General Store

Yeah, this is an iconic moment in all of our lives, and I think we should experience it to the fullest.

I will not relive that bullying nightmare... She doesn't mean you, Alexis... That's the heartbreaking part, He was so blissfully unaware.

Okay, he's being sarcastic! What?! It's a defense mechanism. From all the bullying.

I can't tell what's more tragic, the fact that the only store in town is closing, or that they've decided to display fungal cream beside the cereal boxes.

That's actually really convenient, because I forgot to have breakfast, and I'm running low on fungal cream, so... I don't wanna hear you say fungal again. Fungal?

David's horror at hearing 'fungal' again

Yeah, it's like they knew what the consumer wanted, and then ran in the opposite direction.

Okay, your eyebrows never move, so I can't tell whether you're being serious or not.

What you lack in most things, you make up for in unsubstantiated confidence.

Um, it's this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like... a ton of mushrooms.

Anyway, I think it would be so great if we could just go around the room, and everyone could tell me like, five things about yourself.

No, no, no, a continental breakfast, just pastries and coffee. No coffee.

Oh, I wouldn't expect you to make the coffee. No, I make coffee, but only for myself.

I bake for Twyla.

They sell Christmas stuff all year round... And what on earth is a Christmas World?

You know, I have yet to find an ornament in there that I'd put on my tree, and I heard those little elves they have running around, they're actually underage kids.

A word to the wise, okay? You don't vote against Christmas. It's huge business.

We don't wanna get on their naughty list.

Ivan's elaborate baking family tradition list ending with Pop-Tarts

Blueberry butter tart with raisin, blueberry butter tart with chips of chocolate...

No, no, I can't. I try, but when I speak, is like many, many muffin in my mouth.

You say, he's a good man, hard worker, never hurt no one. Well, I wouldn't lead with that but uh...

Um, it's more of a plan for an idea of a-a thing that I will be working at.

Ha! Oh! Can you imagine? Not seizing on this opportunity.

Dare I say, the space might be cursed?

Moira's repetitive questioning technique

No, you're not, you're just repeating random things that I've been saying!

Who wants a silver tree? The only people who buy silver trees are serial killers, and single men over 40, and my cousin, who is a single man over 40.

Sometimes the eyes won't allow the brain to see things at first. Like the cultural and economic benefits of a seasonally specific store.

I shouldn't come home. I shouldn't... I shouldn't come home.

Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.

Friends called me Marie because I was seeing Prince Harry

My friends used to call me Marie, And that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing

You know who else passed notes? This lady passed a lot of secret notes, and eventually was killed.

Taste levels scraping bottom of barrel with Christmas World

You don't enjoy children so perhaps you won't understand

And who do you think bought all your patrons?

My entire professional career was a sham

'Got Mail,' 'When Harry Met Sally,' 'Smell of Woman.'

What does dog say before the breakfast? Bun appetite... Bone appetit, I think it's a dog bone joke. Bun appetite.

New girl in town can be super intimidating

'Alexis is too pretty, and everyone's talking about the dress. So gorge.'

I stole this dress from Ashlee Simpson. Or like, she stole it from me, and then I stole it back.

They paid for everything, it's like a form of child abuse. Don't quote me on this, but it seems like their intentions were good.

Yeah, I mean, they do give me a small weekly stipend for to hanging out with you, so...

And what's that, your friends at Christmas World are looking for a deeply embittered, mildly Hebraic-looking elf?!

And me, but in this case, you.

What's continental about that? It's for business travelers, travelling the continent, eating breakfast, and... continental travelling.

Continental breakfast explanation getting more confused

Not the point!

Day-old buns added a star to our rating