Stevie Budd

John · Stevie · Motel owner:What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites? / This guy! / Um… No, this is a motel. So we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers.

Stevie · David:Stevie delivers a deadpan 'sarcastic business center' response: 'Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the Hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it?'

John · Stevie:These rooms did have doors, didn't they? / Yeah, it's a hotel. They're hotel rooms. / It's a motel! These are motel rooms.

Stevie:There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren.

Moira · Stevie:But it was just you here today. / It was. / It was. / I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today?

Stevie · Moira:I think I know where you're going with this. / No, I'm simply confirming that you alone were here when the earrings were stolen.

Stevie · Moira:Are you asking me if I stole your earrings? / No, I would never. Please! But I also would certainly never press charges. If my earrings were suddenly to be returned, if they suddenly reappeared, if you gave them back, I would not press charges. I would look the other way.

Stevie:Okay, you know what? I gotta run. 'Cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so… / You seem like you have this under control, though.

David · Stevie:I am sorry if my mom accused you of taking something. / It's fine. / Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds out of spite or something? / I won't be cleaning your room.

David · Stevie:I think you're kind of rude! / Is that a question?

Stevie:Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.

Stevie:It's more or less decorative.

Stevie:He's a good guy, he's just a big drinker.

Stevie:Ooh, there's a guy named Ray. Yeah. He's the best one. He's also the only one so...

John · Stevie:I'd rather drink the pipe-water. / I hear ya.

David · Stevie:They smell like cigarettes. / No, that's just the way they smell.

Stevie:Also, you can tell your dad that the plumber was busy so I just pushed the bed against the wall and put down a bucket where the bed was.

Stevie · David:there's a tailgate party later. It's not exactly clubbing but you know... close. / I don't even know what 'tailgate' means. In my mind I'm picturing like a Klan rally.

Stevie:Yeah, just fewer pointy hats. It's just townies with un-ironic haircuts.

Alexis · Stevie:You know, I think this could be really good for me. So thank you. / You're welcome. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it. Having all that fun.

Stevie:Wow. [beat after Alexis leaves]

Stevie:Apparently the plumber's in rehab. / And you also... you have something on your... I don't know what that is but it's a thing.

Jocelyn · Stevie · Jocelyn:Lipgloss? / No thank you. / I wish I could pull off the whole gloomy, no makeup look. It's so French.

Jocelyn · Stevie · Jocelyn:So, why are you single? / Who said I'm single? / Girl, we're on the hunt. I hope you're single.

Stevie:A town this size, you've either been through 'em or know a little too much about 'em.

Alexis · Stevie:- So you're gonna be okay? - I live here.

David · Stevie:I brought vodka as a house gift. / I don't see it.

Stevie:I don't know why you were so reluctant to show up here. You fit right in.

Stevie:That's funny because your sister texted me from across the bonfire and said you'd probably show up here because you were bored and lonely and had nothing better to do.

Stevie:Oh. Well, she seems fine. [Stevie looking across the bonfire at Alexis]

Stevie · David:Your choices are beer or beer. / I assume a pint glass is out of the question?

Stevie:Your choices are beer or beer.

Alexis · Stevie · Alexis · Stevie · Alexis · Stevie · Stevie:So there are no guys for me here. But it was kind of nice to just like to flex the old muscle. / Put your thumb over the tube. / Agh, I kind of wanna just go for it but... - But sometimes it doesn't work out, I guess. - Yeah. / - Okay, put the tube in your mouth. - What? Uh... / Yeah. Just open your throat. / And go down, 'cause you're tall.

Stevie · David:Okay, put the tube in your mouth. What? Uh... Yeah. Just open your throat. And go down, 'cause you're tall.

John · Stevie · John · Stevie · John · John · Stevie:What the hell is this? / The town sign. / Bag boy at the grocery store. / Which is what? / 40, 45-something an hour? / 'Good riddance,' is what they said. / Are we having a bad day, honey?

David · Stevie:David's job inquiry at the front desk: asking for a 'bulletin board or pamphlet' for jobs, then listing 'art curating or trend forecasting' as his areas

Stevie:Stevie: 'Not seeing anything in art curating, or trend forecasting, that's weird.'

David · Stevie:David: 'I've been told I have really good taste.' Stevie: 'Oh, well that's good.'

Stevie:Stevie offers David the position of 'bag boy at the grocery store' and explains: 'You put groceries in bags, so that people can carry their groceries out of the grocery store.'

David · Stevie:David asks how much the bag boy job pays; Stevie says minimum wage; David says 'Which is what, forty, forty-five something an hour?'

David · Stevie:Stevie: 'I'm still trying to figure out why you'd own more than one piece of clothing you can't put in a washing machine.' David: 'You try putting a cashmere sweater in the washing machine. It'll bite your wrist.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'It's one chromosome away from a crocheted blanket.'

David · Stevie:David's extended breakdown over 'funky': 'Yeah, funky is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop, next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This... this... is luxury.'

David · Stevie:David: '$850.' Stevie: '850 what?' David: 'Eight hundred—' Stevie: 'Dollars?!' — the ping-pong of shock over David's pants price

David · Stevie:David: 'There's a woman in Paris that makes them by hand.' Stevie: 'My car's worth less than your pants.' David: 'Well, I've seen your car and that makes sense to me.'

David · Stevie:David's emotional breakdown about his clothes: 'These clothes are all that I have. Everything else has been taken from me.' Stevie: 'Well, you have your family.' David: 'What's your point?'

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'Wayne huffs keyboard cleaner for a living.' David: 'Well, that's not surprising.'

David · Stevie:Stevie offers to store David's clothes in the motel storage area. David: 'Wait, you wanna have sex with me?' Stevie: 'No. I don't think anybody has sex in here unless they're being paid for it.'

Stevie:Stevie's catch for storing David's clothes: 'I get to wear whatever I want, anytime I want.'

David · Stevie:David's games night casting conversation with Stevie — 'Oh, all those types of people move away from here.' / David: 'That's funny.' / Stevie: 'No, I'm serious.'

David · Stevie:David: 'He finished high school.' (as Eric's only qualification) — Stevie: 'I don't love his look.' David: 'Oh, looks are important? Oh... Why don't we throw a pageant?'

David · Stevie:David: 'She get it?' / Stevie: 'Get what?' / David: 'Like "get it" get it. It, like the vibe.' / Stevie: 'Can I be on your team? You sound really fun.'

David · Stevie:David asks if Sarah 'gets it' — 'Like get it get it. It, like the vibe.' / Stevie: 'Can I be on your team? You sound really fun.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'So his eye twitched five times, so drink up, bitches!'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Believe it or not, we are in the middle of a very intense game of drunken charades and my team is losing. Badly.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'I will happily let you get back to this big queen bed if you'll just help us win a few more rounds. Just need somebody sober.'

Johnny · Moira · Stevie · David · Alexis:The phone-chain chaos as Johnny tries to reach Herb Ertlinger through the motel — Stevie patches it through, David has headphones in, Alexis answers and tells him he has the wrong room, the call keeps getting lost

Stevie:Stevie: 'Um... I didn't understand a word you just said.'

Stevie:Stevie to Johnny: 'Besides, it's nice to... change clothes every once in a while. Something you might wanna consider doing at some point.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny: 'I change my clothes. They're just all the same.' Stevie: 'Uh-huh. Yeah.'

Stevie:After everyone reacts with alarm to Stevie beating laundry on rocks — cut to her motel room, which is unexpectedly warm and nice. Stevie: 'What? It's actually nice in here.'

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'Don't worry, they're fresh. They're clean.' David: 'Hmm. Ooh! Smell that rock-beaten freshness.'

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'What? It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.' David: 'You're a freak.'

David · Stevie:Oh! Oh my God! It's fleeing! — Whoa, it's fast! — It's fleeing into the bathroom. That's why you use the cup method, because you'd keep it contained! Now it's just all out!

Stevie:Well... I guess I don't even need to be here.

Stevie:Not with your mouth open anyway.

Stevie:You know, sometimes I forget what life was like before I knew you. Okay, bye-bye! Bye. Yup. 'Kay. Hope you catch it!

Stevie · David:I was joking. I have a strong feeling that would not be your thing. — And what do you think 'my thing' is exactly? — High thread count sheets? Colognes that smell like fireplace...

David · Bob · Ronnie · Stevie:It's looking at me. — That's it. You're locked in. It's just you and him. — (Turkey gobbles) — Okay... (sharp inhale) — Just point and shoot, David. — Hard to do when you're talking, Bob. — There's no one talking now. — Bob, you're talking. — What? — Stop talking! — Too much talking! — Shoot the bird, David! Shoot it!

Stevie:'Cause usually it's more fun. Usually Ray comes and gets wasted and spends the whole day singing Carole King ballads.

Stevie · Alexis:Well, I was a different person then, a lot changed since after high school. / So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliché?

Alexis · Stevie:He always said hi when he passed me in the halls, and for some reason, it bugged me. / Yeah, I can see that.

Stevie:Stevie's revelation that she used to pin Ted against a locker in high school

Stevie · Alexis:So he's bugging you. / What? No! Oh my God, no! / Oh yes.

Stevie:They're like really scummy. Like... very skaggy people, who happened to produce a child that hasn't been taken away from them yet.

Stevie · David:Imagine being related to them. No, I can't. It's too early. — They're my cousins.

Stevie:No, no they're definitely skaggy. My God, they're so skaggy.

Stevie:And was that a factor in the cause of death?

Stevie:Or someone got Bree pregnant. I mean, Bree's not exactly fussy when it comes to introducing men to her vagina.

Stevie:I'm so glad you're not my brother.

David · Stevie:Out! Out! [followed by] Pass the chips!

Stevie:You smell... very flammable right now.

David · Stevie:Hi, Denim. Hi, sweetie pie.

Stevie · David:Do you even know what that stain is or... ? Uh... I'm worried if I did, I wouldn't clean it up.

David · Stevie:Did I try and make out with you? Mm-mm. Good. But now I'm worried I made out with someone else. Uh, it's kind of my go-to when I'm a little boozy.

Stevie:Mm. Mine's shame eating, so yours sounds more fun.

Stevie · David:Is this your thong or... ? Yeah, no. Bree's a real classy girl.

Stevie:Uh, his was wrapped around the remote. Don't worry, I threw out the remote.

David · Stevie:Well, it looks like they have a side hustle. Uh, I'm pretty sure she strips. Why? Oh no, this is just a lot of um— Yes, it is.— Marijuana.

Stevie:And if you're offering, my answer is yes.

David · Stevie:This was a good choice. / We make good choices. / This was a really healthy choice.

David · Stevie:He saw me. Fuck! It's the towels again, we need towels!

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie offering a face cloth and a bath mat as 'towels'

David · Stevie:That was just a... / Was a one-time thing. / Just a blip... / Just a blip. Blop. Just a...

David · Stevie:So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker. / That's fine. / But, uh, I only drink red wine. / Okay. / And up until last night, I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. / But I guess I was wrong?

Stevie · David:I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine. And I've been known... And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot, that used to be a Chardonnay. / Which got a bit complicated. / Oh. Okay. / Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines. / I like the wine and not the label.

Stevie:No, no, no, I absolutely did that. Just wept for hours in the dark.

David · Stevie · Alexis:David, Stevie, and Alexis's reaction shots to Ted's apartment interior.

Stevie:Twyla, I love your outfit, you look like...

Stevie · Ted:Ted, this is delicious. / Thank you, Stevie. I ordered it online / No sales tax.

David · Stevie:It's very fresh and new. / No, it's not. / It is, I would say. / Mm-mmm.

Stevie · David:Now your whole family thinks I'm this big hooker. / My whole family does not think... / It was a funny one-night thing. / Everyone here is fine with it. / It was funny?

David · Stevie:I think it's fair to say that neither of us have ever worked... / True. / It was funny. / And a little humiliating. / Yeah, I, uh... Saw a lot of my body. I didn't like it. So...

David · Stevie:Try it again, for the sake of practice? / I'd be into that idea. / For the sake of proficiency.

David · Stevie:Oh! Why did he say that? / Oh, my God. / What the hell...

Stevie · David:Stevie and David going back and forth about whether Grant (the handyman) works out: 'Okay, so you do work out. You are such a liar.'

Dee Dee · Stevie:Dee Dee: 'So, is he gonna do some repairs on your... On your undies?' Stevie: 'Who's to say he hasn't already?'

David · Stevie:David: 'Let's put up some boundaries for the infrequent benefits that our friendship has.'

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'Like one of those guys that has like a candy bowl of condoms on his bedside table or something.' David: 'Oh, I hope so. Wonder what colour I'll get.'

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'And on a scale of one to 10, how much are you looking forward to that?' David: 'Three point five.'

Grant · Stevie:Such a weird dude. / Yes. Yes, he is.

Stevie:Stevie: 'Such a weird dude.' — after David's elaborate exit

Stevie:Stevie: 'So did you spend the night washing your clothes on Grant's abs?'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Grant went to the bathroom and never came back.' ... 'So either I was stood up halfway through my date, or Grant has some serious digestive issues.'

David · Stevie:David: 'And because I don't have any other friends here, I can't afford to lose you, so I think it's best if we just...' Stevie: 'Friends.' David: 'Friends. Yeah.'

David · Stevie:David asks Stevie for a ride; she says she's working. David: 'Oh, you are?' / Stevie: 'Yes. I have a job that I can't just leave to drive you to Elmdale.'

David · Stevie:Stevie claims she's 'working' while visibly doing nothing, and David's sceptical 'I don't know, nothing?'

Stevie:Stevie: 'I can't just up and leave because you want cake.'

Stevie · David:Stevie and David at the party: 'And you got your cake.' / 'Yeah, remember this cake? I'd asked you to help me get it.'

David · Stevie:Stevie begins explaining her earlier behaviour: 'I think it's just that this whole friend...' — David interrupts: 'It's that lady time, huh?'

Stevie:Stevie's explanation of why she kept David at arm's length: 'I may have built it a little high'

Stevie · David:David asks Stevie to dance; she says she 'normally only slow dances with strangers, at bars... after I've had a few.' Then agrees.

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny mid-sentence switches from 'a brown bag, as a matter of fact' to 'Well... our son, yes.' when Stevie asks what they're looking for

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny describing Stevie and David's relationship as 'intimate' — Stevie immediately shuts down and pivots to towels

Stevie:Stevie to Johnny after his outburst: 'Well, I'm sorry for your loss.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Oh yeah! Um, but there's donuts under the seat, those are still good.' — after Moira takes her sandwich

David · Stevie:How are-yeah. / What? / Um... I come bearing gifts.

Stevie:Stevie: 'I think your car might need a bit of a clean. Is that a dead squirrel on your hood?'

David · Stevie:David says people told him Stevie was calling around asking for him; Stevie says 'Oh, well, I didn't.' / 'They said that you were.' / 'Well, they were mistaken.' / 'In fact, I was hoping you wouldn't come back.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Okay, well, let's start by you leaving my office, and we'll see where that takes us.' — as her version of 'let's work through this'

David · Stevie:David's parting words: 'Best wishes to you.' / 'Warmest regards.'

David · Stevie:David knows cedar by smell because of a cologne 'supposed to smell like the aftermath of a car crashing into a cedar tree'

Stevie:Stevie's reaction: 'Why would anyone wanna smell like that?' — then immediately drops it

Stevie · David:Stevie's skeptical repetition — 'You're planning on building a cedar chest? You are. You're gonna build it?'

Stevie:'May the force be with you' — Stevie's send-off to David's woodworking project

Stevie · Mutt:Stevie's 'Has Paul Bunyan finished his box?' — nickname for David and his woodworking project

Mutt · Stevie:Mutt requests a miter saw, bar clamps, and dowels — tools David clearly has no idea how to use

Stevie:Stevie: 'Wow, this whole thing just got a lot weirder'

Stevie · David:Stevie offers David a choice between a 'basic toolbox' or a 'cedar chest toolbox'

Stevie:Stevie reveals the cedar chest toolbox is 'a big wooden box with the words tools to make a cedar chest carved into the side of it, so it's really clear'

David · Alexis · John · Moira · Stevie:David successfully rides the bike — the whole family (and Stevie) erupting in celebration

Stevie:Stevie takes a photo anyway — camera click sound

David · Stevie:Do you like this sweater? / Honestly... While I admire your courage, uh, when it comes to fashion, I'm just not the best person to ask.

Stevie · David:Mm, you seem stressy. / I'm not. I'm not stressy.

Stevie:It's a job interview? For a 'brand manager' position at an upscale boutique. In Elmdale?!

Stevie:So is this like, an either/or type thing? Can I help you cling to lies, and not drive you to Elmdale?

David · Stevie:I'm gonna change my sweater, and meet you at your car, so. / It's like a poncho.

David · Stevie:No. Nope. No. / What? / Well, this can't be it. / That's it.

David · Stevie:There is a solid chance I may have insulted the owner. / Oh well, that doesn't sound like something you'd do. / She has very questionable taste. And I may or may not have told her that to her face.

Stevie · David:Also, this is probably the only job in this town that you'll ever be qualified for. / Okay, so do you want me to lead with that, or hold it 'til the end, and keep it as a surprise?

David · Stevie:In France, they say the looser the fit, the sexier the feel, so... / I've never been to France.

David · Stevie:Um, yeah, I'm gonna need you to do something for me. / Like drive home without you? / Uh no, Wendy has got me on a bit of a trial run with the customers, and I'm gonna need you to help me out by looking like you're enjoying this conversation a little more than you are, um, I'm gonna need you to buy a couple blouses from me.

Stevie · David:A couple?! / One. A blouse.

Stevie · David:What about this? / Well, that's not an option. / That-no. / But I have my sister's communion this weekend.

David · Stevie · Customer:Okay, don't do that. / Don't do what? / Do you not like it? Don't, Stevie! / Good recommendation, sir! / This is gonna be a smash at my husband's trial hearing. / He's got good taste.

Stevie · David:Great... / So how long before I can return this? / Oh, it's exchange or store credit only. / That's funny. / I'm not joking.

Stevie · David:Well, I guess you're buying drinks tonight. / I can do that, that's fair. / And dinner. / Okay. / And if I feel like dessert... / It's a $12 dollar negligee on a 2-for-1 promotion so...

Stevie · David:To your first job. / Ooh, my first job was actually a gap kids campaign when I was six. / To your first job!

Stevie · David:Are those my mannequins? — Yeah. — Well, where are they going?! — Oh, I sold them on eBay.

David · Stevie:I'm using the money to buy other mannequins, ones that are a little less um... Fun? — Porn-y.

David · Stevie:No jewelry stands. — No jewelry... — Noooo! — No, David! Jewelry stands!

Stevie:I was gonna leave, but now I don't want to.

Stevie:Stevie's flat 'Thrilling, can't you tell?' in response to being asked about her afternoon

Stevie · David:You know, if you expect me to drive you to work, it would be nice if you were ready on time. / I am ready! / I just have to get my jacket, change out of these shoes, and grab my bag.

Stevie:I actually went to college, but sure.

Stevie:I would vote for you based solely on the fact that you wore this outfit to the café for breakfast.

Moira · David · Stevie:Someone has to find naked pictures of me. / Better you than a stranger in a storm cellar. / Nothing's coming up. / What search words did you use? / Your name and 'nude.' / Three words I thought I'd only have to type if I was held at gunpoint.

Moira · Stevie:Moira asks Stevie to find her nude photos online because 'I can't type, and I don't care to relive my days as a secretary'

Stevie:Stevie warns Moira: 'just give me a minute, because we're only one small step above dial-up here'

Stevie · Moira:'Okay, there's a bunch of you with O.J. Simpson. And you with Robert Blake. "The top eleven photographs of Moira Rose with future murder suspects."'

Stevie · Moira:Stevie: 'Why were you in a paddle boat with Phil Spector?' Moira: 'And doesn't he look good? That was the one time he let me play with his hair.'

Stevie · Moira:Stevie's reaction when Moira reveals she did 'a series of very tasteful nudes with Richard Avedon in the 70s' — 'This is really not in my job description so...'

Moira · Stevie:Moira: 'What, do you have some kind of childproof lock on this Internet?' Stevie: 'Nope, that would make my job very boring.'

Moira · Stevie:The 'nude' photo Stevie found is Moira's face from Sunrise Bay photoshopped onto 'what I can only assume is an Indonesian lady boy.' Stevie: 'I thought maybe you just had a tan.'

Stevie · Moira:Stevie: 'I would really rather not dive any deeper.' Moira: 'No, it's not necessary.' Stevie: 'Because I ended up in some really scary, dark places of the Internet that I would rather not revisit.'

Stevie:Stevie, clearly uncomfortable: 'If you're talking about your body, uh... I think you still look amazing.'

Moira · Stevie:Moira: 'But believe me, one day you will look at those photos, with much kinder eyes and say, "dear God, I was a beautiful thing!"' Stevie: 'Will I?'

Stevie:She's an IT manager, Gerald. She makes more money than both of us combined.

David · Stevie:Wow... Well, if there's anything I can do, just... / I need someone to take care of my stepdaughter. / Okay. Well, if there's anything I can do, just... / I need you to take care of my stepdaughter.

David · Stevie:'Kay, I don't think that's a very good idea. / I'm gonna drop her off at four.

Stevie · Alexis:Stevie, flatly: 'Uh... it's an ad for an apartment.' Beat. Alexis: 'I know, it's cute though, right?' Stevie: 'I wouldn't really describe any apartment as cute in this town.'

Stevie · John:Oh, Mr. Rose! / Oh, hi Stevie.

Stevie:Since she's been so worried about her signs having been mysteriously stolen.

John · Stevie:John's increasingly desperate spin: 'She accidentally, uh, threw them out.' / Stevie: 'That's one theory.' / John: 'Or... someone stole them and hid them in our garbage... to make it look like she's done something... really crazy.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'That is definitely some food for thought.'

David · Stevie:David discovers Stevie's yearbook and reads her voted superlative: 'Most likely to get the guy' — 'With that haircut?!'

Stevie · David:Stevie retorts: 'I'll have you know I was very popular with the boys. And girls, it seems.' — referencing David's own yearbook.

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'Bet that got you laid.' David: 'It did. It really did.'

David · Stevie:David's telepathy joke: 'Are you telepathic or something, because I've been thinking about asking you that every day this week.'

Stevie · David:Yeah, no. Yeah, no, why wouldn't I be? / Um, were you invited? / Yeah. Yeah.

Stevie · David:Stevie arrives at the party dressed up: 'Wow. Look at you.' — 'I do what I want. And tonight I'm wanting to meet someone.'

Stevie:Stevie claims she has a 'certain high school reputation to live up to,' referencing her yearbook superlative.

David · Stevie:David tells Stevie the guy at the bar is 'into him,' then reveals it's Jake — the man he just met.

Stevie · Jake:Stevie/David competition over Jake — 'Do you drink red wine or white wine?' — Jake: 'I'm more of a beer guy.'

Stevie · Jake:Oh, you work retail as well? / No, no. The wood shop. I make furniture.

Stevie · David:Stevie reveals she kissed Jake: 'I kissed him too.' — David: 'Well, that didn't happen.' Stevie: 'Who's to say?'

Stevie · David:So Jake... is into me. / Is he? / Yeah! / What makes you think that? / Because we just necked out behind the barn.

Stevie · David:David: 'When would you have had time to do that?' — Stevie: 'Did he invite you to his wood shop? Sorry, that came out wrong.'

Stevie:Stevie/friend: 'Stay away from the Cafe, the olives are bad. I found Johnny at the Cafe, he'd had a lot of olives, so I thought I would take him home before he had any more olives.'

Stevie · David:Something wrong? / No! [followed by immediate scene cut]

Stevie · Jake:I should go. Don't wanna set a bad example for the rest of the motel staff. / I thought you were the only one that worked there. / Yeah, that's another good reason to go.

Stevie · Jake:I'm trying very hard not to repeat what happened last night. / Hmm, and here I am trying very hard to repeat what happened last night. / I meant you picking me up. And David and his family.

Stevie:Yeah, he's just very fragile. He's like a snowflake.

Jake · Stevie:I just think maybe it's time he and I have a chat. / Oh! No! That's not... I mean, that's not what I was implying! / No, no, not at all. This is a... this is a good idea.

Stevie:Well, a lot more people are seeing my body these days, so I just thought I would...

Stevie:Okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here. And while I not-so-secretly love Avril, and have paid very close attention to her battle with Lyme disease...

David · Stevie:If you knew somebody was planning on breaking up with you, wouldn't you wanna be the one to break up with him first? / Okay, if you think he's going to break up with you and you wanna be the first one to do it, I say, be the first one to do it.

David · Stevie:I need to be more direct. / Yes, by just telling him how you feel. / I meant you! / Me? / I'm trying to warn you... / That you are going to be ending things with him. / And I appreciate that, but message has been delivered.

Stevie:Yeah, no, I was just um... I was just doing squats, actually.

David · Stevie:Uh, what are you doing here? / I'm meeting Jake. / To break up with him? / No, I thought you spoke to him on the phone before?

Jake · David · Stevie:Sorry I'm late, guys. Oh, you both look amazing. Great. Muah! / Oh. Hi... / Hey. Muah! / Mhmm. / Sit, please.

David · Stevie:Wow, okay. Hmm, I think maybe I... misread the situation here. / Yeah, I think that's a pretty accurate realization. / Uh huh! Might've done.

David · Jake · Stevie:maybe it's best we all just... take a step back from this. / Okay. / Yeah, maybe that's... that's the best thing to do.

Jake · David · Stevie:This one's for you, Muah! / And you. / Oh! I get one. / Mhmm, Muah!

David · Stevie:To be clear, you were going to go on a date with him, knowing that he had just broken up with me? / No I wasn't. / Uh, you showed up for the date. / No I didn't. / You're literally here in the restaurant!

Stevie:Uh, yeah, fine. But if it makes you feel any better, nobody hates me more than me. Generally speaking.

Stevie:So the low energy bulbs you installed in the bathroom, I'm finding the light to be very harsh, and um... did someone die, or are we going through like, a mid-life Goth phase?

David · Stevie:Someone died. — Okay, I'm just finding the bulbs to make my skin look very jaundice-y.

Stevie · David · Stevie · David · Stevie:Okay, I can't tell if we're still joking... or not? — I'm not. — Okay, and now I can't tell whether you're playing into the joke, or whether um... you're telling the truth. — She was 78. — So you're not joking.

Stevie:Stevie's awkward pause before offering help, with clear visible reluctance

Stevie:That is what um, friends say to each other, right?

Stevie:so I'm just gonna change into my funeral blacks.

David · Stevie:Um, yeah, you're right, this is a bit depressing. Are we sure this is the right place? — She was very specific about where she wanted to be scattered.

Stevie:Well, I don't want people parking on her! So... Maybe I could just put her on the grass over there?

David · Stevie:Ooh, it smells like cigarettes. — Ohhh...

Stevie · David · Stevie:Um... do we scatter it all, or do we... save some for later? — Later?! — I don't know!

Stevie · David · David:This is gonna be me. — Well, theoretically, it's gonna be all of us. — Um, although I'm hoping that when I pass, there'll be a little more fanfare.

Stevie · David · Stevie:My great aunt worked at the motel. Front desk. — You never told me that. — Yep. So I just need to take up palm reading, get a few cats, move to Saskatchewan. Well, a girl could dream.

David · Stevie · David · Stevie:To Maureen Budd, and not following too closely in her footsteps. — So we're drinking to me not becoming an alcoholic? — Mhmm. — Off to a good start.

David · Stevie · Stevie · David:When did you have this photo taken? — That's not me. — That's Maureen. — Mmm.

Stevie · Elaine · Stevie · Elaine · Stevie · Stevie:What is this? — That is the deed to the motel. — Sorry? — Maureen Budd owned the motel. — You didn't tell me that. — Nobody told me that.

Moira · Johnny · Stevie:Moira enters the motel office and immediately launches into complaints about the leaky faucet being audible from 'our bathroom' — while it's technically in David and Alexis's bathroom.

Stevie · Moira · Johnny:Stevie suddenly bursts into tears in the middle of what seemed like a normal motel management conversation, as Moira is mid-complaint about the faucet.

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny reveals his fix for the dripping faucet: 'I put a sandwich bag over the faucet and secured it with an elastic.'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie: 'Oh okay, won't the drips... fill up the sandwich bag?' / Johnny: 'Well, like I said, it's temporary, uh, but it might buy you a little time.' / Stevie: 'A little.'

Johnny · Stevie:Stevie suggests charging full price to long-term guests. Johnny: 'And sometimes it's the second or third idea that's really the keeper.'

Stevie · Johnny:'You don't hear it, when you say it like that?' / 'I hear it a bit.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny and Stevie knock on the door and awkwardly check in on the rooms — implicitly confronting whoever is inside

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny excitedly tells Stevie someone 'might' book a room, and keeps using the word 'might' to her increasing exasperation

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny: 'Even better, someone might book a room.' / 'A lot of people might book a room if this goes through.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny pitches the golf package deal: 'on a $250 dollar package, a cool $40 goes into our pockets.' Stevie: 'That sounds like a better deal for them.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny: 'It's all about building bridges, Stevie. But here's the thing, even if this deal falls through, we still get an afternoon on a golf course!' Stevie: '"We?"'

Stevie:Stevie's aside about a haircut in high school that made her look like she was in the LPGA

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny: 'I might even let you drive the cart.' Stevie: 'Can you drink on the cart?' Johnny: 'Yeah.' Stevie: 'Well, I will get the "back in 15 minutes" sign.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny: 'Well, it's gonna take longer than 15 minutes.' / Stevie: 'You have to give people hope.'

Roland · Johnny · Stevie:Roland arrives with Jocelyn's golf visor and glove, offering to give Johnny golf tips 'right here on Johnny'

Stevie · Johnny · Roland:Stevie secretly films Roland and Johnny's golf lesson on her phone; Johnny demands she delete it; Roland asks for a copy

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny and Stevie's fake golf course: 'It was down the road. Uh, Maple... / Grove? / Grove, Maple Grove.'

Stevie:That's actually really convenient, because I forgot to have breakfast, and I'm running low on fungal cream, so...

Stevie:Uh huh, and by the right hands, you mean your hands?

Stevie:I think you should put what little money you have where your mouth is.

Stevie:What you lack in most things, you make up for in unsubstantiated confidence.

Stevie · Johnny:Oh wow, so how many stars would that give you? / One.

Stevie · Moira:Okay, I'll see you after lunch. [Moira alone at the front desk, looking around]

Stevie · David:Some guy who's working at Ray's told you your business was a failure? / Basically, yeah.

Stevie:I'm also just incapable of sincerity in general.

Stevie:I found this under the bed in room two, so do you wanna take a break?

Stevie · David:Is he like, really... Really handsome in a homeless-y way sort of way? Yes. / Yup. Then he is coming here.

Stevie · David:He's walking. He's walking towards here. And now he's coming in. Now he's coming in... and so he's here. He's here.

Sebastien · Stevie · David:I like your sweater. / You must be David's girlfriend. / No... / No, I own The Motel, so that makes me more like your landlord? / No. It doesn't.

Sebastien · Stevie · David:I'd love to Polaroid you naked one day. / Okay. / Okay?!

Sebastien · Stevie · David:Yeah, I just feel like we have unfinished business, you and I. / Room five is available. / Room five sounds great.

Stevie:So this would have nothing to do with... the lice outbreak at the motel? Your dad just called me.

Stevie · David:Did you ask if you can drink it, too? [David: Okay, it says body milk on the label!]

Stevie:You know, I told David that the label was gonna be misleading, but he insisted. What was it you said? 'Anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that it's not actually milk.'

Patrick · Stevie:Stevie, right? I'm Patrick. I've heard a lot about you. [Stevie: None of it is true.] Oh well, anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that.

Stevie:I like him. I like you.

Stevie:Oh, he doesn't have it, I checked his head.

Stevie:I think the shower cap is more of a fashion choice at this point.

Patrick · David · Stevie:You can crash at my place tonight if you need to. [David: Thank you. But Stevie offered her place this morning.] Oh. [Pause] Can I crash at your place?

Stevie:This is really fun for me. I'm having a lot of fun.

Stevie:So maybe I was seeing somebody a while ago, and forgot to throw out his toothbrush.

David · Stevie:I shouldn'tve eaten those eggs. [Stevie: I can't believe I'm trapped under a blanket with you knowing you ate those eggs.]

David · Stevie:I bet Patrick's fridge is fully stocked. [Stevie: What does that mean?!] It means he's got his life together. He's a pretty eligible bachelor. Patrick.

David · Stevie:What? He's my business partner. / Oh, aren't they all.

Stevie:Oh, aren't they all.

David · Stevie:Yes, because unlike you and I, he's extremely generous, and has absolutely no ulterior motive. [Stevie: Then why are you here and not there?] Because you asked me first. [Stevie: I didn't, though.]

David · Stevie:Because we're in business together, and I don't know what his preferences are. [Stevie: Well, you're not gonna find out what his preferences are on a sleepover with me.]

Stevie · David:Guest bedroom, what is he, Bill Gates? [David: Yes, he's Bill Gates.]

Stevie · David:I like this for you. [David: Like what? There's nothing to like.] You seem flustered. [David: I'm not flus... Maybe it's the eggs.]

Stevie:Stevie's deadpan: 'Oh. That reminds me, I've been meaning to have my family portrait airlifted in...'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie: 'You don't look very happy in this.' Johnny: 'It wasn't the style to look happy. The motivation was to look successful.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Well, you're together like all the time now. So who needs this, right?'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Really? You'd think there'd be more of a market for oversized paintings of other people's families.'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie: 'Why does it seem like Mrs. Rose's eyes are following me?' Johnny: 'Oh, she paid extra for that.'

Stevie · Johnny:'Those are wet now.' / 'That's a lot of spritzing.'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie's instinctive 'Have you tried restarting it?' in response to Johnny calling her name excitedly

Stevie:Stevie: 'Are you sure you didn't put the same reservation in twice? Because you've done that before.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Oh, yeah, that burnt out years ago. Sadly it hasn't been an issue, but...' (re: the 'No' in the 'No Vacancy' sign)

Stevie:Stevie suggests using the 'No' from the 'No Refunds' sign

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny tries to get Stevie to do a celebratory high-five / hands in the air moment; Stevie: 'I don't think we're those kind of people.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'That's a bit of a stretch.'

Patrick · David · Stevie:Patrick arrives and the table awkward 'did I not tell you?' exchange — revealing he didn't tell David that Stevie was coming

Stevie:Stevie: 'That's a bit of a stretch.' — responding to David calling himself 'beloved'

Stevie · David:Stevie to David in the bathroom: 'He bought you a present. It's very nicely wrapped. So I think I'm crashing a date?'

Stevie:Stevie: 'He thinks you guys were here, one-on-one. He brought you a present. I didn't even get you a present.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Okay, I'll just say this: if there's anything remotely sentimental in here, he is on a date with you right now.'

Patrick · David · Stevie:Patrick finds the gift on the table after being opened: 'Oh, I see you found my present.' / 'Um, yeah. We just didn't want anything to spill on it.' / 'So you put it on the table?'

John Rose · Stevie:Stevie flatly reports 'There's a dead guy in Room 4' to John's cheerful greeting of 'Hey partner, what's the good word?'

Stevie:Stevie describes the dead man as 'like, asleep in his bed. But like, forever asleep. Like, checked out without paying, asleep.'

John Rose · Stevie:John: 'I think it's a little early for humor, Stevie.' Stevie: 'Oh, I'm sorry, did you just see a dead body?'

Moira Rose · Stevie · John Rose:Moira: 'What did this gentleman look like?' Stevie: 'I don't know, like old.' Moira: 'John old? Or old, old?'

John Rose · Stevie:John asks 'Stevie, do we know how this man expired?' Stevie says 'Do I look like a coroner?' John replies 'I don't think you want people answering that question.'

Stevie · John Rose:Stevie: 'It feels like every time the motel sells out, someone dies.' John: 'Uh, we've only sold out one night.' Stevie: 'Exactly.'

Stevie:Stevie asks for 'a roll of dry-cleaning bags and some padlocks' after everyone leaves, clearly preparing for some grim task related to the dead body

John Rose · Stevie:John: 'Wait, you told Roland?' Stevie: 'Yes... I don't know, I ran into him, and he asked me how I was.'

David · Stevie:Stevie tells David and Patrick the store is closed on a Friday at 1pm. David: 'Okay, is there something I can help you with?' Stevie: 'Do you give all your customers this kind of VIP treatment?'

David · Patrick · Stevie:David covers for why the store is closed: 'Patrick and I were working on fixing a uh... a light bulb in the back.' Then Patrick appears with an obvious hickey on his neck.

Stevie:Stevie: 'You got a little red um... is that a bug bite? Or a little mouth shaped sunburn? Looks like a hickey, actually.'

David · Stevie · Patrick:Stevie offers her apartment for David and Patrick. David: 'Why? Why would you do that?' Stevie: 'Because I care about you two.' David: 'Okay, and where will you be?'

Stevie:Stevie explains she's going to 'take a little me time at a spa in Elmdale.'

Patrick · David · Stevie:Patrick: 'That is super generous, but wouldn't it be a little bit weird, us having alone time at your place? Especially because you guys have...' Stevie/David: 'Oh God no! No, we've never... No, never, ew! We've never done that there. Never. I still live there.'

David · Stevie · Patrick:David asks 'What exactly is the catch?' Stevie says 'No catch.' [Long pause, David and Patrick look at each other.] They take the apartment. Stevie immediately takes a bottle of something from the store. David: 'So there's a bit of a catch.'

Stevie:Stevie shows David and Patrick her apartment. 'Just so you know, there's nothing in the fridge. Oh, and I marked the booze, so I'll know if you touch it.'

David · Patrick · Stevie:David asks where exactly Stevie is going. Patrick: 'She already told us, so maybe just say thank you.' David: 'Oh no, I did, I did say thank you multiple times.' Patrick: 'Um, what is the name of the spa?'

Jake · Stevie:Jake arrives to pick up Stevie. 'Hey, pony! Are you ready to go?' Stevie: 'What are you doing? I said I would meet you outside!'

David · Stevie:David: 'So you offering your apartment had nothing to do with any guilt you felt about harboring a little secret?' Stevie: 'Nope. Just trying to be a good person, so.'

Jake · David · Stevie:Jake: 'Unless you two wanna come?' David: 'Nope! I don't think so.' Jake: 'Come on.' Stevie: 'You do you.'

David · Stevie:David: 'Um, that's a hard pass.' Stevie: 'You're gonna be so involved in their lives.' David: 'Mm, your body, your problem.'

David · Patrick · Stevie:Patrick has come to help Stevie with a school assignment at the store — David has no idea

Stevie:Stevie: 'Yeah, that I've been greasing.' — about being a 'well-oiled machine'

Stevie:Stevie: 'I'm starting to look like a Slovakian shot putter, so I'm with Roland. We're gonna be hiring someone else.'

Stevie:Stevie confronts the teen shoplifter with the knitted item: 'I'll be happy to give it back, when you and your skid mark friends give back all of the products that you've stolen.'

Stevie:Stevie adds skincare advice while confronting the teen shoplifter: 'someone with your combination of skin should really be using product with tea tree oil in it'

Teen · Stevie:Teen: 'I thought she was too cool to work here.' Stevie: 'I don't work here, and I am really cool, so.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Don't do it again, and I won't call the Po Po.'

David · Stevie:David and Stevie's simultaneous grossed-out moment after the confrontation: 'Ugh...' / 'What? Why me?' / 'I just feel really gross.' / 'Why did I get one?'

Johnny · Roland · Stevie:Johnny: 'what would actually help is if you could clean a toilet or two, but obviously, you're too good for that.' Roland: 'No, I can clean a toilet.' / 'I think we made a mistake, Stevie.' / 'No! I wanna clean a toilet.' / 'We'll hire somebody else.' / 'I need to clean a toilet!'

Stevie:Audience member/Stevie: 'Um, is this the number? It's the middle of summer. Brr! It's awfully cold out there.' — reacting to the Christmas-themed act in summer

Stevie:Stevie: 'they used to do this act every year at our Christmas party, and you can't unsee something like this.'

Stevie:But yes, there is a chain, and no, you're not on it.

Stevie:They're very delicious.

Stevie · Patrick:Nothing, I just um, just remembering all those times that you compromised. I was just thinking about the same things, because there, there's so many to flip through.

Stevie:Just so that you know, making someone choose between two things that you like, is not exactly a compromise.

David · Stevie:Fine. / Stevie, would you care to join me? / No. / Fair enough. So you guys are just gonna stay behind and talk about me after I've left. You know, swap stories about how I don't compromise.

Patrick · Stevie · David:Are you sure? / Look at his face. / Look at your face.

Patrick · David · Stevie:I'm sorry, what did you just say? / I said the breath mints need to move. / I think it was something about your boyfriend's shoes?

Stevie · Patrick:I think my work here is done. / And what work is that, exactly?

Moira · Stevie:Stevie tells Moira there's a reporter outside. Moira: 'Is there a scrum? How many camera crews?' Stevie: 'I think just one. Unless they all used the same van.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Well, I actually own this Podunk motel, and I don't know what choice you have.'

Moira · Stevie:Stevie suggests telling the truth. Moira: 'Truth serum. Oh Stevie, yes, those stories are always successful.' Stevie: 'No, I meant the actual truth.'

Stevie · Moira:The press van has left. Stevie: 'Yeah, apparently there was another celebrity death.' Moira: 'Oh, I'm sorry. Who passed?' Stevie: '...you know that YouTube video of the giraffe and the kitten who are best friends? Well the giraffe stepped on the kitten.'

Moira · Stevie:Stevie: 'I mean if I died, I'd be lucky if 1 person had something nice to say.' Moira: 'Oh, Stevie. Stevie, you have years ahead of you still to collect a cartage of adoring mourners.'

Stevie · Moira:Yeah, well I mean, it's pretty amazing to see how many people care about you. / Yeah. / I mean if I died, I'd be lucky if 1 person had something nice to say.

Alexis · Johnny · Stevie:This place needs a tonne of work, like top to tail. / I think what you mean to say is proposed improvements? / No, I mean like full-blown things that need fixing.

Stevie · Alexis · Johnny:We have a website. / No. I looked it up, and it's just like a cartoon of a construction worker holding a sign that says 'we'll be right back'. / It's under construction.

Alexis · Stevie:The phone booking system is confusing, and the woman's voice was aggressive and off-putting. / I had strep at the time.

Alexis · Johnny · Stevie:Step 1 of the plan was this presentation, and we nailed it. So, as your new VP of Marketing and Communications, I'd say we're off to a great start. / Yeah. / I'll pass.

Alexis · Stevie:We could rename the motel like, Stevie's Place. / Stevie's Place sounds like a shelter for battered men.

Stevie · Alexis:Okay, I'm gonna need a minute. / We didn't budget for that, but sure.

Stevie:This would've been much more of a surprise, if I hadn't heard the construction all morning.

Stevie · Moira:Why isn't it just Rose Motel? / The Rosebud makes it a sad stunted thing.

Stevie · Johnny · Alexis:Can we have breakfast now? / Yeah, let's celebrate. Come on! / Oh, um, not to brag, but this re-brand got me 77% on my final marketing exam.

Stevie:Yeah, who else would I be talking to? No offense.

Stevie · Alexis:So David's at work and you had nobody else to talk to? / What? / That's...

Stevie:Okay, so it was an accident. Or, it was made to look like an accident.

Alexis · Stevie:It's a tactic, Stevie. You send someone a random text message to get their attention, and then the next thing you know, you're talking again. / Who would do that? / I've done that. Like a lot. / I did it last week.

Stevie:This is why I choose not to be in a relationship.

Stevie:Another successful girl talk. [Stevie's reaction after Alexis leaves]

Stevie · David:Turn everything off, please. / Why aren't you dressed? / Because I'm not going. Because I'm too tired. / You've been sleeping for two days. / What's your point?

Stevie · David:I'm finding it hard to believe that you don't have the energy to go to a spa. / I know, I'm scaring even me.

Stevie · David:Because you're having boyfriend issues, and this is my reluctant attempt at being supportive. / Well, that's very thoughtful of you. / I also have a Groupon, which I was planning on using with Jake, but I thought you might need it more.

David · Stevie:What kinda spa is it, and will there be treatments? / You're a monster.

Stevie:Yeah, um, so Jake and I found out that if you tell these resorts that it's your honeymoon, they usually upgrade your room and stuff, and give you free booze.

Stevie:It's impossible to be in love with Jake, only Jake is in love with Jake. He's just... really good at celebrating my body. So, I'm keepin' him around.

David · Stevie:Okay I'm not playing into your fraudulent behaviour. / You still want the free booze, right? / Gimme the ring.

Stevie · David:Hm, you learn pretty quickly when you're in a Ugandan diamond smuggler's villa playing for your friend's freedom. / Right, right. Wait, what? / That was fun.

Stevie · David:So the lover's curry was a mistake. / Yeah, it was.

David · Stevie:Patrick would find it funny. / We will not be telling Patrick.

Stevie · David:Uh, but we got through it, and now we have a story we can only tell each other so... / Patrick would find it funny. / We will not be telling Patrick. / Another secret for the pile.

David · Stevie:I think you're my best friend. / You think? / Well, I can't know for sure, because I'm realizing now that I don't think I've ever really had one.

Stevie:Sadder? When you were in the bathroom, I finished the rest of the lover's curry.

David · Stevie:Okay, you'll be sleeping in the bathtub tonight. / I understand.

Stevie · David:So you're wearing a leather sweater, in the dead of summer.

Stevie:That's a nice bracelet. Did you get that from Patrick?

Stevie · David:So you waiting a full week to forgive him has nothing to do with the fact that he showered you with gifts and attention every day. That is purely coincidental!

Stevie:Maybe needy's the wrong word. Clingy?

Stevie:You sure you don't wanna wait another day, though? I mean you never know what could show up on your doorstep.

David · Stevie:Ugh! [Stevie presents David with a gift box]

Stevie:Congratulations, Employee of the Month? Since when has this been a thing?

Stevie:Uh... this seems like... some makeup? It's like a briefcase full of makeup.

Johnny · Stevie:Because you deserve it. [pause] I see. Well, I'm gonna save this for a special occasion. No, no, no, it's for everyday use. It's what the woman in the store told me.

Johnny · Stevie:Stevie? Aren't you forgetting something? Uh, I just... just don't know how to thank you. Oh, that smile on your face is all I need.

Stevie:I'm gonna do something uncharacteristic, and ask your advice. Is there something off about the way that I look?

Stevie:No, no. [beat] Hmm. And he suggested that I wear it every day. So, I'm having a really hard time not taking that personally.

Alexis · Stevie:Oh, and also, he gave me a diamond tennis bracelet for my Sweet 16. That's bad. I know.

Johnny · Stevie:Wow! Look at you! Yeah, used some of that makeup you gave me. Oh, is that what it is? Ah, I thought it was the shoes.

Stevie:You know, something about this feels really right. Hmm. I can't believe that I didn't think to buy all this for myself!

Stevie · Johnny:So, I'm happy to man the desk for you this afternoon, if you've got stuff to do. Oh, no, no, I... I can keep working here. No, Mr. Rose, I insist. I feel like I'm long overdue for some quality, like, face time with the guests.

Stevie:You know what the great thing about this is? Right after work, I can go do a quick shift over at Bazonga's Gentleman's Lounge.

Johnny · Stevie:All right, I'm getting the hint. Hint? What hint?

David · Stevie:What possible difference could one week make? / We made sure to order those products in time for the rollout.

David · Stevie:Okay. He meant pop-up store, right? / Honestly, David, it took him like 2 weeks to learn rollout, so...

Johnny · Stevie:Wow! Looking very nice, Stevie. / Yeah, thanks, except I think I have to go home now.

Stevie:Nothing, just rolling things out, like you asked me to.

Stevie:Uh I know it's for the guests, but it's like really good stuff, and this is extra.

Johnny · Stevie:Before or after your arm started itching? / After, definitely after. [beat] I might've tried a little bit when I was unpacking the box, but... my skin gets real dry in here.

Stevie:I don't know, okay! It might be causing the rash, but it's also the only thing that's making it feel better.

Moira · Stevie:Stevie, show him your arms. / Thought you'd never ask!

Stevie · David:Your dad thinks it's your moisturizer. / Okay, that's impossible. I've been using this moisturizer every day for 3 months. [beat] Although, this is a new batch.

Moira · David · Stevie:See? I knew it! / David, we have a problem. We have a big problem. You could be sued! For retail negligence. / Stevie, show him your arms again. / I don't want to show him my arms. / I don't wanna see her arms again.

Johnny · Stevie:So... someone's gonna have to tell David before he... takes it all back. / No offense, Mr. Rose, but I'm pretty sure that someone is not going to be me.

Stevie:I just walked past three very raspy-voiced Miranda's outside, so I think the singles are here.

Roland · Stevie:Okay, I'm gonna put this on silent for the rest of the meeting, okay? Do you know how to do that, Stevie?

Stevie:I think that is a service that could benefit all of us.

Johnny · Stevie:Is that you? / No, my phone's in my pocket.

Stevie:Roland, it's happening. And then baby. And then, like a whole row of baby emojis, and an explosion.

Johnny · Stevie:Well we-we didn't do anything wrong here. Right? / I didn't. / You're the one who put his phone on silent. / Because you didn't know how to.

Johnny · Stevie · Moira:Apparently they took Roland's phone away from him. / I don't know! / Well... who would do that to a man whose wife is just about to go into labor?

Stevie:Well, can whichever half is feeling the most generous give me a discount on two cases of wine, please?

Stevie:It's like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it's 1 day with 12 bottles of wine.

Stevie:Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?

David · Patrick · Stevie:Do you have time to mood-board a color scheme? / Does anyone? / No.

David · Stevie:This, this stuff is garbage. / Um, it's Stevie's grandmother's decorations? / And by garbage, Stevie, you know, I... I mean, / Oh, no, no, no. It's... it's bad.

Stevie:Those would be Mardi Gras beads. / Nanna Bud worked real hard for those.

Stevie:I opened red, I hope that's okay with everyone?

David · Stevie · Johnny:Looks like the other side has been charred, or something. / Um, what if we cut it up and turned it into garlands? / Why don't we just cut it up for firewood?

David · Stevie:What, it's just nice. Nothing's happening. / Looks like you're crying. / Oh well, I'm not. / It's just we're... / We ran out of red!

Johnny · Stevie · David · Alexis:Johnny fumbles with the phone trying to figure out how to put Moira on speaker while the family shouts at him

Stevie:Stevie: 'She's not my mother.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Jeez, I wouldn't mind if he did the bathrooms.'

Stevie · Roland:Roland complaining he couldn't hear about the team lunch 'over the sound of the lawnmower'

Stevie · Roland:Stevie/Roland's attempt to tell Johnny he's working too hard because Moira is away is interrupted by Stevie bluntly finishing Roland's sentence: 'Fill a big, black empty hole in your life.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Just so you're aware, Mr. Rose, the special is cream of mushroom soup. We don't actually have to-go containers for that, so I've just double-bagged it. Would you like a spoon, or a straw?'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie offers Johnny cream of mushroom soup in a double-bagged plastic bag and asks if he wants a spoon or a straw

Stevie:Stevie: 'You're reorganizing the shed? That's not on the calendar 'til next week.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'I hope that someday I find someone who I can stand long enough to feel a little lost when they're not around.'

Stevie · Robber · David:Would you like some wine? / Okay yeah, yes, put some booze in a bag. / Do you drink red wine, or white wine? / Maybe some chilled rosé in the back? / I'll get it!

Stevie · David:Cheese goes good with wine. / Suddenly she's a sales associate.

Stevie · Robber · David:Uh, that tapenade goes good with the brie. / Tapenades, great, yeah, yeah, yeah. / Do you have bad skin? / Yeah, sure, just hurry it up!

David · Stevie · Robber:Could you help the man with the door? His hands are full. / Sorry. / Okay, thank you.

Stevie · David:He had a weapon, right? / Yeah! Yes. / I mean, it must've been in his pocket, because he used both hands to carry the bags out of the store.

Stevie · David:I can't believe you just offered him the wine. / You offered him the skincare, I mean, we don't know what was going on under that mask! / He could've had perfect skin.

Patrick · Stevie · David:I can understand taking the wine, but who steals a jar of tapenade? / And the brie?! / Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him, his cholesterol will.

Stevie:Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him, his cholesterol will.

David · Stevie:Well, I guess, my build. / That's being generous. / If I was at my goal weight.

David · Stevie:Yeah, so you know, it's... it's sort of hard to describe a concealed weapon. / Yeah, I mean, if we could tell you what it looked like, he wouldn't be doing a good job of concealing it.

David · Stevie:Emotionally! / I mean, I don't know if there was a gun, but it was still a robbery, he was wearing a mask. / And would we all not agree that words are weapons?!

Stevie · David:So you upsold the robber. / I did not! I didn't even tell him about the vintage wines we have in the back.

Stevie · David:Oh. Stevie: Speaking of... / I think we should probably open one of those bottles, just to calm the nerves. / Yeah, I thought you had to go to work.

Roland · Johnny · Alexis · Stevie:Roland volunteers to lie about how great the motel is for pay, Johnny says 'Do we need Roland?', then Alexis immediately uses Roland as the plant anyway but as 'Guest Services Liaison'

Alexis · Stevie:Alexis tells Stevie she 'looks like someone who just wandered in off the road' as a compliment for being a convincing motel guest plant

Stevie:Stevie's plant script — 'I think you're really gonna like it here. It's clean, and the service is good.' Then: 'Anyway, I'm just staying here as a guest.'

Stevie · Felmington:Stevie: 'It's kind of a roll of the dice, but you seem somewhat normal.' Ms. Felmington (incognito guest): 'Everyone agreed that I was the normal one in my cellblock at the women's prison.'

Stevie:Stevie casually mentions she was considered 'the normal one in her cellblock at the women's prison'

Stevie:Stevie's 'intel' report: 'I had a nap, then a beer, and now I need $40.'

Alexis · Roland · Stevie:Alexis objects to Stevie going to lunch with a 'strange man' — Roland cheerfully volunteers to 'tap in' — then Stevie escalates her request from $40 to $50 ('I also need shampoo')

Stevie:Stevie: 'What I love about this conversation is how well it goes with lunch.'

Stevie · Emir:Stevie lists her own virtues: 'Smart, charming, dazzling sense of humour.' Emir: 'I was gonna say modest, but...'

Stevie · Emir:Stevie confesses she's a plant mid-lunch, before they've even ordered drinks

Stevie:Stevie: 'Yeah. It turns out I'm really bad at this.'

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie: 'I'm really tired, can this wait?' — to Johnny wanting to debrief after the lunch. Then she dismisses him: 'Thanks.'

Stevie:Wow, that's a lot of pressure to put on cherry blossoms.

David · Stevie:Why else would we be driving to Elm Valley, Stevie? [long pause] The only other reason I can think of is that... Emir might be there.

Stevie:Well, when you put it that way it sorta cheapens it.

Stevie:He might also be there, reviewing a hotel. But not the hotel that we're going to, because that would be a crazy coincidence.

Stevie:He's not coming. I'm an idiot.

Stevie:The hotel bar has karaoke. I say we get several rounds of polar bear shots, load up some Mariah, and I will spend the rest of the night pretending not to resent you.

Stevie:Oh, you'll be getting every round.

David · Stevie:Karaoke bar scene: Stevie singing on stage, David watching approvingly — 'Wow, for someone who can barely stand, she sounds good.'

Stevie · Emir:No, thank you. / Yeah, that's probably for the best.

Emir · Stevie · David:Oh, are you here with someone? / Uh, no. / Oh! Ohhh... Oh um, no. We just ran into each other at the bar. Um, long story short, I took a pottery class with this one.

Stevie:Oh, you've blown it. But I'll still take a free dinner.

Stevie · David:Stevie: 'Emir asked me if I wanted to stay the night.' David: [audible 'Ohhhh!']

Emir · Stevie · David:Okay, um... what do you say we get up there, maybe do a little duet? I feel like that's the kind of thing you'd be totally comfortable with, right? / Mhmm... / Yeah, love that. / I think it's best if you guys just sat down, and watched. / Oh, okay. / Next time. / Yeah. Mhmm. / Off the hook for now.

Stevie:You're a bitch.

Stevie:I'm not sure if it's just the punch, but... he could get it!

Stevie:You remind me of me at a high school house party judging all the attractive and popular kids for being attractive and popular.

Stevie:Mm, things got effed, and we're not having fun anymore.

Stevie · Ted · David:I say we play truth or dare. / Oh Stevie, I'm in! / Oh no, Ted.

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny walks in on Stevie taking a topless photo for a long-distance partner, saying 'I said just a minute!' while Johnny backs away saying 'Yeah, yeah.'

Stevie · Johnny:Taking a personal photo... For my doctor. Right, well, it was, it was a medical uh, photo, and, and uh... and you what? You text or email this right back to your doctor, I mean, what a-what an age we live in!

Roland · Stevie:What happened? / Mr. Rose saw me topless.

Roland · Stevie · Johnny:Aah! Stevie! Your friend just responded! / Oh my God, gimme that! / Oh my... uh, I'll be taking the rest of the day off. / Okay. Yeah... I'd say her friend responded.

Johnny · Stevie:Remember Emir? The guy who came to review the motel? The one who asked you to lunch? Yes, that would be him. Oh! Well, he seems like a nice guy.

Johnny · Stevie:And I'm not saying that just because of the photo. / Oh my God, Mr. Rose! / Okay, rewind, please.

Johnny · Stevie:And I'm not saying that just because of the photo. / Oh my God, Mr. Rose! / Okay, rewind, please. / See you tomorrow! / Yeah, okay, see you tomorrow, Stevie.

Johnny · Stevie · Cheryl:Mr. Rose describing Cheryl as 'very striking, full-figured' to Stevie, then being interrupted by Cheryl herself appearing.

Johnny · Stevie:I think I might've gotten... a whisper of desire.

Johnny · Stevie:That would leave Stevie alone here at the counter. And I-I don't think that uh... / Oh, but I prefer it that way, though.

Alexis · Stevie:Psh! Shh! Wait! Do you hear that? / What? / It's like a... faint whisper of desire.

Stevie · Alexis:That was a good one. / Thanks! Oh boy. Don't do that.

Stevie:Stevie explaining she's at the flea market to escape rehearsals with Moira: 'Last night she texted me at 3 A.M. and all it said was "leggings."'

David · Stevie:David at the flea market telling items to face forward: 'Facing forward. See what I'm doing here? Okay, like a serial killer?' — then doing a double-take when he sees a familiar face

David · Stevie · Wendy:Wendy assuming Stevie is David's wife. David and Stevie react with simultaneous 'God, no' / 'No'

Wendy · David · Stevie:This must be your wife. — No. — God, no. — No, no.

Stevie:Stevie: 'Karen's a new one.'

David · Stevie:David and Stevie discovering that Antonio's booth is a knockoff of Rose Apothecary: David: 'What the actual fuck?!' then 'Tulips instead of roses? Woof!'

Stevie · Roland · David:Roland returns to buy from the knockoff booth again, right in front of David and Stevie. Stevie: 'Clearly that brand loyalty you were talking about is really paying off.'

David · Stevie:Product reveal: 'Gel Time Moist Liquid. Contains 100% moist liquid.'

David · Stevie:David's reaction to watching the customer endorse Gel Time to another customer — implied horrified look at Stevie

Stevie · Wendy:Wendy: 'Antonio said it was locally sourced.' Stevie: 'Sure. If you consider the dollar store local. These sell for 99 cents.'

Stevie:Oh. Is it possible you could maybe... choose a lie that doesn't make the cafe look like it's in violation of health codes?

Stevie:Did you run here, Mr. Rose?

Johnny · David · Stevie:David, they know, right? / Of course they know! I wouldn't have asked them to come here if I didn't think they knew we were in a relationship! They call the store all the time! I mean, what do they think, I'm just his business partner?! / Possibly. / I mean, yeah.

David · Stevie:He's coming, he's coming! / Okay, he's coming, he's coming. So are we on lights? Also, we're going with 'Surprise.' 'Happy Birthday' was too wordy, and we couldn't nail it at rehearsal.

David · Stevie:So I know that you're annoyed that the surprise got blown, but this party might go down as one of the happiest nights of my life. / Well, I guess that makes up for the fact that no one ate the crab cakes.

Stevie:Not to step on the moment, but uh, I do have to lock up in five.

David · Patrick · Stevie:David accuses his friends of 'general merriment' and they react with mock-disbelief at the word

Stevie · Moira (referenced):She told me to 'dance like an Indonesian scarf caught in the wind.'

David · Patrick · Stevie · Derek:David walks in on Patrick, Stevie, and Derek doing a full 'Money' production number. His reaction: 'What the hell?!'

Moira · Stevie:Moira: 'Okay, no one panic. Okay Stevie, get your car. John's a slow driver. We'll leave the programs behind. Or maybe we'll bring a stack for the trip?' Stevie: 'N-no, Mrs. Rose!'

Roland · Stevie:Roland: 'He probably just roped them into one of his longwinded stories.' immediately followed by: 'Or he could be on a table with a triple bypass.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Mr. Rose is gonna be fine, he has to be. I mean, I can't be left alone with this motel. I don't do math.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Yep, I'm just really not looking forward to folding those programs.' — her response when asked if everything is okay after John's safe return

David · Stevie:David arrives with flowers saying he wanted to wish someone luck, noting they've been stepping outside their comfort zone — and adding the word 'courage' — which Stevie notes she's never heard him use outside of criticizing someone's style choices.

Stevie · David:'You're only this happy when you have gossip, or there's something in the news about Oprah.' / 'There's something in the news about Oprah.' / 'She got new espadrilles.'

David · Stevie:David breaks and tells Stevie about the engagement despite planning to wait — and Stevie's reaction is a massive, overwhelmed physical response.

Stevie · Moira:'What the fuck?!' — Stevie walks into the room where everyone thought she was missing, to find Moira apparently dressed in her costume.

Stevie · David:What the fuck?! (Stevie appears backstage)

Roland · Stevie:Stevie discovers Roland had Patrick make personalized monogrammed towels — and he had them made weeks ago when Patrick asked his blessing, but Roland is annoyed Patrick didn't tell him when it was happening so he 'literally could've picked these up any other day this week.'

Stevie · Roland:'I also appreciate this burlesque-y get up.' / 'Excuse me. You're an almost-married man, now.'

Moira · Stevie:You wear her well. / Sorry? / Magdalena. The only other time I've leased one of my girls is the Halloween when David was desperate to be Alanis Morissette.

Stevie · Moira:Uh, I wouldn't say I'm crest... / Shhh! Use it.

Stevie · Moira:'Are you talking about me, or Sally?' / 'Why, Sally, of course. You I'm not worried about.'

Ted · Alexis · Stevie:Well, you dazzled tonight, sweetheart. Thank you. / Oh, sorry, I don't know why I thought you were talking to me.

Stevie:Jeez, Moira, I wait 'til at least 10:30 before I have my first beer.

Stevie:You know, Moira, if Johnny locked you in that closet, we're going to have to call the police.

Stevie:Uh, so no one thought to tell me I still have my show makeup on?

Alexis · Stevie:Yeah, I left Stevie double-fisting drinks in a hot tub at the cabaret wrap party last night. — I think I saw you triple-fisting at one point.

Alexis · Stevie:Oh no, not quite. — God, no.

Stevie · Patrick · Stevie:Well, I guess congratulations are in order. — We didn't end up taking the venue. — Really? What stopped you? Did they like, run out of sandwiches or...?

Stevie · Alexis · Stevie:This might be a stupid question, but why are you wearing high heels on an airplane? — Oh, I'm not wearing them on the plane, they hand out slippers with the mimosas. — When was the last time you flew economy?

Stevie:I've actually been jealous of your trip. Like, you're getting out there, seeing the world.

Stevie:I just wish I had your... what's going on? Because I think I might be in the middle of giving you a compliment for the first time, so.

Stevie:Okay. Um, think I've found the problem; your flight's not leaving for another month.

Stevie:Yeah, but it's day before month, so you're not leaving on July 8th, you're leaving on August 7th.

Stevie:Maybe you could start by telling David that you messed up and he can book the venue after all!

Johnny · Stevie · Roland:A 20 minute drive to another motel. [scene establishes Johnny, Stevie, and Roland arriving at what appears to be a rundown property]

Johnny · Stevie · Roland:Why do I get the feeling this isn't an open house? / Maybe it's because of the coffin. This is a funeral, Roland!

Stevie · Johnny:Since I wasn't in the curling league, can I go home? / No. No.

David · Stevie:You stopped for coffee? And a breakfast burrito that I got to go.

Stevie:I need you to help me put together an outfit. I have a job interview this afternoon.

Stevie · David:Uh, you dress for the job you want. So you wanna be a youth pastor?

Stevie · Carol:Stevie's interview answer: 'I'm disorganized... and indecisive... I also...' 'Okay, we just needed one.'

Stevie:Too bad they didn't have a branzino to de-bone because you would've got this.

Stevie · David:So, are you just never gonna talk to me ever again? / I asked you to roll up the window in the car. The highway smelled like manure.

David · Stevie:Did Carol embarrass herself by sending me away in front of everybody? / Absolutely. / Was the entire group shocked by that decision? / Seemed like it based on some people's faces.

David · Stevie:Now ask me if I care. / Do you care... / Don't care! I don't care!

Stevie · David:You are such a sore loser. / I am not! / I'm not. It's just, do you really wanna work for a place that clearly doesn't know what they're doing? / Oh, well, they really want me to work for them, so I have to trust that they do know what they're doing.

Stevie · David:Admit it. I'm more qualified than you. / Fine. / Admit it. / You're more qualified than me. / Thank you! / Now, let's see what exciting new job opportunities await you in your new career as an airline hostess.

David · Stevie:Now I would love to use one of Larry Air's 'completely private' new paid toilets. I don't know why they have to stress 'completely private.' / Get out! Get out! / No.

David · Stevie:Stevie appears in a flight attendant uniform. David: 'You do know that Pan Am was cancelled after a season, right?'

Stevie:'So how safe can the plane be if I'm the one in charge of saving people's lives?'

Stevie · Patrick:Stevie: 'They only fly to Hoboken, Windsor and South Dakota.' Patrick: 'I've actually heard South Dakota is quite scenic.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Did you know that Larry Air has 18 ongoing lawsuits? One of which is from Larry himself.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'As crazy as this sounds, I'm actually looking forward to that. Feel like it's the only job I can't mess up at this point.'

Stevie · Alexis:Stevie: 'What am I doing?' / Alexis: 'Well, we can just crossfade responsibilities.' / Stevie: 'No. What am I doing with my life.'

Stevie:Stevie asked for tie opinion — long pause of her considering, humming — then just: 'Hm. Hm. Which one is your favourite.'

Stevie:I do. It's a death trap that needs to be set on fire and pushed off a cliff.

Stevie:...according to David, driving his fiancé to go get his wisdom teeth out is totally within my maid-of-honour responsibilities.

Stevie:I guess I just feel like after making such a big deal out of wanting to see what else is out there, isn't it kind of... pathetic to like... crawl back? Don't answer that.

Patrick · Stevie:Look at me. Two years ago, I thought I'd have a wife and kid at this point. Yeah, well, one out of two isn't bad.

Johnny · Stevie:I'm glad you didn't feel you needed to clean up on my account, you know? It shows just how comfortable a friendship we actually have. / I did clean up. / Right. That's... what I meant.

Johnny · Stevie:But not on your bed. / Oh, here.

Johnny · Stevie:Stevie! Perfect timing. I was having a technical issue opening a file here. It's, uh, being finicky. / Uh, remember, Mr. Rose? I left you a sticky note.

Stevie:No. I'm talking about trusting your instincts. [beat] I think I've been taking them for granted.

Stevie:I know. He gave me his new business card. Never saw so many typos on a business card.

Stevie:Do you mind if we don't talk about Roland right now, 'cause I'm feeling really good about this decision.

David · Stevie:David: 'We came here to say hi and now we're leaving.' / Stevie (deadpan): 'Mm-hmm.' / David: 'Can I not have one thing for myself?'

Stevie · Alexis:Stevie's flat response to Alexis's 'are you ready for a total physical and emotional transformation?': 'Nah, but I'll do your class.'

Stevie:Stevie's weak, barely audible 'Oh yeah...' in response to the class chant.

Alexis · Stevie:Alexis calls out 'Yes, Stevie! You're crushing it! You're breaking through and I can see it!' while Stevie clearly grimaces.

Stevie:Stevie's takeaway from the workout class: 'I didn't hate it, but... does anybody even know what the gateway is?'

Stevie · Alexis:Stevie's 'Well, there's an exit sign right there.' Alexis: 'Yup, but the arrow's pointing straight up.'

Alexis · Stevie:Alexis: 'Cults prey on sad, weak, vulnerable people.' Stevie: 'I'll try not to take that personally.'

Alexis · Stevie:Alexis: 'Ugh, how did I fall for this? Cults prey on sad, weak, vulnerable people.' Stevie gives a look. Alexis does not notice.

Stevie · Johnny:After all the ceremony, step two turns out to be 'deep cleaning the rooms'

Stevie:"As maid of honour, I pick the second volcano."

Stevie · David:"Do I get pampered?" "No, you get to drive him to the spa..."

Stevie · David:Stevie receives Patrick's spa appointment — she gets a spray tan on David's credit card without asking

Stevie · David:Stevie's spray tan — she walks in visibly bronzed, David immediately notices

David · Stevie:"Why do you look...?" "Hot?"

Stevie:'No, I just put mine on your credit card.'

Stevie:"Oh hi Patrick, I almost didn't recognize you, you look like one of those people who has that skin condition from eating one too many carrots."

Stevie:Stevie suggests opening the guest list or mailing out David's old pageant headshots to relatives instead of engagement photos

Stevie:Stevie: 'Um... you sure it's for you, Mrs. Rose? Because that's a family car, and I can think of a handful of people who'd wanna egg David.'

Stevie · Moira:Stevie: 'Um, I could give you this bucket of soap.' / Moira: 'No! You never tamper with a crime scene.'

Stevie · Roland · Moira:Stevie describing the carnage: 'Um, well, there were a couple of broken eggs on Mrs. Rose's car, and one on the back windshield.' / Roland: 'The windshield?' / Moira: 'The egg! That's the bestial level of attack with which we are dealing.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Um, since I'm no longer the star witness in this criminal case, can I get back to work?'

David · Stevie:David's t-shirt is missing the 'with' — implying it reads 'Bachelor Party' instead of 'Bachelor Party with Patrick'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Now, before I tell you what I have planned for tonight's festivities, I think we can all agree that putting me in charge of your joint bachelor party was a big mistake, right?'

Stevie · David:David sent Stevie a seven-page e-mail with the subject line 'The Bachelor Party of My Dreams'

David · Stevie:David: 'Isn't that a Jodie Foster movie?' — confusing an escape room with Panic Room

Stevie:Stevie: 'Your family hasn't responded to a single email, so they will be doing what we tell them to do.'

Stevie:Stevie: 'If you could come up with the money for the Tahitian dolphin cruise, I'd happily change plans.'

Johnny · Stevie:Johnny tries to move the bachelor party to the motel so he doesn't miss the investor call; Stevie's reaction is visible resignation

Stevie:Stevie: 'maybe this is why Roland shouldn't be in charge of phones'

Stevie:Stevie: 'Is there an option to redo it?' — after Johnny's disastrous voicemail

Stevie:Stevie finds the first finch: 'Just found a finch. The first number is six, people!'

Johnny · David · Moira · Alexis · Stevie · Patrick:Mike Morrison's voicemail confirming he wants to take a meeting — played on speaker for the whole family who erupts in celebration

Stevie · Johnny:Stevie: 'Well, we did say no speeches, so—' Johnny: 'Guess they listened.' — as Moira begins speechifying anyway

Stevie:Mr. Rose, you're stressing me out. And I just chugged a bottle of CBD oil.

Stevie:Can we maybe stop with the drum circle? Just — I'm just not feeling great. Are private planes always that bumpy?

Stevie:Uh, do you know if there is water where we're going? 'Cause I just got a sudden case of dry mouth.

Stevie:Should I just wait until it unfreezes?

Stevie:We've seen a 400% increase in occupancy since we started marketing. And cleaning.

Stevie · Roland:Mr. Rose, you were so good. / Johnny, even I was impressed, and I thought you had blown it for all of us.

Roland · Johnny · Stevie:Didn't you have a briefcase? / See, this is what happens when Johnny impresses me. I get confused and I forget what I'm doing. / What was in that briefcase anyway? / Nothing. You told me to look intimidating. So I brought a briefcase.

David · Stevie:David complimenting Stevie's ponytail as looking 'more professional' — turns out she just didn't wash her hair

Stevie:'I realized I didn't need to live in a big city. I... guess I just needed to know that I could.'

David · Stevie:The cascading revelation that Patrick was looking at a house — 'What house?' 'What?' 'What house?'

Stevie · David:'So you're finally getting out.' — Stevie to David, delivered with quiet resignation

Stevie:Oh, as David's Maid-of-Honour, I'm gonna shut that down on his behalf.

Stevie:See, this is what Ray should be filming.

Stevie · David · Patrick:Okay, but was it good at least? / Do not answer that. Was it? Don't.

David · Stevie:Now, Stevie, as my Maid-of-Honour, does it not look like Alexis is wearing a wedding dress? Or just like a dress that happens to be white? / I don't wanna get involved.

Stevie:So much for the massage.

David · Stevie:You don't have a choice. You work for me today. / So much for the massage.

Stevie:I don't think you should worry about it. I'm sure this town has seen far weirder things.

Alexis · Stevie:Right, Stevie? Right? / Hm.

Moira · Stevie:Yes, just as sweet as the liqueur wafting off your breath. / I also didn't go to bed last night.