Murder Mystery

Okay, before we start, I just wanna warn everybody, there is a murderer on the loose. In this town. - So heads up, eyes peeled, guys.

John and I used to attend "Eyes Wide Shut" parties at the Castros'. Though... I'm guessing your evening's activities might be somewhat different.

Oh well, the party's actually Friday. I had a 50/50 chance there.

Oh, I would be pleased to RSVP as... pending. Just uh, as soon as I double check, and circle back.

A weekend of golf, and a stay at a luxurious motel. What motel is that? I'm gonna let them work out the verbiage

Except there was this one point in high school where I got this haircut that everyone said made me look like I was in the LPGA.

I might even let you drive the cart. - Can you drink on the cart? - Yeah. Well, I will get the "back in 15 minutes" sign.

Well, it's gonna take longer than 15 minutes. You have to give people hope.

Understandably, yes, BLT please, no bread.

I was actually thinking bagel bites. - Ah! Did I mention it was a potluck? Oh, you most certainly did not.

No one's coming to your party? Well, in fairness, the party is still a few hours away.

And some people did say that if another thing that's supposed to happen doesn't happen, then they might be able to come, so, that's good.

Well, I shouldn't have said no one, My mom will come. And she'll probably bring whoever she's dating. And he'll most likely bring some younger friend.

You'd be shocked at how many celebrities show up to a thing with the promise of a free Wagyu slider. I-I'm not charging anyone, this is just for fun. Oh, this is worse than I assumed!

Did you know you can still get mail? Yes, I know about mail. No, but I'm talking about like, mail, mail. Like a little man in a uniform, with his satchel full of letters, traveling door to door.

Um, that's a mailman. And he comes to your house, you pay him, and he gives you your stuff. I think it's free delivery, David. I don't think so...

And he comes to your house, you pay him, and he gives you your stuff. I think it's free delivery, David. I don't think so...

it's just that the town only has so many ex-boyfriends to hand out secretary work. Um, first of all, David, I'm an assistant, not a secretary, And second of all, Ted is not my ex-boyfriend, he is ex-fiance.

You've circled "Stars and Cosmology?" Oh yeah, I thought it said "Cosmetology."

Well, the set up is very important, Stevie. Uh, legs so far apart, - knees slightly bent. - Ooh! Make sure you're nice and balanced over the ball. Yeah, woo!

Right, okay, so just first off, spread your legs just a little wider, if you would, for me. There, see, Stevie? They've gotta be like, sort of even with the shoulders, and if you would just pop the old tush... Just go, Bam!

Are you using the Vargon grip? I'm using La Va Grande.

Yeah, this is just a little hard to understand, so I want a record of it. Okay, delete that, please! Can I get a copy of that?

Well, I happened to be chatting with our dear little Twyla about her party tonight, and she mentioned that you have yet to RSVP? And I thought, that's not the Jocelyn I know. What must've felled her?

Last year it went until 3 am, And Twyla just wandered around kind of winking at everybody, until she realized she hadn't picked a murderer.

And then the year before there were three murderers, and one of them actually robbed the cafe!

This party has real momentum now. And with you attached, it's no less than a snowball gathering speed, picking up bodies as it rolls downhill. And that's good? Very good.

Okay, it's just that I misplaced my high school diploma when we lost our house. No, I wish it was a flood.

That's almost word for word what they just said to me on the phone.

Okay, what are you doing? Reorganizing my knits!

Uh, we were playing at um... it was what course, Stevie? It was down the road. Uh, Maple... Grove? Grove, Maple Grove.

Uh, we were playing at um... it was what course, Stevie? It was down the road. Uh, Maple... Grove? Grove, Maple Grove.

Maple Grove? No, I don't know that one. Oh, really? It's a beautiful course. Very exclusive, Uh, but it is set... way back off the road, it's... Which might explain why you've never seen or heard of it.

Very exclusive, Uh, but it is set... way back off the road, it's... Which might explain why you've never seen or heard of it.

Pub nights, frisbee in the quad... Late night hacky sack. Mhmm. We got some serious sack circles going. Oh, so many sex circles. Sack. Hacky sack.

Didn't you say on your resume that you did four years at UCLA? Yes... technically, if you consider Bel Air an extension of the campus, which everybody does.

But I did meet Beyonce in Mykonos, so it was almost worth it.

No, no, me and some friends, we just got in a car, and took off. Yeah, we were following the American Idol tour. We missed a couple shows, but it's always the exact same set, so... no regrets.

Okay, let's get our golf sticks.

Did you know that according to IMDB, Rosa Parks was in an episode of "Touched By an Angel?"

Did you know that according to IMDB, Rosa Parks was in an episode of "Touched By an Angel?" Exactly, David. You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui!

You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui!

You are squandering your social capital. A taste-maker like you should be out there, tasting things! Uh, I'm at the buffet, and there is nothing to taste!

Aw, say, don't be a dew-dropper! Throw some concealer under those peepers, make like a swell, and go put on the Ritz!

Uh, where are you?! You know who this is, and you know where I am. Did everyone show up? Yes, everybody showed up. Good, then my work is done. Uh no, your job is not done, You guilted me into coming here tonight!

They'll never catch me.

You should thank me. Twyla was set to throw a fiasco until I exerted my influence. Uh yeah, and the way Twyla keeps asking about where you are, I'm pretty sure you're the murderer.

Wait a minute, we were at the graduation! Yeah! I know, but I wasn't. We saw you there! Did we, though? Yeah. We were there, we might not have stayed through the "R's," I think we left halfway through the "L's."

we might not have stayed through the "R's," I think we left halfway through the "L's." Oh, yeah, it got very repetitive.

Then how do you explain this graduation photo? Huh? That's Jess Chang! What? Jess Chang? Well, who can tell with all this hair in front of your face? That's not my face!