dwight:No, I mean — we're very good friends, Jim.

Jim:We're not really—

Dwight:Great friends. We're great friends.

Jim:What kind of pizza do you want?

Dwight:Surprise me.

Dwight:No, wait. Actually, I want a medium pizza, pepperoni, extra cheese, light on the sauce, and the crust needs to be well-done but not burnt, and I want it cut into 8 slices, not 6.

Creed:I read it better than English.

Creed:Bing bing bing bing bing. Bing bing bing.

Andy:Erin, you look... you look like a... like a beautiful... like a swan made of... of fabric and... and dreams.

Pam:You know, Jim, this is actually a beautiful moment. You're nurturing Dwight while also providing sustenance. It's very Renaissance painter.

Jim:Pam, I'm feeding a grown man pizza while he's holding a baby.

Pam:Exactly. You're like a medieval squire, tending to the needs of a noble. Very honorable. Very servant-like.

Dwight:Angela and I have a very specific arrangement. I service her regularly, keep her well-maintained, and make sure all her parts are running smoothly. It's like a finely-tuned engine.

Jim:I'll go talk to Angela for you.

Dwight:She's a pure-bred. Top of the line. You don't just walk up to a pure-bred and start petting it.

Kevin:What? I'm a pig in a blanket. I'm a pig in a blanket in a blanket.

Phyllis:You know, when Bob and I first got together, we took things very slow. We didn't do anything physical for months.

Phyllis:Then one night, we were watching Matlock, and he just... he reached over and he put his hand on my knee. And I felt this electric shock go through my entire body.

Phyllis:So we decided to take the next step. We went to the bedroom, and... well, let's just say Bob had a very specific way of doing things. Very specific. He insisted on wearing his socks the entire time.

Phyllis:And he kept humming the Matlock theme song. The whole time.

Michael:Gabe's weird. He's got that creepy thing going on. Those dead eyes, that thin mouth, those weird proportions. And he's got no waist. Like, where does his torso end and his legs begin?

Michael:As long as you live under my roof...

Erin:Well, technically it's the company's roof. And you're not really raising me, you're just... raising my salary.

Michael:If you hurt Erin, I will kill you. I'm just kidding, that's figurative. But I will literally murder your entire family.

Kevin:Four or five seahorses.

Kevin:That's beautiful, man. That's real beautiful.

Angela:If that baby cries one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Angela:I will take that baby and I will—I will handle it.