Turkey Shoot

I Googled that bug. It's some sort of demonic cricket that 'takes chunks out of your skin when provoked.' Chunks is the word that Google used.

I have this irrational fear they are gonna crawl into my mouth and nest at night

Not with your mouth open anyway.

That's not a nice thing to say to me.

Hey! Where's my towel?! John? Johnny?! Where's my towel?!

He had a boner!

That's not dirt. I used it to kill a bug.

(Moira screams in anguish)

Let's not and say we did.

So now I'm fat and stressed?

or I will strip out of this robe and I will air dry in the street!

No, Meadow Harvest is exactly how it sounds. It just changes everyday.

Yes, it is. Yup. At times. And then other times, not.

Run through you like Niagara Falls.

Um, I usually prescribe them to my patients when they're feeling a little... backed up.

Oh! It's basically the same thing.

I'm sure there's like another girl... somewhere.

(Alexis giggles and spits out smoothie)

I do Coachella every year, so...

High thread count sheets? Colognes that smell like fireplace...

So... is this a tweed or a camo situation?

Go. To. Hell! You're off... you're a fool!

Really mean?

(Awkward silence after David mentions plans)

Money.

Did you know Richard Gere's middle name is Tiffany?

I went on a blind date to Bali with Leo, so... I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be fine.

Because he knows how much I love it when mom and dad interrogate your boyfriends.

Oh... alcoholism. / Tsk, tsk. Affair. Poor thing.

Don't even think about it. Ain't gonna happen. Ted, not on the first date.

So Antonio's buffet, huh? So many choices, one little plate.

You and your nightgown can tippy-toe back to bed. I'm late.

Turkey virgin!

Does this come in a slimmer cut?

I actually introduced him to Beyonce on the car ride on the way home, so that was very special.

Well, he did that too.

So how are your bowels? Good and tight?

You know, delicate. Fragile. Scrimpy.

Have to admit, not into babies so it's kind of a guessing game for me.

I wanna say Tanya Harding.

No, it's a dead possum. Yes, it's a wig, John.

But not necessarily. / Sad?! You think this is a sad look?

I'm stuck looking like every other inmate in this godforsaken prison.

I feel like one of the Manson girls.

Even tougher when you shoot it in the neck 'cause then it takes longer to die.

You have a look that says, 'Hi. I'm Jocelyn, and I know who I am!'

I don't who I am from one moment to the next.

But if you ever... Ever catch me shopping at the Blouse Barn, you must shoot me in the temple.

My son is hunting right now with your husband, so I... I know you people have guns.

'cause usually it's more fun. Usually Ray comes and... gets wasted and... Spends the whole day singing Carole King ballads.

Jocelyn! You look like Jocelyn!

It was an indelible image that I had scarred in my mind until I saw what was... Happening up there with you.