Bobs Bagels

Do you like this sweater? Jared Leto gave it to me and I've always been on the fence about it.

I like it 'cause Jared Leto gave it to you, and he was my first kiss, but I don't know if I like, like it, like it.

I knew this day would come, John! Isolated, impoverished, cut off from all medical services! I only prayed it wouldn't be Alexis.

Oh, it's always just a cold, John, until it's full blown... Typhoid!

Do you remember Valentina? Our chambermaid in little Martinique? We all thought she had just a cold, until it was too late! I'll never shake the mental image of her frothing and flailing in the water taxi!

This is as far as I go, Alexis. One of us has to stay safe for David.

While I admire your courage, uh, when it comes to fashion, I'm just not the best person to ask.

Okay, there are certain lies I tell myself, and if you're any kind of a friend, you will let me cling to those lies.

Can I help you cling to lies, and not drive you to Elmdale?

It's like a poncho.

Bob, you're in the room.

I'd kill for a bagel, but I haven't seen one bagel since I got to this town.

Ooh, I just get chills thinking that we're sitting right in the middle of the 'Johnny Rose Dream Factory!'

Has it gotten worse, or are you just not wearing any makeup?

Though I played one once in a lovely little production of 'Harvey,' but she worked in a mental institute.

I'm sorry, Alexis, I'm sorry I must leave you, but... mummy's gotta fight for her solo.

I was with Roland, we were shopping for Jocelyn. It's a long, frightening story.

It's a long, frightening story.

Jewish? I didn't know if I could say it.

But boy, do you all love your bagels! I mean I do too, and I'm not even uh... Jewish. You can say it, Bob.

I don't know why, it feels like a swear.

Skanky! You called my store skanky when you were here with the mayor.

We're not over the skanky thing, are we?

I can say with complete certainty that I see literally nothing but potential.

Is the floor overcrowded? Yeah. Are the mannequins a little too busty? Absolutely. Does it smell like urinal cakes in here? Perhaps.

Bob want us to meet. Bob wants us to meet?! Yeah, may I sit? No, no.

Well, that may be, but do you know how much a bagel oven costs? And Ivan here, he's willing to do it for free.

Let's turn this dream... Into green!

You know, in France, they say the looser the fit, the sexier the feel, so...

I've never been to France.

But I have my sister's communion this weekend. Okay, don't do that. Don't do what?

This is gonna be a smash at my husband's trial hearing.

This is gonna be a smash at my husband's trial hearing. He's got good taste.

Had I known your spirits were so high, I might not have spent the last 45 minutes of my life running around buying cold medication.

When have you ever bought me cold medication?! Exactly, I knew it didn't feel right.

Exactly, I knew it didn't feel right.

Oh dear, are we sure this isn't just mono again? What with your symptoms, and your lifestyle?

Maternal instinct, maybe? No, that's not it. No! Maybe. No!

go with something a little more old testament?

I should probably see a business plan so I don't invest so much in another uh, hollow scheme.

it's the same one we use to celebrate my mom's divorces.

Okay, I'll just drop a little raisin in here to release the bubbles. Blechhh! That's no necessary!

Ooh, my first job was actually a gap kids campaign when I was six. To your first job!

Mostly because she didn't cry as much as the unmannerly son, but also because she was adventurous, carefree, so beautiful. Just like her mother.

Alexis, you're on my arm. Alexis, seriously. I can't feel it! I can't-Alexis!