Bob Currie

Bob · Gwen · Johnny · Moira:Bob and Gwen are found sitting in the cabin reading, having watched Johnny and Moira's entire romantic role-play

Bob:Bob: 'Quite a while. Yeah, you seemed to have a little trouble there, getting going.'

Bob:Bob: 'No, they're a mile up the road. Big tree, a fence. You can't miss it.' — pointing out they're in the wrong cabin entirely

Johnny · Moira · Bob · Gwen:The Roses being locked inside a cabin that isn't theirs — Bob locks the door to prevent strangers coming in, not realizing the strangers are already inside

David · Bob · Ronnie · Stevie:It's looking at me. — That's it. You're locked in. It's just you and him. — (Turkey gobbles) — Okay... (sharp inhale) — Just point and shoot, David. — Hard to do when you're talking, Bob. — There's no one talking now. — Bob, you're talking. — What? — Stop talking! — Too much talking! — Shoot the bird, David! Shoot it!

Johnny · Bob:Yeah, I'd love to take this baby out for a test drive. / Yeah? I've got the keys, let's take 'er for a spin. / Not with you, Bob.

Johnny · Bob:You know what I mean? / No, I don't.

Bob:Okay, but no lefts, okay? Because they lead to the highway, and I really don't want her on the highway.

Bob · Johnny:Oh Johnny, I told you not to take 'er on the highway. / Yeah, I'm sorry, Bob, I guess I took one of those left turns, and uh, yeah.

Bob · Johnny:Okay, well, let's get 'er hooked up, get you back to the garage, and we'll start on the paperwork. / What paperwork? / It's all filled in, you just have to sign it, and uh... / She's all yours! / I'm not buying this car!

Bob · Johnny:I'll knock twenty bucks off. / You couldn't get twenty bucks for scrap! / We'll play a little hardball, okay. / Thirty bucks! / How about zero bucks?! / I wouldn't give you a dime for this! / Johnny, you're killing me here! / Fifty bucks!

Bob · Johnny:I'll throw in a couple of floor mats, but that's my final offer! / Walking!

Bob:You know, they say death is just life except you're not here. You're somewhere else, you know? But that's okay because at least you're somewhere, you know? But when does somewhere become there? And when does there become here?

Bob:Apparently, he was trying to unhook his belt from the ceiling fan and apparently it... It got knotted around his neck.

Bob:You'd think the whole thing would've come down, you know, keeping a fan and a body spinning up there for two days. But uh... Carl found the studs on that one.

John · Bob:What do I think? I think it's a nice garage. Where's the office? / You're looking at it.

Bob:Oh, well, we got a uh, I got a great spot for a chair right there... you just have to move these tires.

Bob · John:Um, filing those papers'll give you some extra space. / Yeah, Bob, I'm not working for you, I'm not filing papers.

John · Bob:How about I give it a think without cleaning it up! / Suit yourself. As long as it gets cleaned up at some point.

Bob:It's funny to hear that, because before you were saying this isn't office space. / And uh, well, I got to thinking, well, if it's not office space, then, what the heck is it?!

Bob · John · Eric:Either does Johnny, and he's not even related to me. / No, but you said Eric was Gwen's nephew, so technically he's not related to you, either. So... no offense, Eric. / No, that's fair.

Eric · Bob:Well, that's okay, Uncle Bob. I don't have any money. — Either does Johnny, and he's not even related to me.

John · Bob:Bob, I don't work for you, I'm just setting up an office! / No, I know, it's your space. And uh, just so you know, garage opens at eight, but if you're here a few minutes before that, even better!

Johnny · Bob:Johnny reveals he let a customer walk out rather than look at the muffler because 'I'm not a mechanic!'

Bob · Johnny:Bob's passive-aggressive jab: 'I know you're a little low on clients'

Bob:Bob's offer: 'If you feel like you might like to implement a muffler, be my guest'

Johnny · Bob:Johnny reveals he's been doing Bob's mechanic work all afternoon — filling tires, adding oil, and selling a car

Bob:Bob: 'Dick Sinson is gonna be riding his bike until we can get his car back for him!'

Bob:Bob explains Dick Sinson's car was a 'gift from the church' after his family 'hit on some hard times'

Bob:So the guy says to me, 'well, I wouldn't try that with a fractured larynx!' I wouldn't try that, period!

Johnny · Roland · Bob:Morning, boys. / Hi, Johnny. / Ahem! / Oh man! Oh, boy.

Roland · Bob:Do you guys wanna see a card trick? / Oh, I do. / Okay, first thing I need is a deck of cards.

Bob · Roland:To be a fly on the wall for this conversation! / Bob, you're in the room.

Johnny · Bob:I did start Rose Video with $2,000 and a dream, so it's all about planning. / I see it every day. Lots of quiet planning. Sure, he treats himself to a muffin or two, but uh, I get that that's all part of the planning, right, Johnny? / Could be.

Bob:Ooh, I just get chills thinking that we're sitting right in the middle of the 'Johnny Rose Dream Factory!'

Bob · Johnny:Because you're uh... you... / Jewish? / I didn't know if I could say it.

Bob:But boy, do you all love your bagels! I mean I do too, and I'm not even uh...

Johnny · Bob:Jewish. You can say it, Bob. / I don't know why, it feels like a swear. / What's the one you can't say?

Johnny · Ivan · Bob:Well, there's no bagel — I mean, you know, Bob, I already told you... / I got some brick. / You've got bricks? What bricks? / For bagel oven.

Johnny · Bob:Could you stand, and excuse us? / All right, oh, okay. / I'll meet you out there in a minute. / Bob, you know, we are... so f... Oh. We are so far from even remotely having a conversation about this... You know, business.

Bob · Johnny:You said you started Rose Video with $2,000 bucks and a dream. / Bob, you-you don't have to... / Let's turn this dream... Into green!

Johnny · Bob:Bob, I don't want your check. / Oh my God.

Bob:Look at this, the brain trust! / So I was thinking, and uh, I'm not married to it, but uh... 'Bob's Bagels.'

Roland · Johnny · Bob:Johnny, I think you have something you'd like to say to Bob. / You don't wanna use the name Bob? / Oh, I get it, go with something a little more old testament?

Bob · Roland · Johnny:You know, next time uh... I should probably see a business plan so I don't invest so much in another uh, hollow scheme. / Yeah, me too. / You didn't invest. / Yes, and whose fault is that?

Roland · Bob · Moira:Bob, just concentrate on the minutes, okay? I can tell right now you're behind. — Okay, typing is not my strong suit. — Ray could type without looking at the keys.

Roland · Bob · Moira:Bob, just concentrate on the minutes, okay? I can tell right now you're behind. Okay, typing is not my strong suit. Ray could type without looking at the keys.

Bob · John Rose:Bob: 'His seat is up for grabs? I could say something pretty inappropriate right now.'

Bob:Bob: 'It might be a nice change of pace from banging your head against the wall here every day.'

Bob · John Rose:Bob: 'If I didn't know any better, I might think you had a crush on me!' — after realizing they'd work together on council AND at the garage

Bob · John Rose:Bob: 'I don't mean to embarrass you.' / John: 'I'm not embarrassed!' / Bob: 'You have no reason to be embarrassed.' — spiraling

Bob:It's raw milk we're talking here, it's all natural, unpasteurized, straight from the cow's breast, to your mouth.

Bob:Maybe you're used to being on the wrong side of the law — but I for one am not going to prison. Gwen has already told me she won't wait for me.

Bob:Bob: 'Oh, just writing uh, "visit new pulp mill."' — Bob is supposed to be taking notes at a council meeting.

Roland · Bob:Bob: 'Yeah, Roland got me thinking. I hear the floors are so clean you can eat your lunch off them.' / Roland: 'I laid those floors.'

Moira · Bob:Bob, okay, there's a way to do these things, and I'm the one who's supposed to lead these meetings, all right? / They wanna take over the general store. / Bob! / I'm sorry! / It's just, you know, it's big news.

Bob:Gwen did tell me if I don't get Christmas World passed, I shouldn't come home. I shouldn't... I shouldn't come home.

Bob:It's Gwen. The woman has a sixth sense. Hi honey, are you sitting down?

Johnny · Bob:I wouldn't mind playing, Bob. / Really? / Well... / That's great!

Bob · Roland · Johnny:Full house. Read 'em and weep. / And I think I come in second because I got a pair of Queens. / There's no second place, Roland.

Johnny · Roland · Bob:Kosher? / And halal. / Gwen, you called it!

Gwen · Bob · Roland · Johnny:Oh Gosh, I'm sorry I didn't think of this. But you know, maybe... maybe Roland could go? / He's running pretty low on chips. / Sure. I can drive. / I don't think you want to drive, Roland. / I don't mind. I love driving.

Bob · Johnny · Roland:Well, I guess it wasn't Gwen, was it, Johnny? / [long pause] / Sorry? / [another pause] / Nothing, nothing, Bob.

Bob:No offense, but I don't need to cheat to beat any of you.

Bob:Listen now Ronnie, when you - when you have a good hand, you close your cards real quick. And Ray, when you've got a bad hand, you start tapping your foot. And Johnny your right eyebrow kind of just pops up. And Roland... well, you know...

Bob:Truth is we put most of the winnings towards the snacks that Gwen serves up. We thought it was kind of a special evening for everyone.

Bob:Well you know, truth is we put most of the winnings towards the snacks that Gwen serves up. We thought it was kind of a special evening for everyone.

Roland · Bob · Ray:In my defense, I didn't believe any of this, Bob. Gwen is very trustworthy. / Ray, you're tapping your foot. / Okay.

Bob:Those aren't for you.

Bob · Roland · Moira:Bob: Who's gonna be the one to tell her? Roland: I'll handle this. Bob: Have I been let go? Should I leave? Roland: No. Bob: I won't make a scene.

Roland · Bob:You still have three and a half more years. [Bob: But who's counting?]

Bob:Bob's Bench. [Said reverently]

Jocelyn · Bob · Moira:Well try it um, angrier? You know, like, grr, put your hands on your hips. / Like this? / Oh dear.

Johnny · Ronnie · Bob:Johnny: 'I've got a lot of good material here, I just need some help sifting out the gold.' Ronnie: 'See, that's what I'm looking for — honest reactions.' Ronnie: 'What's that supposed to mean?' Johnny: 'See?'

Bob:Bob: 'I've been honestly reacting quite strongly to your aftershave. It's a bit too European for my taste.'

Roland · Bob:Roland: 'Now, that, that one kills every year.' Bob: 'Oh no, I love that one, is that one up for grabs?'

Bob · Johnny:After Ronnie leaves, Bob: 'Man, when she's on fire, look out!' Johnny, stung: 'Well, you haven't seen me on fire, Bob.'

Ronnie (implied) · Bob · Gwen:Roast line: 'Look at Bob, pretending to get it. And we all know, Gwen, he hasn't gotten it in years!'

Johnny · Jocelyn · Bob:Johnny's crowd-work attempt: makes fun of Jocelyn's cooking after being called out for it, then pivots to 'Bob's Garage' not 'helping' anyone — fumbling the pun

Bob:I just had two cups of coffee. I don't wanna push my luck. I mean, these pants, they take like a year to unlace, so...

Bob · Moira:Wow! You know Bill Gates? / Oh, who doesn't? But you're right, Bob, why gild their lilies when there might be someone right under our noses looking for a lucrative venture?

Bob:Gwen, she told me, she said, 'I like bad boys,' and now she's holed up with our minister. She was bragging about a religious experience.

Bob:Bob says 'I hope that doesn't sound as sad as... as it feels' about not minding a dirty hotel room

Johnny Rose · Bob:Johnny tells Bob to hydrate 'because you should really hydrate after all that crying' — Bob immediately responds 'Gwen used to love water' and sobs

Bob:Bob casually mentions 'lucky Gwen, she has another one of her male cousins visiting' then chuckles and immediately sobs

Roland Schitt · Bob · Johnny Rose:Roland's insult about Johnny's suit on Bob: 'you look like a guy who had a million bucks, but then lost it'

Roland Schitt · Bob:Roland's mock-female voice: 'Hello, I'm... I'm Gwen.' (choosing Gwen's name in the bar roleplay)

Johnny Rose · Bob:Johnny pivots from 'Gwen' by switching to 'Hi, I'm Ronnie. That's my friend Gwen.'

Bob · Johnny Rose · Roland Schitt:Bob's attempt at bar socializing results in running into his marriage counselor, who tells him she can't keep seeing him because she chose Gwen in the divorce

Johnny Rose · Roland Schitt · Ronnie · Bob:Johnny proposes the group laugh on a count of three as if Bob told a very funny joke — the fake group laugh strategy

Johnny Rose · Roland Schitt · Bob · Ronnie Lee:Johnny's plan to attract attention: 'We all laugh on the count of three, as if Bob just told a very funny joke'

Johnny Rose · Roland Schitt · Bob · Ronnie Lee:The fake group laughing, performed badly enough that a woman thinks they're laughing AT her

Bob · Johnny Rose:Bob's aside during the confrontation: 'You said they wouldn't ask' (after the woman demands to know what was funny)

Roland Schitt · Bob:Bob returning from his successful approach, Roland greeting him with 'Welcome to the players' club'

Bob:Bob: 'No, I'm not high-fiving that.'

Bob:Yeah, I guess we could use the garage for parking. We just have to keep a space clear in case Gwen comes back.